vent thread 4 all

I am lonely and upset. My grades a ruined because of online school. I lowkey blame my mom for most of my problems.

All my problems are just crashing down on me right now and I can't tell anyone- I don't know what to do.

My laptop crashed in the middle of my biology final and while I managed to complete it, email my professor, and all that, I have no idea what's going to happen, especially because I did pretty well on it.

Ayy, nice

the whole point of scheduling our wedding for oct 23rd was to avoid the chaos of downtown austin during the ACL festival. now, you are telling me that there is some other huge event going on that we cannot figure out, but has mystifyingly booked out EVERY affordable downtown hotel? and even hotels/airbnbs 20min away are like 250+/night?

imma scream.

All my personal problems are adding up and they're making me have so much stress and anxiety, it's getting so hard to enjoy things anymore. The little things that I used to enjoy so much, like swinging and listening to music, just don't feel that fun anymore. I know it'll get better in time, but I just wish that my anxiety would go away. And the worst part is that nobody in my family knows how I'm feeling and I can't tell them. When I've told them things before, like when I told my mom I was terrified of driving, she pretty much just said get over it. I can't get over it, and I'll never get over it, and nobody even cares. It's just another thing adding up to my stress and anxiety.

Still very frustrated with my current situation. It's not a bad life, I'm just annoyed there's no flow to it. Grandma told me to hang on a little while longer, save some money from my job, and that's pretty reasonable and I agree with her, but I'm the most impatient bitch in the world. I wanna quit my job NOW and get on with this lmao. Damn I'm impatient.

I want to move out but the housing market is so bed I can only afford the places in really bad parts of town. I'm not in danger in my home. The only issue is I'm in my mid 20s and I'm still not on my own. That's not necessarily a bad thing and I should not leave if I am unable to afford to. But at the same time, one of the people I live with is so loud and it's unbearable. I want to live by myself. No roommates, literally just me and a cat.

I need to get tested for some mental issues but have no idea/too lazy/too scared to do so.

Frustrated with how my mom and I communicate. She doesn't understand how my job works. I know I'm disabled and I can use that against my job, but it's going to be very hard to get the right hours with so little people at work and having different people working on things here. And this week is going to be a busy week, so chances are I probably won't be able to reach anyone in time anyways. I already told her nobody was available to give me a ride, I don't always know when someone's off, there's not even a schedule around for me to see, and the managers don't even work the scheduling. She doesn't understand the groups of people working there. And I told her I already attempted to talk to people today; it's not like I'm not trying. She's so frustrating to talk to about these things. I know she's trying to help me but she won't ****ing stop mentioning it until I do it. It's ****ing annoying. And because she gets angry at me I get defensive and shut her off. Again, I know she's just trying to help, but getting mad at me and not understanding how this job works doesn't exactly help. I don't know how the **** rides are going to work for me this year. What's the point in figuring out how to use the bus if I can't even use them for my closing shifts?

It's mostly my ****ing job's fault for not going by their senorities anyways. I'm not supposed to have these closing shifts. So **** them. It's hard to get a consistent schedule with my job. It's just not how it works here. I love my mom, and I know she's trying to help me, but when it comes to shit like this she won't leave me alone until I do it. Sometimes I just wanna deal with things like this when it comes to my job. One of my coworkers has been fighting over senorities for YEARS and they still don't ****ing listen, so what makes a difference if I'm disabled? They won't care.

I go out - it starts raining really hard, I go back inside.

As soon as I get inside - rain stops.

The universe is mocking me.

Oh, and that my mother is Anti-LGBTQ+ and all that. I'm non-binary and pan, and I'm very progressive, so basically everything that she hates. Not only will I probably never live in a place of my own, but... I want to love her? Like, as a mother, I mean. But if she knew the real me, I would be on the street right now, so it's... complicated to say the least.

On a more serious topic, I'm concerned about this Saturday. For some reason, my grandma invited Ali, my aunt, to my grandpa's big birthday party and I'm kind of pissed at her for this. Last time I talked to my aunt, she emotionally abused me and treated my grandma like shit because we didn't give her what she wanted. She disowned her mom for seven years and continued to try to guilt trip me because I didn't want to talk to her, and she will probably try to do it again this Saturday. I'm pissed at my Nana for letting her be there and I'm sure she's the one who invited her. My grandpa doesn't even like her for the shit my aunt did, so this comes off as a little selfish to me for her side? Ali doesn't even care about him, what relationship does she have to want to see my grandpa? She's only coming over to see me because I stopped talking to her for years; I know it. and I'm not gonna let her crawl back, because she never made a genuine apology for causing me an anxiety attack and treating my Nana like shit. you think things are okay between us Ali but they're not. even my own lame BIOLOGICAL FATHER isn't even very fond of you. you're a mean bitch who doesn't own up to your actions. i wouldn't be surprised if this shit between her and my Nana happens again. and I'm not letting her back into my life. she tried to add my Facebook and I sure as hell deleted hers lol.

I really wish that the rich stop becoming even richer. People like myself struggle every day.

I am officially done with middle school which is great,I guess. I won't be going to the same school as my friends

Both my mom and I thought we would have moved to another house ny now but it seems like we are stuck with the same horrible landlord.