Post Civil War Christmas one-shots

tbh that's how I think it would all go down

though clint would actually snort a little bit in his dorky laugh lol


edit: Steve to the side this whole time- ... o3o oh

Y a a s !

Y e s !

Y a !

XD "Take them back!" "But why?! All the museums had fakes in there anyway so I replaced them with the real deal." "W H A T."

Anywho Any specific people who can't cook hehe *shifty eyes* Not that it matters lol heheh

Omg just imagine everyone stopping what theyre doing because theyre laughiing at the way clint laughs even thought lowkey that was the best pun theyve ever heard

I had realized i forgot to wedge in Steve and idk how and i hated myself for it

THAT IS AN AMAZING FIC RIV OMG

I legit laughed aloud

You can have Steve over there by the stove with an apron on xD He can be attempting to cook xD He'll be boiling everything 1940s style xD either that or he'll be on bucky watch or attempting to figure out how Amazon works to order last minute gifts xD

I wrote this at 11:00 at night. Sorry. Not sorry xD

A gift-giving how-to with your friendly, neighborhood heroes:

Steve and Bucky were sitting at the counter, warm cups of cocoa in their hands. Steve was looking out the window, watching the fresh snow as it fell from the darkening sky, while Bucky was kicked back, staring at the ceiling, twirling a strand of hair between his fingers.

"You know, Buck... I'm glad we all get to celebrate Christmas together," Steve said, looking at Bucky from the corner of his eye. "It's just like the old times... 'cept a little more crowded and high-tech." A smile curled upon the corners of his lips and he gave a small laugh.

"It's no wonder Tony's the tech-wizard he is," Bucky grumbled, bringing his hot cocoa to his lips. He gave it a long sip and then swallowed loudly. "He grew up in the age of technology... And his father was Howard."

Steve slowly turned to Bucky, a frown finding its way onto his face as he thought of their friend. "I know Tony's a jerk, but I wonder how he's faring... Haven't spoken to him in so long. Despite our battles, I hope all is well with him... And I hope he and Pepper are having a nice Christmas..."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Jerk is right," he said. "He tried to kill me, and I doubt he'd stop trying if he knew where I was now. I know you feel like he should be here, but I'm tellin' you it's better that he's not. It'd be a second civil war if he saw any one of us."

The super soldier gave a shrug. "Maybe you're right. We got everyone we need right here." He smiled softly and took a sip of his cocoa, his eyes drifting towards the living room where the others were fooling around about the tree.

"You know I'm right," Bucky said as he leaned forward to give Steve's arm a punch. "I'm always right, and when have I been known to steer you wrong?"

Steve let out a laugh, and then his grin widened as he looked at Bucky's smug, whipped-cream-mustached face. Steve covered his mouth in attempt to conceal another laugh.

"What? Is it the antlers?" Bucky asked, dead serious. "I told Zen I didn't want them, but she insisted it was my rightful duty or something."

"N-"

"What are you two laughing about in here?"

Just then, Natasha walked into the kitchen. She stopped at the fridge, and as she pulled it open, her gaze briefly rested on Bucky before she returned her attention to a container of eggnog with a smile and a small laugh.

"What?" Bucky demanded. "Whatever you two are laughing at, I swear it wasn't me this time."

Steve grinned and tried hide it behind another casual sip of his cocoa.

"Hey, Nat, don't forget to grab the brownies I made earlier!" Amber poked her head around the corner of the kitchen and waved to the three. "Oh... and nice stache, Bucky! New look?" She grinned and then disappeared back into the living room.

Bucky turned to Natasha and Steve with a growl and fiercely began to wipe the whipped cream from around his mouth. His face began to turn a bright red, very suiting for the holidays.

"Oh, that's what those were?" Natasha laughed uneasily, reaching into the fridge, ignoring Bucky. She pulled out a tray of blackened lumps that resembled coals. "Ha. I was going to stick them in the stockings..."

Steve raised his eyebrows at Bucky and gave him a shrug. "Totally the antlers, bro," he said, grinning.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I'm going to get you for that one-"

"I think I'm going to leave before this turns into another bro-fight..." Natasha quickly closed the fridge and escaped, balancing her eggnog and "brownies".

Steve put down his cocoa. "So..." he trailed, stalling for a new subject before Bucky went all winter soldier on him. "Do you think Tony would appreciate a Christmas card?" he fished.

Bucky rolled his eyes and gave Steve a look that said 'really Steve?' But when Steve waited patiently for an answer, clearly not getting it, Bucky said, "he'd just love a picture of all of us enjoying the holidays without him."

Steve grinned. "You think so, Buck? It's the least we could do, right?" He gave Bucky a pat on the shoulder. "Let's get everyone together!"

---

All the Avengers stood around the Christmas tree that Bucky had smuggled into the hotel room, while Steve muddled around with the camera at the front of the room.

"So, what do I do, again?" Steve asked, looking over at Amber. "Press this little button... and then it'll give me enough time to get in the picture?"

Amber nodded, looking bored. "If I knew you were going to go over it so many times, I would have offered to take the picture myself."

"So... the light will blink as it counts down the seconds...?"

"Yes, Steve..."

"And I don't even have to touch the button a second time to get it to take the picture?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!"

Steve put up his hands in mock defense and then pressed the little button on the phone's camera so that it would start counting down and he could get in the picture.

The crew smiled in their matching Christmas sweaters as the last light blinked, and then Amber, holding Steve back, went over to the camera to see the photo.

With her hands on her hips, she turned to Steve. "Steve..." she said slowly through gritted teeth. "You. Pressed. VIDEO!"

Steve smiled all innocent-like. "Hey... you're the one who put me in charge," he said, shrugging.

"Photo for Stark," Clint said from the back, raising a glass of eggnog. "Take ten-million..."

"Why are we even doing this, again?" Alyona asked quietly, raising her hand slightly to get attention. "I thought you said Stark was bad news."

Bucky rolled his eyes and turned to face Alyona. "I was joking with him... I didn't actually think he'd want to do it..."

Natasha let out a sigh and shook her head. "Come on, Barnes. You know Steve can't joke to save his life."

---

"So, how do I get this picture on this picture?" Steve asked, pointing from one thing to the next with confusion.

"You mean the computer?" Amber asked, ready to tear her hair out. "This is the 21st century. Call it what it is."

Steve rolled his eyes. "It says here you can send the Christmas card right through the computer... How's Tony going to get it?"

Amber's eyes widened with frustration. She now looked about ready to call someone else into the room to teach Steve to use the computer. "That's why it's called an 'E-Card'," she said. "You send it through the computer. Tony'll receive it through his computer. Got it?"

Steve nodded, his eyes lit up from the computer screen. "Fascinating... So, now, it says here I need to create an... email...? What in the world is an email?" He looked expectantly over at Amber.

"Nope. Nope. Nope." Amber threw up her hands. "I'm not doing this anymore," she said. "Someone else take over... Hey, BIRDMAN!" She yelled across the room where Clint was lying on the couch with his feet in the air.

Soon, Clint was standing beside Steve as they figured out how to create an email. "Hey, dude, why don't you do 'yourfriendlyneighborhoodheroes@gmail.com' for your email. Tony'd never guess..." Clint said, laughing and pointing at the screen.

At some point in the creation of the mighty email, Clint had run out of jokes and Bucky had been called over.

"So, I've got my email... I've put our picture into the-"

Bucky raised his hand to stop Steve from talking. "Wait, why did I even volunteer to help? I don't know how to use a computer." He let out a laugh and then clapped Steve on the back. "Good luck, pal. Says you only got a few more steps left... I'll call over Natasha..."

With a lot of huffing and protesting, Natasha was finally sat down beside Steve to help him with the card.

"So, how does it look?" he asked, pointing at the computer screen. "Nice, isn't it?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Natasha shook her head for a solid two minutes. "Steve... YOU CUT OFF MY HEAD!"

Steve titled his head and narrowed his eyes to get a better look at the computer screen. "Oh... I guess... Now that you mention it, something does seem a bit off..."

Natasha put on a straight face and began to mutter to herself to be calm. "Steve, you can't send that. I'm headless..."

Steve grinned. "You know what, Nat? It's fine... There's this cool 'crop' tool Amber was showing me earlier. We can just crop your head in there somewhere."

Natasha's eyes widened. "Umm... AMBER! STEVE NEEDS YOU!"

---

Somehow, with everyone tired out of their minds from helping Steve, the E-Card was finally sent, and Steve was left the only one smiling at the screen.

"It would have just been easier to send him a gift," Amber said sarcastically, lying upside down on the couch beside Clint. "Amazon is so much easier to use..."

"You can send gifts through the computer, too?" Steve asked, his eyes brightening. "And I thought the way we did things in the 40s was easier!"

Natasha stared at the mug of eggnog in her hand like she wanted to drown herself in it, and Bucky hit his hand on his forehead so hard that his antlers went flying and hit a slumbering Zen.

"You had to ask?" Bucky asked Amber in a low growl, unaware that his reindeer antlers had gone flying.

"You know someone's going to have to teach him how to use Amazon," Natasha said reluctantly.

The room erupted into a chorus. "NOT ME!"

Steve frowned, but his voice remained cheerful. "Guys, it shouldn't be too hard. Look how easy it was to do an E-Card!"

Each of the Avengers exchanged glances around the room, and it only took a moment before all of them, including Steve, were laughing from both exhaustion and fun.

It was only when the laughter died that Clint, from his upside-down position on the couch said, "Steve has no idea what I wrote on the card when he wasn't looking," that the room erupted once more.

The only one who had stopped laughing was Steve, who, as he'd now become an E-Card expert, frantically went back to the E-Card confirmation and read aloud the message that had been sent:

"Merry Christmas from the better team to the lesser team. Hope you're enjoying your table for two, Tony Stank. Sorry we couldn't make it. We're too busy hiding from the likes of you. Oh, and p.s, Barnes isn't sorry for what he did. -xoxo your friendly neighborhood heroes"

Natasha choked on her eggnog and hastily lifted the tray of burnt-to-a-crisp-more-like-coal brownies into the air. "Dessert anyone?"

Hahaha, good xD xD

XD XD