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Post by phantomstar57 on Jul 25, 2021 12:45:56 GMT -5
Going ok! I'm not dead yet LOL. Tho 4th of July I tripped and gave myself a very fat lip and a badly scraped bruised knee. Sheesh. But been busy and also trying to rest and recover. Keeping up with the gardening and weeding with all the rain we've been having has been a chore. So haven't been doing much reading or writing of late, but I still am in lurker mode!
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Jul 26, 2021 7:00:03 GMT -5
Very good! Well, apart from your knee. Ouch. Hopefully that's healing up well! Over here there isn't so much rain as a tooooooooon of fires. Lots of smoke. Very icky. But hanging in there and riding a way of recent activity here.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 12, 2021 12:23:36 GMT -5
Bumpity bump
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 12, 2021 19:25:26 GMT -5
Very good! Well, apart from your knee. Ouch. Hopefully that's healing up well! Over here there isn't so much rain as a tooooooooon of fires. Lots of smoke. Very icky. But hanging in there and riding a way of recent activity here. Hope all is better now and autumn rains have begun. Knee is healing but even after all this time still acting up. Oh for the days of youth when healing was quick.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 25, 2021 18:18:49 GMT -5
Bumpity bump. More small updates after finishing the Broken Code arc. Now who did let the dogs out? Certainly not Ashfur!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 26, 2021 14:10:18 GMT -5
I was reading some old comments and never did address this well. ""Phnatomstrike whirled away from the medicine cat den and repeated the cry, knowing his sisters, half-siblings, cousins, and his son, in the other Clans would respond immediately. "
I'm not 100% of the length of space between clans, but I don't think they'd be able to hear him from ThunderClan Camp. Could be wrong. I don't know how loud or high pitched Maine Coons can be."
The thing I used for this is the amplification of sound over water. Especially lakes. I have gleaned that the lake they live around is a bit bigger than the one down the street from us and much larger than the fishing pond we go to, but it is amazing how sound carries over the water, even when its frozen. There is one guy who fishers who yaps incessantly and even if you are across the lake as far as one can get you can hear every word! Dogs barking across the lake echo loud, louder than if they were right at your side. Its maddening because Trout spook at a lot of noise. But anyway, no doubt a loud cat screech would carry far over open lake water. Now how fast to get there? Cats can run FAST, and if they use the frozen lake to get across it would take less time than going around at a walk. Of course, they don't get there right away so there is more carnage. It really does depend on the size of the lake, and if I am wrong and the lake there is 15 times the size of our lake then maybe we have a problem with the whole concept.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Jan 20, 2022 14:47:41 GMT -5
Bumpity bump Bump
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Post by phantomstar57 on May 9, 2022 15:58:32 GMT -5
Time for a bump to encourage some inspiration. I really want to finish this. . .
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Post by phantomstar57 on Dec 1, 2022 16:58:29 GMT -5
A bump to get some input! Would like to work on this and finish! Take the poll!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Feb 17, 2023 20:54:24 GMT -5
BUMPITY BUMP - for 2023
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Post by phantomstar57 on Jun 24, 2023 17:51:39 GMT -5
Bump for update!
Finally added more to this tale.
Let me know what you think!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Jul 24, 2023 10:34:57 GMT -5
Bump-did add to story. I'd sure appreciate some feedback!
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Post by valleylight on Jul 25, 2023 15:50:42 GMT -5
I really enjoyed this story! Your descriptions are so vivid, especially when the medicine cats treat Berryfrost and during the battle against the dogs. The opening paragraph really sets the scene well, and I particularly loved the imagery of “snow twisters” moving across the frozen lake.
As others have mentioned in past posts, your original characters are distinct and full of personality. Phantomstrike is a great protagonist! All the lore and history surrounding his family in the Clans was a bit intimidating at first, but it reads in a really seamless and compelling way throughout your narration.
One thing I noticed was how, during Berryfrost and Phantomstrike’s conversation, you use dialogue tags in almost every paragraph. A lot of them give good insight into the characters’ feelings and reactions, but you could potentially take out some like “mewed” and “meowed,” just to help the conversation (and overall exposition of recent Clan events) flow a little smoother.
There are so many intriguing plot-lines happening, and I’m excited to see how Phantomstrike and his kin handle the Twoleg conflict from their new positions of influence and responsibility in the Clans. Given the prejudiced Clan cats you mention, I’d be curious to see how some of them react to so many Maine Coon descendants taking up deputy roles. I think the neutering conflict is scarier and more deeply personal for the cats affected than even the dogs— definitely an out-of-the-frying-pan situation.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Sept 16, 2023 15:42:06 GMT -5
I really enjoyed this story! Your descriptions are so vivid, especially when the medicine cats treat Berryfrost and during the battle against the dogs. The opening paragraph really sets the scene well, and I particularly loved the imagery of “snow twisters” moving across the frozen lake. As others have mentioned in past posts, your original characters are distinct and full of personality. Phantomstrike is a great protagonist! All the lore and history surrounding his family in the Clans was a bit intimidating at first, but it reads in a really seamless and compelling way throughout your narration. One thing I noticed was how, during Berryfrost and Phantomstrike’s conversation, you use dialogue tags in almost every paragraph. A lot of them give good insight into the characters’ feelings and reactions, but you could potentially take out some like “mewed” and “meowed,” just to help the conversation (and overall exposition of recent Clan events) flow a little smoother. There are so many intriguing plot-lines happening, and I’m excited to see how Phantomstrike and his kin handle the Twoleg conflict from their new positions of influence and responsibility in the Clans. Given the prejudiced Clan cats you mention, I’d be curious to see how some of them react to so many Maine Coon descendants taking up deputy roles. I think the neutering conflict is scarier and more deeply personal for the cats affected than even the dogs— definitely an out-of-the-frying-pan situation. Thank you for the feedback! I cannot believe I did not see this before now! The idea for the TNR came to me as I watched one of our local ferals patrol the backyard. Then BOOM! What if TNR people decided to do this with Clan cats? I am still pondering all that. Thanks so much for reading!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Sept 25, 2023 22:53:00 GMT -5
Well, reading A STARLESS CLAN now and it is giving me info needed to complete this story. The Maine Coons o' the Clans already changed many things, but, the fun part is Nightheart, heheheh, with Sparkfire long mated to Demonstreak, he MUST be part Maine Coon, yet, you'd not know it by looking at him!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Dec 14, 2023 23:44:04 GMT -5
Well dang-more changes and MAJOR rewrites! Once I finish this arc, this story will be complete, but for now I chug along, inching along with the storyline while changing major details in the major time lines.
It will be a WIP for a while but I'd love some feedback.
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Post by Spottail on Dec 30, 2023 14:04:52 GMT -5
I can’t wait to read the continuation of this, this is really good and Love the name you gave Frostpaw. I will write some more of mine soon and how’s your eyes doing? I pray for them every Sunday at Church, and will Spotfur’s kits make an appearance in this series? If so will they be paws or warriors?
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Post by phantomstar57 on Apr 12, 2024 13:25:55 GMT -5
I can’t wait to read the continuation of this, this is really good and Love the name you gave Frostpaw. I will write some more of mine soon and how’s your eyes doing? I pray for them every Sunday at Church, and will Spotfur’s kits make an appearance in this series? If so will they be paws or warriors? Thank you for the prayers. Appreciated! Eyes are doing ok. I'd have to look up Spotfur to remind myself who she is but likely her kits would be warriors by time of this tale.
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Post by Spottail on Apr 12, 2024 20:49:55 GMT -5
That’s great, I’ll be praying for your neck now and k
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Post by Spottail on Apr 12, 2024 20:52:51 GMT -5
Also your welcome
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