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strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 3, 2021 2:02:08 GMT -5
“I guess you’re right,” Zuko murmured, eyes locking on Sal’s. It was odd, seeing them switched like this. These weren’t their scars. These weren’t their stories. It felt… wrong to bear the scars Sal had spent so many years concealing. There were so few people who had seen Sal without his prosthetic, and Zuko knew he was lucky to be one of them. He hesitated for a moment, biting his lip as he watched Sal. He didn’t know where they stood, especially after everything with Mai. There were things he couldn’t fix. Things that he could apologize for forever and still never stop feeling guilty for. He may as well have betrayed Sal. He had treated him poorly enough for it to count as a betrayal. He couldn’t change what he had done. All he could do now was move forward and try to heal. All he could do now was hold onto this image of Sal, hold onto the memory of a dog that wasn’t a dog. It wasn’t a pleasant memory, but it also wasn’t the kind of burden someone should have been forced to carry alone. Zuko knew he and Sal could never fully understand each other’s life experiences. What they could do, however, was take what they had seen and use it to try to be a better friend. Although Zuko was the one who needed work on that, not Sal. “If it ever happened again, we’d be helpless,” Zuko agreed, voice uncertain, “but right now, we’re not. It’s a lot easier to handle it when someone else knows the full truth. More of the truth than you can say out loud, even. We’re not helpless together.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 13, 2021 17:09:34 GMT -5
——— Sal blinked in, head banging enthusiastically to music that was no longer present. Somehow, his prosthetic was staying on, even though it really should have flown off with how hard it was doing it. He stopped as the music cut off, breathless as he glanced around and straightened the prosthetic over his face. He was grateful every time his prosthetic blinked in with him. He knew the House didn’t have to allow him that, but so far…so far, it had. So far, there were still very few people who had ever seen his other face. He wanted to keep it that way, He glanced around again then shook his head, stepping towards the hall. Once, he had been wary of doing rooms alone. Everyone had told him not to. Well…Zuko had told him not to. Maybe that was why he’d stopped caring about that particular rule. It didn’t matter. If the House had plans for him, it would blink someone else in. He wasn’t going to sit around and wait for it.
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strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 13, 2021 18:03:07 GMT -5
Zuko hadn’t spoken to Sal in what felt like a long time. He was trying to tell himself it was fine. He was trying desperately to believe that everything was okay. He was trying to pretend that going home had been the best idea, but he knew now… it hadn’t been. He’d lost more than he’d gained. He wasn’t ready to admit it to himself. He wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone else either. Going home was supposed to make everything make sense, but… he shook his head, grateful that the House had blinked him in just in time to stop him from getting lost in his thoughts. Of course, it couldn’t be that simple. Zuko’s eyes widened at the sight of familiar blue hair disappearing into the hallway. It was fine. It… Sal wasn’t stupid enough to go into a room. He had gone into the hallway to avoid Zuko before, it wasn’t like it was that unusual… but he wasn’t going into the hallway to avoid Zuko this time. Zuko hadn’t even been blinked in when he had made that decision. Which probably meant… “Dammit, Sal.” He bit his lip, then plunged into the hallway after him, preparing to follow him into any room. Just because they weren’t speaking didn’t mean he wanted him to die.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 13, 2021 18:19:31 GMT -5
Sal knew he should just move on. He knew he couldn’t let himself break trying to help Zuko…that wasn’t fair to either of them. Zuko could make his own decisions, and if he wanted to go down a path Sal couldn’t follow…that was his own choice. It didn’t seem to have ever meant anything to him, after all. Any of it. Sal didn’t know why he couldn’t just accept it and move on…Zuko had. Hadn’t he? He knew going in a room alone was stupid. It was the sort of stupid that made all the more experienced members think you had to be new, because no one who had blinked in more than a couple times would think that was a good idea, but somehow…he couldn’t bring himself to really care. He didn’t hear Zuko appear behind him. He just headed for the first door, opened it, and stepped inside, closing it firmly behind him.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 13, 2021 22:05:36 GMT -5
The room Sal stepped into matched his feelings pretty well, all things considered. A storm…a bad one, from the look of it. Lightning crackled through the, leaping from cloud to cloud, and wind tore at his hair and clothes, making him stumble back as it slammed into him. It was wild and out of control, and Sal felt inclined to be grateful for it. It felt like the sort of whether this day deserved. He knew he was probably being over dramatic. He wasn’t sure it was entirely Zuko’s betrayal that had sparked it, though with how close they’d been…no, he was fine. Zuko didn’t have to listen to him. Zuko could do whatever he wanted to do. He didn’t hear Zuko. The storm was too deafening…he couldn’t have even heard himself, probably. He looked up, waiting shading his eyes from the wind as he searched the sky…surely the rain had to be coming, too. A storm without rain was worse than no storm at all, and somehow, being soaked didn’t sound all that bad.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 1:04:36 GMT -5
“What the hell, Fisher?” Zuko yelled, battling the wind to get a little bit closer to his friend. Or… or maybe not his friend. It was hard to know what they were. What they had been. What Zuko had ruined. He tried not to think of it like that, but… he didn’t really have another choice. It was just the truth. He felt bad about it, but he couldn’t change what he had done. He didn’t think he wanted to change what he done. Yet, at least. He breathed out, searching the sky as the lightning sparked around them, thunder rolling through the clearing with the same ferocity as the wind. The ground shook a little bit, but Zuko didn’t really care. “I didn’t think you had a death wish!” He crossed his arms, not quite making eye contact with Sal. They both knew that Sal shouldn’t have gone into a room like this alone. Of course, he hadn’t known what room it would be, but still. There was a reason that every newbie was told not to go into rooms alone.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 1:15:10 GMT -5
Sal hadn’t seen Zuko blink in. He hadn’t been paying all that much attention to his surroundings in general, really. He hadn’t planned this. He hadn’t planned to blink in, and he hadn’t planned to do a room by himself next time he had for chance. It had just sort of happened in a moment. Because why not? What could others do? It seemed pretty convenient that the House made so many rooms designed for more than one person, and then everyone just willingly filed into the rooms. He wasn’t being reasonable, and he knew it, but maybe a part of him didn’t want to be reasonable. Maybe he didn’t care that this was a stupid decision, because…because everyone else seemed bent on making them, so why should he be left out? He turned a little at the shout, eyes catching on Zuko. Right. Of course it was him. Of course, of all the people who could have seen Sal and decided to play the hero, it was him. The wind made it hard to hear, but Sal heard the words well enough, and they did nothing to ease his temper. “Sorry, can’t hear you!” He yelled back, raising his arms above his head and walking backwards, away from Zuko. “It’s a little drafty!”
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strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 1:24:23 GMT -5
Zuko tensed, eyes narrowed as Sal moved away, as he shouted back. From the fact that Zuko could hear his words perfectly fine, he knew that Sal had understood him perfectly well. He bristled. Fine. Sal didn’t want to talk. That was fine, Zuko was just fine not talking. He had nothing to say to him, anyway. If Sal wanted to avoid him because he had chosen to do what he had planned on doing the moment he had been banished, that was his loss. Zuko tried to pretend he didn’t feel it. He tried to pretend that everything was okay. It wasn’t, but that didn’t matter now. He was just here to make sure that Sal didn’t die. If Sal didn’t want his help… too bad. “Really?” he shouted, temper flaring. His jaw tightened and he straightened up, partially hoping that the wind pulled his hair out of its traditional bun. He wasn’t sure who he wanted to be right now. He didn’t want to be the banished prince, but… but that was the version of him that Sal had been friends with. That was the version of him that Sal might listen to. “You really hate me enough that you’re willing to walk into a [Oops!]ing storm?” It almost felt that the clouds were drawing in closer, pulled in by both of their tempers, but Zuko knew that wasn’t actually the case. It was, however, the kind of room that seemed to suit the tension between them now. Like the House had taken what existed inside and broadcasted it outside of them both.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 1:36:47 GMT -5
Sal didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to do this now, or at all, but especially not now. He would have loved to just be alone in this stupid storm. The lightning flashed a little brighter above his head, but it only fueled him more. Why couldn’t Zuko have just let him go? The wind was messing his pigtails up a bit, pulling them free, and strands of hair were getting caught in his prosthetic, but he didn’t pay it any attention. He wasn’t taking the prosthetic off. He would have, if Zuko hadn’t decided to follow him in, but he was never taking it off in front of Zuko again. There would be no bending of that decision. He was done. “Oh, what, you’re the only one who gets to make stupid decisions?” He yelled back, not bothering to disguise his tone. It was supposed to just be angry, but once it escaped, there was hurt there, too. “Why should I listen to you? Just go away, Zuko! I don’t want to talk to you right now! Go find a [oops]ing door and get out, if you’re so worried about it!”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 1:44:48 GMT -5
“Is that what this is about?” Zuko shouted, edging closer and letting his hands fall to his sides. It helped that they had to scream to be heard. It meant that they had an excuse to let the anger boil over. More than just the anger, it seemed. “Is that what you think it was? You’ve known from the beginning that I wanted to go home! And… and it wasn’t a stupid decision! I don’t regret it!” He wasn’t happy at home. That said, he didn’t regret going home. He regretted what he had done to Iroh. He regretted that Azula had hurt the Avatar. He regretted that he had begun to build a bridge with Katara. He regretted that he had burned that down, too. Maybe that was what he was. Someone who burned their own life to pieces. He didn’t want to, but… The point was, he was never going to be happy until he went home. He had thought, once, that meant he would find happiness at home. Now, though… he wasn’t ready to think about what it meant. He was still trying to convince himself that he was happy at home. He was still trying to believe that he could stay.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 1:55:09 GMT -5
Sal turned, walking a little further away from Zuko, into the storm. It was coming, anyway. It was basically on top of them. He didn’t think they could have escaped it even if they’d both wanted to. He turned back to Zuko once there was a little bit more distance between them. It wasn’t like Zuko could tell him what to do, anyway. He was in the mood to do something stupid. He was in the mood to go ahead and just rip off the bandaid. “That’s great, Zuko,” he shouted back, pulling one of his hair ties loose and tossing it away so it wouldn’t stop bothering him. It felt better to have it down, somehow. Freer, almost. Maybe it was just because it couldn’t tug painfully in the wind anymore, but the fact remained. “No, really. I’m glad you’re happy! Just go be happy somewhere else, okay? Let me have my stupid crisis or whatever in peace! Even the House gets it. See this storm? This is exactly what I need, so just go away!”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 2:06:10 GMT -5
Zuko was half tempted to shout back that he wasn’t happy, actually, but that… wasn’t relevant right now. What mattered wasn’t what he was feeling. It was what Sal was experiencing, and Zuko didn’t want to make it all about him. He already had, though. He didn’t know what to do here, he just… he knew that he didn’t want Sal to die. The House wasn’t a stranger to making people suffer. Zuko had died once, and it wasn’t an experience he ever wanted to repeat. He didn’t want Sal to experience the same thing just because he was being dramatic. “Look, I’m not my uncle!” Zuko shouted, not daring to step closer. The wind was howling louder in his ears. The storm was coming closer… they could be in danger if they got caught in it even more than they already were. “I don’t know the right thing to say, but…” he growled under his breath, trying to find the right words that might make Sal actually listen to him. Half of his hair had blown out of his bun and he took out the stupid Fire Nation fastener, throwing it at the ground behind him. “If you want to have… to have your pity party or whatever, then fine! Have it here, be my guest! Don’t go into the [oops!]ing storm!”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 2:20:07 GMT -5
Sal knew he was putting them both in danger. The storm was coming closer, and if they didn’t start moving away…well. They’d be in danger either way, wouldn’t they? This was a room, there was no escaping the point of it. It was a storm, and they were caught in it, like it or not. He yanked the other pigtail from his hair and threw the hair tie away, not bothering to look to see where it landed. He’d have really, really liked to be alone. He just wanted to do something stupid without anyone to tell him to stop, but Zuko didn’t seem to want to give him that. Of course not. For someone who had made a big deal out of not listening to the people in his own life warning him against things, he seemed to have a lot of opinions about what Sal could do. It wasn’t fair. Going back to the fire nation and walking into a thunderstorm weren’t the same. But Sal didn’t care. He didn’t feel like being very reasonable. “Yeah, that makes sense! I guess nothing he ever said to you really sunk in, did it?” He shouted back, ignoring the warning in his head that said he’d regret it later. He hated himself for the words. For shouting them, for being angry, for not being able to just not care, like Zuko didn’t care. What right did he have to be angry? He wasn’t even in Zuko’s world. Somehow, that made it even worse. “Try and stop me!” He yelled, flipping Zuko off before he turned and stalked away. Zuko wouldn’t follow. And then he’d finally be alone.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 2:41:38 GMT -5
It wasn’t Sal’s business, what Zuko did or what choices he made. He couldn’t decide those things for Zuko, he knew that, and he didn’t want to. Not really. What he wanted was to be left alone. He just wanted to be unreasonable for an hour or two, and then he could go back to being rational about this. He didn’t want to be angry, but he couldn’t deny that he was. It wasn’t just the decision to go back, or the decision to betray Iroh…it was everything. It was Zuko very clearly rubbing it in his face, like he needed to mention Mai every time Sal was in the room, like…like Sal might have forgotten in the three seconds since they’d last seen each other. It was the fact that Zuko didn’t even seem to care. And then he got what he wanted. He kept walking, heading deeper into the storm, away from Zuko. Maybe he’d just find a door and go. He didn’t care, he’d said it himself. That was fine by Sal. He wasn’t trying to control Zuko. He was just trying to have his stupid breakdown in peace.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 2:52:10 GMT -5
Zuko cared. More than he would admit, even to himself. He wanted to pretend he’d found the perfect life when he had gone home, but that wasn’t what had happened. He had seen the fragments of the life he had left behind, and he was trying to fit himself back into the mold he’d broken out of when he was thirteen and just trying to do the right thing. He wasn’t the same person anymore. The expectations hadn’t changed, though. The unspoken rules. The fact that he had to watch his step with everything he did. If Ozai got the sense that Zuko was lying… he shuddered at the thought. He told himself it was just the chill of the wind. Home was perfect. It was everything he had dreamed it had be, Mai included. If he had to grow old and have heirs… Mai was the only person he could imagine being forced to settle down with. He loved her, but… but not in the same way he’d felt for Sal. Caring about Sal was like being lit on fire. Mai was more like… embers at a hearth. Still nice, but… not enough to warm someone when they’d been in the cold for so long. Zuko watched as Sal disappeared into the clouds. Or… began to disappear. He saw it happen as though in slow motion. The clouds illuminated, white shining through the thinner parts. Then the electricity started forking out, moving… moving right towards Sal. “No!” Zuko was moving before he could give his feet the command to run. He was sprinting faster than he’d ever run in his life, one hand out to take in the lightning, just as Iroh had taught him. Redirect it. Don’t let it hit the heart. Lead it through the belly… he wasn’t going to make it. Sal was going to die, and… and Zuko couldn’t let him. He put on an extra burst of speed, skidding to a stop right between the strike and Sal. It was like sparks burning through his palm, up his veins, pulling into his stomach before they flowed through the other hand, out, up… away. Anywhere but Sal. He hadn’t caught all of it. A gasp caught in his throat as his legs gave out from the current rushing past his heart, not quite directed with the rest of it. He forced himself back to his feet. He couldn’t afford to be injured in front of Sal.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 13:35:32 GMT -5
Sal hadn’t been talking to Zuko. He hadn’t been listening to him…he didn’t know how things were anymore. Zuko seemed happy, as far as he could tell, and he hadn’t questioned it. He hadn’t asked whether he really was, or whether it was all just…not quite what he’d wanted after all. How was he supposed to ask that? What would Zuko have said, if he had? It probably didn’t matter. If there had ever been any chance of them fixing this, it was gone now. Sal had to wonder whether this room was meant from him, or if it had happened because Zuko had followed him…he didn’t care. This was the room they had, so they’d have to make the most of it. Zuko was finally angry enough to just leave him, he figured, and he felt a bitter sense of satisfaction at that, because it was all he’d wanted in the first play, just…to be alone. To stop pretending there was anything he could do to fix this, when there wasn’t. He couldn’t make it right. He couldn’t make anything right. It happened faster than he could think. He didn’t see the lightning. He wasn’t watching that cloud…his gaze was fixed ahead, away from Zuko. He had every intention of walking straight through this storm, and finding whatever was on the other side, because he had to believe there was something there for him. If there wasn’t…it didn’t matter. He just wanted to get away. He whipped around as he felt Zuko appear next to him, faster than he could possibly have run, the lightning striking him and moving through him in an instant, out his other hand and away from them both. Or, more accurately…away from Sal. “Zuko…” he breathed, staring at the other boy as he got up again. He knew what had just happened. He understood what Zuko had just done. And he felt the anger falling away, replaced by something like shame.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 14:02:13 GMT -5
Zuko had never wanted to lose Sal. He hated that he had to make that choice. He either got Sal, or he got his home back. He knew Sal wasn’t happy that he had chosen his home over Uncle Iroh. He was right to be upset about that. It wasn’t that Zuko had wanted to choose anything over Iroh, it was just… it was his home. It was finally making his father proud. It was being everything he had expected to be. It was everything he had wanted for years, and it wasn’t his fault that Iroh had decided to become a traitor. Except… Zuko knew it wasn’t like that. Iroh was doing the best he could, as he always did. But he wasn’t Zuko’s father. He was the only source of good advice he had, and he may as well have been Zuko’s father, but… it wasn’t the same. Selfishly, he wanted his honor. He wanted Ozai to bestow it upon him, because Ozai was who he had failed all those years ago. Ozai was the father he was supposed to make proud. If he started to see Iroh as a father instead, then everything he had done for three years, everything he had pushed himself towards… it was for nothing. His destiny had to be to capture the Avatar. His destiny was becoming Fire Lord. Or… maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he didn’t have some grand destiny. He was still trying to figure that part out. His thoughts crystallized as the lightning left his body, arcing somewhere in the distance. It didn’t matter where. It wasn’t like it was going to hit anything important. The only important thing in this room was Sal, and Zuko had made sure to aim it away from him. Slowly Zuko breathed out, ignoring the pain in his side and his forearm where the lightning had hit. Where he hadn’t managed to redirect it and had instead taken the electricity himself. He felt… hollow… now that it was gone. Like the lightning had been life itself. He glanced at Sal for a long moment, then turned and began to walk back the way he had come.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 14, 2021 20:13:40 GMT -5
Sal didn’t know if it was worse that Zuko had chosen his home over Iroh, or that he didn’t seem to regret it in the slightest. It was true that he hadn’t talked to Zuko much, but from what he’d seen of the other boy since it had happened, he seemed perfectly content with how things had gone. Did he even care about what he’d lost? Who he’d hurt? He missed Zuko. He really did…he missed just being able to be around him. To do rooms with him, to trust him to have his back, whatever came. It had turned into whatever this was, but he hadn’t intended it to. He hadn’t thought when he’d gone into the room. He hadn’t even seen Zuko, he’d just wanted to do something, anything at all. He just hadn’t expected it to happen this way. The lightning was gone in an instant. Redirecting it never took long…that was probably the point. You didn’t want lightning inside you for any longer than strictly necessary, did you? But it meant that Sal didn’t have time to think. He didn’t have time to process it before it was over and Zuko was just looking at him, both of them undoubtedly thinking the same thing. Because Zuko had just proven them both wrong in a second. And then Zuko was turning away, and whatever was left of the anger died in Sal’s throat, leaving him feeling nothing but the sharp wind pulling at him. It was cold, he realized suddenly. He hadn’t noticed how cold it was, before. “Zuko, wait. Please,” he managed after a moment, trying to speak loud enough to be heard above the storm without yelling. Somehow, he didn’t want to yell at him anymore. Zuko didn’t have to listen to him. Clearly, neither of them had to listen to the other. But he hoped he would.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 14, 2021 23:21:10 GMT -5
It would have been very easy to pretend that Zuko didn’t hear Sal. It would have been easy to keep walking and pretend that it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to change his mind about going home, and Sal wasn’t going to change his mind about how bad of an idea it had been for Zuko to go home. They were on complete opposite sides, and it didn’t matter if Zuko still cared about Sal. What mattered was all the people he had hurt and betrayed at home. What mattered was the pain he had caused, even though that had never been his intention. The circumstances weren’t fair. Zuko should never have been scarred. He should never have been banished. But that didn’t make the things he had done to get back home okay. Understandable, perhaps, but not okay. Not acceptable. He had hurt Iroh. He had hurt Sal. He was just going to keep hurting people, even if he didn’t mean to. He didn’t know how to stop. He hunched his shoulders, walking a few more steps before he forced his feet to stop where they were. What did Sal want to say? This… this couldn’t change anything. All he had done was made sure Sal didn’t die. Did… did Sal truly think that even after everything, he was the kind of person who would just let Sal die without doing anything to stop it? He could pretend all he wanted that he didn’t care, but that didn’t mean he was just… going to let Sal get hurt like that. Did Sal think he was capable of that? The tension spread through Zuko just a little bit more and he closed his eyes, trying to steel himself for whatever it was Sal was going to say. He didn’t dare turn around. He wasn’t sure he could bear to look in Sal’s eyes.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 20, 2021 4:28:42 GMT -5
Was there any chance they would ever be able to agree on this? Sal couldn’t pretend that he thought going home had been the right choice, or even a good choice. Zuko seemed adamant that it had been both. Sal didn’t know if this was one of those things they didn’t ever have to agree on, that they could move past it and reconcile anyway, or..,if it was the other sort of disagreement. The kind that went too deep to ever be let go. He wanted desperately to know what he should do. He wanted more than anything for someone to come and tell him which, out of all his options, he would regret the least at the end of the day, but that wasn’t how this worked. He had to choose for himself, and hope that he didn’t regret it for the rest of his life. It was probably this that had made him want to be reckless. He didn’t want to choose. He wanted to just say everything was okay, that it didn’t matter, but he knew deep down that Zuko going home was just the tip of the iceberg. Even Mai, and that entire mess, wasn’t everything that made this as complicated as it was. Zuko was finally home. Which meant, sooner or later, Ozai was going to decide to make use of him. Zuko had been willing to betray Iroh to go home again, and regain his honor. How far would he go to keep those things? Sal didn’t want to watch him walk down that path even a step further. He cared for him too much to watch him be turned into someone without the heart that had gotten him here in the first place. And then Zuko stopped. And the choice Sal had fought so hard against making was there, looking him in the eye. What was he supposed to say? What did this change? He waited a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Trying not to let the guilt make him say anything he didn’t mean. “Thank you,” he said finally, just barely loud enough to be heard over the screams of the storm still hurtling itself around them. He could smell rain on it, but he had yet to feel any. Would it fall before they blinked out?
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 20, 2021 22:35:12 GMT -5
Zuko couldn’t yet admit to himself that he hated being home. He couldn’t yet articulate that being home was everything he had hoped it wasn’t. It was Azula, watching his every move. It was dancing on the edges of knives as he tried to please his father. It was knowing that he was there under a false pretense, it was ordering someone to kill the Avatar to cover his tracks, because he wanted to go home. That was all he had wanted for three years, how could it be anything but perfect? Somehow, deep down, he had convinced himself that as long as he had his honor back, he would be happy. He had it back, now. But what was honorable in betraying Iroh? What was honorable in throwing out Mai’s name every time he blinked in to force Sal further away? What was honorable in not being able to face someone he had come to think of as a close friend? What was honorable in trying to kill a child who wanted to bring peace to the world? Frustration rumbled through him, flames appearing at his fingertips for just a moment before he snuffed them out. There would be time to think about this when he blinked back. Right now… his side hurt, but he wasn’t going to say anything to Sal about it. He had implied that he didn’t care if Sal died, but he’d proven himself wrong just seconds later. Slowly, Zuko turned his head enough to catch a glance of Sal. It still hurt to look at him. He wished, in his confusion, that he could rely on Sal, but… Sal was anything but an unbiased party. Sal had an opinion of what Zuko should have done, and Zuko had done the exact opposite. Maybe Sal was right, but admitting that now felt worse than pretending that everything was going just fine. It wasn’t. “Just because we disagree doesn’t mean I’m just going to let you die.” Zuko tried to keep the words as neutral as possible, tried to make it sound like he cared less than he did. He didn’t want to hurt Sal, but… letting himself think for even a moment that what they had could be salvaged was going to hurt them both in the long run. It was better they both just be strangers.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Sept 21, 2021 19:38:57 GMT -5
Sal knew he had made mistakes. He knew when Zuko had gone back, he might not have handled it the way he would if he could have gone back now. Was there anything he could have said to change how this went? Could he have convinced Zuko not to go, or was there nothing he could have done to make this better? He hadn’t, even if it had been possible. He knew he wasn’t responsible for Zuko’s choices, but…he missed him. As stupid as it was, he couldn’t deny that he just…really missed him. He didn’t know there was any conflict in Zuko’s mind. From his perspective, it seemed that it had been everything the prince had hoped it would be. As though none of this has hurt him, as though he had no regrets at all. And if there was nothing but satisfaction in Zuko’s heart…then what more could Sal hope to say? “That’s not how it sounded a few minutes ago,” he replied, trying to keep his voice steady. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want them to fight, but how could they not? The storm seemed to be getting worse. Sal knew they needed to find either a door or shelter, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to walk away from this until something happened. Until Zuko either admitted he was conflicted, or confirmed that he wasn’t. “Are you happy?” He blurted out without giving himself a chance to think better of it. He needed to know. He just…wanted a straight answer. Was Zuko happy with his choice? Did he regret it? If he was happy… Then maybe, as deeply as it hurt him, he would be able to walk away. Permanently.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Sept 22, 2021 1:12:43 GMT -5
Zuko looked up at the clouds, wondering how long it would take before there was a true downpour. It was the kind of storm that deserved one. Normally, Zuko liked storms. He hated having to travel in them, of course, and a storm was bad news when he was on a ship, but… he had liked storms before he had been exiled. He liked hearing the rain against the palace walls, and he had enjoyed how the entire building seemed to shake with the thunder. It had always been a very, very good feeling. Now, though… he didn’t like this storm. Partially because it had tried to kill Sal, of course, but for other reasons as well. It wasn’t a real storm without rain. And they were standing right in the middle of it. It was an externalization of what they were both feeling, he assumed. This… this had been building up in the two of them. If he had been a poet, he might have said that the rain would start when they finally let out their feelings. He was neither a poet, nor good at expressing his emotions, so he didn’t give that thought more than half a moment’s consideration. Happy. Was Zuko happy? If anyone else were asking, he would have immediately shouted back that he was, thank you very much, now why don’t you please mind your own business? But… this was Sal. He had told Sal more about himself than he had ever told anyone before. He had shared pieces of himself with Sal that he hadn’t even been able to share with himself. How could he lie about something so big? Would saying yes make it easier for Sal? At this point, his hesitance had probably answered for him. Zuko gave a helpless shrug, wishing he had a better answer. Wishing he could just… let Sal down for real and watch his friend go.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 4, 2021 15:55:16 GMT -5
Sal didn’t know what he wanted to hear. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear that Zuko was finally happy, had finally found peace, just…in a place that meant Sal couldn’t be his friend, or whatever they’d been, anymore. He knew how hard banishment had been on him. How many times he’d come close, and then had it blow up in his face. He knew that refusing to go home would have been an incredibly difficult choice to make…and if it had been a choice between home or Sal, he wouldn’t have held it against him. That would have been understandable. He wouldn’t have wanted it, but he’d have dealt with it in his own time. But Zuko had been a refugee. He had seen what his home was doing, what it had already done. How could he possibly align himself with them anymore? How could the only lesson learned from that be that he didn’t like being a refugee, not that he was going to a place that would only make him help create thousands more? Words swirled in Sal’s head, forming like condensation on his tongue and vanishing just as quickly. He believed in peaceful resolutions, whenever he possibly could. But he didn’t know what to say, here. How could he not see that he was paying for his honor with his freedom? “You ever figure that out…” he began, then pulled back, trying to swallow the broken shards of his voice, hoping a new one would emerge in its place. “You ever figure that out, you let me know, yeah?”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 5, 2021 0:37:05 GMT -5
Zuko looked at Sal, wishing he had the right words to either fix this or make it go away. He wished he could say something that wouldn’t keep them rotating around each other, orbiting closer and closer to each other until it was clear they were going to collide. Whether that collision was going to be deadly or beautiful remained to be seen. What terrified Zuko the most was that it might, somehow, be both. Zuko knew that everything in the Fire Nation was wrong. He had tried to deny it for so long. He had tried to believe that there would be no more refugees if the Fire Nation just… conquered the rest of the world. If there was no more war, then there would be no more need to flee. If the Fire Nation won, there would be no more war. It would mean that there were no more children crying because their parents had to fight. No parents mourning children that were too young to die. No boys waiting for older brothers to come home, knowing full well that they were never going to. Zuko had tried so hard for so long to believe that the only way to stop all of that was to win the war. But he had seen how cruel the Fire Nation could be. Some of their soldiers were just brutes who liked having power. But they were people, just like the people of the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes. Zuko had faced as much cruelty in Ba Sing Se as he had in other parts of the Earth Kingdom. The Fire Nation was not always the aggressor. There were bad people everywhere. But the Fire Nation had created this whole situation. They were the reason the world was how it was. Zuko wanted to fix it, but… maybe the world was just as broken as he and Sal were. “Yeah,” he agreed, letting out a soft breath. He didn’t want to let Sal go. He didn’t know how to make this better. “Sal?” he managed after a moment, gaze not leaving his friend. It was rare for him to use the other boy’s first name. It usually meant something. “If you were the Fire Lord… what would you do?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 7, 2021 21:55:04 GMT -5
Sal could understand wanting an answer one way or another. This uncertainty was torture. They couldn’t walk away and they couldn’t move towards each other, and it felt like being stuck between two bad options, not knowing which one would eventually work itself out. He wished Zuko could simply see what was wrong and walk away from it, but…he figured Zuko probably wished Sal could just accept it, too. That was the problem…Zuko felt that he needed to go home, and Sal felt that he needed to object to Zuko going home. The idea that this problem wasn’t one they could solve weighed on him, but it was hard to accept that, just yet. Maybe, after this conversation, they’d both have their answer. He hesitated at the question. It was a fair one. Sal couldn’t judge someone for doing something he, too, would have done. He couldn’t criticize the solution of a problem he would have solved the same way. And Zuko had used his first name. It was that that stabbed deep inside him, not the question itself. He wished more than anything that he could just apologize and let this go, but…that wasn’t an option. He breathed out. “I’d surrender,” he said simply, his voice barely loud enough to carry across the storm. “Or, I guess stand down. I’d apologize, for me if I started this, or for whoever came before me if I didn’t. I’d publicly apologize for every life lost because of me, both outside the Fire Nation and inside it, and I’d hold an election for a new leader, and then…and then I’d negotiate the terms for the end of the war and do my best to make sure the people under my rule weren’t punished. And then I’d stand down and accept whatever punishment I was given.” He didn’t know what Zuko had expected as an answer. He hoped to surprise him, maybe. But he was being as honest as he knew how. “Wars don’t just hurt your enemies, Zuko. They hurt everyone. I’m sorry your dad thought that he could do a better job of ruling the world than the rest of the people living in it, but the way to fix it isn’t to see it through. It’s gotta stop. It’s going to stop. I just hope you’re not on the boat that sinks when it does.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 0:00:58 GMT -5
Zuko had seen the kind of pain war caused. He had lived it even before he had been exiled. War had hurt him in the form of Lu Ten. He had lost his older cousin, the closest thing he’d ever had to a brother. And Iroh had been forced away from the throne. He deserved the throne. Would things have gone this far if he had been Azulon’s heir? If Zuko’s mother hadn’t taken action to kill Azulon and save Zuko’s life? Or was it possible the throne would have corrupted Iroh, too? When had the Dragon of the West become the kind of person who would side with the Avatar? He had been loyal to the Fire Nation once. When had that blind loyalty become the kind of understanding Zuko knew he was lacking? Iroh had been forced to make this same choice. He had been forced to choose between his home and the world at large. How had he made that impossible decision? How had he known which path would lead to peace? Zuko didn’t know. He couldn’t pretend that war was the only option. Now that he was home, he was forced to come to terms with the way the world was. He was forced to understand that war might not be the best option. But there wasn’t’ anything Zuko could do about the war. The Avatar had been right when he’d said Zuko was just a teenager. He hadn’t meant to get caught in the middle of a war. He would inherit it one day, though. Either Ozai would win it, or the war would still be going on when Zuko ascended the throne. By the time Zuko became Firelord… either he would be emperor of the whole world, or he would inherit this war and be forced to see it through. His people were innocent. They, like Zuko, had been brought up believing that the only way to peace was through this war. That the Fire Nation was bringing something great to the rest of the world. Most of them hadn’t been given the chance to see what life was like outside of the Fire Nation. The rest of the world would blame them, but they weren’t at fault. They’d been blinded and caged with nobody to tell them about the sun. “The Avatar wants to take down my father,” Zuko said after a moment, looking away. “I don’t… I can’t stand against the Fire Lord. And I can’t surrender unless I take up the throne myself. This… it’s all bigger than me. I thought going home would make everything clear, but… but I’m more confused than ever.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Nov 9, 2021 2:23:43 GMT -5
Sal blinked on, standing still and leaned back as though propped against something, his attention on the phone in his hand, which went dead the second he appeared. He stumbled as the wall behind him vanished, but he managed not to fall and straightened up, glancing around the room - living room, lucky him - for any sign of other blinkers. It seemed to be just him for the moment. He gave a small sigh and tucked the phone in one pocket, then glanced around again. He didn’t really feel like being stupid and going in a room by himself, somehow, but without anyone to talk to, the living room was a little bit too predictable to stay in. Maybe he’d give it a couple minutes.
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