roam free | commentary & chat

I’m flattered to hear that you think me a critic, and one whose opinion is worth asking.

I think it’s a very nice story, though I have not read it all through just yet (as I am in school, at the moment.) Your word choice is nice; it isn’t needlessly complicated, but isn’t full of ‘dead’ words, so to speak. The grammar is correct, which is something people don’t always consider important. I think the story idea is an interesting concept; I would certainly read further if my English teacher wasn’t giving me irritated looks for being on my phone.

My first suggestion, however, is show not tell. Rather than flat out say something to the reader, you may want to not flat out say the ideas you want to convey. A good example would be when you said “Her hackles fluffed up in warning, and I came to understand that this dog needed her space” (Chapter 2). It was a little unnecessary to say that she didn’t like being touched. Show not tell means that instead of saying she needs her space, you just show her discomfort (which you did with her hackles raising in warning.

You may not want to be quite as literal; letting some information be assumed or inferred makes it more engaging for a reader. Other than that, I think you have a nice writing style and the way you word your sentences is enjoyable to read. I’m not one for animal stories, but I do like this one.