Post by pastelpills on Nov 5, 2016 8:16:56 GMT -5
I legit think about making this a series. From now on they are gonna come out every friday. I'm calling it Fanfic Fridays.
Link: warriorsfanfic.wikia.com/wiki/Spottedleaf's_Apprentice
Anyways, here are some of my favorite quotes:
First of all, there is no backstory to Bluekit whatsoever. Bluestar is too old by that time to have a young kit. Who was her father? Did she have siblings? What happened to her?
Who the hell talks about kits when they are still apprentices? Reminds me of middle school dating lol. This part provides little description. Besides, you think if Firepaw almost drowned, that he would be strong enough to immedietely stand up?
I saw someone back on WCF say that A/N-s don't belong in middle of a chapter. It's insane how many of those does this have. Besides they are literally like "hey yellowfang will you be our medicine cat" "yeah sure". Like seriously? Besides Cloverleaf/Runningstream had to be pregnant as an apprentice. I can't help but think that this is written by some kid that doesn't even know how kids are made.
Just... cringe. You are trying to tell me that an evil senior warrior/deputy was in love with a flippin apprentice. A flippin. Apprentice. What the heck is this story. The way the author tried to make this part funny is just so freaking cringey.
There isn't really anything too bad about this part, I just feel like saying something. First of all, why wouldn't you name a tom Sandkit? It's neutral prefix, not like Pinkkit or Flowerkit. Sandgorse and Sandypaw/nose are males. Second, why Thunderkit? Maybe if they were of different clan but he's literally named afer his Clan. Why not Lightningkit or Stormkit? Finally, why so many she-kits? I mean it's fine since it happened before but if we take all the things that happened so far, it's not good. Toms are very underrated when it comes to rps and fanfics.
Overall the concept is interesting, but it's overshadowed by major flaws I just called out, which ultimately drags it down for me.
The protagonist is unbelieveable Mary Sue. Every tom seems to be into her, cats are jealous of her amazing luck, she can save a drowning cat without any struggle, she has a big litter of mostly she-cats, and to top it all off, all the drama swirls around her; being in a prophecy, being the poor innocent victim of jealousy in love triangle, her being the reason why Tigerclaw gets exiled and so bravely dying for her beloved mate. I see absolutely no redeeming qualities.
Note: the reason she is sometimes mentioned as "Runningstream" instead of Cloverleaf is because the author later changed her name as stated in the comments. Btw I love how they drop author's notes everywhere but they are too lazy to do one when it comes to truly important stuff (at least for the story).
And that's it folks!
Link: warriorsfanfic.wikia.com/wiki/Spottedleaf's_Apprentice
Anyways, here are some of my favorite quotes:
Sandpaw glared at me. She padded towards me and growled "Stay away from Firepaw, got that?" "Alright sheesh. Don't have to be rude." I snapped. (What? I can't be nice all the time). I padded out of camp to gather some catmint from the abandoned Twoleg garden. A kittypet was watching me. Great Starclan! She looks just like Bluestar! "H-Hello. Who are you? I stammered. "I'm Dixie. I've seen you before around here. What's your name?" She mewed. She's just a kittypet. They're always curious. Wait she doesn't look like a kittypet. She's so sleek and she doesn't have a collar! "I'm Cloverpaw. I have to gather catmint for my clanmates." I answered simply. "You need some help?" she asked. "Sure" After that, Dixie would help me gather catmint and other herbs around Twolegplace. But today, I saw her in the forest on Thunderclan territory. "Hi Cloverpaw!" she mewed. "Hello Dixie. What are you doing here?" I meowed. "I escaped from my Twolegs. I want to live in the forest. Like you." She answered. I brought her back to camp and Bluestar gasped as she saw Dixie. "Bluekit? Is that really you?" she cried. "Mother! I missed you!" Dixie yowled throwing herself at Bluestar. "Bluekit oh Bluekit please stay with me. I missed you too my precious daughter"
First of all, there is no backstory to Bluekit whatsoever. Bluestar is too old by that time to have a young kit. Who was her father? Did she have siblings? What happened to her?
He crouched and then jumped into a bush. He came back with a plump vole in his jaws. "Nice catch" I purred. He ducked his head. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Well, I was thinking. Since you're a warrior apprentice now, I thought when we became warriors we could be mates and have kits." His green eyes were gleaming with hope. "I'd love to be your mate." I replied. I heard a growl. Fox! It started to chase Firepaw. I ran after them. Firepaw ran into the stream! I leaped into the river and grabbed his scruff. I kept swimming. I tried running. I dragged him onto the shore and prodded him with my paw. He started coughing and then sprang to his paws.
Who the hell talks about kits when they are still apprentices? Reminds me of middle school dating lol. This part provides little description. Besides, you think if Firepaw almost drowned, that he would be strong enough to immedietely stand up?
"You know who killed Spottedleaf?" Bluestar mewed. "Yes" Yellowfang growled. "You used to be a medicine cat. Will you-can you be our medicine cat then?" I mewed hopfully. "Sure. I can also tell you that you are expecting kits, Cloverleaf" Yellowfang purred. "WHAT!?!?!?" I yowled. Fireheart came racing towards me. "What? What's wrong?" he asked. "I'm expecting your kits, Fireheart" "Wha?" he meowed with a really, really surprised look on his face. (me in real life: COME ON FIREHEART! CLOVERLEAF IS EXPECTING YOUR KITS! WAKE UP!!)
I saw someone back on WCF say that A/N-s don't belong in middle of a chapter. It's insane how many of those does this have. Besides they are literally like "hey yellowfang will you be our medicine cat" "yeah sure". Like seriously? Besides Cloverleaf/Runningstream had to be pregnant as an apprentice. I can't help but think that this is written by some kid that doesn't even know how kids are made.
Tigerclaw's POV
Grrrrrrrr..... oh wait am i telling the story now? Oops. Well, if you want to know what happened, i'll tell you. Ever since Fireheart became deputy, i have thought of ways to try to kill him and Cloverleaf. I usedto have a tiny itty bitty crush on her before she fell in love with that mouse-brain. But that doesn't matter anymore. I'M GONNA KILL HER FOR BREAKING MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait your still here. sorry, but if you read the books, you know that i kill cats for no apparent reason. (crickets chirping) GAAAAAAAAAAH WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS CRICKETS?!?!?!?!
Grrrrrrrr..... oh wait am i telling the story now? Oops. Well, if you want to know what happened, i'll tell you. Ever since Fireheart became deputy, i have thought of ways to try to kill him and Cloverleaf. I usedto have a tiny itty bitty crush on her before she fell in love with that mouse-brain. But that doesn't matter anymore. I'M GONNA KILL HER FOR BREAKING MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait your still here. sorry, but if you read the books, you know that i kill cats for no apparent reason. (crickets chirping) GAAAAAAAAAAH WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS CRICKETS?!?!?!?!
Just... cringe. You are trying to tell me that an evil senior warrior/deputy was in love with a flippin apprentice. A flippin. Apprentice. What the heck is this story. The way the author tried to make this part funny is just so freaking cringey.
"These three are she-kits. That one is the first born tom", Yellowfang informed Fireheart as he squeezed through the entrance. He trotted up to me, only to be tackled by the other kits. "I wanna see the kits!" Ashkit mewed. "Ashkit! Fernkit! Cloudkit! Stop bothering Fireheart. And be quiet! Cloverleaf is tired", Brindleface scolded. I blinked my thanks to her. I turned to Fireheart, who was purring and licking my face. "What should we name them?" Fireheart mewed. Just then, Sandstorm came in. "Thanks for saving me earlier", I meowed. "It's not a big deal", Sandstorm mewed, embarrassed. I looked down at my kits. I pointed to the tom. He was big and sturdy. "Thunderkit", I mewed. He looked like Sandstorm. I would've named him Sandkit if he was a she-kit.
There isn't really anything too bad about this part, I just feel like saying something. First of all, why wouldn't you name a tom Sandkit? It's neutral prefix, not like Pinkkit or Flowerkit. Sandgorse and Sandypaw/nose are males. Second, why Thunderkit? Maybe if they were of different clan but he's literally named afer his Clan. Why not Lightningkit or Stormkit? Finally, why so many she-kits? I mean it's fine since it happened before but if we take all the things that happened so far, it's not good. Toms are very underrated when it comes to rps and fanfics.
Overall the concept is interesting, but it's overshadowed by major flaws I just called out, which ultimately drags it down for me.
The protagonist is unbelieveable Mary Sue. Every tom seems to be into her, cats are jealous of her amazing luck, she can save a drowning cat without any struggle, she has a big litter of mostly she-cats, and to top it all off, all the drama swirls around her; being in a prophecy, being the poor innocent victim of jealousy in love triangle, her being the reason why Tigerclaw gets exiled and so bravely dying for her beloved mate. I see absolutely no redeeming qualities.
Note: the reason she is sometimes mentioned as "Runningstream" instead of Cloverleaf is because the author later changed her name as stated in the comments. Btw I love how they drop author's notes everywhere but they are too lazy to do one when it comes to truly important stuff (at least for the story).
And that's it folks!
