Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 3, 2021 2:13:30 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t know much about odds, or chances. In fact, he had spent much of his life looking such things in the eye and saying he didn’t care, he would find a way to do it anyway. He knew, logically, how unlikely it was that he and L would have ever met, let alone fallen in love. He knew that it was a one in a million chance. No… probably less than that. They weren’t supposed to have ever met. He was living thousands of years before L had even been born… unless he had managed to bump into L in the Underworld, they never would have exchanged a single word. And yet… there they were, dancing with each other, bodies pressed close, love pouring through Orpheus’ heart and filling his veins and radiating out around him with so much force Orpheus found it impossible to believe that L didn’t feel it too. He had thought he would only fall in love once. He had thought that was all you got, that when your story ended in tragedy, that was it. He hadn’t stopped to consider that tragedy was only permanent for the dead. He hadn’t stopped to think that the survivors needed to learn how to stand up and keep walking forward. Even when there was nobody to turn back for. L had taught him to keep walking. L had realigned the stars for him and made him wonder if there was still something to keep moving for, even if he didn’t see it right away. A tiny smile touched Orpheus’ lips at the thought. Yes, he loved L. He owed him… he owed him everything. He owed him his hope. But he, like L, was dwelling on the past. Thinking about things they couldn’t change now, even if they wanted to. That all mattered, Orpheus wasn’t going to pretend like it didn’t, but here, in the moment… what had happened in the past wasn’t important. They were so close… Orpheus couldn’t look away from the soft smile on L’s face, the peace in his expression as he let Orpheus lead. He had never danced, not really. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he was enjoying it. He was enjoying how close L was, the feeling of their heartrates building together, the warmth of L’s hands, of… of everything. “Both of us,” Orpheus echoed, the happiness in his voice unmistakable. “I always thought… it would be unpleasant to be in the center of a fire, but… I suppose I was wrong.” For perhaps the first time, Orpheus understood what people meant when they compared fire to life. Loving L… it was like a wildfire blazing in him, not destroying, but… but growing. The flames of this room would die down, eventually, but they would leave behind tiny green sprouts to cultivate and preserve. Loving L… dancing with him… it was hope. It was moving forward, and it was forging a new path, and it was living, really living in a way Orpheus didn’t think he’d ever get to again. Orpheus suspected the House had never meant itself to be a home. And yet… since it was the only place Orpheus could see L… that’s what it had become.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 4, 2021 11:59:40 GMT -5
The past mattered. Of that, L had no doubt. It was a part of them, both of them, the parts they shared and the parts they didn’t. In the end...all they would have was what they had done, their history. When you no longer walked, all you had left were footprints, but...maybe that was okay. They were not yet history. Living in the past meant every moment of the present was missed. It was no good being a memory just yet, no good recounting life. They were not yet stories. Stories had endings. They had music and movement, taps and whispers and half smiles instead. So L opened his eyes and met Orpheus’ soft hazel ones, and he let the past fade back where it belonged. Dancing was something that had always seemed to ground him. Movement in general connected him to himself, his body, and now, Orpheus. It was amazing, how they seemed to be one person now, seemed to move together as smoothly as though they had one brain between them, guiding them both. “I think most fires would still be unpleasant to be in,” he whispered back, eyes bright with something gentle and light and so very far removed from the darkness he faced in his own world. He’d never felt further from his job than he felt dancing there, hand in hand with the person he loved. “But I do know what you mean. This one...I think I would like to live in this one.” He didn’t know it, but if the House was a home to Orpheus, it was to L, too. It was where Orpheus was, after all...and therefore where L’s heart resided. If home truly was where the heart was, then he could find home anywhere at all as long as Orpheus was there beside him.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 5, 2021 17:37:33 GMT -5
L blinked in, balanced on his toes as though trying to see over something taller than he was, his eyes bright with interest as he struggled to look at whatever it was. He lowered himself back down and shook his head a little, disappointed, before glancing over his shoulder and taking in the rest of the room. His eyes landed on Orpheus a moment later and his whole body stiffened, fear stabbing through him at the sight of him on the floor. Was he hurt? Or…? L approached quickly and dropped to his side, looking closer and checking his breathing...and relaxing. He was only asleep. L breathed out, shooting a reproachful look at the ceiling for a moment before turning his attention back to Orpheus. He looked...younger, asleep. More peaceful. L felt a small smile settle over his expression in spite of himself...he couldn’t seem to help it. He supposed he should wake Orpheus up, to be safe. L might blink out and leave him there, after all, helpless against whatever else the House decided to drop in. Yes, it was safest to wake him immediately. But...when had he last slept? His posture suggested he hadn’t intended to fall asleep. Which meant he’d been tired enough to do it by accident...L knew he himself had to be extremely tired for that to happen to him. Maybe he could just...wait a couple minutes? He was never going to forgive himself if he blinked out now, he knew, as he settled down next to him and began to keep watch.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 5, 2021 18:38:23 GMT -5
The House was a dangerous place to fall asleep, even in the living room. Orpheus knew that. He had tried – unsuccessfully, of course – to persuade L to fall asleep while Orpheus could watch over him. Naturally, L had pointed out that Orpheus couldn’t actually watch over him seeing as the House could choose to blink him out at any moment, but… the thought had been there. Not that Orpheus was thinking any of this at the moment. He was asleep, his breath steady, his chest rising and falling with an even rhythm. It took more than a few minutes for him to wake up, but not by much. It happened slowly, Orpheus’ eyes moving behind his lids before his lashes flickered open just a touch. The carpet underneath him was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, and for a brief moment Orpheus racked his brain to remember where he had fallen asleep. The carpet was the wrong shade of green for the grass he’d passed out in. And then he shifted his head and L resolved in his view, coming into full clarity. “Ah,” he whispered, rolling over to see him better, but making no effort to get all the way up. “Good morning, Λ,” he murmured, his voice lowered by sleep. “Or… whatever time of day you came from.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 5, 2021 19:37:14 GMT -5
L noticed the moment Orpheus began to wake up, and his attention was immediately fixed on him, eyes searching his expression. He seemed peaceful still, at least...he didn’t seem to be panicking, which was good. L’s eyes met Orpheus’ as he moved, and his small smile grew a little. He shifted to give Orpheus the rest of his attention as well. “Watari is asleep, so...it’s likely night, or early morning,” he replied, considering it with his head tilted. “You fell asleep by accident. Why were you up so late?” A side effect to knowing a detective was that they tended to notice things like this. He hadn’t been there, but he could tell that much just from Orpheus’ posture. He relaxed, sighing lightly. “You don’t have your lyre,” he noted. “I suppose the House decided you don’t need it for whatever room we do. Assuming we do a room at all...I don’t mind if we don’t.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 5, 2021 22:18:28 GMT -5
Orpheus shifted, amusement glittering in his eyes as L managed to guess the situation almost perfectly. He hadn’t fallen asleep on purpose. In fact, if he hadn’t fallen asleep, he might have had a new song to play for L by now. While it was unfortunate that he didn’t… he was just grateful to be able to see him. Although it did make his mind wander a little bit… what would it be like to wake up to see L every day? What would it be like to live in a world where the first face he saw every morning was L’s? Perhaps there was a reason they were separated by millennia. The ability to wake up next to L would have made Orpheus inhumanly happy and therefore much too powerful. “I was writing,” he murmured, still not making an effort to get up. “I had a song for you, and I didn’t finish it. In fact I’m certain the entire last verse I wrote is gibberish.” He gave a quiet laugh at the thought, then let his eyes close again for a moment. “We can do a room in a minute,” he said, blinking his eyes open just enough to glance at L. “For now I’m reveling in the idea of a life where this could be every morning.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 5, 2021 22:47:20 GMT -5
“Mm,” L hummed sympathetically, giving a small nod at that. “I’ve found my work is often indecipherable if I fall asleep in the middle of it. Watari had to stop me from sending gibberish to the entire Japanese government once. I think that was one of the first times he actually ordered me to go to bed…” He shook his head a little. “At any rate...although I’d have loved to hear your song...I’m glad you got some sleep. And I’m even more glad to see you.” He settled in, getting into a more comfortable position on the floor. He felt no rush to get up, not when they were both perfectly comfortable where they were. If the House was impatient, or needed only to blink them directly wherever it thought they should be. “Oh,” he murmured, blinking a little as Orpheus continued. It was far from the first time he’d imagined such a thing...Orpheus in his world. The possibilities of such a thing were endless. He didn’t even know what normal people did when they lived together...he’d only ever lived at Wammy’s House, then with Watari later. He slid down, lying next to Orpheus. This was not a safe position to be in, he knew. It was stupid to lie on the floor in the House. If something happened, he might not be able to stop it. But Orpheus seemed able to disarm him with a mere smile. “It would be different,” he mused softly. “You’d have a bed, for one thing. But I have thought about that. What it would be like to wake up and see you first every day, I think I would be very happy.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 6, 2021 18:11:46 GMT -5
Orpheus gave a tiny laugh, shifting so he could see L even better. “Well, I’m glad Watari was there to stop you from completely confusing the Japanese government.” Although… if he had to guess, he had a feeling that indecipherable for L was a good deal more logical than it was for the rest of the population. It was also slightly disappointing that nobody got to watch the face of whatever government official was about to receive the complete nonsense L had been about to send them. Orpheus figured that likely would have been amusing. Dangerous, too, though… perhaps it was for the best that L hadn’t been allowed to send it. This… this casual conversation while just waking up, while the world resolved itself around him… this was comfortable. This was a dream Orpheus had harbored for a very long time. He didn’t want to have to leave it yet. The House couldn’t make him, and it seemed that L wanted to share the dream with him, too, for however long it lasted. Or for however long the House let it last. He watched, a smile crossing his features as L moved to lay down beside him. Orpheus reached out, taking his hand and lightly tapping against it, letting his thoughts drift from his head to soft taps against L’s wrist. “Beds in your world seem quite comfortable,” he murmured, shaking his head a little bit. “In mine they aren’t… uncomfortable, but they aren’t nearly as fluffy as they are in yours. But… I think you’re more important than the beds. I would sleep on hard ground for the rest of my life if it meant waking up beside you.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 6, 2021 21:58:33 GMT -5
“Confusing them, yes, and also probably alarming them. It looked very like a secret code.” L mused, watching Orpheus, a small smile resting on his features. He was lucky, so incredibly lucky...and he couldn’t help smiling a little every time he thought about it. It happened at random moments in the day now, when he was working, when he was trying to write important emails, when he was in meetings...perhaps it was fortunate that his face was never seen. Not that he doubted his ability to hide his expressions when he needed to, he’d had a lot of practice, but still. It was nice to be able to randomly smile to himself sometimes. This was a dream they both had, it seemed. A dream they both knew might never actually happen. But L let himself imagine it, anyway. He let himself picture waking up in Orpheus’ arms, curled safely against him. He pictured sleepy mornings like this, even if he didn’t sleep...he pictured it. He imagined sharing days without worrying that one or both of them was about to disappear. Falling asleep pressed close to each other without knowing that it was almost certain they would wake up alone. He pictured not having to worry that time was going too fast in Orpheus’ world, not having to worry that he simply wouldn’t blink in again, that one day the House would tire of them and simply separate them, never telling either one the fate of the other. Yes...there was a reason he had dreams. He shook his head of the thought and focused on Orpheus again, his expression softening. “Can you jump on your beds?” He asked curiously. “Children often jump on the ones we have. They’re very bouncy.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 7, 2021 2:07:26 GMT -5
“How do you know it wasn’t a secret code?” Orpheus asked, something in his eyes sparkling with the question. It was, after all, a very L thing to let your sleep deprived mind create a code that even you likely couldn’t crack come morning. “Maybe what you were going to send was some truly pivotal information, you just made some sort of uncrackable code. Well… I guess you’ve already done that. A second uncrackable code.” Orpheus couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he spoke. It was the love that he couldn’t always show in his world, the love that nobody else in any world could understand, except, regrettably, perhaps Shade and Hook. They knew what it was like to love someone and never know if you were going to see them again. To have to rely on the House for even a moment of peace with the person you loved, to know that every time you saw them, something horrible could happen. Orpheus didn’t think there was any possibility of having a life that normal with L. If he did find himself seeing L’s world, it was only because he would be dead and somehow have found his way out of the Underworld. It was a beautiful dream, but… in the end, that was all it was. A dream. “No,” he replied softly,” shaking his head. “I mean, I suppose if you really wanted to jump on them you could, but they aren’t bouncy or fun to jump on or anything. I think the beds you have sound… well, amazing. Perhaps the House will show me what they’re like at some point. Even if neither of us ends up sleeping in it.” He could hardly imagine L sleeping in the House except when Orpheus was there. He had a very difficult time imagining him falling asleep in a room on a strange piece of furniture. “I want to see your world,” he murmured, voice sad as he intertwined his fingers with L’s. “I can only just begin to imagine it.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 7, 2021 2:32:56 GMT -5
L blinked, considering that, his head tilted a little. He hadn’t really considered that before...the thought that maybe he’d developed a secret code and almost sent it to people was an interesting one. “In that case, I wasn’t being very careful with it, sending it to an entire government,” he said seriously. “Especially when they couldn’t even know what it said, unless...I cracked a preexisting code and was about to send a message in it. Which still wouldn’t make much sense. Unless I needed to tell them something secret?” He fell silent, mulling that over. He supposed it was theoretically possible...if not very likely. It was much more likely that he’d simply gotten tired and written nonsense. Still, he couldn’t prove it wasn’t true. “I think Watari saved it. I don’t know why he did, but I’ll look over it when I get back,” he decided seriously, looking at Orpheus again. It may have been only a dream, but it was a difficult one to ignore. It was loud, and constant, and L found he didn’t much want to ask it to leave his head. It was everything he wanted...and knew he could never have. If ghosts existed at all, if somehow Orpheus managed to break out and get to him...that was the best case scenario. But even then, they couldn’t live together, because one of them would be dead. And L didn’t know a lot about ghosts, but they probably didn’t eat or sleep, and they probably couldn’t be held. He sighed, letting the thought go. Orpheus was here. They had this, and as hard as it was, L wouldn’t trade it for anything. He watched Orpheus’ expression, his own softening. Taps escaped his fingers, fragments of thoughts here and there in the form of words and phrases, as he thought. “There’s so much I wish I could show you...that I think you'd love,” he murmured back. “I wish you could see everything. I think...I think you would like my world. Once you got used to it.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 7, 2021 3:05:39 GMT -5
Orpheus’ own thoughts escaped in small bursts of tapping, seamlessly lending themselves to L’s mind as easily as they lent themselves to Orpheus’. It was odd to know that, though Orpheus likely wouldn’t know exactly what L was thinking at any given moment, he had much better shot of knowing that anyone else did. Firstly because he knew L better than almost anyone, but also because L shared his thoughts more openly – or perhaps more subconsciously – with Orpheus than he did with anyone else. It was one reason among many that Orpheus loved the code. The fact that he could get snippets of what was going on in L’s mind… he didn’t ask for them, he would never pressure L to give them… but he loved the asides. The thoughts that he could peace together into his own, the soft reassurance that they were often thinking of the same things. “You’ll have to tell me,” Orpheus murmured, shaking his head free of the thoughts. “I guess… it’s probably unlikely, but it would be interesting if it was actually a code and not just… sleep deprivation. Or if it was both.” He shot L a tiny smile, letting his eyes close for another moment before he sighed, realizing it was probably about time to actually get up. It wasn’t as though he was on a deadline, just that… he didn’t want to waste any time at all with L. An idea flicked through his head as L spoke. A stupid idea, perhaps, but an idea nonetheless. He considered L for a long moment before pushing himself up into a seated position, his free hand automatically moving to gently comb through L’s hair. “House,” he said softly, not quite looking at it. “I would like… to ask you a favor. There’s nothing more for me to do in my world. I… I’ve done everything I can possibly imagine doing. Blink me home with L. Please. Let me join his world. Let me… let me see it and live it…” he trailed off, looking at L. Petitioning the House never did anything, but… Orpheus figured he could try. “I can’t imagine it would be terribly difficult to get used to with you by my side.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 8, 2021 2:02:43 GMT -5
L didn’t often share his thoughts...at least, not all of them. He gave his theories, his logic, where it was needed, but his actual thoughts and opinions? The things he couldn’t prove? Those were less valuable by far, and he didn’t tend to share them very openly. Even more rare was him sharing his feelings. Thoughts were one thing, but...emotions? Those he kept even closer to his chest. Those were weapons, thing he shared with almost no one. But he wasn’t careful to hide them around Orpheus. Orpheus…L could trust him with all of him. Which was why he trusted him with the code. Something that was a gateway to L’s mind...the code was bits of thoughts that L didn’t even fully intend to let loose. Which would be a huge problem, if anyone but Orpheus knew how to read it...but it was unbreakable, and L felt entirely safe with it as it was. Besides that...Orpheus’ thoughts were equally valuable. And L treasured them. “Yes,” he agreed, giving a small nod. “I’ll let you know how it goes. If it is a code, I’lol need to crack it, somehow. Which should, theoretically, be easy, since I’m me and I ought to have the answer in my head if I managed to write in it, but...we’ll see.” He fell silent for a long moment, just...letting the time slip by as they both lay there, defenseless against the House, but together. And, really, if it came to a choice? L would much rather be defenseless against the House with Orpheus than be able to defeat it without him. He blinked as Orpheus sat up, and didn’t immediately follow him, just watching. Then his eyes widened even more and Orpheus spoke. “What are you…?” He asked softly, but he knew the answer. Orpheus was willing to risk directly asking the House to go home with L. He was willing to take the risk of whatever the House might do with that. Well...it was only fair he didn’t take that risk alone, wasn’t it. “If you can, House, we would both be grateful,” he murmured, closing his eyes at the feeling of Orpheus gently combing through his hair. “I’ve never asked you for anything, House. Not directly. Please...please let me show him my world.” He sighed a little, sitting up at last. “It might be harder than you think,” he murmured, giving a small smile. “There’s no way the House could have fully prepared you for another time, even if it helped.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 8, 2021 23:10:17 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t think that L’s thoughts were less valuable. In fact… he thought that L’s thoughts and opinions were a great deal more valuable than L thought them. He didn’t know if he could say they were more valuable than his logic, but… he couldn’t say they were less valuable, either. L’s logic saved lives, but without his thoughts… without how he felt about things, without the emotions running through his heart… or head, Orpheus remembered, emotions were technically centered in the head, not the heart… the point was, L wouldn’t be who he was without those things. There wouldn’t be the caring, earnest, thoughtful detective that Orpheus had fallen in love with. He knew there were some people who thought none of those things about L. Knew there were people who say what L could do, who took hold of his logic and reduced him down to only that. He knew L acted differently around others than he did with Orpheus, but Orpheus had been a stranger, once. Maybe he hadn’t been working with L on a case, maybe he hadn’t had to see L make those hard choices, but… he didn’t know how anyone could look at L and see only the logic, even when L took pains to hide the rest. But Orpheus wasn’t here to judge the way other people saw L. It was enough for him to know who L was… to be able to enjoy his presence and relax, safe in the knowledge that he loved L and L loved him back. It didn’t matter what anyone on either of their worlds thought. He gave a satisfied nod as he confirmed that L would let him know if there was a code – he was curious, even if the odds weren’t high. If only just because it would prove that L was brilliant enough to make a code while sleep deprived without even knowing he was doing it. Orpheus’ own sleep deprived writings were… less impressive. He was fairly certain he’d written something down about cars for birds in the song he’d been writing for L. Oh… he hadn’t expected L to join him. Not that he was complaining, but… he hadn’t thought L would be willing to put himself on the line like that. Perhaps he should have realized he would. Perhaps he should have been tipped off by the fact L had died for him just a couple of blinks before. Still… it meant something. And Orpheus was oddly touched, even if he doubted the House was going to listen. “I welcome any surprise your world could throw at me,” Orpheus replied, a tiny smile touching his lips. “Easy or not… I’d adapt to any world if it meant getting to wake up next to you whenever I choose.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 10, 2021 17:30:30 GMT -5
If Orpheus had met L on a case...would he have wanted anything to do with him? Would he still have seen whatever it was he saw in him? Or would he have disliked him, thought him as cold and emotionless as anyone did? Would he have had a chance of falling for him under any circumstances but these? In another world...in another universe, or another time, or if they came from the same world, or if a single thing were different… Was it possible...no...was it likely that Orpheus would never have given L a second glance? No more than acquaintances at best, strangers or enemies at worst. He wondered, sometimes. He wondered whether he had gotten lucky. He knew he had, but the question was how deep that luck went. He had no doubt he would have fallen for Orpheus in any world, any universe, any time, under any circumstances. But then, Orpheus wasn’t hidden under years of masked expressions and learning to let emotions go through you like wind instead of allowing them to touch skin or tug muscles into a smile or a frown. He supposed it didn’t matter much, whether Orpheus would have fallen for him in another world. He wasn’t in another world...he was in this one. And in this one, he had. He didn’t think it was likely that he’d made a code while half asleep. Making a code wasn’t easy, unless you wanted it to be easily cracked. He would need time and concentration. More likely was that he had discovered a preexisting code and merely cracked it. Of course...more likely by far was that he had just written down nonsense. Even if he was touched that Orpheus thought it possible he had done something more. L glanced at Orpheus, expression serious. He was willing to put himself on the line, just as much as Orpheus was. He was willing to risk his life, which he tried so very hard to protect, if it meant Orpheus could have a chance of living with him. Not that he believed it was much of a chance, at all, but it was something. It was something more than he’d had a moment ago. And he was grateful for the idea. . “I’d come to your world, if I could,” he breathed. He knew the weight behind those words all too well, knew the House could easily take him up on that...he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it. He’d lose his cases. He’d lose his job. He’d lose Watari...and he said it anyway. “If it meant falling asleep in your arms equaled waking up in the same place...yes. I would agree to that.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 12, 2021 14:53:47 GMT -5
Orpheus thought he likely would have fallen for L regardless of the circumstances. He couldn’t imagine looking at L and seeing someone hard and cruel, couldn’t imagine a world where he had never managed to see through his mask. No, there was no world where he wouldn’t have fallen for L Lawliet. Of course… he knew there were likely worlds where they had only passed each other once, never exchanging a word. He knew there were worlds where he and L never met, never even saw each other. But he thought… in any world where they got to have even one conversation… yes, they would have fallen for each other. But what happened in other worlds didn’t affect them. They were here, and it didn’t matter if their worlds had made it impossible for them to ever meet. That was at least part of the reason he still believed that the House could be made even. It had brought them together. It may not have been able to anticipate what would happen between them, but… it had never stopped them from falling in love. It had hurt them in the past, but… he was still grateful for it. He thought it probably understood love. It probably understood how much they meant to each other. “My world?” Orpheus breathed, L’s words pulling him out of his thoughts. “Λ, no… I couldn’t ever ask you to leave your world behind. I don’t know if your world is better, but… your work, Watari, electricity and computers and… and the food you like to eat…” his eyes were wide, like he hadn’t actually expected L to have even considered coming to his world. Or, if he had considered it, had decided completely against it. Orpheus didn’t think he was worth it. The fact that L would leave behind the job that gave him purpose and the only other person who trusted him, the things that made him comfortable… no, Orpheus didn’t think he was worth that. If they both blinked back to the familiar green fields of Thrace… Orpheus pushed the thought away. If the House decided to allow them that… he wouldn’t question L’s decision. Lightly, Orpheus squeezed L’s hand. “I think… the House isn’t very likely to allow us to live in the same world… we should make the most of our time here. Would you like to try a room?” He glanced at the hallway, a thin smile gracing his lips. It was always a risk, but one he was okay taking if it meant spending more time with L. If it meant achieving even a glimpse of normalcy. A relationship lived out in one room wouldn’t be quite as worth it as one that was built through exploration.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 12, 2021 18:54:52 GMT -5
It didn’t much matter whether they would have fallen in another world, or another time, but L liked to imagine it anyway. Maybe because he liked the idea that there was a world out there where they lived in the same world at the same time. Maybe because if he wasn’t allowed to wake up next to his love, he wanted some version of himself to have that privilege. It didn’t affect him, but the thought made him smile anyway. The House had made meeting possible. It had made this possible. L couldn’t really thank it enough of that, even if he didn’t think it was anywhere close to even. He didn’t know if it cared, didn’t know if it was capable of caring. It was something he would consider stopping, if he could. Would he destroy it, given the chance? Truthfully...he didn’t think so. It had caused a lot of pain, but as far as he knew it hadn’t permanently killed anyone in a very long time, and the good it did...well. It wasn’t a small amount. He was a different person because of the House, he’d been changed for the better, and a good part of that was because of Orpheus, but not completely. Other people had affected him. And not just people, but the House itself had shown him things, made him experience things he’d never have gotten to otherwise...perhaps he was just too curious to destroy anything with so much power. L glanced at Orpheus, giving a tiny smile as he listed all the reasons L wouldn’t want to come to his world. They were true. And they weren’t small, either. Watari...he would miss Watari very much if he never saw him again. He’d be sad, he’d beg the House to let him say goodbye, or at least to blink Watari in and give him an explanation. But he meant what he said. The fear of blinking out and never blinking back, the fear of time passing at different speeds, and fear of never knowing what had happened to him, never getting closure...that scared him, more than he cared to admit. Orpheus was worth it. Orpheus was worth all that and more. He nodded, letting the thought fade a little. “I do mean it, you know,” he murmured, getting to his feet and looking towards the hall. “But you’re right, of course. It’s not likely to happen. We’ve come this far without living in the same world. I suppose I can’t really complain.” He headed for the hall, not letting go of Orpheus’ hand. Even if he would prefer living in the same world, he had to admit...he would miss the rooms. Some of them, at least. He didn’t want to stop blinking, even if Orpheus did blink back with him, or he with Orpheus, he would miss the House if he never blinked in again.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 13, 2021 3:34:48 GMT -5
Orpheus knew that some people had very different views of the House from him. They thought it was purposefully cruel, they wanted to tear it apart brick by brick, but Orpheus thought it was more than that. It felt… almost human to him. He had told Elpis that it wasn’t very human, but he thought sometimes that such an assessment had been wrong. The House certainly knew what humanity was, and it seemed to be fascinated by it. Orpheus had met enough people that weren’t human to know that there were plenty of other species out there that the House could have blinked into study and watch, but for some reason the vast majority of blinkers were human. If the House didn’t enjoy humans, if it weren’t trying, at least in part, to understand them, then why had it chosen such a composition for the people that rested within its walls? Orpheus had a hard time believing that their small group represented the diversity of what had to be millions of universes. And if the House was so intrigued by humans, then Orpheus figured there must be something at least sort of human within it, as well. Like called to like, that was how most worlds worked. The overall point was that, if the House were human, even on the most basic level, it could be reasoned with. Orpheus could still make it even, even after all this time. “You very rarely say things you don’t mean so candidly,” Orpheus murmured, pushing his thoughts away. “That doesn’t change the fact that I would be worried about you in my world. You know how desperately I want to be able to wake up with you, or to wake up to you holding me… but I would give that up if you had to sacrifice so much of your happiness to get it.” That was all he was going to say about it. It wasn’t likely to happen. Holding hands with L was so familiar. It felt like being home. It was a weird feeling, though made less weird by the fact that he’d gotten used to holding L’s hand well before he had admitted how he felt. It was a miracle neither of them had caught on sooner. Had any other blinkers noticed the way they held hands? Had they reached conclusions that would take L and Orpheus another few months? “Would you like to choose a door?” Orpheus murmured, squeezing his hand. He wasn’t thinking about what might happen if L stopped blinking. In truth… he hadn’t even considered it a possibility. He chose to disregard the thought again now. “I can’t recall if you or I chose last time,” he continued after a moment, looking around. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter… still, picking a door can be fun at times. And you know I’ll always trust your judgment over my own.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 17, 2021 22:16:41 GMT -5
L was one of the only people he had ever met who didn’t have a very fixed view of the House. Oh, he had theories, enough to keep him busy for years. And they’d done just that in the years since his very first blink. But theories and conclusions weren’t the same thing. Theories were just theories, built to try to explain what he didn’t have an explanation for. It had been a long time since he’d wondered about his sanity due to the House, but he couldn’t really blame anyone who did - the House was, at its core, improbable, to say the least, though not impossible - but the truth was, the longer he blinked in, the more questions he had, not answers. It had started with a simple “where am I” and now it made him consider whether the House was alive or not, whether there was more than one being behind it, if the House itself was alive or simply controlled it, what it wanted...yes. More questions than answers, more theories than conclusions. He had plenty of time to muse about the House in his own world. He didn’t tend to do it much while actually in it. Often because a distraction could get him killed, but also because he hated missed opportunities, and not experiencing the House counted. He hummed lightly, considering that. He knew Orpheus was right. He’d have to give up a lot more to go to Orpheus’ world, than the other way around, and he knew Orpheus would worry. He was...well. Built for his own time, in a way. Not that Orpheus wasn’t. But it was different. He let it drop, since it both wasn’t likely to happen and was out of their hands now. “Alright,” he agreed, heading for the hallway, hand in hand with Orpheus. It was a feeling he could never quite get used to, a feeling that never failed to make everything feel like it was going to be okay. He hesitated, looking around at the options, his eyes narrowing just a little. There was no way to tell, but he still tried. He couldn’t seem to help it. Eventually, he chose the second door. “People tend to choose the first door, or choose a door further back. The second door is a less likely choice,” he explained, offering a tiny smile before he moved forwards, stepping inside without letting go of Orpheus’ hand. - prepared to duck or run, the chances of this room being a trap are 50%, identical to every other room. I - what? He blinked, freezing as his thoughts echoed across the room, not overly loud but impossible not to hear. This room makes my thoughts audible? Can Orpheus hear them? How does this work, sometimes I don’t even know what I’m thinking, does the House know me better than I know myself?
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 17, 2021 23:19:18 GMT -5
If Orpheus had ever had a chance of having a fixed view of the House, that chance had been dashed when he had started blinking in with L more often. L’s theories were numerous and intriguing enough to inspire multiple theories in Orpheus, though there was always one constant no matter what he ended up thinking of the House: if he could talk to it, he could convince it to be even. He was fairly certain there was at least something living behind it. It seemed to respond to them, at times, and if it were completely random… if it were completely random, it would be even. That was how randomness worked. It wouldn’t skewe one way or another, not after how many rooms they had been in. And if there was something living behind it, something smart enough to run the House… Orpheus thought he could probably reason with it. Thought he might be able to make it see that it was hurting people. Find out how it had been hurt and make it remember that you never healed unless you let yourself heal – and making other people hurt wasn’t a substitute for recovering yourself. He knew from experience now how attractive pain could be… it drew you in, cradled you and held you and tried to convince you that you were nothing without it. That letting it go, that healing… that it would be a betrayal. Orpheus had been lucky enough to have L on his side as he recovered. He knew that, if the House was hurting, it was likely something that it had gone through alone. But he had let his thoughts lead him on a tangent. That, it seemed, was also a side effect of knowing L. They both knew that the actually door they chose didn’t matter much, but it was still… a decision. And when Orpheus chose a door that led into the bad room… he couldn’t help but feel guilty, even if the door had no bearing on what the room actually was. He breathed out, squeezing L’s hand and following him in. The first thing he took in was L’s voice, only… not really his voice. It sounded like him, but his mouth wasn’t moving. Fifty percent, his thoughts echoed, quieter than L’s but still noticeable. Evenness is… is based on the magnitude of the bad thing, not the chance of a room being bad… the thought petered off as Orpheus looked around the room, trying to see where L’s voice – and his own voice – were coming from. I hear what he’s – you’re? Should I address him if he can hear this…? I suppose the fact that he can probably hear this too answered his question. Orpheus’ gaze shifted down to meet L’s, and he gave a small shrug of his shoulders. If that’s what this room is, I’m more than happy to watch and listen. His thoughts seem more numerous than mine anyway.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 17, 2021 23:40:26 GMT -5
L knew he couldn’t understand how hard it had been for Orpheus, not really. He’s had his share of painful experiences, but lost love had never been one of them. He was glad he’d been able to help, though, regardless whether he could fully understand it. There was a reason most of his theories leaned towards the House being sentient in some way. It seemed to make the most sense, given the facts, especially since he’d met Orpheus and discussed it with him. Having someone to bounce thoughts off of was always helpful. But he wasn’t thinking about that anymore. The room drowned out all other considerations. Evenness would be based on magnitude even if the chances leaned either way, there’s no world where a death can be balanced out by a cookie. Well, what would balance a death? Something must, because I believe Orpheus can make the House even, but nothing can, I know that (contradiction?) no, in order to be even, the House can’t kill anyone. What can it do? It’s easy to balance a stubbed toe, there must be a line, a place where you can no longer balance out the bad thing, unless it’s more gradual than that? He glanced around the plain room, searching for the source of the sound at the same time Orpheus did. His thoughts, however, rambled on. It’s so strange hearing my own thoughts outside of my head, there should be an echo, is there a delay? The House knows my thoughts anyway, it’s proven that, it’s a good thing Orpheus is the only one here, this would be incredible dangerous, I might think about classified info - no stop don’t think about that, am I thinking too much? What’s Orpheus thinking? Quiet, I can’t hear Orpheus, unless I shouldn’t listen to Orpheus’ thoughts, does he want me to? Is this an invasion of privacy? I can’t tell, no stop thinking stop thinking I can’t hear him - He glanced at Orpheus, dark eyes wide. Apologize for thinking too much, his thoughts ordered. I can’t actually stop, though, it seems, have I ever tried to stop thinking? I’d be dead if I did, is this room designed to kill us. Or drive us insane maybe, we are our thoughts, they’re the essence of who we are, technically this is spoken externally however so perhaps we won’t die after all…
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 18, 2021 0:35:55 GMT -5
Orpheus blinked as L’s thoughts washed over him all at once, too fast for him to really dwell on anything for longer than a moment before he was swept up into another line of thinking, another theory, another interjection… it left him speechless. Or rather, thoughtless. His eyes searched L’s, but the detective’s expression was similar to how it was usually, which meant… Wow. Orpheus’ thoughts were like a whisper in comparison to L’s whirlwind, but he was so drawn in by it that he didn’t mind. No wonder L is smarter than me – wait no, he can’t hear that, that would upset him if he knew I thought that, even though it’s true… intellectually, he’s smart. And I can see why. Orpheus frowned a little bit as his thoughts continued of their own accord, not quite as loud and constant and discordant as L’s, but still there. A soft hum worked its way into the room at the same moment it struck Orpheus’ consciousness, and he didn’t try to push it away. Not that it would have worked if he had tried, but… Is the music annoying? It doesn’t annoy me because it’s always there, but… what if it disrupts L’s thoughts? Can I think quieter? If I try it almost feels like it gets louder… He glanced down at his hand, still clasped in L’s, and he gave it a small squeeze of reassurance. I wish he would stop trying to stop himself from thinking. I… like listening. No, more than that… it’s… it’s word… word word word… good? Too vague. Wonderful? No… interesting? Not the right implication… comfortable. Yes, that one works… oh… he’s looking at me. His eyes are enchanting. Red colored Orpheus’ cheeks as he realized that L had just heard that. He would have said it out loud, but there was something about L hearing the randomness with which the thought had arrived that made him feel strangely exposed.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 18, 2021 1:05:50 GMT -5
L couldn’t stop the tornado of thoughts running through his head but he was used to it. Just...not out loud. It was louder outside his head. He wasn’t sure why, actually. Not smarter, his thoughts corrected immediately. Does he really think I’m smarter than he is? I did a bad job of explaining it, my IQ doesn’t measure all forms of intelligence, only one, in which I score very highly because I know I am intelligent, but more intelligent implies that everyone has the same intelligence type (intelligence no longer sounds like a word) focus, he can hear this, is this like talking out loud then? Is it possible to have a conversation this way? He shook his head a little. Anyway, it’s not possible to measure intelligence accurately, there is emotional intelligence, there is musical intelligence (Orpheus would in this area be considered a genius, much smarter than me, perhaps the smartest person in any world, even though he’s about to protest against that idea) artistic intelligence, spatial intelligence, and many more. Interestingly, we measure a human’s intelligence by their IQ score but we measure a dog’s intelligence by their social intelligence, we give them tests based on them listening to us and understanding us, yes we also give them tests like the mirror test, but it’s an interesting comparison nonetheless - oh. He blinked, his train of thought trailing off as Orpheus’ thought registered. He thinks my eyes are enchanting…are they? I suppose he would know, considering his own eyes...wait he can hear this. He blinked again, eyes widening as he realized, but he didn’t quite look away and he didn’t let go of Orpheus’ hand.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 18, 2021 1:30:02 GMT -5
Orpheus blinked a little bit as L’s thoughts continued. He was starting to be able to pick the thoughts apart in spite of their speed, though he still felt like he might be missing things as L jumped from topic to topic. At least he understood for the most part. IQ? He’s mentioned that before, right? Yes… I still don’t know what it means. I should ask… wait I’m missing what he’s saying… he, unlike L, it seemed, was able to force his thoughts to stop, at least temporarily. They encroached back in only a few moments later, but it was enough to make sure he heard the rest of L’s thoughts as well. This is a little bit like a conversation. Except I can’t seem to address him… you? Him? Whichever… directly without it getting all mixed up because the way I usually reference him is in third person and I don’t think my thoughts are switching spontaneously before the room broadcasts them. That’s… not the… hey, in any world is not true, even my world likely has people who would be much smarter when it comes to music if they were to be passionate about it and put in the time and practice, and… this is exactly what he expected. Perhaps I’m predictable. Is that boring for him… wait, no, now he’s going to think that’s something I worry about, which it’s not… this is inconvenient. I hate that you can’t take thoughts back… He was cut off almost immediately as L’s last thought slammed into him full force and he shook his head just a little bit, unable to summon even a single thought. For a couple seconds. And then his brain seemed to have ideas of its own. I want to kiss him. Right there, in the open, scarcely anything at all to cut through to be heard. And if Orpheus’ cheeks had gotten pink before, he was now fully blushing.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 18, 2021 2:15:10 GMT -5
L may have been used to the speed of his own thoughts, but he knew Orpheus wasn’t. He was fascinated by Orpheus’ thoughts, too, even if they weren’t the same as his were. Or perhaps became they weren’t the same. IQ, stands for intelligence quotient, though that’s misleading, as it’s not the only measure and it isn’t always accurate, he thought instantly, defining the term before he’d made a conscious decision to do it for Orpheus’ benefit. Our thoughts also seem to bounce off each other, much like an actual conversation, only we’d be talking over each other if we were having a conversation, and I’d be thinking too much, am I thinking too much? No, wait, he said (thought) he wanted to hear this, he didn’t want me to try to stop. Not that I can stop anyway, whenever I try I just think about stopping. Wait, listen, he’s thinking, I like his thoughts, I thought they’d feel overwhelming on top of mine but they don’t, they’re just...what word did he use? Comfortable? Yes. Comfortable is the right word, I’m not going insane, this room seems like it might not be dangerous after all, what are the chances? Taking appearance, length of time spent, theme, people present, and my own calculations into account I would say they’re less than 10% now. He frowned a little. Boring? I couldn’t ever think Orpheus was boring, that doesn’t - ah, I did what he thought I was going to do, see, that would mean I’m boring too, but really, it just means we know each other very well, we can predict some but not all of the other’s thoughts. Anyway, it’s quite easy to take back thoughts, you just do the same thing you do with words, say ‘I take it back’. I - And then, for the first time since they’d stepped into this room, L’s thoughts came to a complete halt. They paused for a very long second, his eyes wide, his lips parted slightly, before warmth flooded his expression, and his thoughts restarted. Only this time, it was in a tiny whisper. Hearing my thoughts makes him want to kiss me…? My thoughts are me, they’re the essence of who I am, and...it still surprises me, how he can know me, really know me, and love me. I want to kiss him, too.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 19, 2021 0:07:15 GMT -5
Intelligence quotient, Orpheus’ thoughts echoed, tucking the word in among the hundreds of other words and thoughts L had taught him. It’s interesting, they continued, that some concepts are translatable and others aren’t. I…Q… Iota… ‘Q’ must be a letter in his language. It doesn’t line up with intelligence quota… this isn’t very worth thinking about, is it? The thought trailed off, replaced by a couple of bars of music as Orpheus focused on what L was thinking, letting his own thoughts move to the background. It was surprisingly easy, not thinking, just listening and letting the music sort itself out without him paying it much mind. Lyrics seemed to pop in every now and again, but Orpheus wasn’t paying them much mind, so they drifted away before he could do anything with them. Perhaps they would come back, perhaps they wouldn’t. Orpheus found he didn’t particularly care, especially not when there was something more important to focus on. His thoughts run swiftly, he mused, enamored by the way they seemed to bleed into each other and jump back and forth. Very different from the way Orpheus himself thought. It really is amazing… and it’s not the only amazing thing about him… how he doesn’t see it, I… I don’t know… to know someone well enough to be able to predict how they’re thinking, how they might react to something… that was a dream for me, once. It’s just as wonderful as I had originally dreamed. And then the room was completely silent, and Orpheus’ thoughts withdrew as well, as though aware that they were at risk of interrupting the moment. It was a good thing they had, otherwise he may not have been able to hear L’s next thoughts. Without thinking, with nothing but the quiet notes his head broadcasted to the rest of the room, Orpheus lifted his free hand to L’s cheek, staring into his eyes with nothing but love reflected in his. I do, his thoughts murmured, almost sounding breathless, I love you. I love all of you.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 19, 2021 14:52:42 GMT -5
It’s so easy to forget we don’t speak the same language in the House, even though we talk about it sometimes, it’s still hard sometimes to remember because our minds hear our own language and we rarely question our own perception of reality, though in the House that’s a flaw often enough, the room where it made us hate each other for instance would have been easier to escape had we immediately questioned ourselves. However, we can’t do that constantly, or we’ll never believe anything is real, it’s unrealistic and a waste of time to question absolutely everything that happens, even if it’s possible that nothing at all is real, which there’s good reason to believe is false. Oh, music, there’s music in his head, it sounds as amazing as the music he plays, too, that makes sense that he would have it in his brain, where else would it come from, yet I didn’t predict I’d be able to hear it… L listened to the music for a long moment, but his thoughts didn’t stop. He thinks I’m amazing they whispered. I knew that, technically, but to hear it thought...he’s amazing too. In so many ways, how there’s a world where I get to hold his hand I don’t know, but I have to try to be worth that, somehow, wait, stop, he can hear this, it’s odd that he was inside my head and now this, the House seems bent on some sort of goal, I don’t know what it is but I do have theories, but I’m not going or think of those right now, concentrate on the present. His thoughts trailed off once again as Orpheus met his eyes. He didn’t blink, and when his thoughts came back they were small and quiet, I love you too, Orpheus, I love you, I never thought I’d be here, and I am, and I wonder if the House knew this would happen, I don’t know if it can tell that sort of thing, did it intend for us to fall in love? If it did, I suppose I should thank it, for introducing me to the most incredible person I’ve ever met, oh...he’s still looking at me.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Apr 21, 2021 2:15:29 GMT -5
The music cut off for a moment after L’s thoughts mentioned it, and Orpheus couldn’t hide the blush spreading across his face. Sorry, his thoughts pressed, flooding forward of their own accord, it’s not ready to hear yet, it’s just a snippet, just a melody that we’re working on, that I’m working on, it’s not ready to be heard, it’s not good enough, what if… what if he hears it and it… no, I’ve worked on songs that weren’t ready in front of him before, so it’s… it’s the trying and failing and trying and failing again and he thinks I’m smart with music, and I am, but he’s never seen how much I fail before I get something good... he can hear every word I’m thinking, I should probably stop thinking about this, it’s not a big deal, he can listen if he wants. He’s known me through failure. Somehow, he thinks I’m more than it. Somehow, it turned out he was right. Orpheus shoved the thoughts away, not wanting to let the imposter syndrome that he (yes, even he) got get in the way of hearing whatever it was L had to think. It’s like magic, hearing the way his thoughts move, like… like waves compounding each other, bringing up treasures people value and cherish, but scarcely consider where they came from… his thoughts supplied as he gently tucked a strand of L’s hair behind his ear. I wonder what his thinking would sound like it if I were to braid his hair. He’s already brilliant without the boost in cognitive reasoning… His thoughts were interrupted, cut through by L’s quieter ones. Quieter, yes, but all the more impactful because of it. The music in Orpheus’ mind swelled, and he felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes for reasons he didn’t understand. I don’t think it can predict love, this thoughts offered, quieter than they had been before. But maybe that’s because I’d like to think we proved something to it.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 21, 2021 23:35:51 GMT -5
L blinked as Orpheus’ thoughts washed over him, unexpected but there. He worries about this? His thoughts murmured, surprised. Failing is the wrong word, I think. Yes, it’s trial and error, but so are so many other things. You don’t know what works until you try it, how could I possibly be as good at my job as I am if I never really tried things? With every try there is a chance of failure, but also a chance of success that you wouldn’t have if you didn’t try at all. All that aside, however...I can’t believe he really thinks his music isn’t good enough. It’s his. It’s as central to him as my mind is to me, there’s a reason I can hear it. There is nothing about him that isn’t good enough, nothing. He breathed, trying once again to pull his thoughts to a halt, and once again failing. Yes...I’ve known him through failure, though again that’s perhaps the wrong word. More than it...I know he didn’t believe that for a long time. I hope he does now. He let that thought fade before he could turn into anything he didn’t want to think about at the moment. Treasures? What treasures? I suppose...maybe my conclusions, since they save lives, could count. If he braided my hair now...I suppose it would depend what I was thinking about. Could he hear the increase in deductive capabilities? It would be interesting if he could, then we’d have more proof that it’s true, even if I am convinced already. He leaned into Orpheus’ touch just a little, his eyes widening a little at the music. He’s beautiful… his thoughts whispered, and a little color touched his pale skin. I’m never going to get used to hearing my own thoughts, am I? Well...I likely would, but not before this room ends. He shook his head a little. To think we might have proved something to it, done something unexpected...is an interesting thought, but what if it wanted us to do the unexpected? We’ve talked about the sort of people it blinks in before, the curious, the open minded...the unexpected. People who are different or lonely or both. Perhaps it has no expectations at all. Perhaps it only wants to see what happens.
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