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Post by what on Jan 15, 2020 0:34:03 GMT -5
hello friends! was just wondering if the Elder Gay Council has any advice for dealing with internalized homophobia? i’ve just been feeling kind of terrible for liking women? which is Not Fun. Also the conundrum of feeling to straight to really belong in the community but then too gay to belong with straight people? which is straight up bullshit, i know, but my brain won’t stop telling me that i’m not gay enough and simultaneously not straight enough.
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 15, 2020 1:11:55 GMT -5
Just to clarify, you are bi? I want to be certain before I say what I was going to say so i don't botch it and accidentally make things worse somehow?.
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Post by what on Jan 15, 2020 1:15:06 GMT -5
Just to clarify, you are bi? I want to be certain before I say what I was going to say so i don't botch it and accidentally make things worse somehow? yes, i am bi, thank you for checking! guess i forgot to change the flag after i realized i was bi whoops.
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 15, 2020 1:38:09 GMT -5
That's fine, and i will tell you ahead of time the struggle for your identity doesn't stop within the cishet community I'm afraid, so you'll not always be defending yourself from the straights but also people who should be allies. For being LGBT*, people are quick to forget or confuse Bi and Trans and any letter after it, especially when you start breaking them down to their umbrella levels of terminology and get splinters like homoflexible (what I am!) under the wider "bi umbrella".
For the sake of meeting new people, I often introduce myself with simple terminology and get down to the deeper levels of nitpicky labelling when I'm more comfortable with it and know they won't fight to invalidate me about it.
But, back to your question about internalized bi/homophobia. The actual easiest way I've found to combat that is to STOP defending yourself from other people. I know that sounds counterproductive but believe me, it isn't. If someone tells you "Well yeah but what do you like MORE?" or if you are dating a person of one gender or the other that you're "really straight" or "really gay" or any number of other things. Just disengage them! Internalized homophobia stops when you stop letting externalized homophobia in.
To a point, you are raised from three sources. Your family, society, and yourself. You already know who you are at this present moment and/or have already begun the path of self discovery. You are that person regardless of what others say. Because if being gay was more normalized by society, you probably wouldn't have those intrusive and self destructive thoughts.
more in a minute my phones abt to die so i gotta post this and get on computer.
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 15, 2020 1:56:45 GMT -5
To be a little more to the point about my rambles. (I'm sorry I've had like an hour and a halfs worth of sleep in the last 36 hours askjfhk)
If you don't allow other people to get a reaction from you when they make hurtful comments you won't have to be forced into a position where you have to defend your existance to someone. When you don't have to defend your existance to someone who thinks being LGBT* is wrong, you'll gradually feel more yourself because the doubt in the back of your mind put there by society won't have anything to grasp on to.
It's also nice to surround yourself with people who are like you or at minimum mind their own business. The feeling of love and lust is a fairly incontrollable and primitive thing.
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Jan 19, 2020 22:36:43 GMT -5
I couldn’t have said what Inigo said any better.
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