Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 1, 2021 19:21:45 GMT -5
“I think even the House can’t argue that it’s even,” Orpheus whispered, shaking his head just a little bit. “It can’t claim to have saved lives when the only thing their lives are being saved from is the House itself,” he commented, shaking his head just a little bit. “The only danger here is the House. How can it claim to be even when it decides not to kill them? Inaction doesn’t make something even. It has to actually put in effort.” Orpheus couldn’t help but hope that the House was listening. If it could just hear what he wanted from it, maybe it would consider listening. Maybe it would be willing to change. “I… won’t say that it’s done no good at all. I mean… I wouldn’t know you without it, and even if it didn’t know where we were headed, it still kept blinking us in together when we showed promise of becoming friends. It didn’t need to do that, but it did. I suppose… it’s a matter of what we think is fair. Is our love worth the two times you’ve died? Is it the same as every time either of us has been hurt? I… I don’t know how to answer that.” Orpheus trailed off, not wanting to get too philosophical when they were doing something more mundane than that. They could talk philosophy later. “Butter and sugar,” Orpheus commented, reaching for the jar labelled butter. “I think the butter is soft,” he shrugged, dishing some out with his free hand. “As long as you don’t mean softer than it was when we used it in the cake. I don’t think it’s melted that much since…” he gave a small shrug, then wiped the spatula he was using against the side of the bowl to get as much butter out as possible. “Is it just the butter and powdered sugar?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 1, 2021 20:45:03 GMT -5
“That’s true “ L replied, searching Orpheus’ gaze for a long moment before he looked back at the oven. It seemed to be on, so he wasn't all that inclined to worry about whether it was the right temperature. He would prefer not to set off any smoke alarms this room might have, but other than that…if the cake was a little bit overbaked, it probably wasn’t a big deal. “No, inaction doesn’t count by itself. It’s easy to say, ‘at least it didn’t do this, it could have done much more if it had chosen to’, but choosing not to kill someone doesn’t make killing someone else alright.” He pursed his lips a little. “There’s an important distinction here, I think. There’s the things themselves, and whether they’re worth the pain. And then there’s the fact that the House is doing them. It’s dangerous to make assumptions about it, but I think it likely considers itself above us all, outside our rules and ideas of fairness. It’s too easy to let ourselves believe that, too. Like a god that brings a storm that sinks a ship…as long as the god never mentions where the fault lies, it’s easy enough to accept it as the way things are, and thank your good fortunes that no one you knew was on board.” He hesitated. “The point is, I think it’s more complicated than just whether I’d consider our love to be worth the times I’ve died. Even though I would…that doesn’t mean I think the House is owed the ability to kill me or anyone else. I’ve saved countless lives, myself. That counts as good. But if I were to murder someone in cold blood, I don’t think the good I’ve done in the past would balance that act.” He glanced down, suddenly remembering the room they were in. “I think there’s also vanilla extract,” he noted, and reached for the bottle to hand it to Orpheus.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 2, 2021 2:41:08 GMT -5
Orpheus knew the paper said to keep the cake in the oven for a specific period of time, but Orpheus had never heard of a timer before. He was doing his best to keep track of the time mentally, but he had never been very good at that. Hopefully, they wouldn’t terribly burn the cake. If they did, though… he supposed it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like they were going to be eating the cake. If it was a little bit overcooked, or even if it was burnt, the only one who would have to deal with it was the House. In the meantime, they could make frosting so they could decorate the cake when it came out of the oven. And they could discuss the House, too… it was always difficult to talk about the House. It was listening to everything they said, and there was so much they didn’t know. It was hard to speak of. It wouldn’t be entirely fair to misrepresent it when it refused to speak on its own behalf. “I suppose that makes sense,” he replied after a moment, dipping his head. It wasn’t as simple as weighing the good against the bad. Making the House even would be a complicated process, but that didn’t mean that Orpheus was ready to just… give up on the whole idea. He would never stop trying to make it happen. “I don’t know if we can stop the House from harming people entirely,” Orpheus admitted, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I can convince the House to do good. It would be ideal, of course, but… if the House wants to be able to cause harm, then I would really rather it be a fair place. Even, not perfect. I can strive for kind, but… it may be a stretch.” Wordlessly, Orpheus took the vanilla extract and took a small sniff. It was… good. Really good. He glanced at L before holding the bottle up to his lips and using his teeth to unscrew the cap. He wasn’t keen on letting L go, even for a moment.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 3, 2021 2:57:37 GMT -5
L knew about timers, in theory. He hadn’t thought to set one now, though, even though he was hopeless at keeping track of time internally. It was probably fine…they’d just need to not forget about it. As long as they kept checking it now and then, they could probably just use trial and error. He listened, not responding immediately to the words. It was true…Orpheus had always set out to make the House even, nothing more. It was a difficult request, and one they would struggle to define in a way that satisfied every blinker, but it was perhaps the most likely to actually work. Asking the House to be kind…well. L had been blinking in for a long time now. He didn’t know how much he could imagine a kind House. “I still believe you can do it,” he told him after a moment, squeezing his hand lightly before checking his pulse again, to be safe. He really did believe that. Even if he didn’t know exactly what would happen when he did. He raised a brow as Orpheus tried to open it with his teeth, inclining his head slightly. “I could have helped you with that,” he told him, his voice just a touch amused. Orpheus could also have taken his hand back, but…L was content to not acknowledge that as an option, for the time being. Between the two of them, they still had two perfectly good available hands, didn’t they?
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 4, 2021 0:24:59 GMT -5
Orpheus wasn’t sure either of them would remember to keep checking the cake. Knowing the two of them, they would get wrapped up in some conversation or other and completely forget that time was passing. He supposed that was the danger of both of them being able to focus so intently on whatever it was they found interesting. It meant that time passed far too quickly for them to track it, especially when they got into a particularly interesting conversation. He didn’t know if they were going to get into such a conversation now, but… he wouldn’t be surprised if they did. “I’d like to believe I can,” Orpheus admitted, giving a tiny, uncertain shake of his head. “Sometimes… it feels like the House knows it’s impossible, and it likes reminding me of it. It… likes not being predictable, and it likes knowing that I don’t know how to make it even. Sometimes I think it doesn’t want to be even.” He gave a small sigh, squeezing L’s hand slightly. He wasn’t giving up hope, just admitting that it was going to be harder than he had originally thought. He had once imagined that the House was just ignorant, not necessarily malevolent. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could believe that. “Oh,” Orpheus added, glancing down at the bottle of vanilla extract. “Oh well… would you like to be the one to pour it in?” He could sort of taste it – it didn’t taste nearly as good as it smelled.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 7, 2021 14:09:56 GMT -5
The problem was that they both tended to forget time existed when they were engaged, and they both tended to find the other engaging. It was an oddly romantic sort of thought…a shared hyperfixation. Or perhaps more accurately, a mirrored one. They built off each other. They always had, really…even in their first conversation, Orpheus had been easy to talk to. L doubted he had been quite as easy, himself, but…he had also been a bit worse at hiding himself back then. He’d been younger, less experienced at the game. Less certain the game still existed in the House in the first place. Now, though…now, it was very easy to take whatever Orpheus did and run with it. Now it was very easy to keep a conversation running for as long as they both wanted it to. It was also easy to exist in silence, but that, too, was a form of distraction, because Orpheus’ presence may have made thinking easier, but it also demanded a good portion of that thought in return. They were probably going to burn the cake. Well…at least they didn’t want to eat it, anyway. He glanced at the bottle, then shook his head a tiny bit. Orpheus already had it, anyway…and L thought he should probably be the one to do the mixing, since he understood what electricity was. “I doubt it wants to be even…” he mused, his gaze still fixed on Orpheus. “But then…if it already was cooperating, you wouldn’t have anything left to do. That’s why your abilities are so unique. You can go deeper than most people can. You can deal with the root of the problem, instead of just the symptom of it. Even if I stopped the House, it wouldn’t deal with the real problem, because the House would be fighting me. If you could change its mind…
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 7, 2021 22:31:01 GMT -5
“You know I want to change the House’s mind,” Orpheus replied, voice quiet as he looked into L’s eyes. He wasn’t paying attention to making the frosting anymore. The way things were going, they were probably going to end up with a burnt cake and no frosting. If the House would be upset with that, then maybe it shouldn’t have let them talk. He immediately pushed the thought away – it wouldn’t be worth it for the House to suddenly take away their ability to get lost in conversation with each other. “I don’t think that’s a fair comparison,” he whispered, pressing just a little bit closer to L. “We’re both making a difference. The things I do… they can’t undo harm. They can’t make sure that it never happens again. What I do doesn’t bring peace to the people who have suffered. I can’t…” he took a deep breath. He couldn’t save Eurydice. He couldn’t save anyone, he could just… make people change their minds. “You can save people who are in danger. All I can do is make sure that someone won’t hurt others again. When you take down a criminal, it sends a message to every other criminal that you aren’t to be trifled with. When I change someone’s mind… well, it’s not like it changes anyone else’s mind.” He shook his head, then leaned his chin against L’s shoulder. “I think we both do amazing things. I don’t… I don’t think that makes my talent any more unique or helpful than yours.” Orpheus took in a breath, then turned his attention towards the frosting again. “How… do you mix it together?” he asked, frowning a little bit at the mixer. It wasn’t the spatula he had been using earlier.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 7, 2021 22:51:11 GMT -5
This seemed as good a sign as any that, if Orpheus really did make it to L’s world, or his time, or past whatever it was that currently separated them, they were going to end up finding it very hard to accomplish things. It wasn’t as though the House was making them talk, after all. This situation could easily come up in their own world. If they really did try to make a cake they could eat someday… Well, they hadn’t burned this kitchen down yet, so it would probably work out. It was hard not to be distracted by Orpheus. His words when he was speaking, his music when he was singing, his presence when he was silent. There wasn’t a lot that could make L forget about work, rather than being forgotten by him because of work, but Orpheus was certainly one thing that could consistently do just that. “I don’t quite know that I agree,” he replied, his voice soft as he met Orpheus gaze and held it. “Or maybe I do, but I don’t agree with the implications of it. I do bring justice, and for some people that can bring peace, when they know the person responsible for the harm has been caught. But it’s not that I can undo harm. Every life lost is someone I failed to save. No one can catch a serial killer before they become one, and then when they have, the damage is already done. It’s an imperfect system, I suppose. There are truly terrible people in the world, and if you believe that knowing I’m there doesn’t merely make them more determined to do as they will…” He pursed his lips for a moment, letting his eyes wander downward, then brought them back to Orpheus. “What I’m trying to say is that, if someone takes hostages, for example, or someone forces me to choose between the lives I can save now or the lives I can prevent from being endangered in the first place, I have to make that choice. There’s no third option for me, because I’m doing my best to control the symptoms, but I can’t reach the problem itself, the person doing it. But it’s not like that for you. You can make a third option, because you have access to the main problem. You can change their mind. You can make them stop hurting people. I play the game, so I’m trapped within the rules, but you’re not. Do you see what I’m saying?”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 0:57:09 GMT -5
“I think you’re saying that you won’t object if I cheat at chess,” Orpheus replied, amusement sparking in his eyes. He knew that wasn’t what L had meant, but he couldn’t resist the urge to poke at least a little bit of fun. “If I’m not trapped within the rules, perhaps I could just… convince your king to surrender to mine.” He gave a small smile, leaning against L again for a moment before his expression sobered into something a little more serious. L had a point. They were both good at different things, but the more they spoke about their skills, the more Orpheus thought they would be more useful working together. If L could treat the symptom but not the cause, and Orpheus could fix the cause without helping the symptom die down… then they needed each other. Orpheus couldn’t convince the House to back down without L discovering everything he could about it. L couldn’t learn more about the House without Orpheus attempting to wear down some of its defenses. How much more effective would they be if they could work together in L’s world? Assuming they could pull their thoughts away from each other for long enough to actually get something done. “I do. See what you’re saying, I mean. I think… when I find you in your world, there’ll be so much more we can get done. If you can control the symptoms, then I can get at the root of the problem. It’ll be easier, working together. I think… we’re both trying to do the same thing, in a way. We’re just doing it different ways. It’ll be easier if we can combine our skills. That’s… what I’ve thought from the beginning. That’s why I was ecstatic that you agreed to help, that very first blink.” He searched L’s eyes, a small smile forming at his lips once more. “It’s a shame we can’t taste the frosting either,” Orpheus murmured, turning back to the ingredients in front of them. “You’ll have to bring me frosting at some point. I don’t know what it tastes like, and I think I’d like to.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 8, 2021 1:21:07 GMT -5
L gave a very light snort at that. It wasn’t a common expression from him, but the comment deserved it. “Well, you are very convincing,” he allowed. “I probably couldn’t stop you. Fortunately, chess pieces aren’t sentient, so they can’t be convinced of anything. You’d have to convince me to surrender, instead. I’m not sure it would count as winning if you did that.” Orpheus was right. They were both very good at what they did, but their talents seemed almost built to go together and become something even better. L wouldn’t want to drag Orpheus into his life, of course…he was a poet, not a detective, and it wouldn’t be fair to expect him to change just so they could be together. But no matter what they did, they seemed to do it all the better for being with each other. Unless they forgot what they were doing. Or got distracted. Or decided that lying curled up together for half the day was more important. “I think, one day, we will be able to make the House even,” he said quietly, gently pressing his cheek against Orpheus’ shoulder for a moment, eyes closed, before he looked back at the ingredients. “I wish tasting it was safe,” he replied a little mournfully. “It’s one of the best, except I think it’s hard to come by. It doesn’t exist very often. But I’ll bring you some. A few different kinds, perhaps.” It was less that frosting was hard to find and more that L had a tendency to eat a bit more than was recommended. Watari did his best to make food that would keep L alive, but frosting was simple enough to be difficult to convincingly replicate, and if he sensed anything was healthy even once, he would immediately be suspicious of all other food for possibly the rest of both their lives. It was safer merely to keep it around less. But L didn’t know that, so he couldn’t say it.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 1:39:18 GMT -5
Orpheus gave a quiet laugh, grateful that he had been able to elicit some sort of amused response from L. It felt like a gift every time he was able to inspire anything close to laughter in the detective. He took in a breath, wrapping his arms around L completely. They couldn’t exactly lie on the floor together and drift into quiet, comfortable conversation, but they could have this moment anyway. Orpheus would never stop wanting to be closer to L. There was a theory, that humans were made with four legs, four arms, two heads, and one heart. They were split apart by the gods and forced to wander the Earth until they found their other half. Orpheus had always found the idea romantic, though rather reductive. He was a whole person on his own. Eurydice had been as well. L was no exception. They were all whole people, but… being together made them just a little bit stronger. It meant there were two hearts beating together, two souls headed wholeheartedly towards the same goal. Orpheus liked that interpretation of it far better. Although… he didn’t think he would ever be truly satisfied until he and L were one. It was that, among other reasons, that made him hold L tight to his chest. “One day,” Orpheus agreed, letting one hand comb gently through L’s hair. “It won’t be long before we manage it.” He cast a glance towards the ingredients, letting L’s slightly dour tone fill him for just a moment. “I believe you’ll be able to get your hands on enough for me to taste it,” Orpheus whispered, trying to imagine what it might taste like. It required a lot of sugar, which meant it was probably sweet, but did it taste like anything else? He was curious, as he always was, about the food that L enjoyed. “What different kinds are there?” He didn’t know if L was referring to different flavors or different textures, but he would be intrigued to try any variation, so long as it was something that made L happy.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 8, 2021 2:42:23 GMT -5
It was odd, how Orpheus had thought about theories of love and romance and people being made for each other. L hadn’t. He had barely even considered love to be real, or if it existed, he had suspected it wasn’t quite as positive as it pretended to be. Even after that, when he had started to think it might not be so bad, he had never, ever thought it would happen to him. He’d been wrong so many times in a row. He breathed out as Orpheus held him, letting his eyes close for a moment. It may have made making frosting a little bit harder, but he didn’t mind that. He didn’t think he ever wanted to be released from that embrace. He could feel Orpheus’ heartbeat like his own, in both his wrist and his chest, and he let the beat echo in his head, setting his thoughts at ease. “I know.” He murmured, pressing a little closer. “I believe you. And in you.” He turned his thoughts back to the frosting, though he didn’t quite open his eyes. What? He was comfortable. Orpheus was the one who had decided to start holding him, anyway. If L were to decide to simply stand there for the rest of the room, whose fault would it really be? “There’s chocolate and vanilla, obviously,” he murmured. “And cream cheese. You’ve had cream cheese frosting, it was on the carrot cake in the picnic. Buttercream. Pistachio. I don’t know that a ganache counts, but if it doesn’t, then that. Whipped cream. The kind I’ll bring will probably be buttercream though.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 2:50:52 GMT -5
Orpheus had always believed in love, long before he’d known he would fall for someone. Long before he had found two people that deserved all of the love he had to give. He hadn’t known that love was made for him, but he had sung love songs since he was old enough to hold a lyre. Love songs always played well among adults, it seemed, and he had made a solid effort when he was younger to please the adults around him. He had earned Aphrodite’s favor that way. He hadn’t thought it odd, at the time, to be surrounded by so many gods. As he’d grown up, he’d realized that most people didn’t have a family like he did. Their family friends weren’t all powerful beings who could turn on each other in a blink of an eye. Some people didn’t believe in love because they hadn’t met the goddess that radiated it when they were young enough to be learning how the world worked. It was a big deal that L was willing to close his eyes in this situation. Although Orpheus was used to L’s trust, it never stopped thrilling him. L didn’t have to trust him, but he chose, time and time again, to believe that Orpheus was worth the risk. He chose to relax around Orpheus, and that was a gift in and of itself. “Chocolate and vanilla,” Orpheus repeated, letting the words rumble through them both. “I liked the cream cheese frosting. It was… it had a little bit of tartness to it. It was very good.” It was amazing to him that there were so many types. “Is buttercream your favorite?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 8, 2021 3:03:32 GMT -5
Orpheus had always grown up around the gods. It had put him in a unique position, though L thought that if anyone was the right person to grow up like that, it was probably Orpheus. He wasn’t the sort that would assume it was because he was better than everyone else, for one thing. He had learned a lot under their guidance, for another. He had trusted Orpheus for so long that he no longer needed to go over the reasons in his head to make sure they still made sense. Closing his eyes would have been a long, deeply thought out and complicated decision around anyone else. Here…it was instinct. He leaned a little closer. Sometimes, he felt as though he was closest to being completely at ease with himself and the universe both when he was existing in Orpheus’ arms. “One of my favorites,” he replied, almost sleepily. “The other one is fondant.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 3:12:27 GMT -5
“Fondant,” Orpheus repeated, his accent slipping into the word. He had never heard of it before, but that didn’t mean much. He hadn’t heard of a lot of things, and L’s judgements were usually correct. If L liked something, it usually meant that Orpheus would as well. Which made Orpheus all the more excited to try fondant, if L was able to bring some to the House with him. He knew how inconvenient that was – if you wanted to bring something into the House, you had to carry it around with you until you blinked in. And you had to hope that you blinked in with the right person, not a random stranger. It was a game of chance, but one they had both played on separate occasions. “I think I would like to try fondant as well. You know I love trying the things that you like.” He hummed softly, keeping his eyes open – that was instinct, too. He had to protect L. L trusted him. “What’s the difference between buttercream and fondant?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 8, 2021 3:24:34 GMT -5
“I’ll bring both in,” he promised softly, listening to Orpheus’ steady heartbeat, feeling the echo of it in his pulse. It was a code in itself, really…a language he didn’t remember learning, but spoke anyway. Bringing things into the House wasn’t easy. Usually, you did blink in carrying whatever you’d been holding, but it wasn’t always certain…for example you sometimes were given new clothes when you blinked in. It all depended on when the House decided to take you. He’d need to carry around both types of frosting for a while, probably. He tended to only keep track of smaller things that fit in his pocket when he did this…typing would be a problem. Maybe he’d tie it to himself somehow. “Fondant is a sugar paste,” L replied almost immediately, his voice still muffled against Orpheus’ shirt. “Sometimes you can make it out of marshmallows, too, but marshmallows are also sugar, so it’s still just a sugar paste. A lot of people color it, as well…buttercream is actually what we’re making now, with the butter.” Technically, neither of them were doing any such thing at the moment, but he didn’t see the need to clarify.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 8, 2021 3:40:37 GMT -5
“Good,” Orpheus replied, feeling the soft weight of L against him, the flutter of his breath warming Orpheus’ core. This was what home felt like. This was what hope felt like. He was purely and completely comfortable in the moment, and there was nothing more he could have wished for. A smile pressed against his lips and he held L even closer. He didn’t want to lose this moment. He wanted to have so many like it that he wasn’t able to differentiate between them all. He wanted to write songs about this, wanted to devote an entire ballad to the feeling of L’s arms wrapped around him, the steady pressure of L’s fingers against his wrist. He didn’t believe there was still a risk of him dying, but L hadn’t dropped his wrist. Orpheus wasn’t going to make him. It was comfortable. It was more than that, like this was the position Orpheus was meant to exist in for the rest of his life. “It sounds good,” Orpheus murmured, resting his chin on the top of L’s head. “They both do. I think… I’ll have to try both, and then I can decide which one is my favorite. And then when I’m in your world, we’ll have to make some. Maybe we’ll have to make both. And we’ll actually be able to eat it there.” Mmm. Orpheus took in a breath – letting L’s scent wash over and through him. He couldn’t wait to exist in a world where everything smelled like L. Where it wasn’t something he only got to experience every so often. “The cake is starting to smell good,” Orpheus commented, though that wasn’t where his thoughts had settled.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 8, 2021 4:00:07 GMT -5
L breathed out, the tiny movement only allowing him to shift a tiny bit closer. He was struck, sometimes, with the feeling that he could always press that tiny bit closer, a fact with made him feel both a tiny bit sad, because he could never be as close as was possible, and very peaceful, because he always had the option to move closer. He knew holding onto Orpheus’ wrist wasn’t strictly necessary when they were this close to each other. He could feel Orpheus’ heart perfectly well. But he didn’t let go. He didn’t think he wanted to, somehow. He could probably have lived there. Something told him he wouldn’t need anything else to stay alive, and certainly nothing else to stay at peace. “You’ll be able to try anything you want to, there,” he breathed. Held need to open his eyes eventually, but it was the far off kind of eventually that could be ignored. “Even food I hate. I’m sure you’d like plenty of things I don’t even think to bring in for you to try…and the chances of food being deadly for you is less than it is for me.” The cake actually was starting to smell good. L turned his attention to it for a moment without moving. “It’ll need to cool down before we can frost it,” he noted, half because it had just occured to him and half because it gave them an excuse to put off finishing it.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 9, 2021 14:20:56 GMT -5
Orpheus was all in favor of anything that would enable the two of them to stay as they were for just a little bit longer. He was enjoying the peace of being able to just… exist with L. They didn’t get that chance very often, especially not in rooms. In the Living Room they could linger as long as they wanted, but that was a different kind of existing. This, doing something together… it felt more real, somehow. Like they might just be two normal people with two normal lives who had decided to bake a cake instead of doing whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. Orpheus supposed that was one of the benefits of the House, at least – there was nothing else they were supposed to be doing while they were blinked in. L had no pressing cases that needed to be solved as soon as possible, because time wasn’t even passing in the House. They would need to balance time so they could have moments like this while L still did his job when Orpheus was a ghost. “I can’t wait to see what I end up liking,” Orpheus murmured, his breath warm against L’s neck. “I can’t wait to do everything together.” He let out a soft breath, taking in the scent of the cake and the knowledge that they still had some time before they absolutely had to make the frosting. “There will be a time,” he whispered, running a hand through L’s hair, “where every day we’re guaranteed to see each other. Where we don’t have to fight for moments like this.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 9, 2021 15:05:00 GMT -5
L wondered, sometimes, what the House thought of them. They were not for the first to fall in love within these walls, he knew. Even knowing as few people as he did, he knew that much. But did the House understand what it was seeing? Did it know the language their hearts spoke, or was this something unexpected and unexplained to it, something it observed without quite grasping? Strange, that he felt most like someone normal when he was in this place. Strange, that he was most at peace in the heart of a monster, when he’d spent his life either hiding from them or searching for ways to stop them. Paradox House. The name had only become more fitting as time passed, hadn’t it? He turned his head slightly, towards Orpheus, the soft, warm fabric of his shirt and the steady thrum of his heart like being inside during a blizzard. Like knowing you would be very cold if you were to open a window, and also knowing you weren’t cold at all. He gave a quiet sigh. Here, eyes closed, the scent of both Orpheus and the baking cake they’d made filling his senses, the music of his voice, even when he was speaking, not singing, the warmth of his arms around him… Enough of his senses were distracted that it was possible to pretend they weren’t in the House at all. “I think…I’d like that time to be soon,” he whispered back. There was no need for his voice to be any louder. They were near enough to hear even a breath. “Maybe, when that time comes, there will be days when we don’t have to do anything at all. Where we don’t have to let go, not until we choose to.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 10, 2021 1:58:27 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t know what the House thought of them, but he wasn’t sure he particularly cared. The House had kept them blinking in with each other. It was, at least in part, responsible for the way the two of them had fallen for each other. Orpheus couldn’t give it all the credit, but he knew that they would never have even met without it. He couldn’t help but be a little grateful. And he was admittedly grateful for this room. Here they were, two people that had no right to know each other, holding each other as a cake baked beside them. As a cake probably neared burning beside them. He didn’t mind if the cake burned, he just cared about sharing this moment with L. It was easy enough to pretend it was happening somewhere else. To pretend they were in L’s world and they could stay here for as long as they wanted. To pretend that if they wanted to stand there for eternity, they could. Until the cake caught fire, which was a distinct possibility. “Maybe,” Orpheus echoed, holding L just that little bit closer. He knew it wouldn’t be any time soon for him. He knew that he would have to wait millennia for any sort of future with L, but he would wait that time and longer, if it meant having some semblance of peace with L. He was under no impression that L’s life was peaceful, but couldn’t they steal a few peaceful moments? “Would you set aside your cases for moments like that?” Orpheus asked softly, his voice scarcely more than a whisper. “Would you take a break for a day so we can do nothing but hold each other and lay there like the world isn’t turning around us?”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 10, 2021 18:36:27 GMT -5
It was easy to forget, sometimes, that Orpheus would need to wait as long as he would. L knew he would…he was from a long, long time ago, from L’s point of view. For L, it could theoretically be any day. It could be happening now if he allowed for the possibility of the House erasing that memory when he blinked in. It wasn’t too hard to believe…after all, how would Orpheus know when he died in L’s timeline? He didn’t want to think about that. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to have Orpheus both alive and in his world. Sometimes, he wondered why they couldn’t have been born at the same time, why they couldn’t have just had a life that way, but whatever the reason, he couldn’t change it just by wishing it. The questions should have been expected, but they weren’t. It was difficult…reconciling Orpheus and his cases in his mind. Sometimes he felt like he was two different people, and those two people didn’t exist at the same time. The cold, frighteningly intelligent detective had never heard of the young man with songs stuck in his head. The young man was possibly afraid for the detective. Or of him. “Yes,” he breathed out, his voice almost no more than air. “It’s selfish of me. But yes.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 10, 2021 19:24:09 GMT -5
Orpheus knew that the more time the two of them were to spend with each other in L’s world, the fewer cases L would be able to solve. While taking breaks from cases was undoubtedly a good thing, Orpheus could see why there might be hesitation. The fewer cases solved, the fewer lives saved. But L shouldn’t have to carry that weight. He shouldn’t have had to see himself as responsible for stopping every mass murderer out there. L’s work never ended, and Orpheus understood why it was so difficult for him to take breaks. That was the very struggle Orpheus had faced when he had lost Eurydice, wasn’t it? He had to finish the song. The longer he spent trying to finish it, the more lives were lost to winters that were too cold and came too quickly. “Not selfish,” Orpheus replied with a firm shake of his head. “Or… if it is selfish, then the good kind of selfish. The kind of selfish that means you’re taking care of yourself, not the kind that means you’re doing it at the expense of other people.” He pulled L closer, pressing his forehead against L’s as gently as he could. “I love you,” he whispered, letting his eyes close for just a moment. He would wait for millennia if it meant a chance to hold L like this in his world. “By the time I find you, I’ll have a plan. So you won’t have to sacrifice cases, and we’ll still have time.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 10, 2021 22:01:29 GMT -5
It was difficult not to feel responsible. It was difficult not to think that he wasn’t the sort of person who could take breaks, because…because people would die if he did. That was what it really came down to at the end of the day. The more time a case took, the more lives it claimed. What sort of person was he, to ever place something as trivial as…as sleeping late or seeing a movie or going somewhere new over people’s very lives? Those people depended on him. There was no one else in the world who could take over, not even for a day. It was alright. He was used to the weight of it. Watari’s gentle encouragement for him to take breaks was more an expression of his emotional connection to him than an actual recommendation. Take tomorrow off meant you’re important to me not take tomorrow off. He breathed out. That was the main difference. If Orpheus were in his world, there wouldn’t be time that didn’t count as time anymore. It was a cruel sort of irony…they’d finally have all the time in the world, but every second would cost them dearly. “It is selfish,” he murmured, trying not to let his tone sound as sad as he worried it might if he wasn’t keeping an eye on it. “It is at the expense of other people. It always is. It’s…always been easier not to take breaks, I think. Even small ones. It’s easier not to want something you’ve never had.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 11, 2021 1:35:59 GMT -5
“I think you’re thinking about it the wrong way,” Orpheus admitted. In a normal circumstance, he might have pulled back from L just enough to see his eyes, but he didn’t know when they would next get to hold each other like this. He didn’t know when L would next feel comfortable enough to close his eyes, and he didn’t want to disrupt that. If L didn’t get breaks in his world, then the House was the only time he allowed himself to relax. The last thing Orpheus wanted was to yank that out from under him. He was already on the brink of that, it seemed. He just had to be careful about what he said. “You’re thinking of it as though people die because you’re not working. You see taking a break as allowing people to die. That’s… that’s too heavy, love.” He ran a hand through L’s hair, trying to find a way to make his words come across the way he meant them. “I think you need to think about it in terms of this… a normal person wouldn’t be doing anything. They wouldn’t be going after criminals or making any difference in the world. By going after a criminal, you’re saving a life. If you think of it in terms of the lives you save when you’re working instead of the number of lives you don’t save when you don’t work… then you’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to take breaks and treat yourself like you’re worthy of love. If you don’t… then you’ll burn yourself out and you won’t be able to solve any cases.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 11, 2021 14:46:48 GMT -5
L didn’t move, though he felt, deep down, that he probably should. He hadn’t meant to turn this into a conversation about work, and breaks, and more specifically the existence of one and absence of the other, but at the same time…he did know they’d need to talk about it before Orpheus made it to his time. It was a thought he’d been ignoring, for the most part. Maybe it was because Orpheus being in his world felt like a far off dream…something that he very much wanted, but something that wasn’t going to happen soon enough to think about too much. He was grateful that Orpheus hadn’t pulled back. He’d have understood if he had, but it was easier to think about this with his eyes closed. Easier to admit that he didn’t quite know how to stop being L, detective, unless the House forced him to. “You’re right,” he whispered, his voice open and vulnerable. “I know you’re right. And if it were anyone else, I’d tell them the same thing. It’s just that…if you were in danger, somehow, if the case were about you, I wouldn’t stop until I found you again. I wouldn’t sleep until you were home and safe. But every person in every case has someone who feels that way about them, only those people aren’t the ones who get to do something about it. How could I possibly look the sister or father or friend of a victim in the eye and explain that I wasn’t fast enough to bring them home because…because I chose to go to the beach in the middle?” He didn’t want to sound self-pitying. He knew he probably did. “I’m sorry,” he added, voice smaller. “It’s alright. You don’t need to worry about me. It’s just that, if someone could have saved you, and they decided to do something else while you were in danger, there’s a 96% chance I would hate that person. If they decided to do something they didn’t need to do, then there’s no chance I wouldn’t hate them.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Oct 17, 2021 21:37:17 GMT -5
Orpheus shifted, moving so he could see L’s face. He didn’t pull away entirely – they both needed that closeness, especially given how rare it was and how uncertain when they’d next get to hold each other – but he wanted to see L as he spoke. He wanted to see his words as they reached L’s ears. How else could he be certain they were having the desired effect? He couldn’t change L’s world. He couldn’t make it the kind of world where people would stop hurting each other long enough for L to get a real break. He couldn’t take the responsibility off of L’s shoulder. He might, however, be able to make it a little easier to carry. “I know you can’t trust anyone other than Watari and I,” Orpheus whispered, lightly rubbing the back of L’s hand as he spoke, “but you act as though you’re the only one who can help people. Like there aren’t other people doing the same jobs you are. They may not be as fast as you, or as clever, but if you take a step back, or turn down a case in order to take some time for yourself, there are still going to be people working on it. I know you’re only called in on extreme cases, but you’ve said it yourself that there’s more than one kind of intelligence. I’m not saying you’re unnecessary, because you’re not, but if you take a break, the whole world won’t fall apart. Someone else will track the killer, and there’s a good chance they’ll find them, especially if you’ve paved the way for them by untangling the first part of the mystery. I’m not asking you to trust people to solve all of your cases, but I am asking you to realize that other people are perfectly competent. That you deserve the chance to take a break, and there’s a system in place to support you doing that very thing.” Orpheus knew it wouldn’t ease L’s fears completely, but they didn’t need completely. All they needed was a chance L might realize taking a break might actually end up helping more people. “If you burn yourself out,” Orpheus whispered, pressing his forehead to L’s, “you won’t be able to help anyone at all.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Oct 30, 2021 6:18:26 GMT -5
L’s eyes flicked to Orpheus’ face as he shifted backwards, his lips pressing very lightly together as he searched his gaze. He didn’t like the idea of worrying Orpheus. He didn’t want to make him think this was really that much of a problem…he had been at this a long time, and so far, it had worked out. The main thing would be figuring out how to fit a relationship into his life when that relationship didn’t take place outside of time. But it wasn’t as though he needed to balance Orpheus around his work. If anything, he needed to balance his work around Orpheus. But not yet. There were no plans for Orpheus to make it to his world just yet. This…this was something different. His eyes widened a little as Orpheus continued. As he pointed out the flaw in L’s reasoning. It was…an incredibly obvious hole, once pointed out. The fact that he wasn’t the only detective in the world. He worked with other detectives often enough, didn’t he? He closed his eyes again, feeling the warmth of Orpheus’ forehead against his. It hadn’t been an accusation, he knew, but he felt a bit like he’d just gotten a basic math problem wrong. “I forgot again,” he whispered, his voice suddenly very small. “I…don’t know whether I forgot I was human, or that other people were. I work with competent people sometimes.” He swallowed, pressing a tiny bit closer. “I know that I’m not smarter, really. You can’t measure intelligence. But I do catch criminals more efficiently. I suppose, though…if you were the only person allowed to sing, simply because you’re the best at it, that wouldn’t make much more sense, would it?”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Nov 8, 2021 3:33:08 GMT -5
“It’s okay,” Orpheus whispered, eyes widening a bit in surprise as L pressed closer. He hadn’t actually thought L would forget, but it didn’t reflect poorly on L. It was just that people didn’t tend to associate with L outside of their jobs, right? It wasn’t like L had any reason to think about them here, where he didn’t need to think about cases or working. Besides, a great many of them were probably not as competent as L himself. That didn’t, however, mean that they were incompetent. “It’s okay,” Orpheus repeated, one hand weaving through L’s hair. “The people you work with are the best at their jobs. They’re good enough to be able to help people when you take breaks, even if they’re not as efficient as you. But… you don’t need to take the entire weight of the world on your shoulders. I tried to do that, you know? I tried to be the one person who could bring back spring, and I succeeded, but… I lost something more important. I might have been the best person for the job, but because I didn’t take a break…” Orpheus trailed off, knowing L would be able to fill in the rest of it himself. “If I had let people help me, if I had found the people who were good enough to continue the work while I balanced the rest of my life…” he let the thought hang in the air. It was a complicated situation. Orpheus regretted Eurydice’s death every day, but if she hadn’t died, then he never would have ended up with L. How could someone make a choice like that between two people they loved more than they even had words for? “We’ll figure it out,” Orpheus whispered, sounding much more confident than he had just moments earlier. His voice was stronger, his tone fortified by conviction. “It just might mean you have to believe some people are actually good at their jobs.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Nov 12, 2021 9:14:07 GMT -5
L breathed out, giving a tiny nod. Orpheus was right. Even though he did feel that lives were probably lost when he wasn’t working, if only because those detectives didn’t really do more when he was taking a break…it wasn’t as though he thought he was the only thing standing between all victims and perpetrators. There had been detectives long before him, and there would be detectives long after he was gone. He held Orpheus a little bit tighter as he went on. It wasn’t the same thing, he knew, but he did see his point. They both had a tendency to feel responsible for things outside their control. They just dealt with it differently. “We’ll figure it out,” he repeated, drawing strength from the words, and the belief behind them. Because Orpheus meant it. He wasn’t just trying to say whatever he thought might make L feel better. “Anyway…I think we may both benefit from someone else to catch us when we forget ourselves,” he added a moment later, pulling away just enough to meet Orpheus’ eyes again. “Or at least…someone to bring you food and water, now and then.”
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