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Post by The Noble Dragon on Nov 9, 2016 4:56:27 GMT -5
I'm glad the breathing thing helped! It's really hypnotizing and calming to watch. I wish you luck in all of your school stuff tomorrow, it's gonna be tough but you can make it through I promise.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Nov 9, 2016 5:03:33 GMT -5
Yeah I'm not going to class bc just no don't wanna risk it. I'm going to work tho bc I really need the hours. And I'm gonna make myself some potatoes when i get home tomorrow lol. and thanks, stay safe yourself please!
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Nov 9, 2016 5:21:21 GMT -5
I just bought a bag of russet potatoes so I'll probably cut them into cubes and cook them ina pan country style. My fave way to eat them tbh. I live in a prob really liberal area but I'm way to stressed to even think of school right now and I really don't want to face any drama so i'm just gonna avoid it all together.
Same tbh I'm playing a video game that has really calming music and is just pasically helping me with my programming skills so thats cool.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Nov 10, 2016 13:36:23 GMT -5
Good morning everyone. I have a little bit of a busy day today but after class and some errands I should be online for most of today! I really am here to talk if anyone needs to talk.
Stay strong guys ♥
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Nov 10, 2016 18:01:23 GMT -5
Hiya. Elections have made my mom on edge. And my math teacher is basically a pumpkin. (but pumpkins are better) He has been talking about the election when litterally only 3 people in his class have over all grades as A's. So, I've been busy. And I made it into a main-ish orchestra so we have lots of practices and that takes up a lot of my time. Other stuff yadayada yada. The usual busy life of me. But I will still be as active as I have been! (Which is none xD I'm sorrrryyy!!!!)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2016 18:33:11 GMT -5
Hello. Can I rant?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2016 18:35:30 GMT -5
Can I just complain about unfair genetics? So, my two siblings (both older) seemed to get much better characteristics than me. They are both tall and lean, thicker hair, better vision etc. Its been awhile since I've been down this self loathing rabbit hole and I need someone to fish me out. Are you kidding? You're awesome how you are. You know why I always badger you to tag me in those threads, you know the ones? Because you're one of the cool kids. You may not look like your siblings, but you're cool and witty and attractive to talk to.
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Bleak
RN does not stand for Refreshments and Narcotics
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Post by Bleak on Nov 10, 2016 18:38:13 GMT -5
Can I just complain about unfair genetics? So, my two siblings (both older) seemed to get much better characteristics than me. They are both tall and lean, thicker hair, better vision etc. Its been awhile since I've been down this self loathing rabbit hole and I need someone to fish me out. Are you kidding? You're awesome how you are. You know why I always badger you to tag me in those threads, you know the ones? Because you're one of the cool kids. You may not look like your siblings, but you're cool and witty and attractive to talk to. I'm tearing up in public. That was super touching. Thank you. I guess it's for the better. I have the best personality of the three of us.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2016 18:45:25 GMT -5
Are you kidding? You're awesome how you are. You know why I always badger you to tag me in those threads, you know the ones? Because you're one of the cool kids. You may not look like your siblings, but you're cool and witty and attractive to talk to. I'm tearing up in public. That was super touching. Thank you. I guess it's for the better. I have the best personality of the three of us. Normally people would tell you that your personality makes up for your looks in these circumstances, but that is wrong. Your looks don't need to be made up for. (Bold for emphasis, because it is entirely true.) You are a work of art in this state. No matter what you've done or what you look like, you mean well and we all adore you.
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Bleak
RN does not stand for Refreshments and Narcotics
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Post by Bleak on Nov 10, 2016 19:01:53 GMT -5
I'm tearing up in public. That was super touching. Thank you. I guess it's for the better. I have the best personality of the three of us. Normally people would tell you that your personality makes up for your looks in these circumstances, but that is wrong. Your looks don't need to be made up for. (Bold for emphasis, because it is entirely true.) You are a work of art in this state. No matter what you've done or what you look like, you mean well and we all adore you. That really means a lot to me. It's very hard some days. I get so many questions about my age and height and it just frustrates me that so many people are judgmental. And the clothes...it's so hard to find attractive clothes that fit everywhere.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2016 19:09:02 GMT -5
Normally people would tell you that your personality makes up for your looks in these circumstances, but that is wrong. Your looks don't need to be made up for. (Bold for emphasis, because it is entirely true.) You are a work of art in this state. No matter what you've done or what you look like, you mean well and we all adore you. That really means a lot to me. It's very hard some days. I get so many questions about my age and height and it just frustrates me that so many people are judgmental. And the clothes...it's so hard to find attractive clothes that fit everywhere. It's okay, man. A lot of people have that problem. There's nothing wrong with being stressed out, though. A lot of times the smallest or most mundane of things can make you frustrated or agitated. Don't let these things get to you, though. You're good and precious and that matters a lot.
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Dec 3, 2016 16:38:25 GMT -5
Hey(: I haven't posted here in a while I hope everyone is doing good <3
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2016 17:59:25 GMT -5
Hey(: I haven't posted here in a while I hope everyone is doing good <3 I am currently alive
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Dec 3, 2016 18:15:32 GMT -5
I'm glad to here it- that is always a good thing(:
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Dec 11, 2016 3:17:23 GMT -5
Hey I know it's been a while! I've been really stressed lately with work and school and trying to figure out finances and stuff. With the semester wrapping up within the week I'll have a lot more free time! I hope everyone is doing well, please remember that you are welcome to come and share anything you need to talk about here especially with the Holidays looming and Finals happening this month. And remember if you want to share something but don't feel 100% comfortable with sharing it publicly then feel free to PM your post to me or Pic and we will post it anonymously for you!
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Jan 12, 2017 15:18:29 GMT -5
Okay so I know this forum is probably inactive but I am going to post on this anyways.
So my math grades haven't been the best recently. I know some of it is because of my teacher because he is not a very good teacher. But some of it is also with the class. They are very noisy. So my mom always rants to me and its is so annoying! She's like,"Do you need extra help?" "Do you need a tutor?" "Do I need to take away your social media?" "Do I need to take away your phone?" I DONT EVEN HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA except for one and I don't use it hardly. And she is always like,"(Insert name here in a warning tone)". Geez. She doesn't even let me tell her about the good parts of the day like how I got 100 on my science pop quiz. And she didn't even be mean to my sister who has worse grades than me. I mean, I know she is trying to be helpful but hey, I'm human too! I make mistakes I have flaws!! I know! No need to have a go at me. Anyways, this concludes my motherhood rant.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Jan 12, 2017 16:58:35 GMT -5
Its not inactive Night!
I understand your pain, my parents used to do the same thing to me (back when i lived with them) and it bothered me to no end. I think one of the best things you can do is try to approach your mom at a different time before or after one of these altercations with her. and ask her if you can talk to her, and then if she says yes, ask her if she can wait until you are done talking before she says anything. Setting up boundaries with anyone is very important, and it is especially hard to do with parents bc they tend to talk over us without realizing it. If you can, point out when she interrupts you and how it makes you just as upset as she gets if you interrupt her. Now I can't guarantee that this will work because every adult reacts differently to their kids, but you can use these tactics with anyone, not just your parents. You have to train people how you want them to approach you. If someone only points out the negative things you do ask them what you did right and if you keep asking eventually they'll start leading with that, it also forces them to see the good things you do.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Jan 12, 2017 17:08:28 GMT -5
Hey sweet! Sorry I've been busy with adult things lately. I do always keep an eye on this thread so if you do ever have to talk about anything feel free xD
I have to go to work rn so I'll be back in like... 9 hours
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Jan 12, 2017 17:31:53 GMT -5
Its not inactive Night! I understand your pain, my parents used to do the same thing to me (back when i lived with them) and it bothered me to no end. I think one of the best things you can do is try to approach your mom at a different time before or after one of these altercations with her. and ask her if you can talk to her, and then if she says yes, ask her if she can wait until you are done talking before she says anything. Setting up boundaries with anyone is very important, and it is especially hard to do with parents bc they tend to talk over us without realizing it. If you can, point out when she interrupts you and how it makes you just as upset as she gets if you interrupt her. Now I can't guarantee that this will work because every adult reacts differently to their kids, but you can use these tactics with anyone, not just your parents. You have to train people how you want them to approach you. If someone only points out the negative things you do ask them what you did right and if you keep asking eventually they'll start leading with that, it also forces them to see the good things you do. Thanks for the advice! I'll try, but to be fair, I do loose my temper a little too quickly sometimes. (lol whoops)
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Jan 12, 2017 17:33:53 GMT -5
Hey sweet! Sorry I've been busy with adult things lately. I do always keep an eye on this thread so if you do ever have to talk about anything feel free xD I have to go to work rn so I'll be back in like... 9 hours Lol even though you say that basically everytime I see you online, For some reason I never connected the fact you had a 9 hour shift until Maple_clover mentioned it 😂 whoops.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Jan 12, 2017 20:02:00 GMT -5
I'm on my ten min break. I don't work a nine hour shift. I work an 8 today, but it takes me half an hour to go to work and half an hour to get home. So that's why I said 9 hours lol
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Jan 12, 2017 20:03:57 GMT -5
It can be difficult to be patient with people Night, especially when they aren't that patient with you AND are your parents. If you do get upset, tell them so and ask if you can walk away and calm down.
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Jan 13, 2017 2:51:13 GMT -5
Ahhh ok XD Also, Night, I do feel ya on the parental thing I'm just gonna agree with what Daemon said on the matter, because thats the best thing to do in that situation. Anyways, Imma post a little rant (Trigger warning- Suicidal Ideation and self harm mentioned briefly, along with anxiety although idk if i need to put that one but I will just in case) but its not all bad- there are good things in it (I got engaged! Yes, is it a bit early for that? Yes. But we are making a plan and waiting until both of us graduate from college and are going to start up a savings account. Also going to probs rant a bit on my fiance and my best friend cause I just want to rant about guy best friends) and bad things (again, the stuff mentioned in the warning but also more parental problems) This ones a bit of a novel so I might just end up putting it under a spoiler. Yee I am Okay, Im gonna start with the warm and gushy stuff. I got engaged over Thanksgiving. Yay! It's not like a rash decision, its been something discussed for awhile and we are planning a very long term engagement. We aren't getting married if he gets deployed, and we aren't getting married until college is done and over with, because we need to focus on our academics instead of marriage counseling (what our rents want us to do before hand, which I agree with) and planning a wedding. Thats just too much. But what we are doing with our engagement is we are setting up a joint savings account so we have enough saved up to be able to pay for a decent amount of our wedding out of pocket. Anyways, besides all of the technical things he's a really, really good guy, like he's a complete and utter sweetheart and he cares a lot about animals and his family, which is important to me because how a person treats their family is how they will treat you one day, whether you are married or its a best friend. He's like one of the few people that ground me emotionally- my anxiety has been starting to get in the way of things lately and since he's come back he's helped me a lot with it. Its not like I'm codependent on him, actually I am pretty independent, its just he's one of my centers I can go to when I start to panic (the other one being my best friend). He just kind of knows how to handle me then, and nows how to handle cranky me (which happens for a day every month and then in the mornings) which is impressive, I can assure you because I am a whiner in the mornings. Like I don't use words. I just kind of huddle in my sheets and whine. Thats all I do. But he can get me out of my morning funk, or any of my funks, and he's funny and geeky, and although I don't play a toon of video games outside of zelda and pokemon and occasionally mario and sonic, I love hearing him talk about that, or talk about army stuffs. We just kinda fit really well together, and its nice not being panicked when I see a text from him, or worrying about going over to his place. Granted, Im still trying to figure out how to handle him being over at my dorm with my roomies, and i need to ease into that one. Im not one for change and I don't want things to change with my roommates so I'm taking him coming over to my lair one slow step at a time, but its going well. They seem to like him a ton, and we've facetimed with him before so they kinda know him. (love love love my roommates, they are like family at this point, best girls in the world)
So yeah, engagement I'm happy about, although the attention i got from it made me super uncomfortable because I hate being spotlighted weird coming from a theatre kid i know but I was still happy. There was only one thing that bugged me though: everyone was congratulating us, but no one was asking us a certain question that I was waiting for. Now, my high school friends I get, because they know my Fiances and I relationship, so that wasn't bugging me. It was the people who didnt actually know us, the people who only knew me, who bugged me. That was until my best friend finally brought it up. Now, Ive known my best friend since the fourth grade. We weren't close friends until 7th grade I think, but I knew him because he lived in the same neighborhood as my ex-best friend and so I always saw him around. And he's a realist. And he finally asked the question I had been waiting for. He was shocked, probs a bit trepidatious, but then he asked me this: Does ____ make you happy? And I was just thinking- thats a best friends job, to keep your best interests at heart, not what will make you happy. And that was just neat, because he's like my brother, and my fiancé is aware of how close we are and is fine with it (mostly because it is established that there has never ever been any attraction between us Perks of both being on Ace spec and him primarily into guys.) so it was just good to have that question asked of me, which is weird, but nice. He brought it up again when he accidentally called me on snapchat, telling me not to do anything stupid and I assured him we had a plan and he said good and he was satisfied. And eh I just wanted to write about that because I feel really good about my engagement but it also felt good to have to defend it, and have someone be honest with me about it, if that makes any sense? And thats what best friends are for. idk what he considers me I've never brought it up but he's my best friend outside of fiance, but for me theres three best friend slots: Girl best friend, Guy best friend, and the person you end up spending the rest of your life with. And he def has the guy best friend slot but I know he has a best friend and idk if he considers me one too? I don't want to bring it up and make things awkward so I'm just going to never mention it lol
I have decided to start going to therapy. Well, actually I have wanted to for awhile now, for over a few months but I have found it hard to find the time to go and make an appointment at CAPS- the counseling service at my school. Its a bit out of the way, and whenever I find time it seems like my anxiety (what I honestly at this point need help with) goes down and I seem to tell myself I don't need it. I have told myself I have to go tomorrow because my anxiety is starting to get out of hand again, and I don't want that happening. The first time it got out of hand was pretty much all of seventh grade and I couldn't keep food down, and the second time it got way out of hand was my second/third week of college, and yikes that one got really bad. So what happened was I moved, so I didnt get any letters from my guy, which would have been okay with me if my mom and I hadn't got into a fight and she dragged the fact that I hadn't gotten a letter from him in over a month and that his ex had his address into it. I was already pretty anxious- first week, and I was struggling to really connect with people. I was watching everyone in student council pair off and make friends and, like usual, I was just left out of the equation. Which is normal for me, because honestly I'm pretty forgettable. Ive just accepted that at this point, and if someone actually remembers me and wants to be my friend i am pleasantly surprised because I suck at actually maintaining relationships- I go through phases where I just stop texting, find excuses not to hang out because i don't want to leave the house because i have too much to do and so little time, find excuses to not invite them over- I have a lot of problems with people coming into the space where I live, I guess its just like my safe spot away from people (save my roomies and slowly but surely Hutch as well (thats what I'm gonna call my fiance on here because thats his user on discord) ) and i really hate it when people invade it. Im working on these things but they make it hard to make friends- not to mention I have NVLD which makes my skills in the social department iffy at best when I'm with older kids- I get really shy and awkward and just can't find my place in the group. Anyways, with student council I was having a rough time, wasn't making many friends i the theatre area, found out I suck at carpentry (first unit of my tech theatre class), was having trouble connecting with my roommates (all of us are introverted at various degrees, so it took a good month before we all began to get close), and to top it all off my mom and i where arguing and it got in my head I was p much not good enough for Hutch, that I was talking too much about myself and not asking enough about him and p much that I was a horrible human being. And then my anxiety got bad enough to the point where for a good week I was seriously considering suicide. I never seriously put it into consideration before- I've had instances when I've wanted to jump in front of a car, or the fact I've stopped being scared that the possibility of a heart condition that could kill me that I may develop no longer scares me- until that week. The only things that kept me going was that i didnt want anyone to find me and i didnt want hutch to get a letter saying I was dead. Yeah. those where the only two things that kept me from acting on anything. I was too scared to actually hurt myself at that time, my fear of anticipation getting in the way of that, which is weird because I have done that before- senior year whenever I did something stupid I would end up using my keys to stretch myself, but now there was a mental block that stopped me. Weird, but good. That week passed, I finally got his letters, reaffirming the fact that he does, in fact, love me, and loves hearing about my day, and that I wasnt being selfish like I thought I was. My anxiety got a little lower, and I stopped drinking coffee, which helped a ton. And then came the parental problems. Its gotten to the point where I'm panicking when I get a text from my rents because i think its some new crisis thats come up. Not very good, I know. Winter break was a trip because of this. It didnt take long for mom and I to start fighting- I don't even know what it was about this time, but we were fighting since the moment I got back from spending Christmas with dad. Saying I become a bit of an A hole when I come back from there, and a bunch of others things. Smart me decides to talk back. Smart me faces the consequences and hurtful things where exchanged and she finally yells at me asking me why I'm so bitter and angry (actually my step dad might have asked that but still) and I was just thinking you don't really know? Well heres a list: *When I tried to come out to you you shot me down, basically saying I was straight (when I'm still trying to figure out where on the ace spec i am) * Whenever I say something you eithe get on to me about having an attitude or give me attitude yourself * Get mad at me whenever I mimic your tone *constantly degrade others * turn violent at times * Uses anger to get your way at times *REFUSES to communicate when angry *Only want to talk about school and work and nothing else * I CANT CONNECT WITH YOU Yikes ok that sounds bitter and she's a great mom but I feel like she's so controlling and its because when I try to take things into my own hands she feels invalidated and that i don't need her anymore so its frustrating because she's acting out because she's frustrated but -screams- she's supposed to be the parent! Yeah its not all fun and games, but i can't even fully disclose how bad my anxiety is to her. It makes me sad because we used to be super close- she even told me this past week she felt as if she lost her best friend when we started fighting and idk i know she's playing victim but i know its how she honestly feels but i also feel like we need to find a better medium for us to talk or i don't know what will happen next time i stay over considering i almost got kicked out this time (I mentioned I want to move back South, because thats home for me. When I was in Atlanta my anxiety vanished and she took that as I preferred dad over her so she went on a rampage about how it was because he's a disney dad and he just gives me things and I've heard that hundreds of times and i finally snapped and said "no, its because he gives me my space" and then she tried to kick me out and promptly told hutchs parents about this infront of me, but twisted the story to me saying "I need some space" and I couldn't say no literally I'm an introvert I need alone time because thats talking back but it looked bad on her.) But yeah lots of mother problems that are kind of being resolved- after I said that and she said the whole losing best friend thing among other things we've kind of reached a peace point? I hope we can start getting along again because going to NV and seeing her has been a huge stressor for me actually. And it makes me sad thats so.
But anyways I decided to give therapy a try because my anxiety has started to consume my life again- through me getting panics when parents call, or when Hutchs mom wants to drive with me (actually asked my mom to come with) or not being able to drive because it makes me so nervous- not to mention staying up late to make sure assignments are perfect and I never really admitted to myself I had anxiety because I never passed out, which is what I thought panic attacks where. It wasn't until I found out what generalized anxiety disorder was when I realized I might actually have a problem- my anxiety is on a daily basis, a constant 3-4, and when i have coffee its a 7-8 on a 1-10 scale- and I want to get help before I have to deal with the real world. Not only that but I realized I should probably see someone when my anxiety randomly freaking spiked as I was walking home with my roomie and it got to the point where I was stuttering and couldn't speak and had to resort to my limited knowledge of sign and typing on my computer (my stutter only comes out when Im highly stressed or panicking) and I had to pretend it was because I was sleepy. Im only nervous because I only have 15 sessions per semester with the school, and after that id have to go see a real psychologist which I'm not ready for (not sure if I'm even ready for a therapist at the school, but well see) because seeing a psychologist would mean having to tell my dad about my anxiety, which he doesn't know about (I'm on my dads insurance) so yeah. Sorry its so long >~<
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Jan 13, 2017 3:31:21 GMT -5
Congrats on getting engaged Sweet! How long have you two been together? Me and my gf are about to hit our 3 year anniversary! We are def not ready for marriage or even and engagement yet. But Props to yoU!
I'm sorry about all your anxiety and I'm super duper proud of you for going to therapy. I've been thinking of finally (first of all) going to the doctor for the first time in over a year AND telling them that I have depression. But i don't even have a doctor right now bc my family just switched Health Plans.
I'm really sorry about your fights with your mom. She does sound a little controlling especially if she's putting a lot of pressure on you since you want to control your own life. She's probably spent so long holding the reigns for you that she isn't ready to let them go just yet. Just try and remind her that even tho she is your parent you are an adult now and can make your own decisions. That doesn't negate the fact that she is your mother, in fact she should be proud of you for wanting to do things for yourself now and to decide where your life is going.
If you aren't sure about therapists you should talk to your doctor about your anxiety, they'll usually refer you to somebody.
Don't worry you are allowed to have your own safe space. I'm an introvert too and feel the same way, except for me it's more about people being on my computer. You have to be like my best friend to use my computer.
Don't worry about such a long post! I'm really glad you felt so comfortable a shared so much about your life! I really enjoyed reading more about you.
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