Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 8, 2021 3:57:28 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t know if L was conscious. He didn’t know how to tell, but he figured that if he was, there was probably a good reason he hadn’t opened his eyes. If he wasn’t… then Orpheus didn’t want to wake him. Either way… it seemed that he wasn’t in as much pain anymore. His heartbeat felt steadier, and his breathing seemed even. Still, Orpheus didn’t let go. He didn’t want to risk L feeling alone, didn’t want him to think Orpheus had abandoned him. He was going to keep holding on until L opened his eyes, and he was going to hold on even then, until L pulled away or asked him to stop. He didn’t have long to wait. He was in the middle of brushing back the hair that framed L’s face when dark eyes opened and suddenly nothing else mattered. “Hi, Λ,” Orpheus whispered, searching L’s expression for any sign of recognition. He didn’t know if deleting the virus had worked. He didn’t know if it had deleted things, didn’t know if he had hurt more than he had helped. But he recognized L’s expression, and he didn’t bother to hide the love filling his own. Everything he had been about to say felt hollow in comparison to the feelings pounding through his chest. He wanted to tell L how glad he was that he was okay, wanted to tell him he had missed him, how scared he was… but none of the words felt right. He held L instead, trying to make it very clear to the House that it could throw whatever it wanted at them, he wasn’t going to let L go. L spoke first, and an incredulous look crossed Orpheus’ expression. “Unpleasant,” he echoed, raising an eyebrow. “Trying to downplay it isn’t going to work. I was here, I… I watched you go through it.” He left it at that. Unpleasant didn’t even come close, but he figured L didn’t want to spend time debating word choice. “I’m… I’m glad you’re back. And… I’m sorry I couldn’t get your permission to come in here. If you’re yourself… then we can leave whenever you’re ready.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 9, 2021 1:12:07 GMT -5
L breathed out at the sound of Orpheus’ voice. He remembered...he remembered everything now. And he felt everything. And he could think. He checked for anything that might feel different, any sign that something had been deleted, but he couldn’t tell. If there was something missing, he didn’t remember it well enough to know. He didn’t know whether that was good or bad, but at the moment he wasn’t in pain so he would call it a win. And Orpheus was there, looking at him with undisguised love and holding him and making the world alright again, as he so often did. He didn’t speak, not at first, instead focusing on Orpheus’ face, his lips, his eyes….everything. “Well….it certainly wasn’t pleasant,” he murmured, raising an eyebrow at Orpheus. “And unpleasant is the opposite of pleasant. I suppose some things are neither pleasant nor unpleasant. But I wouldn’t really call this neutral, either. Narrowing down the options...yes, I would call it unpleasant.” He breathed out, offering a tiny smile. “I see your point, though,” he added a moment later, letting out a shaky breath. “It’s gone now, but selfishly, I think I’d rather the House just kill me next time.” That was as honest as he could be. And Orpheus knew how much he hated dying, even when he would (probably) come back. He glanced up, meeting Orpheus’ eyes, his own dark ones wide and serious. “I would have said yes, you know,” he told him quietly. “If I’d been myself. I trust you. You’re welcome inside my head, as I’m afraid I make you listen to a great deal of what happens in it anyway.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 9, 2021 2:36:44 GMT -5
Orpheus gave a soft smile, holding L as close as he could. It was so very L to justify his word choice that way. To… to speak like that, to look at him like that, to be here… Orpheus gave a soft laugh, trying to ignore the tears burning at his eyes. He didn’t quite know why they were there. He wasn’t sad. He was relieved. Happy. Something else he didn’t quite have the words for but that made his heart soar and think that maybe, just maybe, things were okay again. They were together. As long as they were together, there was little the House could do to separate them. Hadn’t they just proven that? “I wasn’t suggesting it was pleasant,” he added after a moment, pulling L just a little bit closer. It was as though he could just take away everything bad that had happened by decreasing the space between them. Even if it didn’t work… being close to L still felt nice. Still sent sparks shooting down his spine, made his heart race, made him feel safe and comfortable… he supposed there was a reason they kept ending up in situations where they were as close as they could possibly be. He looked away, wincing at the thought of the House killing L again. It had happened too many times already. Once was too many times. Three was inexcusable. And if this was worse than death? Orpheus’ jaw set and he let his fingers rest against L’s heart for a few more moments, only content when he felt L’s heart slow just enough to be normal. “Oh,” he whispered, looking up and taking in the several dozen screens that had turned back on. They were all full of various things Orpheus scarcely had a change of understanding, so he turned his attention back to L. “Well… I still don’t like having to go in without your permission. And you don’t make me do anything. I listen because I’m interested.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 9, 2021 3:26:46 GMT -5
Things felt okay, somehow. He felt like he was going to be okay, that he was okay. He blinked, and a little worry flashed through his gaze as he noticed the tears. Was Orpheus alright? Was he hurt? Had something happened while L wasn’t himself? But Orpheus was also laughing...maybe it was actually okay now. Maybe...maybe they’d made it through. Again. They kept on surviving what the House through at them. It gave L hope...it made him want to believe they could survive anything hand in hand. He breathed out as Orpheus pulled him closer, and he nodded, accepting that. He felt...okay. Better than okay now that he was close to Orpheus. He wanted to stay there forever, but he also knew that they probably needed to get out of this room if they wanted things to stay okay. He stayed still, his attempts to make himself get up falling flat on the face of staying near Orpheus. L expected he’d die at the hands of the House plenty more times in the future. It was a hazard of being a blinker. He was grateful Orpheus had never experienced it, somehow, and he hoped that would continue. The room was much lighter now that the screens were all on. L shifted, reluctantly coming to the conclusion that they should probably get moving. He pushed himself to his feet, surprisingly steady under the circumstances, and glanced back at Orpheus. He knew he listened because he was interested, he just forgot sometimes that anyone could possibly stay interested for that long. “We should get out of here, I think,” he said by way of explanation. “Just in case. I’d rather not have a repeat.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 9, 2021 22:44:50 GMT -5
Orpheus wished they could stay to explore L’s mind. He was fascinated by it, he loved it as much as he loved any other part of L. He wanted to see the things that L couldn’t quite explain, the memories and feelings that he had no words for. He wanted to see what the canoe room had been like for L, wanted to explore the hallways and read the little handwritten notes, skimming over the large blocks of text that Orpheus could try, but had no hope of actually understanding. He wanted to see if the written thoughts ever abbreviated themselves, wanted to see what it looked like when one idea branched into another as it so often did with L. But he knew they couldn’t stay. He knew it was dangerous, there was no time for a no stress tour of L’s mind. If he wanted L’s thoughts, he would have to hear them spoken or felt them tapped against the inside of his wrist. Maybe one day – maybe one day this would be theirs to explore, but not right now. Not when the House had more than proven that it could hurt L while they were in here. Orpheus followed L, easing himself to a standing position. Almost out of habit, he threaded his arm around L’s back and through his opposite arm, trying to give him as much support as possible if he needed it. He couldn’t imagine pain that bad could just… go away. Then again, stranger things had happened in the House, and if L was feeling alright enough to walk, Orpheus wasn’t going to question it. “I’ll follow you,” he murmured, waiting for L to take the first steps out of there. Anywhere, he added silently. Perhaps it was a little bit too sappy for the moment. Or maybe not. He tapped the word lightly on L’s shoulder for good measure.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 10, 2021 2:08:06 GMT -5
L hoped that one day, he could safely take Orpheus on a tour of his mind. Show him the thoughts ans theories that went through his head daily, the ideas and questions that bubbled up no matter what he was doing. He would have trusted almost no one else anywhere near his thoughts and especially his feelings, but...Orpheus already knew them. He knew how L felt. L had told him. Before they had confessed, he would have been petrified of this room. Before he had confessed he would have wanted Orpheus out of here as quickly as possible. But now? Now he didn’t have any more secrets. Now Orpheus knew his mind better than anyone else, anyway. He had heard a good portion of L’s thoughts rambled to him whenever they were together for a long time now. But there was no longer the chance of the secret escaping in a whispered word or a too-long glance, because it was no longer a secret. He hesitated. It was dangerous to stay, yes, but now that he was once again himself...he had things he wanted Orpheus to see. Things he wanted him to understand that words didn’t seem to cover. And he could tell what memory lay beyond the door to the left. He glanced at Orpheus...it was true that he didn’t want to risk staying too long, but safety was impossible to have completely, especially in the House. Sometimes you had to make decisions regardless of a little risk. He glanced at Orpheus, eyes softening at the word tapped on his shoulder. He nodded a little and started forwards, leading the way to the door. He opened it, and glanced at Orpheus, hesitating for a split second. Then he stepped inside. The room was as beautiful as L remembered it being. Sunlight sparkled on clear water, mountains stood proud in the distance and trees reached gentle branches towards the sky, vines dangling from them and touching the water. And there in the middle was a canoe with two people in it, attempting to row even though it was clear neither really knew how. Especially the one with messy black hair didn’t seem to really get how the whole thing worked, and was unintentionally making it much, much harder than it had to be.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 11, 2021 4:07:41 GMT -5
No more secrets. Once, Orpheus wouldn’t have been able to imagine that. Though they were friends, L had always been full of secrets, and Orpheus hadn’t ever wanted to hold that against him. He had once accepted that there would always be things that he didn’t know about L. Now… here, in his mind… he knew he’d been wrong. He knew L better than anyone other than perhaps Watari, and the only reason Watari knew more was because he had known L for most of his life and also had the unfair advantage of living in the same world as him. Orpheus would have given almost anything to join them in that world. He knew the House wouldn’t ever oblige, otherwise he may have asked. One day. He had to hope one day that he would get free of his afterlife and find his way to L, that he would haunt him and make himself known. That one day, he’d be able to wake up with L in the same room as him, that he’d be able to guard L while he slept without having to worry about L blinking out. He wanted L to feel safe sleeping around him. Orpheus figured L was leading the way out. That was, after all, the most logical course of action. This was where bad things had happened, so in order to avoid more bad things, it would be wise to leave. He didn’t expect that L would be trying to show him something else. He didn’t expect that L would want to spend more time here – surely you were more vulnerable if you were just a ghost in your own mind, right? There was only so much Orpheus could do to try to protect him. “Oh,” Orpheus gasped, blinking against the sudden brightness of the sun, the reflection of it beginning to lower, closer to the water. He squeezed L’s hand, gently nudging against him as he stepped closer. “You were looking for the fish,” he murmured, watching the way the L in the canoe seemed to lean almost all the way over the side, the way Orpheus didn’t even seem to hesitate before he reached across and gently pulled L back just a little from the edge. No, he hadn’t fallen for L yet. His touch was too easy, his expression loving, but unclouded by doubt and the need to hide the joy flickering across those features like it was a bad thing. This Orpheus wore no mask, though for a very different reason than the Orpheus holding hands with L. “Even then I had a hard time looking away from you,” he admitted softly, watching as the Orpheus in the boat seemed almost to fail in an attempt at tearing his gaze off L. Orpheus hadn’t yet paid much attention to the L in the canoe. Perhaps, he considered, he wasn’t sure he was ready to watch L fall. Perhaps… he wasn’t sure he deserved to. But he was here, and L had led him here… and his gaze dropped to the L in the canoe.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 11, 2021 14:47:31 GMT -5
The thing was...Orpheus probably didn’t know everything. L was sure there were things he hadn’t told him, things he hadn’t thought were relevant or necessary to bring up. The difference was simply that they were not secrets, and L wasn’t hiding them. L wasn’t keeping Orpheus in the dark about anything else. He wasn’t petrified of the other blinker being in his head and finding anything else out. He was...well, he was actually kind of excited about having Orpheus in here. He didn’t have an easy time communicating with words, his emotions always felt too strong to be described...maybe, if Orpheus saw it happen for himself, maybe if Orpheus was able to see his brain, maybe he would be able to understand how deeply L felt about things. Aboit him. He didn’t know if he thought it possible that Orpheus would one day be there when L woke up in his own world. He hoped he would, though. What Orpheus didn’t know was that, even in the House, L trusted him enough to sleep. The problem was, the House was unpredictable and could simply blink Orpheus out. It would have made more sense for L to lead Orpheus straight out. They’d be so much safer in the living room. They’d be so much safer once they were out of here. But he wanted Orpheus to see this memory. He wanted him to see it the way L had seen it. No, L wasn’t safe here. But he wasn’t really safe anywhere else either. And as Orpheus had shown him again and again, safety was not always the only priority there was. This felt...it felt important somehow. He watched himself lean over the edge, almost tipping the boat over in his attempt to see the fish better. Watched as Orpheus pulled him back so they didn’t both end up in the water. This was long before Orpheus had fallen in return, but this moment replayed itself often enough in L’s mind that he knew it by heart, “Ten...nine...eight…” He watched them both try to row at the same time, the younger version of L copying Orpheus, not realizing he was supposed to do it on the other side. The canoe turned sharply to the side as a result, nearly dumping its passengers into the water. “Seven...six...five…” He knew the exact moment it had happened. He turned, looking at the version of Orpheus that loved him back. There was no need to watch the memory. He knew it by heart. “Four...three...two…” He studied Orpheus’ expression. He knew his face better than he knew his own. Every edge, every line, the place where his lips curled up when he was happy about something, the soft curve of his jaw, the gentle look resting in his hazel eyes… “...one…” L didn’t look at the memory. He wanted to see Orpheus’ face instead. The sun broke through the clouds and caught on the two past blinkers, bathing them in warm, golden light, making the water sparkle and dance. A fish jumped and then fell. Wind blew, leaves rustled gently, a bird called for its lover and its lover called an answer. And the younger L looked at the younger Orpheus And the younger Orpheus looked at the sky, blinking in the sudden light. And something seemed to shift in the younger L’s face. Something small, subtle, but undeniably there. And for just a moment, while the younger Orpheus looked at the sky, L sat unmasked and vulnerable and very, very young. His eyes were wide, his lips parted but only barely, his expression soft… And then Orpheus looked back at him and the expression slid away like it had never been there at all, and the walls slammed down, and the moment passed.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 11, 2021 16:15:52 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t think he needed to know everything. There were things from his life that L didn’t know about. He didn’t speak much about his life before he’d been recruited to play for the crew of the Argo, but it wasn’t a secret, just… not something that ever came up. He figured it would be nearly impossible to know everything about L, but he knew enough. He knew what mattered. And he knew what L felt, which, he supposed he had never been supposed to find out. He knew now, though, and there was no taking that back. Not that he wanted to – he was content to love L – and be loved by L – forever. He knew how love went sour for people. He knew that there weren’t always happy endings, but unless tragedy struck… Orpheus knew they would never tear each other apart like lovers sometimes did. He had never understood that. Why would you stay with someone if they didn’t make you happy? He couldn’t see the future, but he had a feeling that L would make him happy forever. He was considerate, and thoughtful, and although he said he wasn’t kind, Orpheus found that to be false. And, of course, he was intelligent. It wasn’t the intelligence that drew Orpheus to him, though. It was just part of who L was, but… Orpheus held what seemed to be the unpopular opinion that L was more than his intelligence. Looking at the younger versions of them now, Orpheus found it hard to believe he wasn’t in love with L yet. Maybe he had been, a little bit. He found it difficult to believe that there were people who weren’t at least a little bit in love with their best friend. He found himself falling for all of his friends, in different ways, but… falling for someone was different than just loving them. And this Orpheus, the one in the canoe, hadn’t fallen for L yet. There was room in his heart for more than one person. That had been the most difficult to come to terms with, that he wasn’t betraying Eurydice by loving L, too. That she believed in him, that she trusted and loved him, and that she knew he had done everything he could to get her back. And that maybe it was okay to move on, to love someone else, because loving L didn’t mean he had stopped loving Eurydice. The two were very different, anyway. Falling for Eurydice had been simple. He had seen her, and that was it. His heart had leapt from his chest and lodged itself in her palm, and he had followed it home. Somehow, she had met him in the middle. Falling for L was different. More confusing, harder… it was as though bit by bit, L had taken piece after piece of his heart and Orpheus hadn’t noticed until it had been sewn back together in L’s chest. Perhaps it was easier to steal his heart that way, shattered as it had been. Orpheus pushed the thought away, looking out on the figures in the middle of the lake. He heard L’s voice, listened to him count down to a moment Orpheus had never even noticed. When the sky cleared and the sun broke through and the world was bathed in golden light. And Orpheus hadn’t been looking. The tiniest of smiles broke across his face as he saw that expression for the first time, the vulnerability of an L who had just discovered something he didn’t understand. The moment stretched into eternity, and Orpheus didn’t move. If he could capture L’s expression then, save it forever… he would have. He had thought, at that point, that he had seen L without his mask. That wasn’t entirely true. Perhaps, from that moment, L had worn two masks, one over the other. One to deceive the people around him, the people who didn’t think to look at his eyes instead of the rest of his expression, who didn’t think beyond the closed, uncaring façade. And a second mask, to deceive Orpheus. There was no more need for masks, now. No need to hide, because they knew. And there was nothing better than knowing.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 12, 2021 17:26:53 GMT -5
It really depended on the definition of knowing. Knowing someone as they knew themself was impossible, knowing every detail about someone would never happen. Did the House even know very detail about its blinkers? It knew a lot of course, it knew where to strike at the weakest spot, it knew past, present, and perhaps even future in some cases, though L wasn’t sure what that meant. Perhaps it only knew the way things could be. The point, was, every detail...that wasn’t relevant. You could know someone without knowing every detail. You could love someone without knowing every detail. As humans had been proving again and again, for as long as they had existed. Truthfully, L didn’t think anyone even knew everything about themselves. He certainly didn’t. He was a mystery to himself, he sometimes didn’t know what he was going to do until he did it...humans were, perhaps, infinite and unknowable. There was always another shade to them, another element, another detail. L couldn’t help the tiny smile that spread over his face...he wouldn’t have it any other way. If Orpheus was unknowable, then L would simply continue to discover him forever. He couldn’t think of a better fate. He hadn’t known much about love at first, but he knew he had loved Orpheus before he had fallen in love with him. There was a difference, different types of love. You could love someone as a human. You could love someone as a friend. You could love someone as something different. He couldn’t compare the types...though he had experienced them precious few times. What he knew was that he wouldn’t trade whatever he felt for anything. He loved Orpheus. And while it had become romantic, that wasn’t why it had also become stronger. It had become stronger because of time. When L thought about Eurydice...it hurt, but not for a reason many might assume. Yes, it had hurt to love Orpheus when he hadn’t been loved back the same way. Yes, it had hurt to watch Orpheus choose someone else. The contradiction L had lived was simply this: he had been happy while it hurt. Orpheus had been his friend. He had been loved, if not in the same way. Love meant sacrifices. Love meant bearing pain so the other person doesn’t have to. It was L’s love that had kept him silent. He knew Orpheus still loved Eurydice. He was aware that he always would. If anyone had room in their heart for more than one person...then it would be Orpheus. For L, it was enough to be loved. For L, Orpheus would always be more than enough. He watched Orpheus’ expression as he saw the moment he had missed. As he saw the moment that had never stuck out in his head, but had been forever engraved into L’s. He had relived this so often...it was strange to be here now, with Orpheus, showing it to him. “I wonder, sometimes, whether this is where I fell in love with you, or where I merely realized it had happened,” he murmured, glancing down to watch the pair continue rowing. “Did I fall? Falling suggests it happened fast, in a moment. And I don’t think that’s how it happened for me, to be honest.” He didn’t quite look at Orpheus. His eyes rested on the younger versions. “I think...it was slower than that. Subtler. I think, sometimes, that it began when I first saw you and has simply never stopped since then. It’s not...it’s not that I was not in love with you, and then suddenly I was. It’s that I discovered you. It’s like when you don’t know where you’re going and then you realize where you are.” He fell silent. Considering. “If it’s falling in love, then I live in free fall.” He said simply, turning to meet Orpheus’ eyes. “And I hope to stay that way forever.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 12, 2021 20:19:53 GMT -5
Orpheus had had true love, once. The kind of love that felt unbreakable, that you could hold in the palm of your hand and feel beating in your chest like the wings of a hummingbird. It had felt delicate and steady, all at once. Sometimes he thought that love was a contradiction. That it wasn’t love unless you weren’t able to speak of it, unless there weren’t words enough to describe the feeling. He didn’t entirely disagree with that assessment now, but… he had learned. Love itself wasn’t breakable, but the people you loved? Those could be broken more easily than he cared to think about. Broken, stolen… Orpheus pushed the thought away. Once, Orpheus believed that you could only have true love once. That once it was over, if you failed it somehow, you would go through life and never love again, not the same way. He hadn’t been entirely wrong about that. He didn’t love L the same way he had loved Eurydice, because they were very different people. But he had once thought that all types of romantic love were the same, that it was the same feeling for everyone. He had learned it wasn’t that simple – love was… complicated. The feeling he had for L shared a name and an intensity with the feeling he had for Eurydice, but they were very, very different. He wanted to hold them both close, wanted to be able to protect them from the cruelty of the world, wanted a future with them… but the similarities didn’t make up for the differences. No, whatever Orpheus had thought he understood about love was wrong. He wasn’t going to make the mistake of believing he understood it again. It was enough to know he felt it – he didn’t have to be able to define it. He was getting in his head. He didn’t want to be there – he would much rather be looking out over the water, watching the man he loved learn what love felt like for the first time. “I think,” Orpheus murmured, gently reaching for L’s hand, “that there are so many euphemisms because nobody in the entire world has come up with the words that can properly describe it. I think… it feels like falling, sometimes. Because you know it might hurt when you hit the ground. But… I think it’s always been a bit gentler for me. I’ve never… been afraid of it,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I’ve felt it twice… and once, it was like falling. It was like… when you have the air knocked out of you when you hit the ground a little too hard, and you have to look up and reorient yourself, because suddenly the world has changed, and you’re no longer seeing it from above, you’re feeling it viscerally. But… I don’t think it was falling, when it came to you. Or… if it was, it was the feeling of when you’re tired, and you fall in bed and you’re surrounded by pillows and blankets, and you know you’ll be safe. Maybe… maybe that’s because you had already redefined my world by the time I met you. Or maybe it’s just because I had already fallen for you before I realized. And… when I fall for you over and over again… it’s that comfortable feeling, not the earth shattering one.” He hoped that made sense. And he hoped L knew he didn’t think of his love for him as any less important. “Between the two of us, I’m supposed to be the poet,” he murmured softly, nudging L with his shoulder. “If you keep up, I might be out of a job.” There was no malice in his tone, just gentle teasing. He loved it when L got poetic – it wasn’t so different from the way L usually thought, but it seemed like the sort of thought he didn’t share with others as often. Orpheus knew he was lucky to be privy to it.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 12, 2021 23:35:13 GMT -5
People were fragile creatures...L knew that. He had known that since he was eight years old and suddenly alone in the world. He had learned that lesson over and over and over again ever since. How many people had he seen whose lives had ended in tragedy? How many times had he watched love cause nothing but pain? It had a tendency to go sour, or cause people to give up who they were for its sake, or break when tragedy came, as it inevitably did. There was a reason happy endings were simply when you stopped the story without telling the rest. He had watched it happen to Orpheus. His best friend had suffered this fate already. Love was a cruel thing, sometimes. Yet L chose it every day. If Orpheus had believed it could only happen once...L had barely believed it could happen at all. When he’d been younger, he hadn’t believed in it, not really. He’d told Watari once that he didn’t see how anyone could want such a dangerous thing, such a harmful thing. He’d been thinking of all the pain he had seen because of it. And Watari had said “now tell me what you don’t see.” He hadn’t understood that. He’d thought about it for a long time, trying to figure out what he was talking about, and then, suddenly, it had clicked. He was a detective. He was only called on when something went wrong. How natural then, for him to make the assumption that things always went wrong? When your main interactions were among killers and liars, how natural was it for him to assume that’s all there was? Maybe he owed the House. The people here where among the very best he had ever met...here, people had a reason to interact with him besides needing him to solve their problems. Not that he hated his job, he didn’t, but it was sometimes odd to simply...speak to people who didn’t have any ulterior motives. He let Orpheus’ hand slip into his, meeting the other blinker’s eyes, his own dark ones wide and searching as he listened. He knew that Orpheus’ love for Eurydice had been different. Orpheus had told L about her. And he’d been happy, truly happy, and that had been what helped L make peace with his own emotions. “I’ve been afraid of it,” he murmured, frowning just a little. “But you know that. It’s not as though I’ve spent my life running from it, though...it’s just never happened to me before. The things I’ve seen, Orpheus...I believed if love did exist at all, we’d be far better off without it. I’ve watched person after person fall victim to it. I’ve witnessed countless tragedies, been forced to play a part in some, even. If I believed in love at all, then I wished it would end and leave humans in peace.” He glanced at the two in the boat. They looked...happy. “I suppose all happiness is like that,” he murmured, not looking back at Orpheus just yet. “We’re doomed to live and die and everything that comes in between. I suppose it’s easy to propose it’s better to feel nothing at all, then, and save yourself a lot of trouble. I...could have done it, too. I know I could have. I’ve watched plenty of others do it, I know the process well.” He studied the memory, only he wasn’t really paying it any attention. He wasn’t sure what had prompted this, only that he felt he needed to explain. A tiny smile slipped over his features. “The first time you felt it…” he paused. But there was no real taking it back, not even if he wanted to. “Watching you fall in love was my privilege. Listening to your words, seeing you happy...it showed me a new side of the story I hadn’t yet considered. And it made me begin to wonder why I thought of love the way I did. Mainly, I questioned what I was doing, my own purpose, the reason I existed at all. If tragedy made something worthless, then who was I? Steeped in tragedy as I was, knowing all too well that life is a short and fragile thing in and of itself, and calling myself intelligent for seeing love as a nuisance, while all the while pretending my own life had meaning...a hypocrite.” He wanted to look at Orpheus. He did, but there was a part that held him back. These were not secrets, but they were things L had so far left unsaid. He was, if he were completely honest with himself, just a little bit afraid of what reaction he would receive. “I suppose what I mean is...you changed my mind. You showed me that love is not pointless. You showed me that love is worth it, even if tragedy does strike. And...I am deeply sorry that it did, for you. I’d have given anything to protect you, and her, from it. My own feelings didn’t hinder me, but encouraged me in that. You said...you said, when I came back from my most recent death, you said I was willing to suffer for your happiness, and I’ve been thinking about that ever since, and I think I should correct myself. Your happiness was never and could never be a burden to me. I loved you then, and becuase of that I wanted you to be happy. I can’t say I didn’t wish things were different in some ways, but no matter what I would never have changed anything. That’s all.” He fell silent. He hadn’t intended to say any of that...he didn’t know why it had poured out of him like that, but the comment had stuck with him and if there was anything he needed Orpheus to understand, it was that he had never had hurt L by being happy.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 14, 2021 1:09:10 GMT -5
Orpheus couldn’t tear his gaze away from the two in the boat. Scarcely more than children, pretending they knew how the world worked, pretending they had any idea what the world was about. Neither of them had any idea. Orpheus had never experienced loss, other than his family. He didn’t know what it would feel like to lose someone he loved, someone who he could have stopped from leaving. L hadn’t yet experienced anything other than tragedy. He had the House, sure, but… but L’s life was surrounded by tragedy. L made a living off of other people’s tragedies, and though Orpheus knew many people had cynical opinions about that, Orpheus knew L wasn’t in it for the money. He couldn’t care less how much he made. L was in it to help people, to try to protect them from the people who would hurt and prey on them. L wasn’t a parasite, thriving off of other people’s tragedy. He was a salve, unable to completely heal it, but able to prevent more damage from happening. Anyone who saw L as anything different was deluding themselves. L cared too much to actively cause other people harm. Even before he had believed in love. “I know,” he whispered. “From the outside… I think anyone who knew my story without knowing me would assume that love isn’t worth it.” Somehow, though… his story had taught L the opposite. That love might be worth having, even if it caused more pain than it eased. Had Orpheus felt more pain losing Eurydice than he had comfort at having her in his arms? No, he decided. The benefit of having her for any period of time far outweighed the pain of losing her. If someone cam and offered him the chance to have never loved Eurydice, he would have told them to leave. Loving Eurydice had hurt when he lost her, but he wouldn’t get rid of the love he had felt. It had taught him more than almost anything else had. No, he would never choose not to have loved Eurydice. And no matter what happened from now on, he would never choose not to have loved L, either. Love was worth it, even if it hurt. Was that what L was saying? “I’m glad you chose to let yourself feel,” Orpheus murmured, weaving his fingers through L’s and giving a soft squeeze. If L had cast himself away from humanity, had convinced himself that feeling wasn’t worth it… what would Orpheus have done? It was possible he never would have fallen for him, in that case. Orpheus shook the thought away. It wasn’t worth it to think of what could have been when what was was right in front of him. No matter what might have happened, he had fallen for L, and somehow, L had fallen for him. Here they were, deeply in love and holding hands like there was nothing simpler in any world. “I think… it might have helped you more to watch a love that wasn’t going to fail,” he admitted after a moment, unable to quite meet L’s eye. He knew his life had been a tragedy. He knew now that his failure would never be forgotten. He would be remembered forever for his biggest failure, rather than anything he had managed to accomplish. “But… yes, loving Eurydice was worth it. No matter what happened.” He fell silent for a moment, his hand going almost limp in L’s. There were so many memories… the feeling of shattering, the feeling of L gathering up the pieces so that Orpheus could put himself together as time allowed him to heal. “You were never a hypocrite,” he added after a long moment. “What you do has always had meaning, even if you didn’t believe love did. Even if love was powerless because it might end in tragedy. Because you deal in stopping tragedy. Whether or not you believe in love, I’m sure you’ve saved it more time than you know. I’m sure… I’m sure there are countless people who know they would have lost the person they loved most without your influence. Even if they’ve never thought to thank you for it. Facing your own mortality makes you selfish, sometimes.” Orpheus let that thought hang in between them for a long moment, his thoughts lingering on the rest of L’s words. Your happiness was never and could never be a burden to me. Orpheus didn’t understand that. He had gone on and on for hours about Eurydice, well after L had fallen for him. If knowing you could never share your love with someone was torture, what did it feel like to know that the love you coveted was directed at someone else? Orpheus shook the thought away. “I believe you,” he managed after a long moment, a smile touching the corners of his lips. “I’m still sorry I didn’t know, but… thank you. Thank you for listening to me talk about Eurydice, for helping me piece myself back together when she was gone, for helping me hold onto her for as long as I could… for… for everything. Because even if it didn’t hurt… even if seeing me happy was enough… I can’t imagine it was easy. And you did it anyway. All of it. And… and I’ve known for years that I could never have asked any universe for a better best friend. I know… I know I got very lucky, meeting you.” “I love you,” he whispered after a long pause. “And I don’t know what I did to deserve your love, but… but I’m so grateful for it.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 16, 2021 0:05:38 GMT -5
The things they had learned, the two of them...time hadn’t been kind to either one. Orpheus had gone through something L could only imagine...yes, time had been arguably harsher to Orpheus. Life had been a cruel thing to the person L loved, fate had decided not to allow love to prevail. Orpheus had fought destiny, and he had come that close to winning. It was, perhaps, the closeness that made it hurt so much more. If she had died, he would have broken, but would he have shattered? If he hadn’t come close enough to taste success, if he hadn’t climbed so high, would he have fallen so hard? L couldn’t answer that. But he did have to wonder whether, in the long run, coming close enough to touch the light was what made the darkness so impenetrable. He looked at Orpheus. He didn’t want to remind him of the bad things. He didn’t want to be a reminder of pain. But he was. Was it possible to love someone without being reminded of the love you had lost? He shook his head a little, looking back at the pair in the boat. Things had been simpler, before L had fallen. Things had been easier before he’d had feelings to drown in every way he could think of. And drown them he had. In work, mostly. Watari had noticed him working as though his life depended on it at times, had known there was something L was keeping to himself, but L hadn’t seen the point of bringing it up. What could Watari do? He couldn’t help, not this time. Any advice other than choking it down as best he could would be ignored anyway. Did he regret his love for Orpheus? No, he didn’t, he couldn’t. And he had allowed it to live, for better or for worse, he hadn’t killed it even when he could have. Hope was a flame and L had failed to extinguish it. Somehow...Orpheus loved him. And L would never compare that love to what Orpheus and Eurydice had had. He looked at the boat instead of at Orpheus. He couldn’t help but feel that he might have made a mistake, choosing to show this memory to Orpheus...this was when Eurydice had been alive, after all. Watching L fall in love with him...how could that not be painful? It was a reminder of the past for Orpheus. A reminder of what he had lost. L lowered his eyes. He was not and could never be Eurydice...he wasn’t jealous of her, but he knew there was a hole in Orpheus’ heart he couldn’t hope to fill. He was the wrong shape entirely. “I’m sorry…” he murmured, not quite looking at Orpheus. “This memory...I shouldn’t have made you see it. Not when it was before…” no need to finish that sentence. Orpheus had exactly one event in his life that could be considered a firm before and after. One event that changed the world. And it wasn’t for the better. “This was selfish of me, wasn’t it?” He whispered, staring at the younger versions. He felt Orpheus’ hand go limp in his own, and his heart broke just a little. He should have just led them out. He should have just let the room end. He shouldn’t have been selfish enough to think only of himself. These were not memories that should be toyed with. They were dangerous. He breathed out. Not fair. Not fair to Orpheus. And closed his eyes. “I love you too,” he whispered. “There is very little I’m sure of, but I know that. You’re my ‘yes’ in a sea of ‘maybe’s.” He shook his head a little, opening his eyes and meeting Orpheus’. “This is the past. I’m ready to leave it there, if you are.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 16, 2021 3:02:16 GMT -5
Orpheus didn’t look at L and think of Eurydice. The two were very, very different. He missed Eurydice, though, more than he had the words for. He felt the loss burning in his chest, and though he’d had the time to begin to move on… it still hurt. He knew it was never going to stop hurting. Loving someone and then losing them… that was the sort of pain that eased a little bit, over time, but never really disappeared. Remembering the past wasn’t painful, not anymore. It had been, once. But eventually, he’d stopped counting the days since Eurydice had died. Eventually, he’d started looking towards the future, eventually he had allowed himself to remember the parts of the past that had been wonderful, even if there were parts of it that would always sting. Orpheus had spent a significant amount of time with L and Eurydice. There were rooms he remembered with the three of them together, remembered exclaiming happily that there was nobody he’d rather do a room with than his best friend and the girl he was going to marry. The past had a lot of Eurydice, but Orpheus found he owed it to her to enjoy the memories rather than be sucked into despair over them. Sure, they stung, but… they were still beautiful. This memory… this memory didn’t even sting. Eurydice had never touched this memory, and though she’d been around when it happened, though she was half the reason Orpheus hadn’t noticed the expression coloring L’s face, she didn’t fit here anymore than L fit into the hole she had left in Orpheus’ heart. “No,” he whispered after a long moment, shifting his gaze away from the boat and towards L. “This wasn’t selfish. This wasn’t… whatever else you think it may be. It was before, but it was also us, and… it’s a moment I never would have noticed if it weren’t for you. And I want to notice the moments that you notice, I want to see what parts of life are important for you, even if they have the potential to hurt me. This… this memory isn’t painful, except perhaps in the fact that I wish I had known sooner.” He tried to catch L’s eye, but found that task more difficult than he had anticipated. “Please don’t feel bad. I’m glad I saw this. And… I’m sorry for mentioning Eurydice.” Orpheus squeezed L’s hand once, then turned to look at the door. “As much as I enjoy seeing this… I think we deserve a piece of the present, too.” He stepped forwards, matching L’s stride. The handle turned easily, and Orpheus blinked, looking into a room that, like most House rooms, was unfamiliar. They weren’t in L’s mind anymore – L wasn’t floating and glow-y – but it wasn’t clear what the space was supposed to be. When he stepped in, the music started. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. A steady rhythm. Not… not a story, then. A dance. “You have more experience with dances than I do,” Orpheus admitted softly, his voice barely more than a whisper. “But… with that said… may I have this dance?” He knew the House could spring a trap on them. Knew that this room could change at any moment. Perhaps that was the reason for his haste, for the sudden urge to dance with L. They’d never done that before. A first time for everything – and the House seemed to be making sure they had all their bases covered, even if they couldn’t do it on their own time.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 18, 2021 17:03:05 GMT -5
L shifted a little, trying not to feel guilty. He had been there with Orpheus through absolutely everything, he had been at his side when he’d lost her and he’d been there before that, too. He’d gotten to know her a bit as a person, and he had liked her. She’d been kind and thoughtful and she’d been good for Orpheus...they’d fit together incredibly well. That wasn’t why he felt guilty. He felt guilty because he knew Orpheus loved him and he didn’t want to make it seem like that wasn’t enough, when it was. He met Orpheus’ eyes, searching them as he spoke. Orpheus meant it, too. He didn’t think this had been selfish. L nodded a little, looking away, back at the boat. “Don’t apologize for that,” he murmured, shifting his weight just a little bit as he searched for something he could say to fix this, even though he wasn’t sure what exactly he had done wrong. Eventually he swallowed and squeezed Orpheus’ hand. “Thank you,” he murmured. “And...thank you for bringing me back. It’s good to be able to think again.” He followed Orpheus out, not looking back. This was the past. And he was excited for the future. He yelped a little as he dropped to the ground, suddenly solid again. He shook his head, scanning the room quickly to make sure nothing was jumping out at them...then heard the music and tensed a little. The purpose of the room escaped him. How likely was it that this room was some sort of fight room? Could the music be intended to throw them off? What if - He looked at Orpheus, startled as he spoke. Then his eyes widened a little as he realized what this room was. If his face lit up and a soft smile curved his lips, who could blame him? “Yes,” he whispered back, turning to face Orpheus. “I’ll warn you...I’ve danced alone for most of my life. This is new territory for me, too.” Not that that was going to stop him. Not that anything could keep him from this moment. After the last room...he couldn’t keep the relief from his eyes. Things seemed to be okay again.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 18, 2021 18:06:03 GMT -5
Orpheus hadn’t known how the past room would turn out. He hadn’t expected anything they had just been through, and he considered it a victory that he had managed to get L back. He would walk through every one of L’s memories, if he could. If L was there besides him, guiding him through and holding his hands and pointing out the things Orpheus may not have noticed. But the memories were all the past. And Orpheus was ready to live in the present with L. He was ready to celebrate their small victory. He was ready to take the House up on the opportunity it was giving them. He wanted to dance with L. “We’re lucky,” he said after a moment, lightly taking L’s hand and gently placing a hand at his waist. “Most people aren’t as intimately familiar with rhythm as we both are.” L was a dancer, Orpheus had seen how, even from a young age, L had been able to follow the rhythm of the music. He probably didn’t dance as much now as he had then, but that innate rhythm wasn’t something you could just get rid of. And Orpheus… well, Orpheus had spent most of his life learning how to play with rhythm and create it for himself. They would be just fine, even if it might take a little bit to learn how to move together. He hadn’t started moving, yet. A blush crept across Orpheus’ face as he realized that, then slowly began to move. It was little more than swaying, at first. Did they still do the dances Orpheus was familiar with in L’s time? Somehow, Orpheus doubted it. Slowly, he began to stop thinking, letting the music take over him as his body moved almost without him asking it to. “I’ve wanted to dance with you for a very long time,” he admitted softly, letting his eyes drift closed. “I don’t know why I’ve never asked.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 18, 2021 18:34:00 GMT -5
Dancing with Orpheus was something L had thought about before, more than he was willing to admit, actually. It wasn’t something he had ever considered possibly. He had never expected it to be more than a daydream. He had never expected to stand here, facing the man he loved, feeling him standing so close, the music drifting across their brains… “I suppose we are,” he whispered back, searching Orpheus’ eyes and almost melting at the expression he found. Truthfully, he hadn’t danced in a long time...he didn’t know when the last time had been, but living in small apartments and concentrating on work hadn’t exactly led to much...well, anything else, least of all ballet. Now, work was as far from his mind as it could get. Instead, emotion filled him, drowning out his all but a twinge of nerves that held on. He was smiling without even meaning to. From what he knew...someone was meant to lead this sort of dance. He hoped Orpheus wasn’t expecting him to do it. He didn’t know how. Ballet was one thing, actually dancing with someone was very different. What if he stepped on his toes or...tripped, or didn’t understand the movement, or… He swallowed, breathing out and forcing himself to relax. Even he knew when it wasn’t a good time to overthink. He got the sense thinking wouldn’t be much use here at all, actually. Then Orpheus began to move, and L moved with him, swaying a little back and forth, letting the tension bleed away. This room might never come again, which meant he might never dance with him again. He was going to make the most of what he had. “May I tell you something?” He murmured, meeting Orpheus’ eyes as he moved. “I’ve wanted to dance with you for a very, very long time. The idea has distracted me from even the most serious of cases.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 18, 2021 19:28:30 GMT -5
If Orpheus knew how long it had been since L had danced, he would have told him to try to take a break every so often so he got the chance to. There had to be a balance between the two of them – L concentrated far too much on his work and left no room for hobbies, and Orpheus only focused on his music. He hadn’t had a job since Eurydice had died. Which was… not great. He needed to find something to keep himself going, because he didn’t know if he could really survive on his music. He wasn’t sure he wanted his music to become work, actually. He sang and he wrote because he wanted to, because there were songs clawing their way out of his head, not because he was on a deadline or because he was trying to appease people. If he could find more work like he had on the Argo (without the murder), he might try that. Perhaps other sea voyages could use a musician… Which was absolutely not what he wanted to be thinking about. He would much rather spend his time taking in L’s presence, existing with him and letting the music carry them across the dance floor. Dancing happened because it was a reflex to let music take over, to hold the person you loved close and just… move. That was the reason it persisted for so long. Dance was powerful. Orpheus wasn’t surprised at all that it could transcend time period, even if neither of them really knew what they were doing. “Oh?” Orpheus asked, voice soft, nearly breathless. “I’d apologize for being a distraction, but… the thing is, I don’t believe I feel bad about it.” A small, nearly mischievous (well, as mischievous as Orpheus was capable of) smile flitted across Orpheus’ lips, and he leaned just a little closer into L’s touch. “I’ve written songs for us to dance to,” he added, sounding earnest now, “only… I realized after I wrote them that if I’m playing them, there’s nobody for you to dance with. So nobody’s ever heard those songs.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 18, 2021 19:49:02 GMT -5
Breaks for L were few and far between, though the House had a way of making them non-optional. In his own world, he worked near constantly, not sleeping for days on end and ignoring the concept of mealtimes in favor of munching. He had cases. He had things to work through, cases to solve, he didn’t have time to dance or whatever else normal people did with their time. He wasn’t normal. Far from it, in fact. Orpheus’ music was important to him. Just as important as L’s work was to him. They both had things that could make them forget themselves, forget to take care of themselves and lose track of time for days. They were, perhaps, very similar in that way. Dancing was, first and foremost, an instinct. A human reaction to music, perhaps, a need for motion, a wordless expression of emotion. Sometimes there were no words, and that was where music and dancing and art came in. And when it was near someone you loved, well...how much better was it then? He smiled a little as Orpheus spoke. “Good,” he murmured back, leaning a little closer in as they moved. “You shouldn’t feel bad about it.” He nodded a moment later, breathing out. “Sadly, that’s true,” he mused, shaking his head a little. “Although I’d rather dance to your music than anyone else’s. If you lived in my time, I’d offer to record your music and we could dance to it then, but…” he shrugged. Hypotheticals had their place, but right now, reality was far more enticing.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 18, 2021 20:47:15 GMT -5
Orpheus knew he wasn’t normal. He knew L wasn’t either. But… if taking breaks made either of them a bit more normal, he wouldn’t have objected. Breaks were good. They made it easier to keep going. Had L ever experienced burnout? Orpheus had. Not often, and really only after he had lost Eurydice, but he had felt it. And he found that taking breaks helped, even if that break was just… being blinked in and getting to see L and talk to him and dance with him… yes, he was more than in favor of taking breaks if it meant he got to see L. He just… wished L could dance more often. He knew how much he had liked it when he was little. “Well,” he murmured, voice soft, “I’m happy to be a distraction from your work any time you need one. And maybe sometimes when you don’t think you need one, but you do.” His eyes closed and he swayed for a few moments longer, pleased to feel the steady beat of L’s heart against his own as they danced. They were closer than most people were when they danced, but Orpheus found he wouldn’t want it any other way. “I wonder what my music would sound like recorded,” he murmured, eyes opening again so he could hold L’s gaze. “Maybe one day,” he added, a tiny smile escaping him. “Even if it’s just in the House. Maybe it will let me record something, and then we can dance to it.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 20, 2021 16:32:10 GMT -5
L wasn’t sure if he’d ever experienced burnout. He wasn’t sure what burnout was, exactly...was it when he fell asleep without meaning to? In which case he got burnout relatively often. Still, he only took breaks when forced, typically. Which happened more now than it had when he hadn’t been blinking, and when he hadn’t known Orpheus. He’d had 66 blinks without knowing Orpheus even existed...it was odd to think about, now. Orpheus and the House were inseparable in his head. He blinked in and immediately searched for him every single time. He smiled a little, swaying gently as he felt Orpheus lean in close, the space between them closing slowly. He didn’t know how close people were normally, but he didn’t really care. This was perfect in every way. “Your voice sounds different to you when you hear it on a recording,” he told Orpheus softly, eyes flicking up to meet his hazel ones. “Music would sound the same, though. But if you sing, you should be aware of that, some people don’t like hearing themselves recorded. I don’t mind it personally, but it doesn’t sound like me.” He breathed out, falling silent in favor of hearing the music, and feeling Orpheus. He didn’t know why the House was being so kind to them, but he could let himself enjoy it...right?
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 21, 2021 18:01:40 GMT -5
Orpheus couldn’t imagine the House without L. He had only had one blink before meeting L, and that blink was… confusing, to say the least. Nobody he had met in that room understood what was going on, and while it had been interesting to meet strangers, it was far more interesting to do the same now, when he knew what was going on and wasn’t as lost as he had been that first blink. It was thanks to L that he understood the House, really. L had done a very good job of explaining it to him, even the bad parts. He knew now that there were bad parts – he had experienced plenty of them for himself – but he also knew there were good parts, too. Soft, gentle rooms like this where he could hold L and keep swaying and pretend that they were from the same world, that it was their choice when to stop, not the House’s. “I see,” he murmured, gaze catching on L’s. “When you hear yourself recorded, it sounds different… just to you, or to everyone?” It was hard to imagine what he sounded like to other people. He assumed it was about the same as he sounded to himself, but he didn’t actually know. He hadn’t been paying very much attention to what the version of himself in L’s memories sounded like either – he had been a little preoccupied with trying to help L. “For what it’s worth,” he whispered, letting his eyes close for another moment as they swayed, “I love your voice. And I’m certain I’d love it recorded, as well.”
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 25, 2021 23:09:52 GMT -5
L’s first blink had been...a while ago. He remembered it quite well, though. He’d ended up cuffed to a shopping cart with a boy who didn’t like him and kept running over his feet and pulling him where he didn’t want to go. That hadn’t been fun, even if they had sort of made up at the end. His first room had been a good indication of what the House was going to be like...absurd and also dangerous. Besides that, he’d been unaware of how stores worked until then. And then for a while afterwards he’d assumed they were all color coded rather than sorted by item. Watari had had to explain that when L had suggested looking in ‘the red aisle’ for strawberries. He shook his head a little. That had been a long time ago...he hadn’t met Orpheus then. He hadn’t realized when he’d blinked that he had started the path to meeting the person who would change his life forever. If someone had told him that he was to going end up this close to someone...emotionally, mentally, and physically...he didn’t know what he would have done. Probably brushed them off and continued to work. “Oh…” he breathed, surprised as Orpheus spoke, the music gentle around them as they swayed. “I love your voice, too,” he replied after a moment, thoughtfully. “And...only to you, because your skull vibrates when you speak and that makes your voice sound different in your head. But don’t worry, I’m not in your head and I still love your voice, so it’s alright.”
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 26, 2021 2:02:35 GMT -5
Orpheus hadn’t known what to expect when he started blinking in. Frankly, he didn’t know what to expect now, even years later. But… L was a constant. L had been a constant from his second ever blink, and though he had, of course, had plenty of blinks without him, the ones he shared with L were most of his favorites. He hadn’t expected to fall in love because he’d been dragged into some place that existed between dimensions. Before he had blinked in, he hadn’t even known what a dimension was. And yet… despite how unexpected all of it had been… Orpheus wouldn’t change it for anything. He owed the House for giving him L. He owed the House for letting him heal, for giving him someone who could show him that maybe it was worth it to move on. L saw tragedy every day. Orpheus had only experienced it once. But they were dancing now, not thinking about tragedy. Not thinking about the bad parts of what brought them together, even if those things were always going to be part of their story. Orpheus thought he might write a song one day about the two of them, from the very beginning to now, but… he could think about the past then. Now, that wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was swaying to the music, feeling the way it was building up… “I was inside your head,” Orpheus mused softly, picking up a little bit of speed with the music. “Your voice sounded normal to me. Though… I suppose you were technically unconscious for that. Maybe… that doesn’t count.” He felt a little redness drifting onto his cheeks, and he found he couldn’t tear his gaze away from L’s eyes. “I’m sure I would love it were I to hear it inside your head, anyway,” he whispered, twirling L as the music reached a crescendo.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 26, 2021 20:55:46 GMT -5
The difference was, though L had experienced tragedy countless times, it hadn’t happened to him personally very many times. A pro of not knowing many people...his parents counted as a tragedy, but that had been a long time ago. He didn’t have friends, not in his world. He had Watari, who was still very much alive. And that was it. He closed his eyes as the music picked up, and so did the dance. There wasn’t much that could stop his mind from racing into tangents, from going a thousand miles a second, but this...he found his own thoughts falling away as he opened his eyes again, meeting Orpheus’, expression open and as vulnerable as it could be. If Orpheus was right and he had worn two masks, they had both fallen away completely now. He wasn’t thinking of what might happen if someone els blinked in. He wasn’t even glancing over his shoulder to make sure nothing was behind him. He was dancing. And that all. “It didn’t sound any different for me, either…” he mused. “Which...doesn’t really make sense. It should have sounded like a recording, since it wasn’t coming from inside my skull. Or...rather, it was...but then, shouldn’t it have sounded different to you? I wonder if - oh.” Whatever he had been about to theorize slid away as Orpheus twirled him, and he caught his breath, eyes softening as they met Orpheus’. And for once, he didn’t much care whether he could make sense of it. Maybe later. His lips parted slightly as he looked at the other blinker, and he let his thoughts fly away, didn’t try to catch them.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 27, 2021 2:15:36 GMT -5
If Orpheus could have only one wish, it would be that L never have to experience tragedy, especially not in the way Orpheus had. It was one thing to lose someone, he knew, and quite another to look at them and hold them and know that you could bring them back, if only you were strong enough, and fail to do just that. Perhaps the greatest tragedy was how close Orpheus had gotten. Or perhaps it was that he had broken one more promise, or perhaps, even, that he had effectively killed Eurydice twice. It didn’t matter in the long run what the most tragic part was, just that it was all painful and he never wanted L to go through that pain. A smile chased away the dark thoughts as L rambled a bit, his thoughts crashing over Orpheus like a stream that parted around a rock. Orpheus was the rock, unable to comprehend the river in its entirety, but still being shaped by the thoughts that happened to stream around him. He loved listening, loved hearing L tackle puzzles that Orpheus hadn’t even thought to consider as puzzles. Perhaps it was just that he was never going to stop being impressed and amazed by L. Perhaps it was that the new perspective made the entire world just a little more interesting. Orpheus never got bored anymore. If he did, he could just look at whatever was around him and ask himself what L would say about it. His smile widened as L twirled, eyes catching on L’s parted lips, the look in his eyes as the thoughts drifted away. Orpheus didn’t think there were many people who could stop L’s thoughts in their tracks like that. Although it was disappointing, as Orpheus would never be able to hear the end of the tangent, it also sent sparks thrilling through him. L was looking at him, existing with him, knowing him. It was like they were the only thing in any universe, circling each other and dancing round, tied forever in a cosmic dance. Then again… Orpheus wasn’t thinking either, he was just… letting L overwhelm his senses, overwhelm any other thoughts he had as the music weaved its way through him, using his heart as a conduit to broadcast itself into dance. “I love you,” he whispered, at a loss for any words but those.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Mar 27, 2021 22:39:27 GMT -5
They both wanted to protect each other. Orpheus, because he had lived through something no one should have to go through and he was selfless enough to want to stop it from happening to anyone else. L, because he had watched Orpheus go through that pain and never wanted him to feel it again. He hated that, if tragedy should strike again, it might come through him. He hated that love was dangerous, even if he didn’t fight it or try and chase it away. And this...this was why he didn’t. Because they were dancing, because they had each other, because Orpheus was near him and that made the rest of the world fall away into insignificance. Not even his cases could distract him now. The mystery of the House, always present, faded into the music it had created. There were very few times that L could remember not half thinking about the House and what it might be when he was blinked in. Very, very few times when he hadn’t checked over his shoulder, hadn’t second and third and fourth guessed every thought he had in case it might be influenced, but...every time he could remember that happening, Orpheus had been there. He might have thought the other person was merely a distraction, once. But that was a long time ago. He moved a little closer, the distance between them narrowing, as he came out of the twirl. Dancing with someone...it wasn’t as scary as he had thought it would be. Maybe it was just because he was near Orpheus, and that never failed to put him at ease. He didn’t wonder if the House was influencing him, not this time. Just as he hadn’t wondered when Orpheus had brought him back. Maybe that was foolish, maybe...but maybe he didn’t want to question this, even in passing. Maybe one thing he didn’t wonder about wasn’t so bad. “I love you, too,” he whispered back, and if there had been any tension left in him, it was gone now. Things were okay. Things were really, actually okay. And L was awake, alive, in the moment, experiencing this room in sharper clarity than he would have thought possible. He was here. Orpheus was here. They loved each other. The rest was irrelevant.
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Transgender
strider
No mourners, no funerals
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Post by strider on Mar 28, 2021 0:55:09 GMT -5
Orpheus let L pull closer, a thrill moving down his spine at the feeling of L so near, his hand gently on L’s shoulder and his other linked with his. Dancing, he thought, was worth it when one had the right partner. He’d been lucky to find the right partner twice in his life, though he had scarcely gotten the chance to dance with Eurydice before things had gone bad. She had always been a better dancer than him. Then again… L would also always be a better dancer than him. Perhaps, he mused softly, pulling L just a bit closer, he had a type. Cynical but kind and well meaning, hardened by the world but willing to give hope a chance… good dancers with dark eyes… alright, perhaps he had a type. It didn’t change the value of the love he had even a little bit. They were both unique, incredibly special individuals, and they were more different than they were similar, even if they did have certain things in common with each other. It was easy to let the thought drift away, to hold onto L and move to the beat of the music, to let L dictate where they were going, because even if Orpheus was leading, L was the dancer, and Orpheus trusted his judgement more than anything else. He would always trust L. To the ends of his world and L’s… he trusted L, even when it came to silly things like which way to move on a dance floor. It was as though everything that had happened in the past melted away. This room was not built for memories. It was not built for reminiscing; it was built for creating new memories. Built for carrying them from moment to moment until they ran out of moments to drift through. Orpheus let the dance pull him, let himself spin in a half circle and carry L with him, let himself be consumed by it. In the best way possible. There were no words. For the first time, Orpheus understood what it was like for Hades when he held out his hand for Persephone, when they danced for the first time in eons. The ability to let everything else go and to just… dance with the person you loved… yes, if Orpheus’ heart were capable of freezing, he knew something like this – a chance to dance with L – would be more than enough to melt it. Dancing felt warm… like… like when the sun comes over the horizon and bathes the earth in warmth and light. “To φλογοειδής Λ.” Orpheus whispered, a smile touching the corners of his lips. He wondered distantly if L would know why he was saying it this time. Orpheus hoped L felt the warmth as well.
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Post by ®Hawkpath® on Apr 1, 2021 17:21:04 GMT -5
L didn’t know if he had a type. He thought, sometimes, that his type was simply Orpheus...he thought that, maybe, if destiny happened to exist at all, love had never been written in his stars. Fate had decreed him a loner. And then the House had happened to decide he was interesting enough to steal. And he’d happened to bump into someone from a different world, different stars...and somehow, his own had connected seamlessly. It was as unlikely as fitting a piece from one puzzle into a different one and having the picture come out perfectly, or unlocking your house with a key from thousands of years ago, and yet, it had happened. Somehow, it had happened. One wasn’t better than the other. Maybe Orpheus and Eurydice had been destined to meet, hadn’t needed any other stars to complete their own. L was just...grateful. Oh, he hated how things had gone, of course he did. But he was grateful for the good parts, and though he hadn’t known her well, his life had been changed for the better, having known Eurydice. He closed his eyes for a moment, trusting Orpheus to guide them both as he let the music fill him. He hadn’t paid music that much attention before he’d met Orpheus. Afterwards...he noticed it everywhere he went. And it was, everywhere...there was a rhythm to almost anything, if you happened to be paying attention. L just never noticed it before he had a reason to listen. It was as though the House had simply told them enough memories. Enough of the past. This is your present. Live in it. And...as much as L preferred not to listen to the House...he had to admit it was right. He knew he had a tendency to dwell on things he couldn’t change. But that only helped so much before it started causing harm. He was a dancer, he had danced countless times before, and yet, this...this was unlike anything he had done. Dancing with someone was so very different than dancing alone...and though he had to be more careful, as his were not longer the only toes he could step on, it was more rewarding, too. He couldn’t seem to get the tiny smile to leave his lips, or the happiness out of his dark eyes. No mask. No lies, not even by omission. Nothing but two people who should never have been able to meet dancing in a room that should never have been able to exist. Two people dancing outside time. He breathed out at the words. He understood them. He understood what they meant, because...he felt it, too. Warmth deeper than sunlight, or fire, or anything else. L was warm to his very soul. “Not just me,” he whispered back, and when he shifted, there was barely any space left between them at all. “Both of us. Or I wouldn’t feel as warm as I do.”
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