Post by The Noble Dragon on Jul 19, 2017 15:59:36 GMT -5
Are the dumbest thing. I'm glad that I barely feel them anymore but when i do I hate it so much. I don't know what to do with all this aggitation and anger and sadness and I just want to cut it out of my life and forget about it.
But i can't cut my sister out of my life. She isn't bad but she just doesn't listen to anything anyone says and thinks she's knows everything already and has a high position at her job that she barely gets paid for and NO bennefits despite her working like 90 hours a week or so and I've told her a thousand times it isn't right but she never listens to me bc I'm only 14 months older than her so why would she listen to me? Its not like I go through any hardships or anything bc SHE doens't believe in self diagnosing anything so therefore I don't have depression or anxiety but HER CHIROPRACTOR gets to tell her she's intolerant to like 30 different types of foods and that's okay???? and now all of a sudden she wants me to help her through a tough time in her life or whatever and she's apparently afraid to ask for help??? As if I haven't been offering her help since the minute I moved out 3 years ago? I HATE having to be the "better person" or whatever bc that's what my mom would say whenever me and my dad got into a fight. Like WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE BETTER PERSON IM TIRED OF BEING THE BETTER PERSON. I didn't ask to be the oldest child. I didn't ask to be responsible for my younger sister and brother. I don't want it I don't want them. It's selfish but I have my own issues and I don't have time to argue with my sister for hours on end over stupid things bc she HAS TO BE RIGHT all the time! If she's so right then she can handle her own problems. I've given her advice countless times and I don't feel like repeating myself now just becase she "wants" to listen. She probably won't even take the advice or help or whatever bc she's so stubborn. Well i can be stubborn too and sometimes you just have to fall flat on your face to learn anything and I hope she falls in a huge mud puddle.
AND THEN MY mom texted me the other night all "Hey you can have the comic con tickets bc ur brother can't go. Btw ur brother is in a psych ward bc he was taken by police. And then the next day she just texts me "hey can u pay like $30 for ur phone bill bc it went up that much" as if nothing happened and nothing is wrong. THEN she got mad at me bc I gave the tickets to my coworker bc my gf and I work during comic con and my coworker who has like 3 jobs works super hard and barely get's a break needs it a little more than I do. Like SORRY FOR BEING NICE TO A FRIEND! I Havne't been able to get ANYONE a gift for ANYTHING in 3 years bc I'm super broke and the moment I try to do something nice for SOMEBODY i'm the bad person! And then she tries to get me to go see my brother at the hospital but I hate hospitals and me and him aren't very close and we fight a lot so it would jsut be better if I didn't see him.
AND MY gf wants me to go to my parents house today to pick up my dad's mini power generator so we can go vacuum our old apartment bc our old landlord emailed her bc the place is still kinda dirty, we jsut didn't vacuum even tho he said we didn't have to bc he had people to clean it and we left the couch bc it took 4 people to shove into the front door and it's impossible for 2 people to take it out and we figured he could remove it easier than we could but I don't care at this point and it's not my fault they turned our power off at 4AM on the 30th and we had no power to clean anything and we just finished taking everything out last week which included cleaning out the old fridge which had been sitting for a week with no power and it was disgusting and I almost threw up bc it smelled so bad and I jsut want to be done with that place bc I DONT CARE. We moved! We are out! Just clean it yourself bc there is black mold everywhere! AND I DONT want to go to my parents house bc it's an emotional disaster bc the reason my bro is in the hospital is bc he pulled a knife on my dad apparently and I don't want to deal with that!
I just want a day to myself. Is that so hard? I don't want to deal with all this stuff. My family is a mess and I love them but I don't want it. And I have to go to brunch with my mom on saturday and listen to everything and ugh it sucks and I HATE IT
I jsut want to be done. I want it all gone and forgotten. Emotions OFF
IM DONE I QUIT FORGET IT
But i can't cut my sister out of my life. She isn't bad but she just doesn't listen to anything anyone says and thinks she's knows everything already and has a high position at her job that she barely gets paid for and NO bennefits despite her working like 90 hours a week or so and I've told her a thousand times it isn't right but she never listens to me bc I'm only 14 months older than her so why would she listen to me? Its not like I go through any hardships or anything bc SHE doens't believe in self diagnosing anything so therefore I don't have depression or anxiety but HER CHIROPRACTOR gets to tell her she's intolerant to like 30 different types of foods and that's okay???? and now all of a sudden she wants me to help her through a tough time in her life or whatever and she's apparently afraid to ask for help??? As if I haven't been offering her help since the minute I moved out 3 years ago? I HATE having to be the "better person" or whatever bc that's what my mom would say whenever me and my dad got into a fight. Like WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE BETTER PERSON IM TIRED OF BEING THE BETTER PERSON. I didn't ask to be the oldest child. I didn't ask to be responsible for my younger sister and brother. I don't want it I don't want them. It's selfish but I have my own issues and I don't have time to argue with my sister for hours on end over stupid things bc she HAS TO BE RIGHT all the time! If she's so right then she can handle her own problems. I've given her advice countless times and I don't feel like repeating myself now just becase she "wants" to listen. She probably won't even take the advice or help or whatever bc she's so stubborn. Well i can be stubborn too and sometimes you just have to fall flat on your face to learn anything and I hope she falls in a huge mud puddle.
AND THEN MY mom texted me the other night all "Hey you can have the comic con tickets bc ur brother can't go. Btw ur brother is in a psych ward bc he was taken by police. And then the next day she just texts me "hey can u pay like $30 for ur phone bill bc it went up that much" as if nothing happened and nothing is wrong. THEN she got mad at me bc I gave the tickets to my coworker bc my gf and I work during comic con and my coworker who has like 3 jobs works super hard and barely get's a break needs it a little more than I do. Like SORRY FOR BEING NICE TO A FRIEND! I Havne't been able to get ANYONE a gift for ANYTHING in 3 years bc I'm super broke and the moment I try to do something nice for SOMEBODY i'm the bad person! And then she tries to get me to go see my brother at the hospital but I hate hospitals and me and him aren't very close and we fight a lot so it would jsut be better if I didn't see him.
AND MY gf wants me to go to my parents house today to pick up my dad's mini power generator so we can go vacuum our old apartment bc our old landlord emailed her bc the place is still kinda dirty, we jsut didn't vacuum even tho he said we didn't have to bc he had people to clean it and we left the couch bc it took 4 people to shove into the front door and it's impossible for 2 people to take it out and we figured he could remove it easier than we could but I don't care at this point and it's not my fault they turned our power off at 4AM on the 30th and we had no power to clean anything and we just finished taking everything out last week which included cleaning out the old fridge which had been sitting for a week with no power and it was disgusting and I almost threw up bc it smelled so bad and I jsut want to be done with that place bc I DONT CARE. We moved! We are out! Just clean it yourself bc there is black mold everywhere! AND I DONT want to go to my parents house bc it's an emotional disaster bc the reason my bro is in the hospital is bc he pulled a knife on my dad apparently and I don't want to deal with that!
I just want a day to myself. Is that so hard? I don't want to deal with all this stuff. My family is a mess and I love them but I don't want it. And I have to go to brunch with my mom on saturday and listen to everything and ugh it sucks and I HATE IT
I jsut want to be done. I want it all gone and forgotten. Emotions OFF
IM DONE I QUIT FORGET IT