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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 7:32:53 GMT -5
... when, if you saw someone who hurt you so bad get brutally murdered in front of you, you wouldn't help or feel any sympathy.
My ex, the father of my kid, is a deadbeat. That much I guarantee. He constantly imply he doesn't want it, then goes back and says "I didn't say that"
He then said he doesn't want anything to do with me, that he doesn't want to deal with me. That he wants to be there for the kid. I told him he kinda has to deal with me, because I'm the mother and intend to have full custody. And I also told him how there would be rules if he wanted to see his kid (he's an alcoholic. He does drugs. He's emotionally controlling. Honestly, he didn't show this side when I first fell in love. I thought he was perfect till he let his true colors show) after I sent him that text about having to deal with me and having rules to follow, he just didn't respond. So I'm guessing he doesn't want to see his kid if there's me and rules involved. Like, I'm not going to leave you with MY kid unsupervised. You lost your right to call it your kid after you tried denying it was yours.
Oh yeah, he did try denying that it was his. When he was the only guy I was with. Yeah, I appreciate that -.-
I intend to love this child with everything I have. In fact, I feel I already do. But I also intend to to it without my ex. If he can follow my rules, which wouldn't be too hard anyways, he'd be able to see it with me or my parents supervising him. But otherwise? I don't want him in my kids life.
These are the rules he didn't give me the chance to list.
1. Pay child support (if he really wants to be there for the kid, contribute some costs to help me raise it) 2. No showing up drunk, buzzed, hungover, etc. (I don't want my child exposed to that behavior when it's so young) 3. No doing any sort of drug, including weed (I don't want his actions to end up biting me in the butt. It's illegal here, and I don't want his actions relate to me, the mother of his kid) 4. No swearing whatsoever when in the presence of my child (I'd be the one getting the phone calls from school about how my kid learned a new word. I'm not dealing with that) 5. No bad mouthing me or the kid. Ever (honestly, if he can't respect me, the mother of his kid, he has no right to see the kid because he'll most likely influence the kid against me. And no bad mouthing the kid, for obvious reasons)
These are the rules I'd make him follow. Do they seem reasonable?
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Post by ssquiffy on Oct 25, 2016 7:59:17 GMT -5
that sounds completely reasonable. if hes not going to bother even trying to be a positive influence then he might as well not be in the kid's life at all
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 9:46:10 GMT -5
Thanks Draco <3
Yeah that's what I was thinking. I don't want to deprive my kid of a father figure, but last I checked father figures are GOOD influences. If my ex has a chance of swaying my kid to be like him, and make bad choices... I won't allow him into the kids life at all. That simple. And if he tries to get custody, I'll point out he uses drugs, therefore he'll get a drug test and lose any possibility of gaining custody.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 9:52:24 GMT -5
My brother said if my ex tries getting custody, even if he loses I could lose my kid too since I still live with my parents and can't seem to keep a job for long (my most recent was for getting a temporary second job. They didn't even warn me I'd be fired, just said "yeah we'll give you those days no problem!" They were looking for an excuse because every manager there were kids fresh out of high school and thought I was "weird", therefore they hated me -.- and they were all up the main managers butt so she took their side :/) but... if that happens, I'll try to see if I'm allowed to visit my kid, or ensure the family it goes to is a good one I approve of. Because I refuse to let my kid go to a couple of bums who won't care for it properly...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 9:55:44 GMT -5
I can't blame you. He seems like a real jerk and bad influence. I'm sorry he's the one you chose, of all people. I definitely hope he stays out of you and your child's life until he can change his ways. It's bad enough that he's related to them. Yeah I regret he was the one I chose... he made himself out to be a loveable goofball at first. And by the time he started showing himself to be a jerk, I was too far gone in love to even admitted it... but now I need to admit it for the sake of my baby. Yeah, if he changes and follows my rules I won't deny him the chance to see the kid. But otherwise he won't even get an update. I don't want him trying to weasel into the kids life without trying to even change.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 11:00:57 GMT -5
I remember some issues my parents had to figure out when getting divorced. Completely different situation but it might be worthwhile to think about:
- religion, if any, will the child be raised in. Will he/she be baptized or become a member of a particular church? - school. If there are different options in your area, a consensus might have to be made.
I can't think of any others. But stuff like that can become a big deal depending on where you are.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 14:42:10 GMT -5
I intend to go back to my church when I'm not all stuffed up in my nose. I intended to go back on Sunday night but I felt too sick. So I'll go tomorrow to Wednesday night service. And everyone will know about me having a baby because I go to the doctors tomorrow, too, so maybe they'll see if the baby is healthy (my worst fear is that it's not now. I did some stupid things like drink and smoke weed before I found out. My ex is a horrible influence)
My family's church is Baptist, and I agree with their beliefs.
I intend to move to the next town over, away from my ex and all the judgemental people in my area. So the school will probably be different from mine. If I can find a way to afford the move.
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