Post by xSourGrapesx on Sept 27, 2018 4:45:22 GMT -5
For Bravestar's Tyranny, I've completed a rough draft of the prolouge though am asking for advice on what should of been done differently or if the introduction is lacking something. The prolouge takes place after the events of Bravestar's Tyranny as it looks back at her life.
A ragged-furred blue-gray she-cat trudged through a sluggish stream, the dark and dirty water sucking at her fur as she waded through, seemingly oblivious to the slop. A heavy fog hung in the air, wrapping around tall gray lifeless trees that seemed to stretch up to the sky endlessly, blotting out the sky. The she-cat pressed on, her shoulders drooping, tail dragging across the muddy and sticky forest floor. Despite her appearance, lean muscles rippled underneath her unkempt pelt, a reminder that this cat had once been a very powerful foe-and perhaps still could be.
Snap! The she-cat’s golden gaze snapped towards the sound, “Get away from me, Redheart!” she wailed, her eyes betraying desperation and fear as if she were a cornered piece of prey. Out of the shadows appeared a massive dark brown tom with broad shoulders and hooded dark blue eyes, stars silhouetted against his fur.
His voice was a deep growl as he spoke, “Bravestar, you don’t belong here.” The she-cat, Bravestar, gaped at him, frozen in her tracks as she stared at the tom, yellow eyes full of pain and remorse.
“Father, how can I not?” her gaze fell, searching for words, “I have killed so many cats! Oh, father, I have been so terrible!” She did not look up, only stared at the bare ground, digging her long curved claws into the dirt.
The star-flecked tom’s gaze hardened with fury, and he shook his head aggressively, “Redheart forced you down this path! Drove you to insanity! You were destined for greatness…” he took a step towards the she-cat, his blue eyes pleading, “You have been punished enough, come home.”
Bravestar simply shook her head, and glanced up, gaze dark, “I can’t. He would never let me.” Her eyes flickered over to a spot somewhere behind the Starclan cat.
A moment later, a muscular dark ginger tom stepped out behind the brown tom, grinning, revealing sharp pointed teeth.
“Hello, Hawkstar,” he sneered with a curt nod, flicking his long tail. Two more cats appeared, coming around to either side of Bravestar. One was a massive dark brown tabby with scars criss-crossing his body, his eyes sharp slits of malice, the other dark in color, hardly more than a shadow, with glowering emerald green eyes. “I’m afraid, your daughter isn’t going anywhere,” he sneered.
Recognizing he was outnumbered, his ears flattened against his head. Hawkstar’s eyes were fiery balls of seething hatred as he eyed the three cats, “Mark my words, Redheart, for I will be back! You cannot keep her here for much longer, she is still alive and should return to where she rightfully belongs.” With that, the dark brown tom lashed his tail, and slipped into the shadows.
Prologue
A ragged-furred blue-gray she-cat trudged through a sluggish stream, the dark and dirty water sucking at her fur as she waded through, seemingly oblivious to the slop. A heavy fog hung in the air, wrapping around tall gray lifeless trees that seemed to stretch up to the sky endlessly, blotting out the sky. The she-cat pressed on, her shoulders drooping, tail dragging across the muddy and sticky forest floor. Despite her appearance, lean muscles rippled underneath her unkempt pelt, a reminder that this cat had once been a very powerful foe-and perhaps still could be.
Snap! The she-cat’s golden gaze snapped towards the sound, “Get away from me, Redheart!” she wailed, her eyes betraying desperation and fear as if she were a cornered piece of prey. Out of the shadows appeared a massive dark brown tom with broad shoulders and hooded dark blue eyes, stars silhouetted against his fur.
His voice was a deep growl as he spoke, “Bravestar, you don’t belong here.” The she-cat, Bravestar, gaped at him, frozen in her tracks as she stared at the tom, yellow eyes full of pain and remorse.
“Father, how can I not?” her gaze fell, searching for words, “I have killed so many cats! Oh, father, I have been so terrible!” She did not look up, only stared at the bare ground, digging her long curved claws into the dirt.
The star-flecked tom’s gaze hardened with fury, and he shook his head aggressively, “Redheart forced you down this path! Drove you to insanity! You were destined for greatness…” he took a step towards the she-cat, his blue eyes pleading, “You have been punished enough, come home.”
Bravestar simply shook her head, and glanced up, gaze dark, “I can’t. He would never let me.” Her eyes flickered over to a spot somewhere behind the Starclan cat.
A moment later, a muscular dark ginger tom stepped out behind the brown tom, grinning, revealing sharp pointed teeth.
“Hello, Hawkstar,” he sneered with a curt nod, flicking his long tail. Two more cats appeared, coming around to either side of Bravestar. One was a massive dark brown tabby with scars criss-crossing his body, his eyes sharp slits of malice, the other dark in color, hardly more than a shadow, with glowering emerald green eyes. “I’m afraid, your daughter isn’t going anywhere,” he sneered.
Recognizing he was outnumbered, his ears flattened against his head. Hawkstar’s eyes were fiery balls of seething hatred as he eyed the three cats, “Mark my words, Redheart, for I will be back! You cannot keep her here for much longer, she is still alive and should return to where she rightfully belongs.” With that, the dark brown tom lashed his tail, and slipped into the shadows.