Post by The Noble Dragon on Aug 26, 2016 23:18:59 GMT -5
When you are young you tend to find people that are willing to be your friend. If you are desperate you find anyone willing to let you stay around them for an extended period of time no matter what they do to you. I was like the latter in elementary school.
When I was in fourth grade all my friends from the previous years kinda left me for other people so I was lonely and wandered around the playground looking for anyone that would let me play with them. It was hard. Until I met Mikaela. She was in my class, she was new to the school and we shared similar interests! We started by playing Around the world on the basketball court and became fast friends. There was another girl, Sydney, who hung out with us and we were all really good friends! Then Sydney moved away so it was just me and her for the rest of the year.
In 5th grade, we didn't have the same teacher but we were still able to hang out during breaks and lunch. We got really close until another girl Christina joined our friend group. I believed she was trying to get between me and Mikeala and break up our friendship. I'm not sure if it was true or not but it got to the point where me and Christina hated each other and would constantly tell Mikeala that the other was not a good friend. I think she decided that we had to race around the playground to prove our friendship to each other.... that or I challenged Christina. Either way we raced to climb the playground and she punched me in the stomach, she said I kicked her but I don't remember if I did on purpose or not. Either way Christina won and I was left crying on the play set by the slide, thinking Mikeala was going to leave me for her. But much to my surprise Mikeala came to make sure I was okay and Christina stopped being our friend. We met Kathy a while later who joined our group and became our best friend.
At the End of 5th grade I moved away for 6 months, we kept in touch via mail and phone calls but not very often because we didn't think I'd move back. But my mom didn't like her new job and she was able to get her old job back and we moved back into the same house and I went to the same middle school that all my friends from elementary school were going to!
Mikeala had changed since I had been gone, she had a whole bunch of new friends and was into different things than elementary school. I on the other hand, hadn't changed much. I still loved to play sports and stuff and read, while she loved to talk about fashion and make-up and boys... topics I wasn't familiar with or cared about but since we had been friends for so long I was willing to listen and try and be interested. She welcomed me back into the friendship with open arms and the rest of the girls seemed to accept me.. some more than others.
Around 7th grade we began to have problems.... well problems I noticed. We'd had plenty of problems in elementary and th grade but I hadn't seen them as such. We argued and very often she would call me to the counselors office because I wasn't a good friend. One time he suggested we "Start Over" our friendship and go back to being acquaintances and we did that. But I wasn't going to forget all that we had been through together so almost immediately after that I was like "Hey you still coming to my b-day party?" And he responded with something like "I don't know... we aren't really friends". One time during an argument she had with another friend who got "kicked" from the group I called her a.... not so nice word and she got very upset with me and had her mom call my mom. My mom responded with "Deamon wouldn't say that unless they meant it" sooo yeah I didn't get in trouble.
These problems continued into 8th grade, and since we had different lunch periods I spent time with some new friends. Nothing noteworthy really happened in 8th grade so I'm going to move onto 9th grade.
High school. By now Mikeala and I had mostly drifted apart. Kathy and I sat in the grass in the quad during lunch and the rest of the girls sat by the tables across the quad. Mikeala never came over unless she was having an argument with one of the girls over there. Me and Kathy realized that she thought of us as her backup friends and we didn't like that. So one time when she came over and started to complain about "Emily" or someone we told her that we aren't her back up friends and she should only come sit with us if she actually wants to. She left in anger.
One of our other friends Rachel, was having massive issues with Mikeala's group of friends. Rachel had been the person kicked from the group in 7th grade. She thought that the whole group was stalking her and sending her threats. I never figured out if she was really paranoid or if there was some truth to her thoughts but around October she went to the counselors office and got all of them in trouble. Why is October important? Because My birthday is the day before Halloween and I was getting ready for my birthday party. I texted her (because I had FINALLY gotten a cell phone)
"Hey are you coming to my party? I need to know ASAP"
"No."
"What? Why not??"
"You know what you did."
"Mikeala I have no idea what you are talking about. What did I do?"
I don't remember if she responded or not but I she kept blaming me for something I had no idea about. So finally I snapped and realized that my best friend Mikeala. Wasn't a good friend at all. And I texted her as much.
"You know what Mikeala. You have no right to treat me this way. I didn't do anything bad to you and all you've done for as long as we've been friends is be mean and manipulative."
And then I got a call from her on my phone but it was one of the girl in her group saying something like "How dare you call Mikeala mean! She's the nicest person I know!" So I just ended up hanging up and being extremely upset over our fight.
This fight when on for months, till finally near the end of the year me and Kathy met up with Mikeala in front of the school before it started.
"Mikeala we should talk" I told her.
And we did, about how it was all a misunderstanding and that the fight was kinda stupid and we kinda made up. Until.
"It's okay you guys," Mikeala smiled at us. "I forgive you two."
Me and Kathy shared a look, the fight was entirely Mikeala's fault so it was HER that should be apologizing.
"You know what Mikeala." I finally said, feeling that Kathy agreed with me(and I was right). "If you thing that we are the ones that need to be forgiven then you are sorely mistaken. You don't deserve to be our friend. Come On Kathy." And with that We turned and walked away from her, her mouth agape and in a "How dare you" Kind of way.
I haven't interacted with her much since and I found a group of friends that actually love me and want me to be around.
The moral of this long story is. Friends shouldn't make you feel like they are doing you a favor by being your friend. They shouldn't be passive aggressive and talk as if your friendship is going to end any moment if you step out of line. They shouldn't be controlling and manipulative to get something out of you. They shouldn't make you feel like you can't say anything to them or talk to them openly. This my fellow forumers is called and abusive relationship. It can happen to anyone and isn't solely restricted to romantic relationships.
Friends should be open and honest with you. You should feel as if you can talk to them and be open to them. They should listen, just as you should. One thing I have found is that the Key to any kind of relationship of Communication. If you feel you two are drifting apart then say something and talk about why that is and what you can do to prevent it. Find something in common with your friends and be willing to learn about their other interests. Make sure your friends feels loved and they should do the same back.
A lot of you are young on here and not sure how good relationships work. Learn from my experience, because it really sucks to learn it on your own. If you feel that someone is mistreating you as a friend or in any other kind of relationship then you should leave them and find someone who is worth your while. I know that sounds hard but you can do it. You can always talk to me about it if you think that you can't.
If you feel as if you have been a bad friend then it's okay. If you feel like you act like Mikeala then there isn't any reason why you can't change and become a good friend. Sometimes we forget that our friends are people too and have their own problems, we use them as band-aids for our own issues and don't realize that they need a good friend too. It isn't too late to apologize and try to be better. Most of the time we don't realize what we are doing until afterward, so it's okay that you weren't the best person in the past or currently. The future is a bright and wonderful thing and it is filled with endless possibilities. So it is never to late to change for the better.
Feel free to add your own experiences with good and bad friends and any advice you have for people!
When I was in fourth grade all my friends from the previous years kinda left me for other people so I was lonely and wandered around the playground looking for anyone that would let me play with them. It was hard. Until I met Mikaela. She was in my class, she was new to the school and we shared similar interests! We started by playing Around the world on the basketball court and became fast friends. There was another girl, Sydney, who hung out with us and we were all really good friends! Then Sydney moved away so it was just me and her for the rest of the year.
In 5th grade, we didn't have the same teacher but we were still able to hang out during breaks and lunch. We got really close until another girl Christina joined our friend group. I believed she was trying to get between me and Mikeala and break up our friendship. I'm not sure if it was true or not but it got to the point where me and Christina hated each other and would constantly tell Mikeala that the other was not a good friend. I think she decided that we had to race around the playground to prove our friendship to each other.... that or I challenged Christina. Either way we raced to climb the playground and she punched me in the stomach, she said I kicked her but I don't remember if I did on purpose or not. Either way Christina won and I was left crying on the play set by the slide, thinking Mikeala was going to leave me for her. But much to my surprise Mikeala came to make sure I was okay and Christina stopped being our friend. We met Kathy a while later who joined our group and became our best friend.
At the End of 5th grade I moved away for 6 months, we kept in touch via mail and phone calls but not very often because we didn't think I'd move back. But my mom didn't like her new job and she was able to get her old job back and we moved back into the same house and I went to the same middle school that all my friends from elementary school were going to!
Mikeala had changed since I had been gone, she had a whole bunch of new friends and was into different things than elementary school. I on the other hand, hadn't changed much. I still loved to play sports and stuff and read, while she loved to talk about fashion and make-up and boys... topics I wasn't familiar with or cared about but since we had been friends for so long I was willing to listen and try and be interested. She welcomed me back into the friendship with open arms and the rest of the girls seemed to accept me.. some more than others.
Around 7th grade we began to have problems.... well problems I noticed. We'd had plenty of problems in elementary and th grade but I hadn't seen them as such. We argued and very often she would call me to the counselors office because I wasn't a good friend. One time he suggested we "Start Over" our friendship and go back to being acquaintances and we did that. But I wasn't going to forget all that we had been through together so almost immediately after that I was like "Hey you still coming to my b-day party?" And he responded with something like "I don't know... we aren't really friends". One time during an argument she had with another friend who got "kicked" from the group I called her a.... not so nice word and she got very upset with me and had her mom call my mom. My mom responded with "Deamon wouldn't say that unless they meant it" sooo yeah I didn't get in trouble.
These problems continued into 8th grade, and since we had different lunch periods I spent time with some new friends. Nothing noteworthy really happened in 8th grade so I'm going to move onto 9th grade.
High school. By now Mikeala and I had mostly drifted apart. Kathy and I sat in the grass in the quad during lunch and the rest of the girls sat by the tables across the quad. Mikeala never came over unless she was having an argument with one of the girls over there. Me and Kathy realized that she thought of us as her backup friends and we didn't like that. So one time when she came over and started to complain about "Emily" or someone we told her that we aren't her back up friends and she should only come sit with us if she actually wants to. She left in anger.
One of our other friends Rachel, was having massive issues with Mikeala's group of friends. Rachel had been the person kicked from the group in 7th grade. She thought that the whole group was stalking her and sending her threats. I never figured out if she was really paranoid or if there was some truth to her thoughts but around October she went to the counselors office and got all of them in trouble. Why is October important? Because My birthday is the day before Halloween and I was getting ready for my birthday party. I texted her (because I had FINALLY gotten a cell phone)
"Hey are you coming to my party? I need to know ASAP"
"No."
"What? Why not??"
"You know what you did."
"Mikeala I have no idea what you are talking about. What did I do?"
I don't remember if she responded or not but I she kept blaming me for something I had no idea about. So finally I snapped and realized that my best friend Mikeala. Wasn't a good friend at all. And I texted her as much.
"You know what Mikeala. You have no right to treat me this way. I didn't do anything bad to you and all you've done for as long as we've been friends is be mean and manipulative."
And then I got a call from her on my phone but it was one of the girl in her group saying something like "How dare you call Mikeala mean! She's the nicest person I know!" So I just ended up hanging up and being extremely upset over our fight.
This fight when on for months, till finally near the end of the year me and Kathy met up with Mikeala in front of the school before it started.
"Mikeala we should talk" I told her.
And we did, about how it was all a misunderstanding and that the fight was kinda stupid and we kinda made up. Until.
"It's okay you guys," Mikeala smiled at us. "I forgive you two."
Me and Kathy shared a look, the fight was entirely Mikeala's fault so it was HER that should be apologizing.
"You know what Mikeala." I finally said, feeling that Kathy agreed with me(and I was right). "If you thing that we are the ones that need to be forgiven then you are sorely mistaken. You don't deserve to be our friend. Come On Kathy." And with that We turned and walked away from her, her mouth agape and in a "How dare you" Kind of way.
I haven't interacted with her much since and I found a group of friends that actually love me and want me to be around.
The moral of this long story is. Friends shouldn't make you feel like they are doing you a favor by being your friend. They shouldn't be passive aggressive and talk as if your friendship is going to end any moment if you step out of line. They shouldn't be controlling and manipulative to get something out of you. They shouldn't make you feel like you can't say anything to them or talk to them openly. This my fellow forumers is called and abusive relationship. It can happen to anyone and isn't solely restricted to romantic relationships.
Friends should be open and honest with you. You should feel as if you can talk to them and be open to them. They should listen, just as you should. One thing I have found is that the Key to any kind of relationship of Communication. If you feel you two are drifting apart then say something and talk about why that is and what you can do to prevent it. Find something in common with your friends and be willing to learn about their other interests. Make sure your friends feels loved and they should do the same back.
A lot of you are young on here and not sure how good relationships work. Learn from my experience, because it really sucks to learn it on your own. If you feel that someone is mistreating you as a friend or in any other kind of relationship then you should leave them and find someone who is worth your while. I know that sounds hard but you can do it. You can always talk to me about it if you think that you can't.
If you feel as if you have been a bad friend then it's okay. If you feel like you act like Mikeala then there isn't any reason why you can't change and become a good friend. Sometimes we forget that our friends are people too and have their own problems, we use them as band-aids for our own issues and don't realize that they need a good friend too. It isn't too late to apologize and try to be better. Most of the time we don't realize what we are doing until afterward, so it's okay that you weren't the best person in the past or currently. The future is a bright and wonderful thing and it is filled with endless possibilities. So it is never to late to change for the better.
Feel free to add your own experiences with good and bad friends and any advice you have for people!