Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 4, 2021 3:09:24 GMT -5
“No matter what, we’ll make sure you have something to do,” Orpheus replied, giving a small smile. He didn’t know for sure that his underworld would survive the entire time it took to get to L’s world, but… if it didn’t… what did that mean for Orpheus? Would he just cease to exist because his Underworld wasn’t the one most people believed in? Would he be transferred to another afterlife? Would the Underworld keep collecting the people who believed in Hades, existing in tandem with thousands of other afterlives that slowly stopped getting new people? Or would the Underworld merge with those different afterlives? There were so many questions that Orpheus didn’t know the answers to. So many things he wanted to be sure of before L joined him in death. If he could make the process easier for L… then he would. No questions asked. “Since when have I ever gotten myself in trouble?” he added, his smile gaining an almost mischievous edge. Had he ever heard the term ‘do good recklessly,’ he likely would have taken it on as his life motto. Unfortunately, that had gotten him on the bad side of hades before… trying to do good for L in the afterlife might possibly increase Hades’ ire towards him. Still… Orpheus was willing to do it. He wondered how long it would take L to realize he would do absolutely anything for him. Orpheus squeezed L’s hand again, letting just a little bit of his optimism flow through his touch in the form of reassurance. They would figure it out. They didn’t need to worry about it right this moment. He wasn’t thinking about the Underworld anymore. He decided to banish the thought from his mind, because they were alive, and they were together, and that was enough. “If you were the House,” Orpheus murmured, gently swinging their linked hands as he walked, “and you could create rooms as easily as it seems to… what sort of room would you create? What experience would you give to imaginary blinkers?” Orpheus knew L so well. He knew him better than most people ever word. Yet… he wasn’t sure he could predict L’s answer to the question. Perhaps because the situation was very un-L. L could never be the House. Even with good intentions… he wouldn’t pull people from other worlds only to put them through pain. Sometimes, Orpheus didn’t think L realized that his entire life was centered around relieving others of pain. How people could see that and still think of L as unkind, as cold… it baffled Orpheus. And pulled him to love him even more fiercely, if only to drown out the voices of the people who looked at L and somehow never saw him for what he really was.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 4, 2021 13:13:03 GMT -5
L nodded, letting the last of the worry slip from his features. There would be ways. There would be things to do. He wouldn’t lose his mind to boredom, he believed he wouldn’t, because he believed Orpheus. Though, he knew neither of them could say for sure what would happen, and he didn’t expect Orpheus to know that. He just...wished there was some way to have any idea what would happen. Of all the possibilities in L’s head, there were only a few he truly liked, after all. Not that he wanted to think of it now. It was just that...no, he scolded himself, no, he was not letting his mind wander alone those paths. For all he knew, it wasn’t something he would need to worry about at all. Or, he would, but he wouldn’t for long. If he ceased to exist upon death, then wasting precious time alive worrying about it wouldn’t help anything. For that matter, it wouldn’t help even if he happened to still exist. He glanced at Orpheus, forcing himself out of his thoughts. That was the problem with having a mind that searched for problems to solve, he mused. Sometimes it just wouldn’t stop. He considered the question for a moment, raising an eyebrow at the other blinker. “I wonder sometimes whether the House blinks you in just to see what could happen.” He answered, lightly nudging Orpheus’ shoulder with his own. “The rest of us are boring, you see. I have my theories, yes, and certain people…” (he was thinking of a specific vampire as he said it) “...cause chaos in every room, just to see what’s possible. But I’ve never met someone so determined to change the House itself, and so equipped to do it. I said I believed if anyone could do it, it was you, once. A lot has happened since then, good rooms and bad...and yet I still believe that with all my heart.” He wasn’t sure what had prompted that. It just felt like something Orpheus needed to know, he supposed. Something L didn’t say often enough. Maybe he just felt the desire to say all he needed to say, since they’d been talking about death mere moments ago. L knew it could be his last blink. He fully expected to die first, after all which was ironic considering for him, Orpheus had been dead thousands of years. He didn’t like that thought at all, actually. He pointedly ignored it in favor of considering Orpheus’ question, a serious expression on his thin face. “If I were the House…” he mused, tilting his head. “Well. That’s easy. I would show blinkers what other worlds looked like. I wouldn’t have the rooms be random though, I would make each one specifically assigned to a door. Only...no, I wouldn’t do that, because then some worlds would be too far back to reach, and that’s not fair. So I would rotate them, make it so every time someone blinked in they could see what a new world was like, and I would fill the books with things no one but me knows, and I would find people who felt alone and blink them in so they could make friends, like I have. That’s what I would do.” He looked at Orpheus, an intense expression in his dark eyes. “And you?”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 4, 2021 14:34:26 GMT -5
“Me?” Orpheus echoed, raising an eyebrow. He hadn’t expected that, but he was grateful that it seemed to mean that L was thinking about something other than death. It wasn’t worth it to waste what precious little time they were guaranteed together talking about death – even if Orpheus hoped that it could be the future he wanted with L. A future he had a little bit more control of than the one that was facing them now. He had never considered himself less boring than other blinkers. He was just… one of them. He tried his best to change the House, but he had come close to giving up on that goal. He would have given up, if it weren’t for L. “I’m no more interesting than anyone else,” he added softly, squeezing L’s hand, “If anything, it’s probably more interested in your theories than it is in my attempts to make it better.” Had he managed to make anyone’s experience in the House more even? He couldn’t erase the deaths L had suffered. Was his love worth suffering those things, was it worth the possibility of hurting more? Had his music improved anyone else’s experience? He hadn’t stopped Rue’s world from being more dangerous by letting her play his lyre. Then again… that was more her world than it was the House. Had he helped by making people feel calmer, had he helped by offering people music to follow out of the dark? He couldn’t measure whether he had made the House even. He had no way of knowing if he’d come even close to succeeding. He had long ago come to the conclusion that he probably couldn’t change the House itself, he could just… oppose it. In whatever little ways he was capable of. And yet… L believed he could change the House. Orpheus made no attempt to conceal his puzzled smile. “Your belief may be the only reason I’ve been able to do as much as I have,” he whispered, his gaze locked on L. He didn’t want to look away for even a moment. He didn’t want to lose sight of the man he loved with every ounce of his soul. He listened carefully, his smile growing at L’s answer. Yes… that answer made sense for L. He closed his eyes for just a moment, picturing it. Picturing the books filled with everything L knew, thousands of thoughts Orpheus had heard, and millions more he hadn’t. He pictured the ability to see other worlds, worlds beyond his own, worlds that actually existed. He pictured the ability to see L’s world. He liked the type of House that L would choose to run. Once again, L’s kindness struck him. How people missed Orpheus would never understand. “Hm,” he considered, slowing just a bit as he thought. “I think… each room would be the opportunity to learn a new skill. It would be safe, of course, so nobody had to fear failure, but so they could try things they might not have been able to try in their worlds. And… maybe some rooms where the skill you’re supposed to learn isn’t as obvious. Rooms full of budding flowers, and maybe some blinkers would take it as a chance to learn how to garden, and others would take it as a chance to learn to step back and relax… yes, I think I would like that,” he whispered, opening his eyes again. “And if the blinkers asked me for something specific… I would do everything I could to give it to them.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 4, 2021 17:18:04 GMT -5
“Yes, you.” L replied, raising an eyebrow right back at him. He didn’t intend it in a mean way at all, only he thought Orpheus didn’t give himself enough credit sometimes. The way he tried, the way he always tried his best no matter the circumstances...Orpheus didn’t seem to know how special that was. L wasn’t saying Orpheus was the best (he was though), he was just saying that Orpheus had something as special as anything L had, maybe more so. “I think you’re interesting.” He whispered back, smiling at the feeling of his hand being gently squeezed. It was reassuring, knowing he was there, knowing he was thinking of L, knowing he was just...present in this moment, the same way L was. He knew things weren’t fixed, he knew there were still terrible rooms ahead of them, and not just them, but others too. He knew people who came from terrible worlds, he knew that the House wasn’t fair, he understood that Orpheus had not taken on an easy task. L wanted to understand the House, to solve it. Orpheus...Orpheus was going to fix it. He didn’t have any doubt that Orpheus had made things better. He didn’t have any doubt that Orpheus had already helped, that Orpheus had already made someone’s life better. The House was already more even for having Orpheus in it. Did he know that? Did he know how much good he had already done, just by trying? He didn’t look away. He met Orpheus’ gaze, his own expression gentle, every bit of the love he felt showing in his eyes. Once he had worn a mask around Orpheus. Now, the mask melted away when they were together. Now, he didn’t try to hide, he didn’t try to pretend he didn’t care. Orpheus said he didn’t understand how people didn’t see L’s kindness. L knew that it was partially just the way he was, the way L spoke and moved and acted and said things others took the wrong way. But it was also his tendency to hide even in plain sight. His tendency to hide how he felt, not to pretend he didn’t care exactly but...well, it must come across that way, at times. He slowed a bit as Orpheus continued, speaking of the House he would build, if he could. It was L’s turn to let his eyes close for a moment, to imagine it, to taste the clean, cool air, to feel the soft dirt under his skin as he touched the earth where flowers drew their nutrients. Yes….he would like that. Orpheus’ answer fit him well. He wanted to give people an opportunity to learn, to have chances to do what they wanted to do, to discover things they might love. He opened his eyes, meeting Orpheus’ again, his expression peaceful. “I would like to blink into your House.” He murmured, smiling just a little. “I wonder, sometimes, how the House started. Did it begin with good intentions? Did it ever care who it hurt? It’s...it’s very like the criminals I track down, I think. I just don’t know which type.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 4, 2021 18:09:10 GMT -5
Orpheus was a strange mix between overconfident and completely unaware of his own ability. He didn’t think he had done very much. He hadn’t done everything he had set out to do. He didn’t know how much longer he had to try, but he was never going to stop trying. He was going to do everything he could do make the House better for everyone who blinked in. He just… didn’t see anything unusual or special about himself because he was willing to keep trying. A smile quirked at his lips, and he drew L’s hand to his heart and held it there for a few moments. “There’s no one I’d rather be interesting to,” he murmured in response, letting their hands drop back down to the space between them. He owed L so much, so much more than the detective would ever know. He would have given up long ago if L hadn’t been there to keep him on his feet, if he hadn’t believed in him. He was very lucky to have someone like L. The absence of the mask was something Orpheus was used to, now. Something he had been used to for a very long time. He saw the mask around others, he saw the way L changed, ever so slightly, when they weren’t alone. He was still the same person – Orpheus knew that for certain – he just… toned himself down a little bit, refused to show that he felt things, protected himself as best he could. Orpheus couldn’t help but feel he got in the way of L’s mask. He couldn’t exactly pretend that he didn’t care when Orpheus was right there, making it obvious that he very much cared about something. Did L resent him for that? Somehow, Orpheus doubted he did. Still… even with the mask, Orpheus had been able to tell L cared. Maybe it was just that he assumed everyone cared at least a little, but… still. The people who didn’t see how L cared weren’t looking very hard. L’s mask might have been impenetrable, but his actions didn’t lie. “Both of our houses seem nicer than the actual House,” Orpheus murmured softly, as though he were trying to keep a secret from the House. He knew that was useless – the House was going to hear him no matter what he did. Still… the semblance of secrecy felt almost exhilarating. At the very least… it felt like the privacy that he knew he and L would never have here. “I think everyone starts out with good intentions,” he added, though he knew L was already aware of this belief. “I think it must have cared, at some point. Even if it doesn’t care now.” It was easy to imagine a version of the House that had wanted to be kind. That had brought people from different worlds because it wanted them to know what it was like to have friends. It was easy to imagine that maybe those people hadn’t gotten along. Maybe they had fought, maybe the House had learned of violence from them. Maybe the people it had blinked in had ruined the peace of the House’s goals. Or maybe it had just gotten greedy. Maybe it got bored with being nice. “I think it would be interesting to talk to the House. To ask, even if it could answer with lies.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 4, 2021 20:45:25 GMT -5
Orpheus was wrong. L knew that much. He was special. He had done so much. How he couldn’t see that was as hard for L to believe as it was for Orpheus to see how L was seen as cold. L knew so many people didn’t try at all, and even more people would have given up by then. Orpheus...Orpheus never did. Orpheus never seemed to even come close. How that was possible, L didn’t know, but Orpheus was living proof that it was. He met Orpheus’ eyes, feeling the gentle beat of his heart under his hand, savoring the moment. He couldn’t look away, and he didn’t want to. He couldn’t look away and he wouldn’t have even if he could. He didn’t think he had helped Orpheus that much. He didn’t think Orpheus owed him, and if by some chance he did, then certainly not nearly as much as L owed him. Certainly never as much as that. It was true that Orpheus tended to get in the way of L’s mask. The thing was...L didn’t really mind. He thought he should try harder, sometimes, to keep his mask on, to hide in plain sight. But...somehow, Orpheus had a way of making that impossible. And more importantly, of helping L not mind so much. It was alright. Somehow, it was alright. Even if L would have thought he’d been tricked if it were anyone else. Tricked into giving himself away, tricked into being vulnerable...the thing about trust was that L wasn’t watching Orpheus for deception. He wasn’t waiting patiently for the day Orpheus slipped up and proved he’d been an enemy all along. He trusted Orpheus, with everything he had and was. One thing L would probably never understand was how Orpheus had managed to see him even with his mask. It seemed...improbable, at least. Then again, Orpheus tended to assume the best of everyone. Perhaps he has just assumed the best of L, in spite of the detective’s best efforts to the contrary. “They do.” He agreed quietly, keeping his voice down just as Orpheus had. He understood why. He understood that the House would never allow them the privacy other people got to have, the privacy that came with being truly alone together. The House would never allow them that. The House would never allow them to be alone. L nodded a little, pulled from his thoughts by Orpheus’ words. He knew Orpheus believed that. Did L? He considered for a moment, then shook his head just a little, clearing it. No...he didn’t believe that. Not really. He had met too many people who seemed to have no good intentions at all, he had seen too many cruel people to actually believe that. He wanted to. He did, but...he couldn’t. Not quite. “Perhaps.” He said softly, glancing at the ceiling as though he could see the House that way, make sure he wasn’t overheard, “perhaps...Or perhaps it’s always been this way. Perhaps the first person it ever blinked in was only an experiment. Perhaps...perhaps it’s not capable of caring.” He looked at Orpheus, then nodded a little. “I’ve often thought the same thing,” he replied, not quite looking away. “If only so I could get answers. I’m pretty good at telling when someone is lying…I think I could question the House.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 4, 2021 23:00:26 GMT -5
If Orpheus could have read L’s thoughts, he would have told him that everyone was special, that Orpheus was just a little bit more stubborn than most. That he saw losing hope in others as something akin to losing himself. He wanted to believe he could do good, he needed to believe that he could help others, to allow them to go back ot their worlds and do the amazing things they all did there. Every person the House pulled had the ability to change their worlds. Of that, Orpheus had no doubt. If he could help them along the way, if he could help take away the weight of dealing with the House… then that was what he was going to do. He could remember a conversation he’d had with Kelsier, once. Kelsier had told him he wanted to bring the House down, to tear it all apart and make sure nobody ever could be hurt by it before. It wasn’t terribly different in motivation from Orpheus’ goals, it was just that… Orpheus thought at a fundamental level that the House could be a good thing. He didn’t want to get rid of it. He just wanted to make it a little bit fairer. He’d gotten Hades to listen to him. He just… needed to find the right words to make the House listen to him, too. He was grateful L was willing to keep his voice down as well. There were plenty of people who would have told Orpheus it was stupid to pretend they could have privacy, who would tell him it wasn’t worth it to keep his voice down, because the House could hear. He knew that. L knew that too, but… there was no harm in pretending. There was no harm in making it just a little bit harder for the House to spy on them. Besides, if he really wanted to try to make his words secret, he could tap his message on L’s wrist. The House would either have to be watching very carefully or read their minds to know what they were saying. It was as close to privacy as they were going to get. At least… until Orpheus found a way to leave the Underworld to get to L. But that was… that was going to be thousands of years from that moment. L could start looking forward to it, but… for Orpheus it was going to be a very long time. He would wait all that time for L. He didn’t mind it. “Perhaps,” Orpheus repeated, nodding just a little bit. “I hope you get to talk to the House at some point. Safely, of course. I hope… eventually we have answers.” Orpheus looked up, frowning just a little bit. The living room was so far behind them that he couldn’t see it anymore. He couldn’t see the end of the hallway, either. He wondered if it ever looped around. If they were actually getting close to the living room without realizing it, or if the hallway just went on forever. Eventually, he knew, they’d stop into a room. He didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. He wanted a few more minutes where nothing could hurt either him or L.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 5, 2021 22:30:41 GMT -5
Maybe everyone was special. L knew that was true, he knew everyone was unique in their own ways, but...didn’t that mean there was no one else like Orpheus? L knew there wasn’t. Orpheus was special, and yes, everyone was, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t. Orpheus tried to help. He tried so hard. L saw him trying, saw him trying to help the people who came here. L knew how hard it was to try to help so many people, and yet, Orpheus tried anyway. He never seemed to stop trying. Did Orpheus know how much good he’d already done? Did he know all the things he’d managed to accomplish? The people he’d helped? It seemed possible that he didn’t, but L didn’t like to think he might now, because he had done so much, and it hurt to think he didn’t know. Did he think the House could be a good thing? He didn’t know...he thought maybe, it could. Maybe...if it listened to Orpheus...if Orpheus could get through to it...but how likely was that? No, he believed in Orpheus. There was a reason he hadn’t calculated these odds. L didn’t think it was stupid. He understood the wish that they could be alone together, without the House listening in on them. Even if the House had only to listen in on their thoughts, they could feel like it was a secret, for just a little while. Or maybe the House just always heard their thoughts. Maybe the House didn’t care how much they whispered, maybe it didn’t matter. Somehow, he didn’t minds her idea. It would be alright. He knew that it was going to be a lot longer for Orpheus, after he died. For L, it could be any day now, or maybe it had already happened and L just wasn’t allowed to remember it in the House. He had to think of every possibility, after all. “I hope so, too.” He said quietly, letting their hands swing gently between them. He imagined sometimes that the hallway had an end, that maybe if you walked far enough, there was a way out of the House. Wouldn’t it be fascinating if the way out was right there all along, and no one had been determined enough to find it yet? He shook his head a little. He wasn’t ready, either. He wanted just a little bit longer to be safe with Orpheus. “If you could ask the House one question, and it had to answer honestly…” he began after a moment. “What would it be?”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 6, 2021 0:57:43 GMT -5
How could Orpheus stop trying if it meant people could get hurt? How could he stop trying when there were actual people who might end up suffering because he didn’t at least try to change the House? There was always more to do… at least until the House was even. Orpheus might stop trying then… but even then it was possible that the House would do harm that he could at least try to mitigate. Orpheus hadn’t let himself consider that he had done any good at all. He knew that he had probably brightened a few people’s days, but… that didn’t mean helping them. He couldn’t undo any of the harm the House could do. Elpis alone was proof of that. In trying to help one person, he had ended up hurting someone terribly. What he did to Elpis… it seemed that was far crueler than what he had originally been asked to do. He had given them hope. He had promised to try to get them out… he would try to keep his promise, but… what if they didn’t even exist anymore? No. He couldn’t consider that. The House could bring them back. He would make the House bring them back. And if he couldn’t convince the House to stop hurting people entirely, he wouldn’t stop until the bad stopped outweighing the good. Orpheus shrugged the thought off. He never managed to get rid of it completely when he was in the House, but he at least pushed it to the back of his mind. He was here, with L. There was nothing he needed to do to fight the House, there was nobody that needed saving or comfort, he didn’t… he didn’t need to worry about anything. He could just exist with L. That in and of itself was a gift. His smile was private, the sort he only shared with L. His smile may have been more common than L’s, but this one… this one he didn’t give anyone else. He hadn’t even given it to Eurydice – though Eurydice had been given her own smile. Orpheus didn’t answer right away. He had to consider that. One question… one question that would guarantee the truth… “I think,” he managed after a long moment, “that I would ask it why it continued to hurt people. I would ask it what it gets out of it. And… when I have that answer, I’ll know what I’m up against. I’ll know how much I’ll have to offer to get it to stop hurting everyone else.” His voice was soft by the end, gentle and uncertain. “What would you ask it? One question.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 7, 2021 20:52:45 GMT -5
L knew of people who tried to help. He knew of people who would destroy the House if given the opportunity, of people who would make it better if they could. It didn’t seem to be an “if” for Orpheus. He seemed to be a “how”. Because Orpheus wasn’t going to give up. Orpheus wasn’t going to stop. L knew that as long as he was a blinker, the House would be a better place for it...that thought made him smile a little. It didn’t occur to L to tell Orpheus he’d done good already. It didn’t occur to him that he should have to...how would he not know? He would tell him, someday, when he realized Orpheus didn’t know. He would tell him all the things he had done, every reason he’d made the House a better place. The way he’d helped people from countless worlds...L would remember every good thing he’d done here, and he would remind him of them all, if that was what he needed. He didn’t know about Elpis. He didn’t know what Orpheus was thinking, he only knew Orpheus tried, he tried so hard and L loved him for it. He knew that smile well by now. The one he never saw Orpheus give anyone else, the one he could remember seeing for the first time...was that when Orpheus had fallen for him? Was it possible L could figure that out when Orpheus himself didn’t know? Probably not. But he mind would probably try anyway, just because it was something to try and solve, and that was who he was. He looked at Orpheus as the other blinker answered, and he nodded a little, because that was what he’d expected. They both wanted to understand the House, L supposed, they just...thought of it differently. Orpheus seemed to think of it in a more personal way, while L wanted to solve it, fix it perhaps, stop it from causing more harm of course but...there was his natural inclination just to solve things, too. There was a reason hackers tended to be people who just couldn’t leave things alone or stay where they were supposed to be. L found he was like that, oftentimes. “Me…” he considered the question, reaching up to tap his lips thoughtfully, a pattern emerging without his intention. Words escaped, “question” and “cost” and “important”. He looked at Orpheus a moment later, his expression very serious. “I would ask how to stop it.” He answered quietly. “I don’t know that I would use that knowledge...but if we were ever in something like the arena room again, then we would have leverage. We would no longer be helpless.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 8, 2021 14:06:31 GMT -5
A thrill ran through Orpheus as L’s thoughts broke into his tapping. He was guilty of the same thing, at times, though only L understood it. L was hard to read at the best of times – he kept a mask on, he pretended not to care… and Orpheus had broken through that mask. Or perhaps he had just asked L politely to take it off, and L, for some reason, had obliged. Either way, Orpheus could read L better than anyone except perhaps Watari. But with L tapping his thoughts out… well, even Watari wouldn’t understand those. Orpheus, on the other hand, was an open book most of the time. His own thoughts, when they were tapped out… those were secret. Something only for L, even when L wasn’t around to see it. Most people thought he just had a habit of tapping out rhythms. They didn’t know he gave away a piece of himself with every word he tapped. Orpheus was fine with that. He didn’t know the rest of what L was thinking – didn’t know the things that didn’t escape into the steady tapping. It was funny, how even when you knew a person completely, there were parts of them that remained a mystery. That was the magic of human beings, Orpheus supposed. They were unknowable unless you were inside their heads. L's answer didn’t surprise him, though he couldn’t have predicted it himself. “I think that would be a useful question,” he murmured, squeezing L’s hand. A practical one, too. It wasn’t about solving the House, wasn’t about figuring out its mysteries. That made sense for L, though. He didn’t necessarily want his answers handed to him and knowing how to destroy the House would give him an upper hand over it. Though Orpheus’ mind didn’t work in the same way L’s did, at least now he could begin to understand his thinking. “You think of the House like a criminal,” he said, echoing what L himself had said just a few moments earlier, “You want to stop it first – you can find out why it does what it does, and how it works while you do that… or after it’s caught.” His voice was soft, and he looked at L when he finished, as though for confirmation. He glanced back up, staring down the hall. It seemed so endless… what would happen, if L managed to stop it? Would the House suddenly make sense? Somehow, Orpheus couldn’t imagine that. He hoped the House could change without them having to stop it. He still believed that maybe, just maybe, it could.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 8, 2021 15:54:35 GMT -5
It had taken time for L to trust Orpheus enough to take his mask off. It had taken time for him to dare try. But Orpheus had always believed the best of him, had always seemed to see him, as though he hadn’t been wearing a mask at all. How, L didn’t know. The mask was perfect, or at least close. It shouldn’t have been possible to see through is, and yet that was exactly what Orpheus had done. And somehow, somehow, L hadn’t flinched. He hadn’t minded. He had managed to trust Orpheus with his whole self, and he hadn’t even regretted it once. He knew the code was technically visible to anyone in the room, but he didn’t mind that. He knew no one but Orpheus would understand what it was, or what it meant. When it escaped it was in the form of thoughts, they were pieces of him he shared with no one but Orpheus, pieces of him not even Watari saw. He spoke with Watari often enough, yes, but he had never even considered teaching him the code, because that belonged to them and only them, and that was the way L wanted it. He nodded a little, thinking of the questions, the difference between them. He knew Orpheus wanted to understand the House...and he did too. He wanted that more than most else, but he understood that it had to be stopped first for foremost, before it hurt more people. He guessed Orpheus thought he could stop it by understanding it...and L knew that was possible. But truthfully, he wanted to figure it out, not be told the answer. Even as a kid he’d wandered the entirety of Wammy’s House trying to work out riddles and refusing to be told the answer. It seemed he hadn’t changed much. “Yes...that’s accurate.” He agreed, looking at Orpheus, expression serious. “And I wouldn’t necessarily use the power to stop it to destroy it. I think you’re right about the House possibly being a good thing, though I do have doubts. But once it’s stopped, I could question it, and figure out the answers that way. It is a criminal in many ways, after all. It thinks it’s above us, I’m sure, but it’s not. It has powers, that’s all. Plenty of us blinkers do.” He wanted to understand. But more than he wanted to protect people? How could he want anything more than that? He wanted both...and he was more confident in his ability to get answers after he stopped the House, then he was in his ability to stop the House after he got answers.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 8, 2021 18:17:00 GMT -5
That was, perhaps, the difference between the two of them. L thought he could stop the House and figure it out later. Orpheus knew he could only stop the House by figuring it out. Perhaps that was because they had a very different idea of what figuring out the House meant. For Orpheus, it was learning its motivations, figuring out why it hurt people, what lay behind its malice, and finding a way to fix it, to give it a reason to stop hurting people. He was good at motivations, of reminding people that they had once had good intentions, even if those intentions had been twisted. Orpheus figured the House had probably had good intentions, once. If it didn’t… he didn’t know how to change it. If it had never had good intentions… he would still try, but he would have to change his approach. L, on the other hand, wanted to know how the House worked. Orpheus was fairly certain he was curious about motivation, too, but he was more interested in the history of it, in the people who came before. Orpheus was curious, of course, but… well, to stop the House, he didn’t need the history. “What do you think would happen, if we stopped the House?” he asked breathlessly, tilting his head as he looked over at L. He didn’t know what would happen, if he were honest with himself. If they stopped the House… would they stop blinking, or would the House just be more kind? Would the physical place still exist? Would it be thousands of years before Orpheus even had a chance to see L again? He knew he would face that eventually, but he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to be that patient yet. He shook his head just a little bit, clearing the thought. They had just gotten together. It was too early to consider being torn apart. “I’m sure it does,” he added after a long moment. “I’m sure it thinks it’s above us. I just… wish I knew why. I wish I could show it that it’s not.” He squeezed L’s hand slightly, glancing at the doors. They seemed to have changed, a little bit. The color of the wood seemed darker now, the only indication of how long they had been walking. “Should we choose a door?” he whispered, raising an eyebrow. “Or should we keep walking and see where it takes us?” He didn’t see much changing if they kept walking, but it could be interesting to see. But… well, didn’t they deserve to try their luck in a room? Didn’t they deserve to see if the House could give them something kind?
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 10, 2021 11:31:33 GMT -5
Orpheus seemed to have a habit of wanting to fix things, of wanting to make them better. L of course wanted the same thing, but he went about it very, very differently. He was fairly sure neither of them could have done the other's job, neither of them could have done what the other one did. L caught criminals, stopped them from hurting people, saved victims, but he couldn’t afford to let himself be as sure as Orpheus seems to be that everyone started out with good intentions. Because even if it were true - which he wasn’t quite willing to agree to - people still were capable of terrible things, and it was L’s job to stop them. He had to get in their heads to do that, often enough, but...it was still different. “If we stopped the House…” he considered the question seriously, imagining it. If they stopped the House, then would this place even still exist? Could it? He imagined it vanishing, imagined the people inside vanishing with it...no, he’d have to stop it when no one was there, or there could be casualties. It wasn’t like he expected the House would care if there were. “Either this building would continue to exist or it wouldn’t,” he answered softly, tilting his head to meet Orpheus’ eyes, his own gentle and curious. “If I stopped the House without killing it, would it still be able to blink people? Could the House be taken over, controlled? Is it even alive?” He shook his head a little. “Assumptions are dangerous,” he explained, tapping his lips as he spoke. “I think, perhaps, I would instead ask for a full and detailed explanation of the House. It would be annoying not to be able to solve it myself, of course…mmm” he narrowed his eyes, trailing off into thought. Annoying, to have to ask for the answer. Annoying, to not know. Would he ask for answers if he could? Yes, he decided, he would. Annoyance aside, it was probably the best decision he could make. “It’s probably because it has power,” he continued, relaxing as he continued. It wasn’t important, now, because the House wouldn’t answer if he asked. He’d tried that before, after all. If the House didn’t listen when a person held the body of someone they loved and begged, it wasn’t going to listen if L Lawliet asked nicely. He glanced at Orpheus, smiling a little. They were together...it was alright. He didn’t need to think of that now. “Let’s try a room,” he replied, slowing as he looked at the doors. Darker. Interesting. Why were they different this far down the hall? “There’s a good chance we’ll be the first to go in whichever door you choose,” he added, guessing Orpheus would appreciate that fact.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 10, 2021 19:32:29 GMT -5
Orpheus figured it was probably a good thing that they both had the same motivation with very different methods of going about it. It meant that they shared many common goals and beliefs, but that their way of doing things didn’t lock them into one way of thinking. They didn’t chafe against each other trying to do the exact same thing. Instead… well, they had been able to learn from each other. It wouldn’t have worked if they had been too similar. But the way they were, even if they didn’t always understand each other… perfect was a word that Orpheus hesitated to use, but it was close to what he and L had. “If we stop the House,” Orpheus echoed, shaking his head just a little bit, “we have no idea what would happen.” His voice was soft. He didn’t like not knowing. He didn’t like knowing that there were probably other blinkers who intended to stop the House. That they could theoretically succeed, and that… in that situation… it would be a very, very long time before he saw L again. He wouldn’t know, either. He wouldn’t know for a very long time, and even if he realized he had stopped blinking… he wouldn’t know that someone had decided to destroy the House. No, it seemed to him the best way to stop the House was to bring it to see kindness. To make it change. “Well,” Orpheus mused, tilting his head just a little bit. “Since it’s unlikely that we’ll ever be able to ask the House a question… I’m willing to bet you’ll be able to figure it out without someone giving you an answer.” He lightly bumped L with his shoulder, giving him a genuine smile. “You’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. If anyone can figure the House out without being to ask it outright… it would be you.” He let his gaze drop down to their hands. It was still hard to believe that they were holding hands, that they were together. They’d held hands before, of course, but… this time felt different. His smile widened a bit as L mentioned that. The first one to go through any given door… but not necessarily the first one in the room it led to. “How about,” he mused, looking around at all of the possibilities, “This one?” He inclined his head towards a door, then glanced at L to see what he thought. Of course… it didn’t actually make a difference which door they went through, but he wanted to ask for L’s opinion anyway. He wanted it to be a joint decision.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 12, 2021 17:19:37 GMT -5
Perfect was a word L didn’t use lightly. But this...what they had...this came closer to it than anything L had ever seen. If anything was perfect, anything in the world. It was this. And it belonged to them, somehow. L didn’t know how that happened, but he wasn’t going to lose it for anything. L nodded a little, confirming that. They didn’t have any idea what would happen, how could they possibly know? The House could have been central to the way the world worked, after all...did they know that stopping it would save lives? Was it possible that it would only hurt people? These were all things L had to consider, before he did anything to stop the House. Which was enough of a far off goal that he wasn’t too worried about it yet. It wasn’t like there was anything they could do yet. This was all speculation, and the House didn’t seem terribly concerned that they were anywhere close, which was a sign that they really weren’t. “You’re right. If I ever do get to ask it a question, it likely won’t be anytime soon,” he admitted, smiling back at Orpheus. He couldn’t bring himself to be too annoyed by that just now, somehow, because he couldn’t seem to stop smiling completely at the feeling of Orpheus’ hand in his. It was different, everything was just a little bit different, but it was also all the same. “I’ll do my best,” he added sincerely, glancing at the ceiling. Was the House listening? What did it think of his efforts? Am I amusing, House? He couldn’t help the thought. Does it amuse you to watch me try? He looked at the door Orpheus had indicated, noting which side of the hall it was on. Not that it mattered really. But he couldn’t seem to let old habits die. “Yes, that looks like a good one,” he agreed, stepping forward to open it. As usual, he couldn’t see inside until he went in, and he looked at Orpheus for a long moment. He had asked, once, why they still did rooms. Why they put themselves through it. He used to think it was because they had no choice, because they were all afraid the House would just blink them directly inside anyway, and this was the only way to maintain some semblance of control. Now...he wondered whether it was because they were curious. Because they never seemed to lose that curiosity, and they never seemed to give up hope that they might find answers. It was very human of them all. He smiled at Orpheus. Then he turned, stepping inside without letting go of his hand.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 13, 2021 0:17:56 GMT -5
“Which means you have plenty of time to figure it out, and we both have plenty of time to think of a good question. So we won’t be taken by surprise if the House decides to ask us for one.” Orpheus let himself lean a little bit of his weight against L as he considered – of course it was all theoretical, but that didn’t mean Orpheus didn’t enjoy thinking about it. Before he had met L… well, before he had met L, he would have only thought about it insofar as he could change it. Now, though, he found he just liked thinking about it, if only because he could present his theories to L. L never laughed down any of his theories. Orpheus knew that L’s probably had far more validity than his own, but… the fact that L gave Orpheus’ theories any thought at all felt like high praise. Orpheus didn’t care about being amusing to the House. He knew he probably was – there was a reason so many kings hired court musicians – but he didn’t do what he did because he thought it would be amusing. He didn’t try to be boring, he just… existed. He did what he did for himself, for the people around him, the other blinkers, and for L. Not for the House. If it enjoyed watching him, then it was just a side effect. A little smile poked at the corner of Orpheus’ lips. The doors all looked the same, but having L agree that this one seemed good… perhaps it was just that they got better at sensing what might be behind a door the more time they spent in the House. Or perhaps they were kidding themselves, trying to make the decision to go into a room make sense. Orpheus didn’t know why they went into rooms. He just knew it wouldn’t be the House if they didn’t. The House chose people that were likely to go through the doors. If it chose people that weren’t curious, that were able to refrain from exploring just because it could be dangerous… well, those just didn’t seem like the kinds of people the House was interested in. His smile widened a little bit at the sight of L’s, and he squeezed his hand as he followed him through the door. At first glance, it was a nice room. The sun was shining high in the sky and the grass rippled around their ankles, little red blossoms popping up sporadically around them. It was almost as though the House had heard his thoughts about not being able to walk through fields of flowers. A red and white blanket was set up at the top of a small hill, a tiny sign sticking up out of the ground next to it. “Go get your own food,” Orpheus read, puzzled. “What do you think that means?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 15, 2021 15:10:21 GMT -5
L liked hearing Orpheus’ theories. They were interesting, and very different from his own, which meant they gave him something to think about. Orpheus was a lot smarter than he seemed to give himself credit for. He was good at thinking, just not in the way that L was. They were both so different, so good at different things. Of course L never laughed his theories down. He took them seriously. They were usually things that he hadn’t thought of, because their minds worked so differently. L liked the way Orpheus’ mind worked, he liked trying to figure him out, and he’d at least come close to succeeding. Did L mind that he was probably amusing to it? He didn’t like that fact, he had to admit. He didn’t like that it was toying with him, but he didn’t completely hate it, either. Without it, he wouldn’t be there now, walking the hall with Orpheus. He wouldn’t trade it for anything in any world. Was the door actually any different? L knew that gut feelings were often just people noticing tiny things and not processing what they’d seen. Was it possible that was what this was, too? Were there signs as to what room it would be? Was there a way to tell? He didn’t know, he had no idea and he didn’t know if he’d ever find out. He wanted to, though. As he stepped inside, the first thing he felt was grass under his bare feet, and he looked down, then back up, blinking at the room. “Oh,” he murmured, glancing at Orpheus. “It’s...it’s pretty.” He followed the other blinker’s gaze to the set up, the blanket and the sign. He listened as Orpheus read it, and he frowned, thinking. “I don’t know.” He admitted after a second. “I-“ He cut off. He was back in his apartment suddenly, sitting where he’d fallen asleep. He cursed, tensing as annoyance with the House filled him. He’d wanted to see what the room was for, he didn’t want to go home yet. He got to his feet, hands in his pockets, sighing. And paused. Go get your own food. Was it possible…? He turned and entered the kitchen. Watari was out, but there was plenty of food anyway, mostly sweets, though Watari kept other food for himself too. L grabbed a basket and began to fill it, grabbing all the things he could think of, including the non-sweet foods that he knew Orpheus would like. When he finished, he stepped back, holding the basket and standing still. And then he was in the room again, basket in hand, the sun on his skin.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 15, 2021 19:45:01 GMT -5
Orpheus nodded, stepping forward and leaning down to touch the soft grass. It was… well, it was softer than any he had felt in the world. Or maybe it wasn’t, he was just more inclined to appreciate it because he had someone there to appreciate it with. The sun burned brighter when L was there, the flowers hues were just a bit more distinct and vibrant, and the breeze wasn’t cutting, but soft. Yes, L softened the world, sharpened it, brought it into clarity. And somehow, he had never touched Orpheus’ world. Perhaps that was why it seemed dull, at times, compared to the moments he was able to spend in the House. “I wonder…” Orpheus turned, words dying in his throat as he realized L was no longer there. Oh. He had thought… well, he hadn’t thought the House was going to just blink him in. Although it might have had to do with the sign. Was it possible…? Orpheus couldn’t help but smile. L didn’t trust House food. If the House wanted them to have a picnic, it couldn’t supply them food. L wouldn’t eat it, and given how much closer the two of them had grown since the Lodge, he probably wouldn’t have been happy with Orpheus eating it either. Orpheus hoped his theory was right – there were lots of different foods he wanted to try from L’s world, and though he had been able to taste some of them, there were surely more that L had spoken about that Orpheus never had the opportunity to try. Hope stirring in his heart, Orpheus moved towards the blanket and sat down, waiting for something to happen. And then, not a few minutes later, there was L. “Welcome back,” Orpheus murmured, a smile crossing his face. “I think the House might have gotten tired of the fact you’re so cautious,” he added, reaching for L’s hand. He took the basket, lightly setting it down on the blanket. “It’s nice here,” he continued, turning his attention away from the food in favor of meeting L’s eyes. “And it’s even nicer knowing you got to pick out the food.” He squeezed his hand, then finally let his attention drift towards the basket. “What did you bring?” he asked eagerly, eyes widening and expression brightening as he waited for L to explain. As usual, it didn’t look anything like the kind of food that Orpheus was used to. Knowing it was from L’s world, knowing it was all things L had chosen… it just made it special. The House could read his mind, figure out his favorite food. L didn’t have that luxury, and yet… Orpheus still knew he likely picked things he would like. It made him fall just a little bit deeper.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 15, 2021 22:53:14 GMT -5
L approached Orpheus as he made it back, taking his hand and setting the basket down on the blanket before he settled next to the other blinker. “That was unusual,” he commented, looking around at again so he could get a better view of where where were. He hadn’t gotten the chance before he’d blinked out, after all. It was a beautiful place, the sun bright on their skin, the breeze lifting his hair and tossing it in his face. He looked at Orpheus, noting the way he looked in the light, and a small smile came over him. He couldn’t help it. He never wanted to forget what Orpheus’ smile looked like, never wanted to get used to it so he stopped seeing it when it was there. He promised himself he would never for a moment take this for granted, this happiness, because it could be snatched away in an instant and he knew it. He looked at the basket again, then began to set the food out, carefully arranging it in a neat row. “This is carrot cake.” He explained, pointing. “With cream cheese frosting. And these are gummy worms, they’re very chewy, hence the name. Unless that doesn’t translate….oh, that’s tea, it’s not really as sweet as it should be but I brought extra sugar so it should be fine. These are white chocolate truffles, and...oh, and then there’s this tuna sandwich if you want it. And also olives and nuts and corn on the cob.” The last part sounded significantly less excited and more dubious than the rest of it, as though L had thought to grab it at the last second because he had remembered that he wasn’t a shining example of human eating patterns. He turned his attention back to the rest of the food. “And those are doughnuts and those are sugar cookies and finally, baklava.” He took a breath and looked at Orpheus, curious to see what he thought of the selection. He had tried to get things both of them would like, but the kitchen had only been stocked with L’s food and then whatever Watari liked to eat, which was the only reason he had gotten what he had. It didn’t occur to him that the sandwich might have been made already because Watari had intended to eat it later, it had just been food that Orpheus might like. “I don’t know your favorite food,” he added, a slightly mournful note to his voice. “It’s never come up.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 15, 2021 23:38:52 GMT -5
Orpheus nodded, leaning back in to soak in the sunlight and the feeling of L’s hand pressed into his. He had gotten so lucky here. No matter how long they were together… he doubted he’d stop thinking about how lucky he was to have L in his life. Even when they had been friends… well, now he felt like the luckiest person in any world. Before he had just considered himself the luckiest person in the House. And perhaps the luckiest person in his own world. And this room… if Orpheus had ever wanted to thank the House, it was now. This… this was a kindness. One that they had deserved a long time ago, but… still a kindness. The sun warmed them, matching the intensity with which his heart shone. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from L, no matter how pretty the flowers and rippling grass were. No matter how pretty the mountains in the distance, the sun that was bright enough to be comforting, but not bright enough to hurt their eyes. He took in L’s smile, resisting the urge to lean in and kiss him. There would be time for that later – for now… he turned his attention back to the food as L started to point it out. “Carrot cake,” he echoed, nodding eagerly as L explained. He had no concept of cream cheese frosting, but he knew what cake was and he knew what carrots were. He tried to mentally combine the flavors and found he couldn’t quite imagine why L would like it. It didn’t seem sweet enough, but maybe that was what the frosting was for. Except… if it tasted like cheese…? Orpheus shook the thought away. He would have to try it for himself. The rest of it – especially the gummy worms – he had no concept of. Even tea was something he had only heard of in the House. He reached for the olives, taking one and popping it into his mouth.” He frowned for just a moment before setting the jar down, head tilting as he looked at L. “It tastes different,” he explained, taking another one to try it. “It has an aftertaste.” It wasn’t so much that he disliked it as he wasn’t used to modern preservatives. He moved on from the olives, eyes widening as he took in the vast array of options. It took him a moment to reach for the baklava – it looked similar to something he had eaten before, so he at least knew he was probably going to like it. Orpheus raised the square to his lips, eyes widening as the flavors burst in his mouth. “This,” he mumbled, covering his mouth as he finished the bite. “This is my favorite food now.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 17, 2021 14:27:06 GMT -5
L knew if he’d ever believed in luck before, he did now. Sitting here with Orpheus, hand in hand, he felt alive, more than he’d felt...well, ever. Orpheus seemed to do that to everything he touched, bring it to life and make it real. The House seemed to be allowing them some happiness, and he found he couldn’t be mad at it under the circumstances, sitting here with the person he loved. The best person in any world. He met Orpheus’ eyes, his expression soft. He couldn’t look away...he didn’t want to look away. Orpheus always looked beautiful to him, but in the soft golden light, with the mountains behind him, the flowers under him...L felt himself fall a little bit further, something he hadn’t thought possible. It seemed that no matter how deeply he fell in love, he could always fall that little bit further whenever Orpheus looked at him the way he was looking now, whenever he said something that was so very him. He nodded as he finished explaining the food, proud of himself for bringing food he hated too, food he hoped Orpheus would like. He picked up a gummy worm between his thumb and index finger, and took a bite, having to pull his head back to get it to come off. It was chewy, but also soft and not unpleasant. He poured two cups of tea and handed one to Orpheus, then began to spoon sugar into his own. It was too bitter to drink without it, but he was aware Orpheus might not agree. He looked up in time to see Orpheus eat an olive, and he tilted his head a little at the reaction. “Yes, it’s bad.” He agreed matter-of-factly, cutting the cake and setting out a couple slices. He wasn’t sure what all Orpheus would like, but he was eager to see his reaction to the different foods. The House was certainly being friendly, lately. He wasn’t sure what that meant for the future, but right now? He was content to stay in the present. He smiled. “That’s my favorite, too.” He told him, taking a piece for himself and taking a bite. “It’s extremely good.” He leaned back in his hands, surveying the scenery for a moment before he looked back at Orpheus. Of all the things in the room...Orpheus was the one who drew his attention. The scenery couldn’t even come close to comparing.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 17, 2021 16:22:24 GMT -5
Orpheus found nothing to complain about in the room. He thought the House was cruel, sometimes. He thought the House did things to hurt people, and he wanted to convince it to be kinder, sometimes. This… this was the sort of kindness he wanted from it. He knew the House wasn’t being kind now because of him, but… he wanted to encourage this rather than seem ungrateful. He owed the House his thanks. It was difficult to tear his attention away from L to the food, but he knew that trying the food would make L happy. That made it just a little bit easier. Once they were eating… well, then they could stare at each other for as long as they wanted, and there was nothing else that needed their attention. He wanted to get there before sunset. It was very nearly golden hour, and L was practically glowing in his eyes. “The olive itself isn’t bad,” Orpheus laughed quietly, taking another and testing it for a few moments. The aftertaste was still unusual. “I think I prefer fresh ones, though. They’re… less sweet.” He gave another small smile, knowing that L probably wouldn’t like that very much. “Olives aren’t supposed to be this sweet.” The gummy worms looked interesting. He would have to try one, but… well, he wasn’t sure he was going to like food being… stretchy. But if L said it was good, then he was probably right. “Thank you,” he murmured, letting his hand brush against L’s for longer than necessary as he took the tea. He lifted it to his lips, frowning just a little at the taste. He could see why L would like it sweeter. “May I have just a little bit of sugar?” He looked at the small feast in front of them for a few moments longer, then let his gaze travel back up to L. It hit him suddenly, the meaning behind the food spread out in front of him. The fact that this, this is what they could have had if they shared a world. This was the sort of thing that they would have been able to look forward to, and this… this was something he had never expected to be able to have. “I love you,” he whispered, choked up without meaning to be. “I love that you brought all this, I love that there are things that you can share with me that I’ve never seen before. I love that you grabbed food that you don’t like.” He scooted just a little bit closer, letting his arm brush against L’s.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 17, 2021 20:30:55 GMT -5
L wasn’t sure he could thank the House, but...if he could ever do it, now was the time. It had given him absolutely everything, made it all possible. Time with Orpheus was all he could ask for, but this? This was a gift he wasn’t sure he could find the words to thank the House for. This came close to making it all up to him. This was worth his death, worth what he had gone through to get here, he’d never let this moment go as long as he lived, and if he had it his way, even after he died. He didn’t notice the time. He’d never been very good at keeping track of it, but especially now, when his mind was very firmly elsewhere. Orpheus held his mind and his heart. Orpheus held every piece of him, every bit of who he was. “Not supposed to be sweet? Yes, I suppose that is why they’re bad,” he mused, taking another bite of his gummy worm with one hand, the baklava resting in the other one. It stretched out a further than it should have…,he narrowed his eyes a little as his head continued to move backwards, the gummy worm refusing to break in two. He sat there for a long moment, tugging, then gave a small noise of satisfaction as it finally broke and he got it in his mouth. He focused on Orpheus again, eyes on their hands as they touched, for just a moment. It took him a moment to realize what Orpheus had said, then to remember where the sugar was, since he didn’t quite look away from his hand. He found it at last and handed it over, lifting his dark eyes to meet Orpheus’ hazel ones. Oh. His eyes widened a little as Orpheus spoke, and the baklava was forgotten in his hand, his full attention on the other blinker. His heart sped up, because Orpheus was right about all this, about what it meant. It was everything he’d never thought he could have, it was everything, everything they could have together if they’d lived in the same world, at the same time. “I love you, too.” He murmured after a moment, his smile soft and genuine. He couldn’t look away from Orpheus this time. Couldn’t look away from this beautiful, gentle eyes, soft face, shy smile. Orpheus, who couldn’t possibly know how incredible he was, how deeply L loved him, because words would not suffice to tell it. This, then, was why he turned to music. To express the inexpressible. He leaned over as Orpheus came close enough, resting a little of his weight against him, free hand moving curl around his. “You can’t possibly know how much I love you.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 17, 2021 22:03:46 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t know if it was worth L’s death. Didn’t know if it was worth feeling the heart he didn’t know he held fade, didn’t know if it was worth the panic he’d seen in L’s eyes during his last few seconds alive. He didn’t know if this room was worth that, but it came close. This… was a gift that they had been given by the House. It wasn’t an even trade, not be far, but it was a gift nonetheless. A very nice gift. If you can read my thoughts, House, he thought, glancing up at the sky, thank you. There. He wouldn’t say it out loud, wouldn’t ruin the moment between himself and L, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t show his gratitude to the House in other ways. It would find out either way, he figured, so why make a big deal of thanking it vocally? He couldn’t help the small smile that came to his lips. “You’ve never liked anything that wasn’t supposed to be sweet,” he teased lightly, gently nudging L’s shoulder with his own. “Sometimes things that aren’t supposed to be sweet taste a lot worse when they are sweet. It just tastes… wrong.” He had a feeling he could get used to the olives, though. They might be a nice counterpoint to the sweets L had brought. He didn’t know if L knew how to make sandwiches, a thought he considered as he glanced at the one L had brought. It was possible that L had taken someone else’s lunch. Maybe… maybe he’d avoid that one. His smile widened at the sight of L struggling with the gummy worm. It was endearing, the way he seemed almost personally affronted that the gummy worm wouldn’t break. After a moment, he reached out to grab one for himself. It was an odd texture, he thought, as he poured a little of the sugar in his tea. He didn’t dare bite into it yet, just tentatively squished it between two fingers. It didn’t break as easily as he had imagined. Orpheus lifted his gaze up to meet L’s, not wanting to look away once his eyes rested on L’s. He wanted to close the distance between them, but he also wanted to stay a bit further apart, so he could look at L forever. He had always understood music as an art. For the first time, he thought he understood painting, as well. If he could have captured L in that moment, sweeping brushstrokes and a golden cast to his dark hair… he would have. His gaze drifted down to their hands as the met, his eyes closing for just a moment at the feeling of L’s weight against him. “I think I have a pretty good guess,” he whispered, gummy worm forgotten.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 17, 2021 22:41:43 GMT -5
Truthfully, L feared death. Some said it was nothing but the unknown, nothing to be afraid of at all, but he feared it because he was human, even if he sometimes forgot that. He feared it because it was the unknown, because he had no way of calculating the odds about where it would lead him, and now because someone had come into his life to make it even more precious to him. He cared about his own life, deeply, but he also couldn’t help the fear of what his death would do to Orpheus. He couldn’t help remembering what the other person had said, when he’d tried to sacrifice himself. And he would die first. The chances that Orpheus would grow old were high, the chances that L would evade his enemies that long close to zero, though he struggled to increase them every day. He supposed Orpheus probably knew that particular fact already. It wasn’t exactly subtle, the danger he was in. But thoughts of death were unwelcome when they were so, so alive, so he pushed them back. He tilted his head a little at Orpheus, a small, puzzled frown on his face. “Things aren’t...supposed to be sweet?” He sounded like he was trying to figure out what Orpheus meant by that. “Some things aren’t sweet, yes, but if everything was sweet, then everything would be edible.” He hummed lightly under his breath, considering the hypothetical scenario. He didn’t notice the glance at the sandwich, instead nibbling on his square of baklava. “If everyone ate like me…” he mused, tapping in code as he thought. “Well, I still wouldn’t have an easier time at restaurants, because of the risk of being poisoned, but...actually I can’t think of much that would change. More options, I suppose.” He watched Orpheus with the gummy worm for a long moment, falling silent. Orpheus, naturally, had never seen one of those before. The texture of gummy food was different, but not bad, in L’s opinion. Hopefully, Orpheus would like it too. He didn’t break eye contact for even a moment as Orpheus looked back at him. It was like drowning, only not unpleasant. Like breathing was no longer as crucial to survival. He couldn’t look away, wanted to stare into Orpheus’ eyes forever, wanted to freeze this moment and never leave it. If he thought he’d fallen in love in the canoe room...this was what it had felt like then, only somehow even stronger and warmer, like he’d opened the window when he’d found out Orpheus loved him back. He couldn’t say he’d fallen in love, he could only say he continued to fall in love every moment of every day, he never stopped falling deeper and deeper. If he’d ever before been inclined to find a way to express himself better, now he needed to, before it swallowed him whole. “I’m not good at using words,” he said it softly, hand resting curled around Orpheus’. “So I can’t find the ones that could possibly tell you. I wish you could see inside my head and find out that way. I love you, Orpheus. With everything I am.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 18, 2021 1:00:21 GMT -5
Orpheus knew L was likely to die before him. He knew how dangerous his life was, knew that no matter how dangerous, L was never going to stop because it was what he was good at. Because doing it helped people. But Orpheus also knew that he was going to die before L. In the long run, the grand scheme of things, he was going to die thousands of years before L was even born. He was going to wait all of that time, learning as much as he could so he could show up and surprise L. So he could be there for him when he died. Neither of them were dying here, though. They were going to sit and watch the sunset and enjoy their food and just… live. Life was a beautiful thing. Life was the breeze pushing L’s hair back from his face, it was the pulse that pounded where L’s wrist met Orpheus’. Life was the soft song of their voices and the spark in their eyes as they looked at each other. Life was this, this moment, sharing food and space and breath. “Some things aren’t supposed to be sweet,” Orpheus confirmed softly, reaching up to gently brush away one of the baklava crumbs from L’s lip. “Although I can imagine it would be more convenient for you if everything was.” He considered for a moment, searching the clouds as he tried to search for the right words. “I like sweet things. You know I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t have fallen for you.” He smiled, holding L’s gaze for just a moment. He wasn’t just talking about the food. What had he been about to say? He’d lost his train of thought, but somehow it didn’t matter. Not breaking eye contact, he tried a bite of the gummy, mimicking L’s head movement as he tried to tear a piece off. “Oh!” Orpheus gasped softly, looking down at the half that was still in his hand. “It’s not bad. The flavor… it’s like fruit, but… fake fruit. Sweeter.” He closed his eyes for a moment as he finished chewing, then swallowed. “I like them,” he confirmed, then grabbed another piece of baklava, “but not as much as this.” He leaned into L, just enough to feel close, to feel like connected and together and whole. “You leave me speechless, L Lawliet,” Orpheus whispered, teasing open L’s hand so their fingers intertwined. His accent came in just a bit as he said L’s name in Japanese instead of Greek. “Not even music can explain that my chest is a hearth, that the fire burning inside it is your love… To φλογοειδής Λ.” He looked up at L again, wondering if L remembered the first time he’d said that. Wondering if he remembered what it meant. It meant… well, it meant something different to him now, at least. Or maybe he just hadn’t understood the magnitude of it when he’d said it the first time. “Your words are enough,” he added softly, glancing down at their hands. “Although I doubt any would suffice to explain this feeling without losing part of it. It’s… it’s ineffable.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 18, 2021 1:36:59 GMT -5
L couldn’t stop what he did. Couldn’t. Because that was him, he needed it, selfishly, to continue being him. Who was he without his cases? His job? How could he lose that central part of himself? Was he afraid of death because he didn’t know who he would be without it? Was he more afraid to lose his job than the unknown itself? He knew logically that Orpheus was living thousands of years before him, but sometimes he forgot, because it felt like they were together, here, in this moment. Living at the same time, breathing the same air, looking at the same sky. It hurt, sometimes, knowing that the sky was different for Orpheus in reality. It had changed, the stars were not all the same. But the moon...at least they watched the same moon. Sometimes L looked at it and wondered whether Orpheus was, too. Though he knew logically that was impossible. “Possibly.” L murmured, smiling a little. “Or possibly not. Watari makes all my food, anyway. I suppose it might be more convenient for him if all food were sweet…” he blinked, as though that had never occurred to him before. It hadn’t. “What would be really convenient is if all food were safe,” he said , finishing the gummy worm in one bite. He wasn’t terribly concerned about that, though. It was what it was. “Oh,” he added, blinking at Orpheus in surprise. He’d never been called sweet before...he held Orpheus’ gaze, his own eyes wide and gentle and genuine. He watched Orpheus try to eat the gummy, smiling a little as he managed to tear it. “Yes, it’s fruit flavored,” he told him, nodding to the bag. Then he picked the bag up, pinching the edge between his fingers to dangle it in front of his nose. “Sometimes the different colors are different flavors,” he explained, lowering the bag again. “Not this time, though. Supposedly they’re all the same, but red is actually the best part.” The last part was stated as an indisputable fact. He stopped talking. Then it felt like he stopped breathing, too. He listened, heart beating faster, body still against the blanket. Life...this was life. This feeling was what it meant to be alive, he knew it was. He remembered. He remembered it perfectly. He knew what the words meant. He didn’t think he’d ever forget. “You remind me of the good in the universe,” he whispered, eyes never leaving. “Just thinking of you can chase every bad thought away. Every piece of you is a mystery I forever want to solve, and when I sleep, you keep the nightmares away. Every memory you’ve touched shines brighter, every moment you’ve existed in is improved, and I want to spend every moment of my future at your side.” He was smiling, a tiny, shy, honest expression on narrow features. He meant every word. The food was forgotten, now, and it took a lot to make L stop thinking and eating at the same time. Now, he did neither. He just existed with Orpheus, letting the feeling of his heartbeat consume him.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Feb 18, 2021 2:09:55 GMT -5
Had the stars changed by the time L was born? Orpheus didn’t actually know. He had no way of knowing how the world had changed, no way of knowing if the land he walked was the same as the land L would one day walk, as well. He wondered sometimes if L looked up at the sky and shared thoughts with him, separated by hundreds of miles and thousands of years. Orpheus had fallen for the future. He’d fallen for someone in a world that was very different from his, but built on the same foundation. Orpheus saw how the world could be. He knew how it was. He knew how it was a thousand times over. L… L saw the world Orpheus had wanted to change. He saw the way things were, saw the way things hadn’t changed. And yet… the things he told Orpheus gave him hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, the world could be how Orpheus saw it eventually. That if he put in just a little bit of work, it would be one step closer to a world where the flowers bloomed because love existed, where people treated each other with kindness… If Orpheus had succeeded, L would be out of a job. If Orpheus had transformed the world how he’d wanted to, there would be nobody who wanted to hurt others. There would be no criminals for L to pursue. L was living proof that Orpheus had failed. And yet… and yet he gave him hope. It was an oxymoron, but not one that Orpheus cared to delve into. “I suppose that would be more convenient,” he murmured, thinking of the food in his own world. Thinking that in almost every world, most meals were safe. That it was just L’s life where food could be poisoned at any moment, where at least half of the people he interacted with had reason to want him dead. Sometimes Orpheus wanted to create a world where L could still do what he did best, but without the possibility of someone finding him and hurting him. He supposed a time machine would be useful. L could still solve crimes in his version of the world, but nobody would be able to find him when he went home to Orpheus, thousands of years in the past. Wishful thinking. “I didn’t get a red one,” Orpheus murmured sadly, reaching over to take the bag from L to try and find a red one. If they all tasted the same… well, L had said the red ones were best, so Orpheus was inclined to believe him. Orpheus turned his head back towards L, letting the moment fall over him again. They were somewhere beautiful, surrounded by food Orpheus couldn’t even imagine, and still his eyes stuck on L. Still, L was the most wondrous thing there. “You could be a poet,” he whispered, lips curling up into a soft smile. “But if you were, I’d have to share your words with an audience who has no chance of feeling them quite as deeply as I do.” Orpheus fell silent after a moment, relishing the feeling of their hands clasped and their bodies close. This moment… this moment could last forever. It was a memory that would be imprinted on Orpheus’ mind, no matter what happened. He refused to let go of it, and that was that.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Feb 18, 2021 2:41:26 GMT -5
A lot had changed in the time since Orpheus had lived, yet L thought there was a lot that was the same, too. The sky may have been different, but the moon still shone, and not all the stare had changed. The ground had shifted, but beneath the surface it was all still there, just as Orpheus had known it. It was the same world. It was the same world Orpheus had once existed in. It had just had time to change. It was almost funny, how L wanted and feared the same thing. He wanted people to stop hurting each other, wanted peace, the same thing Orpheus did. He truly wanted that. But at the same time...he didn’t want to lose his job if he had to pick between the two… That was easy. He’d choose to save people, every time. Because that was what he really wanted, that was what he fought for. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t be exactly easy for him...but he wouldn’t hesitate. Maybe, though, Orpheus had succeeded more than he’d thought he had. Maybe Orpheus had made a world there was kinder than before, a world where people were just a little bit more thoughtful, when flowers bloomed a little bit easier. L saw the cruelest parts for the world, every day he was alive. He saw the worst of humanity. If he hadn’t yet given up, maybe it meant Orpheus has touched the world in invisible ways. He held onto the thought. He was used to his own food being dangerous, his world being so much more dangerous than most others. To him, anyway. His line of work put him in a lot of danger, all the time, and he had to find ways to survive regardless of how bad it got. Was there a way to do this safely? Not really. He had to stop people, dangerous people, from doing what they wanted to do...they didn’t exactly appreciate it. There was no way to separate himself from the danger he was in, he thought, no way to untie the two. His life was perilous, in the edge of a knife. That was the way it always would be. He suspected, when he did eventually die, it would be at the hands of a criminal he was chasing. It only made sense. He handed over the bag of gummy worms, hoping that Orpheus could find a red one. Or at least one with red on it…. He couldn’t help the smile slipping over him, lifting his features. “I’m no poet,” he answered softly, shaking his head a little. “But I have to try something to tell you how deeply I love you, and you can’t see inside my head, so I have to try and find words to express it. That’s all.” He didn’t look at their surroundings, as beautiful as they all were. Orpheus was more beautiful to him by far. “Perhaps I’ve learned from you,” he added, his voice light. “How to speak without being misunderstood. I’m still not good at it, yet you seem to understand me completely.” He fell silent, looking at Orpheus, ignoring everything else. If he were the House...he might live here forever. In this moment for all eternity. But he was only human, so he simply had to exist here once, and never again.
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