Post by Sand on Aug 14, 2020 0:39:53 GMT -5
accompanied by Squirrelstar, Paleslip & Sharp-paw | stream
Canarypaw trailed after Squirrelstar for a short amount of time before her gaze moved to the smaller branches of the tree they had found. He felt a shiver crawl down his spine briefly and took a deep breath, putting his front paws first on to the branch, seeing if it could hold its weight. So far so good, he thought, glancing back at Squirrelstar and giving a sharp nod. This tree felt stronger than most in SkyClan's territory. He then padded a bit further and brought his hind legs onto the branch. It didn't feel shaky to him, so that was a good sign. Hopefully RiverClan's trees would provide relief to SkyClan.
The sound of his mentor's mew caught his attention, but he didn't dare turn around. Instead, he faced forward and listened intently. His ears twitched every now and then to show he was paying attention. His head hung low for a bit when Squirrelstar mentioned her littermates passed when she was a kit. At least he still had Bravepaw... but how for long? How long would it be until he too passed? The way she had spoken didn't exactly sit well with Canarypaw. If anything, it added some fuel to the fire, though he wasn't going to act out right now. What happened to Bravepaw wasn't the same as kits dying at birth or even a bit after that. No, his brother was alive and living through misery.
"I'm sorry about your littermates, Squirrelstar," he mewed solemnly. He did feel terrible for his leader, he really did. He didn't want to imagine his life without Bravepaw. It would be miserable and pitiful to say the least. He then fell silent before padding further up the tree branch. He felt its shorter branches shudder as if there was a breeze.
He suddenly raised his voice, "It was out of my control. It was out of everyone's control! Just because he's strong doesn't change that! StarClan didn't do their job or whatever their job is supposed to be. What a joke they are." He scoffed with a roll of his eyes. So much for ancestors looking out for the clans.
Worried? Did she really believe it was just him worrying? He and Bravepaw may not be joined at the hip, but her comment felt like claws raking down his back. He cared for his brother even if he didn't show it at times and Bravepaw meant something to him unlike their father. "Whether Bravepaw wants me to worry or not, that's not up to you," he hissed underneath his breath.
He paused for several moments, running through all the thoughts that were jumbled in his mind. He'll never be able to walk again. He's probably crippled for life and yet she thinks she understands? Being alive and suffering isn't the same as being dead before taking your first steps, he thought. His pelt felt as if it were blazing hot and he simply stood still on the branch. He didn't waver one bit and focused again on Squirrelstar's lecture. His insides, however, felt like they were throbbing with each breath and step he took. I hate this.
"And how do you suggest I channel my emotions? We can't climb trees, we're stuck in a stupid drought!" he growled, feeling one of his paws struggling to hold on to the branch. "I get that you're here for me, as my mentor and leader. I suppose I can be thankful for that."
He was more than thankful, but it didn't show itself through words. Canarypaw was disheartened and refused to look at the shaggy furred she-cat in the eye. His once sharp green gaze was glum and gloomy, avoiding all eye contact with his clanmates. He just wanted to get away as far as possible, but he couldn't do that. Not now, not ever.
"But I don't think you'll understand everything I feel, just like I won't understand everything you feel, Squirrelstar," he mewed adamantly, taking a deep breath. "It's not the same. Death is tragic, but so are accidents. My brother's alive, suffering every moment he's stuck in that den because of one wrong step. He won't ever have a warrior ceremony or a chance to climb a tree ever again. What in StarClan's name makes life better for him? For all of us, to see a clanmate suffer like that?"
Death seemed to be a better option, in the dark spotted tabby's mind. Maybe if Bravepaw wouldn't have to sit and suffer he would be better off, like Squirrelstar's littermates as grim as it was.
image source - tumblr | ☾ѕησσzє☽
[ sorry for the really really long post -- if you want a TLDR let me know. ]