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Post by Skypaw13 on Jul 31, 2021 2:24:28 GMT -5
Alrighty! Sorry for the wait, guys, finals week is hell.
Chapters 5-7:
Knowing where Leafpool ends up makes certain conversations take on a whole new light. There's this scene in the Twoleg nest where Leafpaw is hard-judging Sasha for "giving up her kits". Oh, hon, if you could only see your future...
The scene in the hut reminded me of the stories Jessica Kent tells on her YouTube channel, especially when the cats are "fishing" the cobwebs between their cages.
When the journey cats and their Leaders meet at Fourtrees, we get some really good character work from everyone. I think Blackstar comes off as the most complex, but no one feels one-dimensional, and there are a variety of personalities in conflict here. The conversation is extensive (in contrast to the one-liners we get in the later arcs) and everyone shines.
There are a couple moments in this book that I just genuinely don't understand why they were included. Not like entire scenes, but just a paragraph here and there that's like... why is that there? Delete it. The first is when Firestar unnecessarily refers to StarClan as "the fifth Clan". That was awkward and it didn't add anything to the scene at all. The second is after Squirrelpaw has her dream about Spottedleaf, and the section ends with "Oh, I wonder if Spottedleaf is still in love with Firestar?" Like, why is Squirrelpaw thinking about that? That's weird. Just delete it.
Speaking of Squirrelpaw's dream. Holy freakin hell, I have NO sympathy for her when she runs off to rescue Leafpaw. I don't understand. Between Bramble and Shrewpaw, she has way more reason to be angry at Shrewpaw. And she is! But then she realizes she's being harsh and apologizes to him. Then Bramble walks in and is like "let's wait til Firestar gets back" and she just loses it. She was so manipulative and illogical here. It's weird because while Squirrel is pretty feisty, she's at least somewhat logical, so I don't know where this scene came from. It made my respect for her drop like three notches.
The prison break scene is really well-done, though I think it moved rather quickly. This entire plot happens in the span of a single chapter, I think I would have liked a bit more space between the dream and the rescue. (Which would have the added bonus of removing the problem from the above paragraph).
Rereading this today, it didn't affect me too badly, but I remember breaking down in sobs when I read about Graystripe getting captured the first time. Graystripe was my favorite cat as a kid and I honestly found it hard to keep going, the first time I read this book.
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Post by Skypaw13 on Jul 31, 2021 22:39:04 GMT -5
Chapters 8-10
Leafpaw's POV is pretty strong. It does a good job at feeling like Leafpaw's thoughts even though we as the reader know several things she doesn't. Most authors will be too afraid of boring the reader by doing that, so I really appreciate this inclusion.
Squirrelpaw's POV is still too action-oriented for my tastes. There's technically nothing wrong with an action-based POV, but for me personally it comes off as weak, especially in contrast to Leafpaw's.
Ashfur Watch: Ashfur is briefly implied to support the Brambleclaw for Deputy 2006 campaign.
I like Firestar's solution of splitting up the deputy duties. Yeah, that's my only comment about that. Lol
I know this is the book where "The Great Journey" happens, but I'm more than halfway through and two of the Clans haven't even agreed to leave. Unlike in Midnight-- where I wanted the setup expanded-- here I'm feeling the pace start to drag. I just don't know how many more "oh noes, the Forest is dead" scenes there can be. If they did want the setup to last longer, they should at least include more Clan politics-- the part where Brambleclaw goes to convince Leopardstar and Blackstar to leave is just completely skipped and then covered in summary (not even granted the decency of a flashback). Since Clan politics is the primary thing stopping the Clans from leaving, this should really be covered more.
I haven't really covered use of setting yet. While Moonrise exceled in tone and emotion, Dawn excels in setting. So far most of the emotion in this book comes from the atmosphere and descriptions of the forest. A good setting isn't really noticeable, but is important for grounding the characters and reader immersion. Dawn doesn't have as many emotional, punchy lines as Moonrise, but placing the reader somewhere that looks and feels desolate and barren is sometimes just as good at creating a mood. It could be better with more shifts and contrast in the setting, but that's really the fault of the pacing keeping the cats in the same place for so long.
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Post by Skypaw13 on Aug 29, 2021 0:48:59 GMT -5
NOT A NECROPOST! I am within two days of the limit!
Anyway, here's the honest truth. I got pretty sick around the beginning of August and I found it really hard to even get out of bed, and didn't have the motivation to work on anything. During that time, I put my copy of Dawn back on the bookshelf. And then when I got better... I completely forgot about it. Oops.
Anyway, I'm back now, hopefully I can get this going back up.
Chapter 11:
Ashfur Watch: Ashfur is skeptical of Hawkfrost after learning who the latter's father is. Squirrelpaw is also skeptical. Firestar tells them both they're being stupid. Brambleclaw is uncomfortable.
Cody's a good character and I admire her a lot.
I find the conversation about Hawkfrost here to be jarring and forced, almost like it wasn't supposed to be there? I wonder if this is a remnant from when Vicky thought this was going to be the last book. I know there was a scramble to throw beginning plot threads into Moonrise and Dawn to justify the later books, and this seems like one of them. It just seems so weirdly detached from the rest of what's going on. Also, Stormfur is a shill for him and I don't like it.
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