|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:10:44 GMT -5
I'm having problems with one of my "friends". Honestly, I don't really like her anymore. I just feel trapped by her, and I feel like our friendship is done with. Our friendship is just so toxic, and I don't want to deal with it anymore, but I don't know what to do.
She's extremely possessive of me, so she has ruined many of my past friendships out of jealousy. She also has no respect for my boundaries, and will try to push me over the edge. She constantly shows up at my house unannounced whenever she wants, and has the nerve to get angry when I'm not there. She disrespects my family, my pets, and my belongings. She just gives me no space, and she expects me to drop my entire life just for her. Despite all this, she isn't completely bad... It's just the cons outweigh the pros for me, and I can't take it anymore.
I've tried to put up with this for years, but it's just too much for me. I'm not happy, and I feel trapped. I don't know what to do though, because she won't let our friendship die, even though it clearly should have ended a long time ago. I've even tried to put things to rest, but she refuses. She is so clingy that she won't let me go, and this is only making me even more annoyed. She has contacted my family members several times, crying and yelling about me because I don't talk to her enough. She expects me to message her every day, but she puts no effort into the conversation. She derails everything I say, and has even told me she won't talk to me unless I come visit her. That's so ridiculous, because I'm currently living several hours away from her. I can't just pack up and go to her house whenever she wants. But of course, she expects me too, and gets mad when I won't.
This is such a problem that I've been avoiding my regular home for the past year, because of her. I feel uncomfortable in my own house. I'm constantly paranoid she's going to show up, and I'm too nice to say anything to her.
At this point, I am done. I just can't deal with this anymore. I don't know what to do though. Also, I've tried to talk to her about this but she doesn't listen. She gets mad and we always just end up fighting.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Green Writer on Sept 25, 2016 19:12:59 GMT -5
Start cutting her out by bot talking as often and by not allowing her in when she arrives
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:14:31 GMT -5
Start cutting her out by bot talking as often and by not allowing her in when she arrives My parents are always the ones to answer the door, so they let her in. I've told them to stop, but they like my friend. I've only just got through to my grandma about this situation and how I feel. |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:16:10 GMT -5
Um... she doesn't sound entirely healthy.
In any case, at this point, I would just be upfront with her. Don't be mean about it, but firmly tell her that you don't think this relationship is a good one and that you think it would be best if you both decided to go your separate ways as acquaintances (if you even want that). You may have to get your family members to help (i.e., not answer her messages or pass them onto you). She probably will be upset, but you have to stand your ground.
If she shows up at your house... oy. Just tell her as politely as possible that you don't want company. This is a hard one.
|
|
#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
|
Post by pumpkin pie on Sept 25, 2016 19:16:42 GMT -5
That honestly does not sound good at all. I really don't know what you could do, so this probably won't help very much, but she does not seem like a very good friend in the least. At first I would have said, talk to her, but then I continued reading and realized, you have tried to talk and that clearly isn't working. I would have said talk to your parents, but I have a feeling your parents can see what she is doing. EDIT: I just saw your new post that your parents let her in the house and like her.
Have you maybe tried talking to her parents? Maybe telling them what is going on? Or having your parents talk to her parents? Because what is going on, between all the disrespect and possessiveness she has over you, that is an extremely unhealthy friendship and you shouldn't have to go through that. You shouldn't be living out of fear of her showing up at your house randomly or of calling your parents and yelling at them, disrespecting you and your things?
I would really talk to her parents if you can and see if they can get her away from you. Honestly, best luck. I wish there was something more I could say/do.
|
|
|
|
Post by Northstar3213 on Sept 25, 2016 19:17:14 GMT -5
Call the cops on her butt, she's stalking you. That's not right.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:21:55 GMT -5
If your parents let her in, tell her to leave.
put your foot down
try to explain to your parents you don't want her coming over unannounced. she needs to be invited over
it's rude to just show up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Post by Basement Cat on Sept 25, 2016 19:26:35 GMT -5
This type of relation you can't just gradually decline from. It won't work. You need to be direct and cut her off. Explain to her what she is doing and how it is effecting you, then cut her off. You may see each other, but you don't have to interact.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:33:44 GMT -5
I've tried to explain my feelings to her, but she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She's oblivious to everything she does, and it always ends up destroying her friendships. In all the years I've been around her, I've seen so many friends come and go through her life and it's always the same reason as I'm having with her currently. She doesn't understand that what she is doing is wrong and that it's driving people away, so she always blames the other person. She did this to me a while back, when she called me to yell at me and then proceeded to blame everything on me.
I can't talk to her family about it (they're foreign) but I have tried to talk to my family about it. My parents don't seem to understand, and I've only recently got my grandma to understand the situation. My dad on the otherhand just doesn't get it. I've told him time and time again, but it's like it just goes in one ear and out the other. My grandma has told me to ignore her, but the fact she seeks out my family members makes it hard.
I've also tried to explain how I feel about her coming to my house, but once again she doesn't get it. I've tried to stand up for myself, but my family thinks it's rude to turn someone away when they come to the door. I've gotten in trouble a ton of times for trying to send her away or saying i dont want company
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:36:58 GMT -5
What would be the best way to tell her I want to cut her off?
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:38:31 GMT -5
start by blocking her on some social medias that you dont really talk to her on, if theres anything. gradually take longer and longer to answer texts from her, no matter how much of a fuss she makes. you are a living person with a life outside of hers. if she asks why you didnt answer, say you were busy. if she asks, "with what!??" just dont answer. baby steps. try and find new friends that she wouldnt like, and invite them over and make a statement if she shows up by telling her "they were INVITED." or something
i really hope you can get out of that soon, thats really unhealthy
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:40:08 GMT -5
oh god, that sounds awful...idk
straight up tell her you aren't friends anymore?
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 19:40:12 GMT -5
What would be the best way to tell her I want to cut her off? dont tell her, because that'd start another fuss and she'd get really mad, judging by what you wrote. just act upon it and make sure its gradual |
|
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2016 20:28:32 GMT -5
I just had another talk with my grandma about this. She promised me that if my friend ever comes to the door unannounced, that she will tell her I'm not there. She also told me I should just ignore my friend until she starts yelling at me again, and then I'll tell her how I feel and then cut her off. I hope this works, but honestly I'm really paranoid.
|
|
|
|
Asexual
#A4ACE3
Невыносимая коммунизм
ＣＯＭＭＵＮＩＳＴ ㅤㅤㅤㅤＤＩＣＴＡＴＯＲㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤＫＥＶＩＮ
"ι need тнoѕe old people тo wнιѕper мy naмe wнen тнey dιe"
|
Post by Невыносимая коммунизм on Sept 26, 2016 18:44:02 GMT -5
I just had another talk with my grandma about this. She promised me that if my friend ever comes to the door unannounced, that she will tell her I'm not there. She also told me I should just ignore my friend until she starts yelling at me again, and then I'll tell her how I feel and then cut her off. I hope this works, but honestly I'm really paranoid.  Another method of breaking things off is a tactic many missionaries {for example: Ghandi} used to get people on their side.
Try avoiding her until you get in a place with a lot of people. {When you visit her} What I recommend is a school cafeteria/etc. When she starts to yell at you, be as apologetic as you can. Make her look like the bad guy. She'll get embarrassed, people will be upset at her, it'll be over.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2016 19:00:21 GMT -5
We're never together in public places, so I wouldn't be able to do that. I only see her when she shows up at my house. We never hang out outside of that.
|
|
