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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 29, 2016 13:03:43 GMT -5
Episode One
*A room/studio with three chairs, a gigantic TV screen, and lights and cameras everywhere*
*An orange tabby Tom and a pure black she-cat jump up out of nowhere*
Orange Tom: Hi! I'm Hawkstripe!
Black she-cat: And I'm Ivystorm!
Both: Welcome to Warrior Cats Dares!
Hawkstripe: Basically, in this show, we pick random warrior cats and give them a dare! They HAVE to go through with it, and of they don't......they get a punishment.
Ivystorm: Precisely! So, since we have no dare submissions today...I'm going to make one up! *grabs random jar and pulls a paper slip out of it* Ahhhh....this one is for......oh my. It's for Ashfur! For the record, we have devises that allow cats in Starclan to temporarily come back to life for a dare. Don't ask how it's possible.
Hawkstripe: *cringe* Ashfur? Really? I hate that guy.
Ivystorm: *evil grin* Too bad *grabs remote control and presses a few buttons on it*
Ashfur: *appears out of thin air. He's covered in old Doritos and Mountain Dew, and is wearing a fedora* Huh? Where am I?
Hawkstripe: *under breath* Well, I guess it could be worse.....*out loud* ...Hi there, Ashfur! Your on our new show, Warrior Cats Dares! Your the FIRST cat to get a dare on this show!
Ashfur: ...Really? Oh, wow! *tips his fedora to Ivystorm* M'lady, may I ask why you have picked me?
Ivystorm: *visibly cringing* None of your business. Anyway......*clears throat and picks up slip of paper* "Ashfur will take a bath to clean off all the Doritos and Mountain Dew stuck to his fur-"
Ashfur: WHAT??!!
Ivystorm: "-and he will go to the Gathering and publically apologize to Bramblestar, Firestar, Squirrelflight, Lionblaze, Jayfeather and Hollyleaf. AND he will do the Macerana for five minutes to show how sorry he is." *evil grin*
Ashfur: WHAT THE-
Hawkstripe: Wait, I thought Hollyleaf and Firestar are dead?
Ivystorm: We'll use our remote to bring them back to life temporarily.
Ashfur: This is outrageous! Why are NICE GUYS like me always picked on??!!
Ivystorm: We don't care. Alright, time for you to go to the Gathering!
Hawkstripe: Wait you can't wear your fedora
Ashfur: WHAT??!! This is crazy! I refuse to take my fedora off!
Ivystorm: *presses a few buttons on the remote control. Ashfur's fedora dissappears. All the Mountain Dew and Doritos in his fur also disappear*
Ashfur: *screams* HOW DID YOU DO THAT???!!!
Ivystorm: *smirk* If I were you, I'd go along with what we say!
Ashfur: And if I don't?
Hawkstripe: If you don't, we will be forced to give you the punishment. And trust me, you don't want that.
Ivystorm: *perkily* Alright, time to get this show on the road! *whips out the remote*
Ashfur: BUT I-
Ivystorm: *quickly presses the buttons on the remote. Ashfur dissappears*
Hawkstripe: *turning on the TV* Wow, he's more annoying then I remember
Ivystorm: *taking out headphone system to talk to Ashfur with* Remind me to get a restraining order against him.
Hawkstripe: *flipping to Channel 2, which will show the Gathering broadcasted live* Will do.
*Meanwhile, at the gathering......*
Bramblestar: .....And that is how we defeated the evil badgers without telling the readers! So Onestar, what's up with you?
Onestar: Well I-
*POOF Ashfur, Hollyleaf, and Forestar appear!*
Everyone: *GASP*
Rowanclaw: *screams like the girl he genetically is and jumps into the lake*
Tigerheart: *facepaw*
Onestar: FIRESTAR?! What are YOU doing here?! I thought I was rid of you for good!
Firestar: Yeah, I thought the same thing, Onestar! You've been lame ever since Twilight!
Onestar: Wait, by "twilight", do you mean the Warriors book, or when I started reading Stephanie Meyer's books?
Firestar: Both.
Hollyleaf: Could this be quick? I'm going on a date with Fallen Leaves in a half hour
Ashfur: *cringes* Umm, hi everyone. I want to....apologize.....for what I did to Squirrelflight and her family.....
Ivystorm: *into a walkie-talkie type thing, talking to Ashfur* No, no, no! You have to go up to EACH AND EVERY ONE of the cats you wronged, and apologize for EACH AND EVERY THING you did to them, in a sincere way!
Ashfur: *groans and walks up to Squirrelflight* Uhhh... Yeah I'm sorry for the bad stuff I did
Ivystorm: I repeat, you need to apologize for EVERYTHING YOU DID *evil grin*
Ashfur: *through gritted teeth* I'm sorry for rejecting your friendship proposal and for trying to kill you and your kits
Squirrelflight: What makes you think I would accept an apology from you, you fox heart?
Ashfur: *to Ivystorm and Hawkstripe* Can I please go now?
Hawkstripe: *in his own walkie-talkie thing* No, unless you want the punishment. Next!
Ashfur: *walks up to Bramblestar* I'm sorry for being rude to Squirrelflight
Bramblestar: Why are you apologizing to me?
Ashfur: What do you mean?
Bramblestar: I mean, you didn't do anything to me. You should be apologizing to Squirrelflight and The Three.
Ashfur: Well, your her man, so I have to apologize to you for damaging your mate.
Squirrelfight: WHAT??!!
Everyone: WHAT THE HECK, ASHFUR. THIS ISNT THE 18TH CENTURY.
Ashfur: What? I'm just being a nice guy.
Hawkstripe: *while Ivystorm laughs hysterically in the background* Just apologize to the others and get this over with.
Ashfur: *to Lionblaze, Jayfeather and Hollyleaf* Sorry for trying to kill you in a fire and push you off a cliff.
Jayfeather: You shouldn't have gone to starclan
Hollyleaf: Didn't I get a restraining order against you?
Lionblaze: Apology NOT accepted, you creep.
Ashfur: *groans and walks over to Firestar* Sorry for trying to kill you in a foxtrap
Firestar: WHAT??!!
Everyone: *GASPS*
Hawkstripe: You didn't have to say that you know. You could have just apologized for trying to hurt Squirrelflight.
Firestar: I thought it was Hawkfrost who did that??!!
Ashfur:.....I helped him
Firestar: YOU ARE NOW BANISHED FROM THUNDERCLAN!
Bramblestar: Uhh, Firestar, your not leader anymore. You can't banish cats. And Ashfur isn't technically a member of Thunderclan.
Firestar: YEAH WELL, HES BANISHED FROM THHE THUNDERCLAN PART OF STARCLAN.
Thunderstar: *appears out of nowhere* I am the leader of ThunderStarclan. I declare that Ashfur is not banished.
Everyone: Why?!
Thunderstar: You think I haven't been trying to banish him to The Dark Forest? The Erin's won't let me, no matter what I say! *dissappears*
Hawkstripe: Now you have to dance the Macerana, and you're done.
Ashfur: .....Okay everyone, before I go I.....NO!! SSCREW THIS!! I AM NOT DANCING THE MACADONIA OR WHATEVER IT IS. O REFUSE TOO. AND FOR THE RECORD, IM NOT SORRY AT ALL. SQUIRRELFLIGHT, YOU ARE A *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FRIENDZONING TAIL AND-
Ivystorm: My, my, it appears as if you want the punishment! *presses a few buttons, Ashfur reappears in the Studio*
Ashfur: *words that are not appropriate for this forum*
Hawkstripe: Shame. You were doing relatively well.
Ashfur: *realises he's in the studio again and stops cursing* M'lady, I apologize for saying those types of things around you.
Ivystorm and Hawkstripe: *thoroughly disgusted*
Ashfur: Would you like to go on a date? Because you are one hot-
Ivystorm: Do you think I'd go on a date with your dorito-incrusted tail? Anyway, time for the punishment! *reaches into a large bag of papers that is labeled *PUNISHMENT BAG and pulls one out* Lets seeeeee......it says that Ashfur will be covered in steak sauce and dunked into the shark tank at Sea World for a full minute!
Ashfur: WHAT??!!
Hawkstripe: Sounds good!
Ivystorm: *presses a few buttons. A gigantic container of steak sauce appears out of no where and dumps its contents all over Ashfur*
Ashfur: I DONT EVEN LIKE STEAK SAU-
Ivystorm *quickl presses a few more buttons and Ashfur is whisked away to Sea World*
Hawkstripe and Ivystorm: *quietly wait for exactly a minute*
Ivystorm: *presses some more buttons on remote and Ashfur is zapped back into the Studio.*
Ashfur: *is covered in water, steak sauce, and shivering violently*
Hawkstripe: So how do you feel?
Ashfur: T-terrible! The sharks tried to-
Hawkstripe: That was a rhetorical question.
ivystorm: *presses a few buttons on remote and Ashfur is zapped back to Star Clan*
Hawkstripe: *to the viewer* Don't worry, he's fine. We're not allowed to seriously injure any of our guests.
Ivystorm: Well, that's it! Thank you for watching the first episode of Warrior Cat Dares!
Hawkstripe: If you liked this episode, please send in some ideas for future episodes. Our creator would appreciate it!
Ivystorm: S'cuse me, I'm off to file a restraining order.
Hawkstripe: I'm off to take a shower. Well, I'm Hawkstripe
Ivystorm: And I'm Ivystorm!
Both: Thank you for watching!
*EPISODE ENDS*
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 29, 2016 13:04:40 GMT -5
[So, since I'm nice, i decided to give you guys the Easter episode early! Hoppy Early Easter, everyone!}
Episode 2
*the studio is shown. It's covered in Easter decorations*
Hawkstripe: *sitting on a chair with his arms crossed* Hi. I'm Hawkstripe. It's Easter. Ivystorm is off watching Zootopia. She should be back any mi-
Ivystorm: *opens the door and runs into the studio* Hello there everyone! I'm Ivystorm!
Hawkstripe: There she is.
Ivystorm: Zootopia was great! I-
Hawkstripe: Ivystorm. We're here to give cats dares, not to talk about what stupid movies we watched!
ivystorm: At least I'm making an effort to be friendly to the audience, unlike you.
Hawkstripe: Ugh, just read the dare already.
Ivystorm: Okay! *reaches into a box labeled *Dare Suggestions* and pulls one out* This one is for Firestar! It's......*she shows it to Hawkstripe*
Hawkstripe: *actually smiles* Sounds good!
Ivystorm: *whips out Remote Control and presses some buttons.*
Firestar: *appears out of nowhere holding a notebook and pencil* "How to make chocolate chip cookkies"- wait, where am I??!!
Hawkstripe: Hello, Firestar. You are this week's guest on Warrior Cats Dares!
Firestar: How am I alive??!! O.o
Hawkstripe: We have devices that allow you to temporarily come back to life!
Firestar: Uhh....okay?
Ivystorm: *clears throat and picks up slip of paper* "Firestar will wear bunny ears and tail and will hand out Easter eggs to everyone in Thunderclan"
Firestar: "WHAT??!!
Hawkstripe: And if you don't do it, we will give you the Punishment. I assure you you don't want it.
Ivystorm: *takes out the remote* Lets get this over with! *presses buttons on remote before Firestar can say anything and whisks him back to Thunderclan*
Hawkstripe: *wordlessly sets up equipment to watch Firestar with*
*Firestar shows up in Thunderclan wearing bunny ears and tail, and holding a basket of eater eggs*
Hawkstripe: *into a walkie-talkie* Don't forget to hope like a bunny!
Firestar: *sighs and hops like a bunny to the Apprentice den*
*IN THE APPRENTICE DEN*
Fernpaw: .....and that's everything you need to know about boys.
Hollypaw: Slow down I can't write that fast!
Sorrelpaw: Hey guys, check out my manicure!
Firestar: Uhhh.....hi everyone! I'm the Easter bunny! I'm here to give you your Easter eggs!
Ivystorm: *into walkie-talkie* Good! Very good! Now just give them all an egg!
Hawkstripe: Why "an egg"? Why not two eggs?
Ivystorm: Because I only put 19 eggs in the basket.
Every Apprentice: THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!!!
Hollypaw: Wait, isn't this against the warrior code?
Fernpaw: Who cares if it's against the warrior code? I want eggs!
Hollypaw: Yeah but the warrior code says that you can't let strangers into the cla-
Fernpaw and Sorrelpaw: WE DONT CARE!! WE WANT EGGS!!!!
Firestar: *gives one egg to every apprentice*
Fernpaw: Aww man, it's a brown egg! I wanted a green egg :c
Firestar: *tiptoes away*
Hollypaw: ......Meh, who cares if it's against the warrior code *noms egg*
Sorrelpaw: I hope eating this egg won't ruin my manicure! DX
*outside the apprentice's den*
Firestar: Sheesh! Am I done?
Ivystorm: *into walkie-talkie* No! You still need to go to the Warriors den, the Medicine Cat's den, the Elder's den, AND the nursery!
Firestar: *groans and hops to the Warrior's den*
*IN THE WARRIORS DEN*
Lionblaze: You won't believe what I did today, Dovewing! I found a RABBIT-seriously, what's a rabbit doing in Thunderclan?-and I chased it for FIVE SECONDS!! And then I killed it in one blow!
Dovewing: Wow! That's so cool!
Ivypool: You know, Lionblaze, after the billionth time we hear the story about how you killed some prey animal in one blow, it gets kind of repetitive.
Lionblaze: Excuse me???!!! Who's the one who saved your sorry tail during the-
Berrynose: Do you two ever stop arguing???!! Your like Tweedleydee and Tweedleydumb, except YOU'RE BOTH DUMB!!
Lionblaze: Oh shut up, Berrystumpytail, nobody asked for your opinion.
Cimderheart: Would you guys quiet down? I'm trying to sleep -_-
Berrynose: At least I don't listen to Micheal Jackson all the time!
Lionblaze: *legasp!* ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MICHEAL JACKSON IS AMAZING!! HES LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES BETTER THEN THE BEATLES!!!!
Berrynose: ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THE BEATLES ARE AMAZING!!!!
Cinderheart: Oh screww it, there's no way I'll be able to go to sleep *drinks a Red Bull*
Firestar: *hops in out of nowhere* HI EVERYONE!!! IM THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!
Everyone: ........
Firestar: *quickly gives everyone an egg and then hops out*
Lionblaze:........What just happened?
Ivypool: *quietly eats her Easter egg*
Cinderheart: *continues chugging at her Red Bull*
*OUTSIDE THE WARRIORS DEN*
Hawkstripe: *into walkie-talkie* Okay, now you have to go to the Medicine Cats Den!
Firestar: *sighs and hops to the medicine cat den*
*INSIDE THE MEDICINE CAT DEN*
Jayfeather: .....Wow, Blossomfall, that's a pretty serious rash
Blossomfall: IT IS!! DX
Briarlight: Were you walking around in any ivy-like plants, by any chance?
Blossomfall: Uhhh yeah I was. Why?
Jayfeather: ....How many times do I have to tell you to STOP WALKING INTO POISON IVY??!! DX
Firestar: *hops in out of nowhere* HIIII GUYS!!! IM THE EASTER BUNNY!!!!
Everyone: ....
Jayfeather: .....Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Firestar, why are you running around in a bunny costume??!! How are you even alive??!!
Firestar: Well....I......uhhhhhh......
Ivystorm: *into walkie-talkie* Just so you know, you're not allowed to tell anyone about the dare >:3
Firestar: ............*gives everyone an egg and then runs away at the speed of sound*
Jayfeather: ......Well I don't like sugar anyway *gives his egg to Briarlight*
Briarlight: *furiously eats her eggs*
Blossomfall: Why does SHE always get extra stuff??!!
Jayfeather: Because she's crippled!
Blossomfall: ....DX
*OUTSIDE THE MEDICINE CAT DEN*
Firestar: Phew, that was close!
Hawkstripe: *into walkie-talkie* Good job so far. Now your going to go to the nurs-
Firestar:a YOU KNOW WHAT??!! NO!!! SSCREW THIS!!! IM NOT DOING THIS STUPID GAME ANYMORE. I AM THE *bleep*ING FIRE THAT SAVED THUNDERCLAN, THE THUNDERCLAN LEADER FOR FIVE YEARS, AND THE FOURTH!!! I AM THR BIGGEST CREATORS PET IN THE HISTORY OF WARRIORS. I REFUSE TO HUMILIATE MYSELF LIKE THIS *takes off bunny ears and tail and steps on them repeatedly*
Ivystorm: *sigh* I saw this coming *presses various buttons on remote*
Firestar: *poofs back into the studio, along with his basket of Easter eggs*
Ivystorm: I'll be eating those eggs, thank you very much, as you have well established that we can't have nice things *noms Easter eggs*
Hawkstripe: I guess you want the punishment, huh?
Firestar: HAH!! YOU CANT PUNISH ME!! THE ERINS WOULD NEVER LET YOU
Ivystorm: Oh really?
Hawkstripe: *reaches into a box labeled "Punishments" and pulls out a slip of paper* "You will be shaved of all fur from head to toe*
Firestar: WHAT??!!
Hawkstripe: Ivystorm, do the honers.
Ivystorm: Could you do it? I'm eating
Hawkstripe: *mumbles something under breath before taking out the remote and pressing some buttons. A bunch of sheers a equipment for shaving appear out of nowhere and surf on Firestar*
Firestar: WAI-NO-AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Ivystorm and Hawkstripe: *wait for thirty seconds*
Firestar: *Shavers retract from him. He's completely hairless*
Hawkstripe: Don't worry it'll grow back in a few days *uses remote to zap him back to Starclan*
Ivystorm: Welp, guess that's it. I'm going to eat these eggs, they're delicious.
Hawkstripe: I'm going back home: I don't like this Easter stuff
Ivystorm: Pfft, yeah, you just don't want to look like a kit,
Hawkstripe: *firmly* Well, I'm Hawkstripe!
Ivystorm: And I'm Ivystorm!
Both: Thank you for watching!
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 29, 2016 13:05:11 GMT -5
episode 3
Ivystorm: *eating a chocolate bar* Hi everyone, I'm Ivystorm! Okay if you're watching this show you probably know who we are by now.
Hawkstripe: Yeah, and I'm Hawkstripe.
Ivystorm: We'll start once I finish eating my Snickers. *om nom nom nom*
Hawkstripe: You could have eaten that before you got here, you know.
Ivystorm: I could have, yes, but i want to get the full benefit of the Snickers while we're doing this episode. *om nom nom*
Hawkstripe: Just eat it quickly so we can get this over with.
Ivystorm: I'm eating it as quickly as I can! I don't want to get indigestion! *om nom*
Hawkstripe: *sighs and waits*
Ivystorm: ...okaayy, I'm done!
Hawkstripe: Good. Now read the dare.
Ivystorm: *pulls dare out of suggestion box* Uhhhhh..... It has to do with Bright Stream. Bright Stream is long dead.
Hawkstripe: We'll just go back in time and give her the dare then! I installed a "go back in time" button on the remote the other day.
Ivystorm: Oh, cool! *presses button on remote*
*the studio is promptly zapped back in time to DOTC*
Hawkstripe: See?
Ivystorm: That's so awesome! *presses another button on remote*
Bright stream: *appears out of nowhere* H-huh??!! Where am I?!
Hawkstripe: Hi, Bright stream! You are on our show, Warrior a Cats Dares!
Bright stream: D-dares? I don't give people dares. I'm too nice for that.
Ivystorm: *visibly cringing*
Hawkstripe: Well it's either that or you get the punishement, so.....
Bright stream: Punishment?? Who even are you???
Hawkstripe: *facepaw* Ivystorm, please just read the dare.
Ivystorm: *reading dare* This was suggested by Firestar..wait, firestar??
Hawkstripe: Wait..Firestar's a fan of this show??? I thought we dared him??
Ivystorm: Who knows, who cares. Anyway...The dare is "Bright stream has to tell Skystar that she actually survived being carried off by the eagle and had her kits, but when she went to look for him, she saw him with star flower and felt rejected so she went back to the mountains and died."
Bright stream: WHAT?? I'm not doing that!
Ivystorm: And if you don't, you get a punishment! For example: Ashfur was dunked into a shark tank after being covered in steak sauce!
Bright Stream; WHAT???!!
Hawkstripe: May as well get this over with!! *whips out remote control and presses button to send Clear Stream to Skyclan camp*
Ivystorm: *sets up equipment*
Bright stream: *is zapped into Skyclan Camp*
Ivystorm: *in walkie-talkie* kay! Now go to Skystar's den and tell him!
Bright Stream: I can't! I can't lie to my beloved Clear Sky!
Ivystorm: Oh, shut up and do it already, unless you want the punishment.
Bright stream: *walks to Skystar's den while crying*
Ivystorm: *is generally irritated*
*inside the Leader's de*
Skystar: .....and we need to find out who's been stealing all the cookies! Star Flower, do you know who it is???
Star Flower: I swear I have no idea!
Skystar; Wait....is that cookie crumbs on your muzzle?
Star Flower: What?? No!!
Bright stream: Uhh...hi?
Star flower: *screams like the girl she technically is and hides behind Skystar*
Skystar; Who the *bleep* are you??!!
Bright Stream: I'm Bright Stream! Your mate! How could you forget me??
Star Flower: WHAT?? Skystar, are you cheating on me??
Skystar; I-
Bright Stream; Wait, who the heck is this?? Did you cheat on ME, Skystar??
Ivystorm: Oh boy! *gets out popcorn*
Skystar: .....Well, this is awkward.
Star Fower: EXPLAIN YOURSELF NOW!!!
Skystar: Okay, look, Bright Stream here was my mate before.... she died.
Star Flower: HOW COULD SHE HAVE DIED IF SHE'S STANDING HERE RIGHT NOW???
Skystar; I d-
Star Flower: ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME??? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME???
Hawkstripe: Uh, Ivystorm? Maybe you should put a stop to this?
Ivystorm: Nah, this is better then watching the Kardashians fight each other! *stuffing face with popcorn*
Skystar; I do love you! I just-
Star Flower: IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDN'T CHEAT ON ME!!
Bright Stream: Umm...
Ivypool; OH, right! *into walkie-talkie* Remember you need to tell Skystar the dare!
Bright stream: *through tears* Skystar! I came back from the dead to tell you that I actually wasn't killed by the eagle: but when I came back for you, I saw you with Star Flower and I felt betrayed so I died!
Skystar: ....
Star flower: ...
Bright stream: ...
Star flower: You're a liar! It's impossible to come back from the dead: any mouse brain knows that! This is some sort of trick, isn't it??!!
Skystar: I swear I have no idea what's going on!
Star Flower: Yeah, right! You're CHEATING on me! Well, you know what, you can go with her, because I don't wanna be with a Tom who cheats! *runs out of den*
Skystar: WAIT! Star Flower, come back!
Ivystorm: Very good, Bright stream! Now, give me a second and I'll-
Bright Stream: NO!! I CANT LIE TO MY ONE TRUE LOVE LIKE THIS!! THIS IS CRUEL!! SKYSTAR, IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO THIS BY TWO EVIL CATS CALLED HAWKSTORM AND IVYSTRIPE!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!
Skystar: Go away, whoever you are! You ruined my life enough as it is! *runs out of den*
Ivystorm: Oh, dear. Such a shame: you were almost done! *presses buttons on remote*
Bright stream: *is zapped back to the studio and is a crying mess*
Ivystorm: You know, you were literally THIS CLOSE to being the first cat on this show to complete the dare!
Bright stream: I don't care!! I can't lie to my One True Love!!
Hawkstripe: It's not like they're going to be broken up for long: the Erin's will find a contrived way for them to get together again.
Bright stream: BUT I CANT!!! IM SUPPOSED TO BE PURE AND GOOD AND A PERFECT MARY SUE AND-
Ivystorm: OMSC SHUT UP!!!! *slaps her*
Bright stream: *more crying*
Hawkstripe: Ivystorm, you're not allowed to hit the guests!
Ivystorm: But she's so annoying! DX
Hawkstripe: Do I look like I care?!
Ivystorm: *grumbles* Lets just do the punishment
Hawkstripe: Fiiiine. Okay, the punishment is...*pulls out a slip of paper from the Punishment Bag* being carried by an eagle and then dropped into a stream
Bright Stream: WHAT?!
Ivystorm: Let me do the remote stuff! *dives for it*
Hawkstripe: *grabs the remote before she can* Oh no you don't! This is your punishement for slapping her!
Ivystorm: *falls head-first into table and breaks it in half, a la Looney Tunes*
Beight stream: Please no! I can't help being a Mary Sue!
Hawkstripe: *presses buttons on remote*
Bright stream: *telaported to a river*
*meanwhile, somewhere around a river, three cats are chatting. Suddenly, they see a shape in the sky*
Cat 1: Look! It's a bird!
Cat 2: No, it's a plane!
Cat 3: No, it's a.....
Bright Stream: *falls into the stream with a huge splash*
Cat 3: .....a cat?!
Hawkstripe: *promptly teleports her back*
Bright stream: *completely soaked*
Hawkstripe: So, how was that?
Bright Stream: Terrible! I-
Ivystorm: *from the now broken table on the floor* That was a rhetorical question.
Hawkstripe: *zaps her back to wherever her spirit is now. Then presses the Time button and brings the studio back to the present*
Ivystorm: *gets up from the table, and is without any obvious injury despite having fallen into a table so hard she broke it in half* I haven't had to deal with that big a Mary Sue since Spottedleaf!
Hawkstripe: I don't care.
Ivystorm: *is about to say something, but holds it back*
Hawkstripe: Well, I'm Hawkstripe!
Ivystorm: And I'm Ivystorm!
Both: Thank you for watching!
END EPISODE
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 29, 2016 13:05:34 GMT -5
EPISODE 4:
*Ivystorm and Hawkstripe are sitting in chairs*
Ivystorm: Hey, everyone! Welcome to Episode 4 of Warrior Cats Dares!
Hawkstripe: But, before we begin, our creator requested that we give a PSA.
Ivystorm: Yes. Okay, a lot of you have been sending in suggestions, and that's awesome! We love suggestions. However, what we don't love is how you don't really give us any ideas outside of "do an episode with somethingsomething!" If you send in suggestions, please have them be actual dares, not just "do an episode with Flametail!!" PSA over.
Hawkstripe: Now we will commence with the actual show. Ivystorm, please select a dare.
Ivystorm: Will do! *pulls out slip of paper from the Dares bag* Hmmmm...oooh, this one involves Ivypool! I always liked her.
Hawkstripe: I don't.
Ivystorm: Well, you don't like anyone. Except me, of course.
Hawkstripe: I especially don't like you.
Ivystorm: Aww, come on. You know you love me!
Hawkstripe: No, I don't.
Ivystorm: *pout*
Hawkstripe: Just get Ivypool in here.
Ivystorm: Fine! *grabs remote and presses button*
*Ivypool appears out of nowhere*
Ivypool: *singing* I HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUUUUMB- wait, where am I??
Ivystorm: ...Is that Pink Floyd??
Ivypool: ...
Hawkstripe: Who cares. Read the dare, Ivystorm.
Ivystorm: Ugh. *picks up slip of paper* This was suggested by Wildclaw. It says: "Ivypool going up to all the toms she crushed on or that crushed on her and explaining why she loves or doesn't love them."
Ivypool; WHAT? There are toms that have crushes on me??
Ivystorm: Yep, lots! If it makes you feel any better, I have loads of toms who crush on me, too. I could give you advice on how to keep them away after this episode.
Ivypool: ...
Hawkstripe: *calmly picks up remote and presses buttons. Ivypool disappears*
Ivystorm: *wordlessly sets up equipment*
*Ivypool poofs into Thunderclan camp*
Ivystorm: *in walkie talkie* Now, first up is Foxleap!
Ivypool: ....Foxleap has a crush on me?
Ivystorm: Yep! He's in the Medicine Cat Den! Explain to him why you don't love him!
Ivypool: *sighs and walks to the Medicine Cat Den*
*inside the den*
Jayfeather: WHOA, Foxleap, that's a huge cut.
Foxleap; IT IS!!
Jayfeather: Where'd you get it anyway?
Foxleap: Uhh....I may have been hanging around a fox den...
Jayfeather: WHAT?? WHY ARE YOU HANGING AROUND FOXES??
Foxleap: ...Because my name is literally Foxleap?
Jayfeather: ...Am I the only smart person In this clan??
Briarlight: What, I'm stupid?
Jayfeather: Besides you.
Ivypool: Hi Foxleap...
Jayfeather: What the *4kids!* are you doing here??
Ivypool: I-I-
Jayfeather: Spit it out!
Ivypool:....Foxleap! I know you love me, but I have to tell you that I don't love you back!!
Foxleap: WHAT?!!? How did you know tha- I mean, what makes you think that??
Ivypool: Because it's obvious! Now please don't try to kill me over friendzoning you!
Foxleap:...Why the heck would I do that? Who do I look like, Ashfur?
Ivypool:.....*runs away*
*outsides*
Ivypool: Do I REALLY have to do this?
Ivystorm: Yes! Now you need to go to the Warriors den and tell Bumblestripe and Mousewhisker!
Ivypool: Ugh fin- wait, Bumblestripe?!
Ivystorm: Oh yeah! He secretly had a very small crush on you but he loves Dovewing more.
Ivypool: .....
Ivystorm: If it makes you feel any better, Dovewing isn't here right now.
Ivypool: Why do I have to do this?! What is the purpose of this?!
Ivystorm: Just get it over with!
Ivypool: AURGH!
*inside the Warriors den*
Cinderheart: *drinking a Red Bull*
Mousewhisker and Bumblestripe: *making stupid jokes*
Ivypool: Mousewhisker! Bumblestripe! I came to tell you that I know you both love me but I do not return the feelings!
Mousewhisker: ...What?
Bumblestripe: What makes you think that? I'm loyal to Dovewing!
Ivypool: Uhh..Uhhh...uhh...HEY LOOK!! ELVIS PRESLEY!!!!!
Mousewhisker and Bumblestripe: *legasp!*OMSC ELVIS PRESLEY???!!!! GIVE ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH!!!!!
Ivypool: *flees*
Cinderheart: *continues to calmly drink her Red Bull*
*outsides den*
Ivypool: Sheesh, is that all of them?
Ivystorm: Nope! There's still one left!
*ivypool is teleported to somewhere in Shadowclan*
Tigerheart: Ivypool?! Why are you here?
Ivypool: WHAT.
Ivystorm: Yeah, you didn't know Tigerheart had a crush on you and always thought of you whenever he was with Dovewing? Well now ya know!
Ivypool: ...
Tigerheart: ...
Ivypool: ....Tigerheart....I came to tell you that...I know you're in love with me and that's just messed up! You never told Dovewing??
Tigerheart: I-
Ivypool: Don't even try! Well either way, it's never happening so don't even think of it!
Ivystorm: As much as I would LOVE to see you two argue, I have a job to do and a timeslot to fit in, so I'm afraid I have to cut this short. *presses button*
Ivypool: *teleported back to somewhere in Thunderclan*
Ivystorm: Well, anything to say before we move on to your crushes?
Ivypool: Toms are such liars! Why am I even being paired with a Tom anyway??
Ivystorm: Because the idea of a single she-cat is too distressing for the Erins, I guess.
Ivypool: Wait wait wait, time out. What do you mean by "your crushes"?
Ivystorm: Y'know, toms YOU had a crush on?
Ivypool: What?! I don't have a crush on ANY TOMS!!!
Ivystorm: Suuuure you don't. *presses buttons*
Ivypool: *teleported to somewhere. Hawkfrosts somehow still alive spirit is sitting there*
Hawkfrost: ...How am I alive?
Ivystorm: We brought you back to life.
Hawkfrost: But I was killed twice.
Ivypool: WHAT?! I never had a crush on HAWKFROST!
Ivystorm: You did as an apprentice! Why else would you think so many people ship Hawkivy?
Ivypool:...
Hawkfrost: .....Uhhh
Ivypool: .....yeah, okay I might have had a SMALL crush on you when I was an apprentice, Hawkfrost. Becuase I thought you were cool I guess......but I don't have one now, and you're dead, so don't even think about it!
Hawkfrost: Come on Ivypool, EVERYONE knew you had a crush on me! You followed me around like a dog! You're the ONLY she cat to ever come within ten feet of me besides my sister!
Ivypool: .....
Hawkfrost: I'm still not as bad as Ashfur though.
Ivypool: .........
Ivystorm: *presses button*
*teleport to somewhere with Hollowflight*
Ivypool: WHAT?!
Ivystorm: Just this one and you're done!
Hollowflight; What?? Ivypool, what are you doing here?
Ivypool: uhh.......H-hollowflight,..... I came to tell you that i had a crush on you when we were trainees...
Hollowflight: ?!
Ivypool: Am I done now??!!
Ivystorm: Yep! 8D *buttons*
Ivypool: *is teleported back to the studio*
Ivystorm; Congrats, Ivypool, you're the first cat to win Warrior Cats Dares!
Ivypool: Yay! 8D
Ivystorm: You get no prize.
Ivypool:
Hawkstripe: Be happy you didn't get punished.
Ivystorm: But maybe we should be friends! We can talk about Pink Floyd!
Ivypool: Uhh.....okay.
Hawkstripe: But not today. *teleports her back to thunderclan camp*
Ivystorm: COME ON.
Hawkstripe: *firmly* I'm Hawkstripe!
Ivystorm: *irritably* And I'm ivystorm!
Both: Thank you for watching!
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 30, 2016 9:08:07 GMT -5
bump
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Post by Stormheart on Jul 30, 2016 10:20:30 GMT -5
Pretty good!  |
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 30, 2016 10:21:09 GMT -5
Pretty good! Thanks! |
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Post by Stormheart on Jul 30, 2016 10:42:24 GMT -5
Pretty good! Thanks! Your welcome |
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Post by Stormheart on Jul 30, 2016 10:43:11 GMT -5
Do you want to change your profile pic?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 11:12:50 GMT -5
i dare ivystorm to go on a date with ashfur hhaha
it be my new otp
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 30, 2016 14:43:06 GMT -5
i dare ivystorm to go on a date with ashfur hhaha it be my new otp You can't dare the hosts, sorry XD
Besides, she'd probably rather go through a punishment then go on a date with him XD
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 14:45:27 GMT -5
hmm, i dare hawkfrost to flirt with ivypool !!
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 30, 2016 14:53:55 GMT -5
hmm, i dare hawkfrost to flirt with ivypool !! I'll consider that |
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Post by Stormheart on Jul 30, 2016 14:58:17 GMT -5
hmm, i dare hawkfrost to flirt with ivypool !! I'll consider that Do you remember the dare I suggested? |
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jul 30, 2016 15:07:22 GMT -5
Do you remember the dare I suggested? No, I don't think so. What was it? |
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Post by Stormheart on Jul 30, 2016 15:09:24 GMT -5
Do you remember the dare I suggested? No, I don't think so. What was it? It was that Tigerstar has to put on a pink dress and sing I'm a Barbie girl in front of the entire Dark Forest. *Grins evilly* |
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jan 27, 2017 20:34:24 GMT -5
Hi, I'm bringing this back. I'm writing the fifth episode right now, and it should be out some time soon
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Post by Stormheart on Jan 27, 2017 21:11:43 GMT -5
(Sweet! Can't wait ) |
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Post by EthanTheAnnus on Jan 27, 2017 22:17:51 GMT -5
Omg I am such a huge fan!!! I dare Leafpool to race over to WindClan, find Crowfeather and try to force him into dolls clothes  *grins maliciously* |
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jan 31, 2017 13:54:01 GMT -5
Episode Five
*Our hosts sit in two comfortable chairs, around a table*
Hawkstripe: Hellloo, and welcome to Warrior Cats Dares! I'm Hawkstripe, and this is Ivystor-.....Ivystorm.
Ivystorm: *wearing headphones*
Hawkstripe: Ivystorm.....can you even hear me?
Ivystorm: *ignores*
Hawkstripe: *sighs and casually rips headphones off her ears*
Ivystorm: *deathly shriek* WHY DID YOU DO THAT??
Hawkstripe: Because we need to start the show! DX
Ivystorm: NEVER, EVER, TAKE OFF MY HEADPHONES WHEN IM LISTENING TO MUSIC, UNDERSTAND???
Hawkstripe: *jumps back ten feet* Okay, fine, fine! Jeez...
Ivystorm: *suddenly calm again* 'kay, what's today's dare?
Hawkstripe: Before we give today's dare, I need to say something to the audience: we're getting a new host! He'll be in the next episode! That's all we're telling you about him.
Ivystorm: Yaay! New host! Anyway, what's today's dare?
Hawkstripe: Uh....*pulls slip of paper out of suggestions box* This was suggested by Stormheart.
Ivystorm: *grabs slip of paper and reads it* It says......"Tigerstar has to put on a pink dress and sing I'm a Barbie girl in front of the entire Dark Forest." *cackles evilly*
Hawkstripe: NO. No no no no nononono. I HATE that song: I refuse to listen to it ever again.
Ivystorm: Oh, shut up. We get to torture The Dark Forest with an awful song AND will probably get to torture Tigerstar as well! Killing two birds with one stone!
Hawkstripe: Why are you so obsessed with torturing people?
Ivystorm: .....because I'm on a show where people are tortured for not doing dares? Why the hell are you here if you don't like toturing people?
Hawkstripe: I'm here because I like having a job and an income!
Ivystorm: But we're cats! We don't need income!
Hawkstripe: I know, but for some reason our author has chosen to humanize us to the point where we are somehow aware that human things exist and we don't call them "twolegs." Besides, its not like the Erins write us like actual cats in the first place.
Ivystorm: ...okay, good point. We should probably commence with the show before the viewers get sick of watching us argue.
Hawkstripe: Good point. *grabs remote and begins pressing buttons*
Tigerstar: *killing a young bird*
Both Hosts: *disgust*
Tigerstar: Wait....WHAT?? I thought I died twice!!
Hawkstripe: We brought you back to life.
Tigerstar: BUT I DIED TWICE.
Ivystorm: Shut up and don't question it!
Tigerstar: Who are YOU to tell me when to talk and when not to talk??!! *attempts to attack ivystorm*
Hawkstripe: *casually presses button on remote*
Tigerstar: *falls on ground, choking and coughing*
Ivystorm: You got a new button for the remote, I presume?
Hawkstripe: Yeah. Its the "Darth Vader Force-choke" button
Ivystorm: That is so awesome!
Hawkstripe: *clears throat* We have brought you here today to be given a dare. The dare is.. "Tigerstar has to put on a pink dress and sing I'm a Barbie girl in front of the entire Dark Forest"!
Tigerstar: *deathly scream* NOOO!! I REFUSE TO DO THAT!!!
Ivystorm: And if you DON'T do it, you get a Punishment!
Tigerstar: HAH! You can't punish ME!! I am the awesome TIGGERSTAR!!
Hawkstripe: We punished Ashfur, Bright Stream, and Firstar: we can punish you
Tigerstar; Hah, yea righ- wait, wait time out. You punished Firestar??
Ivytorm: Yep!
Tigerstar: Prove it!
Hawkstripe: *shows him video of Firestar being punished*
Tigerstar: .....okaayy. Fine. I'll do it. When do I do it?
Ivystorm: *cheerfully* Right now! *grabs remote from Hawkstripe's paws and presses buttons*
Tigerstar: *disappears*
Hawkstripe: IVYSTORM!
Ivystorm: *halo magically appears over head*
MEANWHILE, IN THE DARK FOREST, SOME TIME DURING OOTS...
Brokenstar: So....who wants to watch Star Wars?
Mapleshade: Pfft, Star Wars sucks! Lets watch Star Trek instead!
*POOF! TIGERSTAR APPEARS WEARING A PINK DRESS!*
Every cat: *GASPS!*
Brokenstar: ENOUGH GASPING! Why do you mousebrains always do a collective gasp whenever something dramatic happens??
Mapleshade: I think the better question is: why is Tigerstar wearing a frilly pink dress!
Tigerstar: Uhh...uhh....
Hawkstripe: *into walkie-talkie* Now sing!
Tigerstar: *off key* I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on, Barbie, let's go party!
Every cat: O.O
Brokenstar: ......what am I watching.
Mapleshade: NOOO!!! *rips two chunks of fur out of her flank and stuffs them in her ears*
Hawkfrost: I CANT BELIEVE IM A PART OF HIS FAMILY.
Tigerstar: *still off-key, now badly dancing to the beat* I'm a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly! *continues to sing*
Every cat: O.O
Brokenstar: *whispering to Hawkfrost* Are we allowed to kick cats out of the dark forest?
Darkstripe: Don't think so, why?
Brokenstar: Anyone who sings THAT terrible song here deserves to have their Bad Guy Card taken from them.
Darkstripe: ...we have Bad Guy Cards?
Brokenstar: Yeah, we do.
Darkstripe: How come I don't have one?
Brokenstar: Because you suck.
Darkstripe: WHAT???!!
Tigerstar: *still off key and badly dancing, is clearly tired* Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees! *continues to sing*
Mapleshade: *now covering her eyes and crying*
Hawkfrost: WHOA, Mapleshade, I've never seen you act this emotional!!
Mapleshade: *attempts to kill Hawkfrost*
Hawkfrost: *runs away screaming*
Mapleshade: *goes back to crying*
Tigerstar: Oh, I'm having so much fun!
Well, Barbie, we're just getting started
Oh, I love you, Ken! *breaks down crying*
Hawkstripe: *with Ivystorm's evil cackling in the background* Perfect. Now you may return. *presses buttons*
Tigerstar: *is zapped back to the studio*
The entire dark forest: .-.
BACK IN THE STUDIO
Tigerstar: *crying*
Ivystorm: *laughing*
Hawkstripe: *poker face* Congratulations. You are the second person to win Warrior Cats Dares.
Tigerstar: I WON??!! YAAY! WHATS MY PRIZE??!
Hawkstripe: Your prize is satisfaction that you won and avoiding punishment.
Tigerstar: WHAT??!! THATS A TOTAL RIPOFF!! *attempts to attack hawkstripe*
Ivystorm: *randomly jumps up and presses Darth Vader Force-Choke Button*
Tigerstar: *falls on ground choking and screaming...again.*
Ivystorm: I love this button so much! *presses another button*
Tigerstar: *disappears*
Ivystorm: *blows smoke off remote as if its a gun* Well? Are you happy that I stole the gun from you NOW?
Hawkstripe: *begrudgingly* I guess..
Ivystorm: Well, I'm Ivystorm!
Hawkstripe: And I'm Hawkstripe.
Both: Thank you for watching!
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Jan 31, 2017 15:35:11 GMT -5
I loved this, it's hilarious XD.
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jan 31, 2017 16:24:35 GMT -5
I loved this, it's hilarious XD. Thanks! Did you have a favourite part? |
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Jan 31, 2017 16:39:51 GMT -5
I loved this, it's hilarious XD. Thanks! Did you have a favourite part? I love the Firestar Easter bunny one. |
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Post by Stormheart on Jan 31, 2017 20:01:35 GMT -5
OMG, I'm LMHO. That was so freaking hilarious XD
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Post by Card against Humanity on Jan 31, 2017 20:04:53 GMT -5
OMG, I'm LMHO. That was so freaking hilarious XD Thanks! Did you have a favourite part? |
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Post by Stormheart on Jan 31, 2017 20:13:32 GMT -5
You're welcome! Your show is very creative! My favorite part was this:
Brokenstar: *whispering to Hawkfrost* Are we allowed to kick cats out of the dark forest?
Darkstripe: Don't think so, why?
Brokenstar: Anyone who sings THAT terrible song here deserves to have their Bad Guy Card taken from them.
Darkstripe: ...we have Bad Guy Cards?
Brokenstar: Yeah, we do.
Darkstripe: How come I don't have one?
Brokenstar: Because you suck.
Darkstripe: WHAT???!!
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 3, 2017 0:48:25 GMT -5
*laughs* That's such a good part, Stormheart. That'll probably be mine too. (Once I read that far...oops.)
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Post by Stormheart on Feb 3, 2017 18:30:48 GMT -5
LOL XD
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Post by Windspirit14 on Feb 3, 2017 19:54:08 GMT -5
I remember this from the old WCF! Do you remember me? Probably not...
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Post by FåwnFrøst on Feb 3, 2017 23:06:34 GMT -5
These are really funny! I can't believe I didn't find these until now! I remember this from the old WCF! Do you remember me? Probably not...Were you still whitewind14 on the old forums? I think I remember you. Did you ever come to my pixel cat shop? |
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*grins maliciously*
