Post by Ginz on Nov 5, 2016 18:41:02 GMT -5
i started writing about something on here and accidentally started typing up my coming to realize i'm trans story
smh @ myself
if i had waited even a year before coming on the forums, i would've been what most people think of when they think of christians — homophobic, transphobic, etc. i had someone at church trying to convince me that being gay was indeed something to be born with but instead something to be treated like a disease.
one day, in eighth grade, my friend told another friend, "if it weren't against my religion, i'd date you!"
after that, i started questioning my faith — was i following a relgion that preached to not hate anyone, but when someone loved another who didn't follow the rules it was ok?
i got online to talk to my friends who made a separate website to be away from the strict wcf. i expressed my doubts, and came to call myself agnostic. i tried to cling to what i had believed in my whole life, but i felt betrayed. i kept looking through the bible, and i found suspicious verses.
a year or two later, on tumblr, i found a post that specified the verses, that it was for health reasons or to prevent the way misogyny was prevalent in relationships. it was too late, though. my faith had been shaken too much. i had been trying to find a place in a church again, one i felt comfortable, but it didn't feel like home anymore.
along the way, i started doubting my gender. it started out with fanfics and me being like "ok so that seems familiar" and i kept being like "no, that's ridiculous. i'm just reading too many fanfics with transgender characters." at one point, i wanted to experiment. i asked my friend to start calling me kris and let me try on he/him pronouns, and i told my parents prematurely. the feeling subsided a little, since the name didn't stick. however, i was still looking into being transgender; whether it was out of curiosity or self-exploration, i wasn't sure at the time. eventually, i ran across a certain name: caden. i immediately thought, "woah, that's..." and i changed the spelling to kaidyn, which was similar to my birth name's spelling. he/him pronouns felt more comfortable, and i bought a binder and i got my hair cut. i started to feel more comfortable. somewhere along that time, i came to the decision, "i want to change the spelling to kaiden." it felt right, and i started feeling even more confident about who i was, apart fom the prevailent fact that i didn't want to come out at school (and by extension, risk being bullied and harrassed, what with all the horror stories of oppression i've read and heard about). my junior year, i had creative writing in the second semester, and one of my friends who i did an introduction icebreaker with helped me come out to the class. the teacher immediately accepted me once i confirmed that yes, what my friend said was true — i was trans and wanted that name and pronouns. i never got harrassed during the class once. it felt really good, and i loved the idea of coming out after that.
one day, in eighth grade, my friend told another friend, "if it weren't against my religion, i'd date you!"
after that, i started questioning my faith — was i following a relgion that preached to not hate anyone, but when someone loved another who didn't follow the rules it was ok?
i got online to talk to my friends who made a separate website to be away from the strict wcf. i expressed my doubts, and came to call myself agnostic. i tried to cling to what i had believed in my whole life, but i felt betrayed. i kept looking through the bible, and i found suspicious verses.
a year or two later, on tumblr, i found a post that specified the verses, that it was for health reasons or to prevent the way misogyny was prevalent in relationships. it was too late, though. my faith had been shaken too much. i had been trying to find a place in a church again, one i felt comfortable, but it didn't feel like home anymore.
along the way, i started doubting my gender. it started out with fanfics and me being like "ok so that seems familiar" and i kept being like "no, that's ridiculous. i'm just reading too many fanfics with transgender characters." at one point, i wanted to experiment. i asked my friend to start calling me kris and let me try on he/him pronouns, and i told my parents prematurely. the feeling subsided a little, since the name didn't stick. however, i was still looking into being transgender; whether it was out of curiosity or self-exploration, i wasn't sure at the time. eventually, i ran across a certain name: caden. i immediately thought, "woah, that's..." and i changed the spelling to kaidyn, which was similar to my birth name's spelling. he/him pronouns felt more comfortable, and i bought a binder and i got my hair cut. i started to feel more comfortable. somewhere along that time, i came to the decision, "i want to change the spelling to kaiden." it felt right, and i started feeling even more confident about who i was, apart fom the prevailent fact that i didn't want to come out at school (and by extension, risk being bullied and harrassed, what with all the horror stories of oppression i've read and heard about). my junior year, i had creative writing in the second semester, and one of my friends who i did an introduction icebreaker with helped me come out to the class. the teacher immediately accepted me once i confirmed that yes, what my friend said was true — i was trans and wanted that name and pronouns. i never got harrassed during the class once. it felt really good, and i loved the idea of coming out after that.
smh @ myself