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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 3, 2020 12:23:24 GMT -5
(Dah.
They’re so cute.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 3, 2020 12:33:49 GMT -5
They’re adorable XD I had to write out my own version they’re just adorable)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 3, 2020 12:34:18 GMT -5
Not sure what I wanna write next though)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 3, 2020 12:50:06 GMT -5
(I do have the next chapter to work on, so ima try to get it done, maybe a few.
Get ready for some heat breakin’.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 3, 2020 12:51:10 GMT -5
Oh gosh I’m ready. Lay it on me
Shred my heart. Incinerate it. Shatter it into a million pieces)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 3, 2020 18:37:04 GMT -5
I’m with Holly, scouting for supplies. We’ve been running out of supplies for days now but it’s been hard to get out and look for supplies. In the daytime, it’s been too exposed. At night, we’ve seen the lights of the careers moving through the Arena. The way they whoop and cheer when they find a tribute to kill chills me to my core
Right now, though, all seems quiet. If the careers are on the hunt, they’re somewhere else. So we took the chance, snuck into some buildings to try and find some supplies. Neither of us are in great shape right now due to our lack of supplies. Both with empty, painful stomachs and chapped, dry lips. Finding more supplies is a matter of priority, especially since Holly has started threatening to eat me.
I don’t notice that Holly has seen something in another room and gone to investigate, but I do notice when I hear a rock skitter across the ground outside. But when I turn to see what made the noise it’s already too late. There’s a silhouette in the doorway. A girl a little shorter than me, but definitely tall enough that it’s not Holly. Too short to be the District 7 girl. The silver blade in her hand glints menacingly, and her teeth show in a menacing smile. It’s Macaria.
I don’t have time to do much, because immediately the knife is sailing towards me. Thankfully my reflexes are fast enough that I’m able to dodge, and it whizzes past to hit the wall behind me and clatter to the floor.
But it isn’t over. I can see the others are there now, having run in after Macaria. I’m panicking now, looking for a way out. One figure, I’m pretty sure it’s the District 2 boy. Everest? He steps forward, weapon raises. I can feel my heart racing now, and I take another step back. Macaria tries to stop him.
“He’s mine!” she snarls
They’re pushing past one another, trying to get to me first. But I have my eyes locked on a doorway. It’s a long shot, I don’t think I’d get to it in time. But if I run fast enough, if I do it while they’re still fighting over who gets to kill me, I might stand a chance. I need to get to Holly, get her out of here too.
So I take the risk, because what else can I do? I can’t exactly stand around waiting to be killed. I run, faster than I’ve ever done before, but it isn’t enough. These guys have been pumped on adrenaline and the thrill of the chase all night, so it takes no time at all for Alessandro to grab me.
He catches me from behind, grabs my wrists and locks his arm around my elbows. No matter how much I struggle, I’m not getting anywhere here.
“Hold him down!” Macaria warns
And I know I’m not getting out of this. There are six of them and one of me, and Alessandro was enough of a match for me in the first place.
The District 2 girl approaches slowly, and I can tell she relishes this. She has her knife back now, and it catches the moonlight again as she approaches. My mind is going a mile a minute, and I’m desperately trying to figure something out. If I don’t get out of this, she’s going to kill me for sure and that’s not what I want. My sisters are watching this, this isn’t how I want them to remember their big brother. And Holly? If I die and she’s wasn’t there to help, she’ll feel guilty. I have no weapons, but I need to do something.
Macaria raises her knife, and just as that moment I manage to wrestle my arms from Alessandro’s grip. All Macaria has time to do is slash her knife down my thigh. It’s a burning pain, pain like nothing I’ve felt before. Pain so bad my body arches, and a scream rips through the air. And Holly has to know something is happening by now. But I don’t want her running into this.
Seizing an opportunity, I grab a particularly large piece of rubble by my feet. I don’t have much other option, so I swing. That works, getting Macaria and Alessandro to back off, as well as the others. That’s just enough distance that I can get away, especially if they decide it isn’t worth following me.
So, seeing a chance, I run, disappearing further into the building so I can find Holly.
************
It’s sometime later that evening, but honestly I’m in such a daze of pain I hardly know what’s happening. It’s a wonder I stayed conscious afterwards, with the blood I was losing, but I think adrenaline did most of the job for me there.
Holly helped me back to our camp when I got hurt, and now I’m sitting, bad leg stretched out in front of me, while Holly looks at it. She immediately insisted that she look at it, and when I told her I could look after it myself she hissed, so I thought it better to let her have a look. We’ve got a little fire going, since the careers are clearly done with their hunt for the night.
“Well, it’s not a major artery,” she says “which is good. You were lucky. But you’ve got all kinds of rubble and dirt in it, I’m going to have to clean it out.”
She grabs a canteen of water, water we’d only filled that day. Thankfully that’s an extra canteen, we can afford to use it. We don’t have alcohol, which would have been better for this, but that’s okay. We make do.
“This might sting,” she warns “but not as much as if it were alcohol.”
And she’s right. When she pours it on my leg, washing out the rubble and dirt, I let out a pained gasp, but it’s not as bad as it could have been.
“I think it’s going to need stitches,” she says “we don’t have a proper suture kit, but there was a mini sewing kit in my backpack.”
“Ah, yes,” I say sarcastically “that essential Hunger Games supply.”
Holly just rolls her eyes, and grabs the sewing kit out of the bag. But when she puts the needle close to my wound, I see her hesitate. Her hand shakes.
“Are you okay?” I ask
“Yeah,” she sighs “I know what to do, I just... don’t want to mess it up.”
I understand that. She feels like she’d be responsible if it went wrong. So I just hold my hand out.
“Let me do it.”
Holly just hands the needle to me, but I can see the concern in her eyes for me. I set the work, gritting my teeth as I push the needle in. It still isn’t enough to stop me crying out.
“Are you sure about this?” Holly asks
“Yes,” I say “just hold the wound closer together.”
Holly agrees, and I set to work. It’s painful, but my work with the needle is good. This is where I’m familiar, my movements are fluid and precise as I deftly move the needle. The stitches are different, of course, but I know how to suture a wound. I simply do each stitch individually and tie it off. It’s a little harder without a proper suture kit but it’s okay. It’s all we have. I have to pause every now and then to take a deep breath, try to steady myself, and every now and then I get a flash of pain again. But mostly, I’m managing.
I notice Holly watching me work with interest. She’s silent for a while before she speaks.
“I didn’t know you were good at this,” she says
“It’s not so different from sewing” I shrug
“I know,” she agrees “I mean I didn’t know you were good at sewing.”
“I am District 8 as well, you know,” I reply
“Textile factories?” she asks “I thought your family were better off than that.”
“I have two sisters,” I explain “my parents’ wages combined only barely cover the basics.”
“But your sisters can afford to go to school, don’t take tesserae,” Holly says, confused
“And why do you think that is? My wages makes sure they can go to school, that they don’t need tesserae. It goes towards clothes, sometimes food and bills if it’s a bad month. Plus, I take tesserae. My name was in 36 times this year.”
I might clown around, act like I’ve never worked a day in my life. Maybe I can be naive, a little childish. Maybe I’m not a street smart and resilient as Holly and seem a little more sheltered. I can’t do as many things; I’m not tough, I’m no fighter. But people underestimate me. I can do a lot more than my lighthearted, class-clown nature would make it seem. I know how to take care of the people I love.
“Huh,” Holly says “are they okay without you while you’re here?”
I just chuckle.
“One less mouth to feed. Plus, if I don’t make it out they can sell my things. That’d keep them going for a little. But the girls would have to get jobs. But let’s not talk about it.”
I finish with the suture at that point, but keep my leg straight. It’d be too painful to move it right now.
“Alright, well courtesy of our wonderful friends the Careers, I don’t think I’ll be doing much running for a while,” I say
“Eh, I think limping might be a good look on you. You know, rugged, like you’ve been through the wars,” Holly smirks
“You’re impossible,” I say with a roll of my eyes
“You know you love me,” she smiles
“Yeah,” I reply “I do.”
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 3, 2020 22:19:34 GMT -5
(Dah, you write her so well.
I love Burton tbh. It hurts that he saw so many people die and had to be put through this situation.)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 3, 2020 23:26:34 GMT -5
Family Reunion
Sometimes in life, moments come, and everything freezes, slows, and reality flaps you in the face.
The moment she spotted the van, pulling into the lot, she felt as if something had been off. As if something wasn’t right. Inside her gut, she felt the instinct to run. But she didn’t understand why.
Burton, who had been walking beside her, had stopped when she froze and watched the van, his placed his hand on her shoulder, shaking her a bit.
“-olly”
“-y”
“Holly!” He snapped, and she turned with big wide eyes, shaking her head.
“What?” She questioned, refusing to look at his hand, on her shoulder, because she was either going to bite him, or start blushing like an idiot, and she didn’t blush like an idiot.
“Well, you froze and just stared off in space, and then-wait, why are you so red? Are you running a fever?” Burton questioned, having removed his hand from her shoulder to place it on her forehead, the back of the resting just below her hair fringe.
“No!” Holly retorted, grabbing his wrist and forcing it away from her with wide eyes, “I’m fine, thanks, I’m going to break your wrist if you do that again. Anyways, why is there a black kidnappy van?”
Burton pulled a face at her threat that she simply skimmed over, glancing at her in confusion, “The what?”
“You know, the ‘hey, wanna come in my van kiddies, I got some candy for ya’ right here!’ type van?” She elaborated, and he rolled his eyes.
“Holly, please just say it like a normal person would.” He hissed, annoyance already setting in.
“You know, a kidnapper van.”
“No, I got that part, but tell me what the van looked like.”
“A kidnapper’s van?” She really looked like she was sure of it. She didn’t even see out of the corner of her eye as a family of 5 exited the car, approaching the building. She and Burton continued on their little banter. She loved that, between them. It was their thing, banter.
“No, Holly, what did it physically look like?” He commented, trying to keep from laughing. Out of the corner of her eye, Holly spotted Halina walking by, chuckling softly as she listened to the two.
“Well, it was black, and it had kids in it.” She started, looking up at him with a grin, one that she continued to have even through her troubles, returning back to who she was, at least around him, “Slightly tinted windows, really shady. Some old guy was driving it.”
He didn’t respond, his eyes widened as he looked down at her, before looking up, and he literally froze.
“Um, Burton, I was joking. It’s just like a normal black van?” He didn’t respond, he just looked down at her, then back up.
“Holly, maybe we should go inside...” he suggested, and she was a bit wierded out.
She laughed then, rolling her eyes, “You look like you saw a ghost, Burton,” he really did, it was starting to concern her.
She froze then, hearing laughter from behind her. A child? That’s what had him spooked.
“Papa, she looks a lot like you!” A little girl commented, and Holly felt her blood run cold. For some reason, the words were sincerely unsettling.
Burton then looked at her, almost in something she hated, pity. Her mind felt cloudy, and she didn’t know why.
Without another word, Holly turned, Burton’s hand falling off her shoulder and to his side. She would later learn that he backed up, giving her room.
And then she couldn’t really think anymore. Everything seemed to slow, three children stood, with dark brunette hair, one with black hair, and one with pretty blond hair. A woman with blond hair, and wrinkles on her face stood, looking extremely awkward and out of place. Then a man stood, black hair, wrinkles on his face, with eyes peering at Holly.
She didn’t realize she did it, but one second, she was stand up, watching as the wind brushed through the children’s hair, then next, she was on the ground, struggling to breath correctly, not taking in any sounds or anything. Just blinding white noise.
“Father?” She questioned, registering pain.
He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t dead, but worse.
He just left her for dead. He just left her.
Left her.
It was like a clarity, piercing her heart, as she looked at the man, “You left me for dead!” She found herself screaming in her head, but making just whispers, whimpers of pain and anger, “You replaced me.”
That was the moment that reality struck like a cord.
She couldn’t trust anyone, because everyone left, and in the end, she was replaced and forgotten.
She couldn’t even breath.
-
When she finally started focusing on her breath, she stared hollowly at a clock, counting the little ticks. Her breath ghosted out, she felt a wetness on her cheeks that she didn’t need feel very often.
She registered humming then, looking off to her side, where she spotted Burton.
“Why are you humming?” She questioned, snark in her voice, her defensive mechanism.
“Humming always helps me calm down,” He started, before smiling at her. “Diana said it may be a while, but you seem to be out of that state now. You feeling better?”
“What state?” She snapped back, crossing her arms, hugging herself as she curled in even further.
He went deadpan, raising an eyebrow at her, “Shock.” He responded curtly, but not ungenerously.
“Like you would understand,” she huffed, wiping furiously at her cheeks. Nothing felt damp or new, other than sweat. “You have a family.”
“You do too,” she opened her mouth to retort, but he shook his head, “You have us.”
And then she felt the ghost of a smile, rolling her eyes, “Eh, that’s up for debate.”
“Rude.”
“I know,” she commented, before genuinely smiling, glancing at her friend, “Thanks, Burton.”
“No problem, Holly, you wanna talk about it?”
Her smile fell again, listening to the ticking of the clock, “I don’t think you would understand,” she started, glancing off to her side, “He left me...he...he moved on, he replaced me!” She started, glaring forward, “He forgot mom, he forgot me. And it just makes me realize that-“ and suddenly she stopped, her fist clenched at her side, before relaxing, her open palm falling against the bedside of the room she was in. She had no remembrance of getting there, just seeing Lancaster, and then nothing.
“That what?” He started.
“Nothing,” What response could she give? Maybe he would understand, but what he could do? She didn’t want to stress him.
He looked like he was about to argue, but Alistar was there with Macaria suddenly, and Burton was called away, leaving Holly with the past career.
It was silent, ever so silent in the room.
“So, you’ve had an eventful day,” Macaria commented, breaking the silence, as she sat across from Holly, watching her with alert eyes.
Holly almost hissed, glaring at Macaria, “Don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not,” Macaria clarified, raising her hands as a show of innocence, watching the shorter girl, “I don’t feel bad for you, well, not in a pitiful way, if that helps.”
“It doesn’t. I don’t need your pity or care as it is. I just learned you actually had emotions, and for what it’s worth, I don’t feel bad for you either.” Holly retorted, swinging a glare at the girl.
“Come on, Holly, I’m sorry-“
“Sorry?” Holly interrupted, eyes like burning embers as she glared daggers at Macaria, “What, you’re sorry? Sorry for what you did? Sorry for who you hurt? I’m sorry Macaria, But I’m not like the others, I’m not some little girl whose going to forgive what you did!”
“Look, I know apologies don’t make up for lost lives, Holly, and that’s not why I’m here-“ Macaria rushed to intervene, she didn’t want to stress anyone out more, but at the same time, she was just tired of fighting.
“You really think this is about you doing what every other career did?” Holly chuckled, shaking her head, “In case you forgot, Arlo, Everest, Amadrya, they killed people too. I would have done it too, had I been in your position. This isn’t about you killing kids.”
“Then What-!?” Macaria was confused, one moment, Holly seems to be all high and mighty about her actions, and the next-.
“My biggest fear is being forgotten and replaced, I really don’t know why either, why I fear what I always get,” a rueful laugh, “And you almost made that come true, don’t you remember, Macaria, my last experience with you before this whole little switch-around of yours?”
They both remembered that.
“You tried killing me, torturing me, really.” Holly pointed out, her body seeming tense, as she glared forward, “All my life, people have tortured me, have hurt me, have abandoned me.” She’s continued, only pausing to glare at Macaria, “So what were you going to do after hurting me, huh, Macaria? Stab me? Cut my throat? Or something slower, because the Capitol needed a show? And what after, you would leave me to die...”
It was shocking, how perceptive Holly was behind all that sarcastic fury she had. How well she remembered, and read into people, and even moreso? It was shocking how bad she was with dealing with others, her antisocial behavior. It stemmed from somewhere.
“And you would live on, you would forget about it, cheer about it with the others. It’s hilarious, all my life, people have celebrated over the chance of me dying, and you’re the only one with enough balls to actually try it.”
The air filled with an unsettling feeling, Holly could tell Macaria was slightly disturbed. So she continued onwards, shrugging even more. “And the cherry on top? My own family is gone and dead, or left me. Maybe thinking that’s what’s best for me, but it was so much worse for me. I went into those games, knowing I shouldn’t have let myself get attached to anyone, and then I went and fell in-“ she cut off, glaring down with the slightest pink tint to her cheeks, though, with all the stress she was putting herself under, it wasn’t told surprising, “I got attached to someone, knowing I’d either die or lose them. And you were the main person targeting him and I. And all my life people have targeted me, and I don’t know why.”
Holly glared back at Macaria, opening her mouth to add more on, only to spot the girl looking at her thoughtfully, with the tiniest of smiles.
“I don’t have a family either,” Macaria started, glancing down for a moment, guilt flashing across her face, “The academy was the only ones that would take me in after I...lost my family,” Holly had a feeling a whole can of worms was living in that little phrase, “So I tried to survive, similar to you, and people didn’t like me at first because of that. They targeted me too, and it really sucked.”
Both girls winced at that, before Macaria continued on, “And I was so keen on being important, being useful, that I resorted to hurting people, killing them, because I didn’t know what else to do.” She sighed deeply at that, glancing back up, “And I got attached too. It started as a silly game to me, but then the stakes got higher, and higher. I’ll never be able to undo what I did. I’ll never get to fix those mistakes. And I’m not here to tell you to go out there and make amends with that man, because I wouldn’t be able to do that either.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Holly questioned, no hate any longer in her voice, but a type of passive curiosity.
“Because you remind me a lot of myself, Holly,” Macaria answered truthfully, flashing a small smile.
“Eh, I haven’t killed a ton of kids, or fixed myself, or throw knives, or-“ Holly started counting the items on her fingers.
“I get it.” Macaria retorted, rolling her eyes and hiding a small snicker, “No, Holly, I just see a lot of you in who I am. You’re like, a less flirty, murderous version of me.”
“I’m not sure about the mruderous part, I came pretty close to pushing Burton off the roof a few times.” Both girls chuckled.
“Not that I can blame you.” Macaria responded, before glancing back at Holly, “But seriously, pretend as if that man isn’t even here, because despite what he did to you, you’re nothing like him, and you have a real family, right here.” She went to stand, but Holly hand on her wrist stopped her.
“You know, Macaria,” Holly started, standing up as well, “You got a family here too.”
Both girls walked together, exiting the room, laughing and talking, with smiles on their faces.
They may not have had their real families, but they had family within their friends, and solace within one another.
(I know I said this chapter was angst. But I love fluff too, and these kids are amazing. I though I was going to hate writing parts of it, but I loved every second of it.) |
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 4, 2020 11:05:19 GMT -5
I’ve just finished training and am ready to head to see Diana, something about changes to my armour and weapons, when I see Holly and Burton talking outside in the hallway. They don’t know I can see them but I duck behind the hallway so I can hide if they turn. I don’t want them to catch me eavesdropping.
I can’t really hear their words, but I can see the way Holly starts to blush when he puts his hand on her shoulder, can see the true concern in his expression, the way he cares about her. And I can see the way she keeps him at a distance, puts up a wall between them. It’s sad to watch.
That’s why later, I make a point to go and talk to her.
Her room isn’t far down the hallway from mine, so I knock when I know Burton is out. Holly is just next door to him and I don’t want him to overhear anything if the walls are thin enough.
Once I’ve knocked, there’s a pause where, presumably, Holly is approaching the door. She opens it, and her expression immediately falls into a scowl when she sees me. She still doesn’t trust me, and she definitely doesn’t like me right now. Understandable.This is the first interaction we’ve had since the Arena without anyone else there.
She allows me to step inside, but rounds on me the moment I enter.
“I don’t know why you’re here, but whatever you’re planning to say, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I know apologies don’t fix anything,” I sigh “I know they won’t undo the lives I’ve taken, or the hurt I caused you. The hurt I caused Burton, too.”
I know his leg hasn’t healed. I haven’t seen it, but I know there’ll be a huge ugly scar down his thigh. And it probably won’t be pretty, not since he didn’t have anything in the way of medical equipment in the Arena. It’s probably mangled. I always see that when I look at him. Just like when I look at Holly I imagine the scars that must be lacing parts of her skin from our encounter in the Arena. I can’t get it out of my head.
“The others pity me because I lost Alessandro, but I know you don’t. I appreciate that. I need that. How am I ever going to take responsibility for my actions, face my accountability, if I’m pitied? You don’t make excuses for me. That’s why I thought maybe we could be more honest with one another. So I know you don’t like me, but if you were as smart as you think you are you’d listen to me.”
Holly crosses her arms, and takes me in for a moment. I can see her considering, weighing up the pros and cons. But finally, she sighs and rolls her eyes.
“Fine,” Holly says “say what you have to say.”
I give Holly a grateful smile, but take a deep breath. I wouldn’t talk about this to anyone else, because I’d hate the way they’d react. I hadn’t even told Alessandro, at first because I didn’t want him to think I’m weak and later because I didn’t want to see him pity me. I don’t want anyone to do that. That’s why I can talk to Holly, because I know she won’t.
“When I was five, my father died,” I begin “a collapse in the mine. When I was six, disease broke out in the sector of District 2 where I lived. The whole area was quarantined. It was horrible, knowing that we couldn’t leave, and that the disease was spreading. We were stuck, just waiting to get sick. My mother and my sister got ill. After my mother died, my sister managed to sneak me out of the quarantined area, told me to go to the Academy: they’d look after me there. I did, and presumably she died a couple of days after I left.”
Holly is silent, but she trains her eyes on me as I move to sit down on a chair. I clasp my hands on my knees, looking down. My hair falls over my face, so I tuck it behind my ear. I always do that when I’m nervous.
“Then I was chosen for the Games, met Alessandro. And against my better judgement, I fell in love with him. When I flirted and teased, I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to say something honest. But I never did. Flirting was superficial, my way of keeping him at a distance, not letting him see what I really felt. I never told him how I really felt. I should have... I should have known when Louden brought us to talk to him. I was such an idiot, not knowing what that meant. Should have seen it was my last chance. But I didn’t. And he died not knowing I loved him.”
“I know,” Holly nodded “what’s your point?”
But her voice isn’t as harsh as it was before. I can hear even a little gentleness in there.
“My point is that I have lost everyone I’ve ever loved,” I say “and none of their deaths meant anything. I was too afraid to love after I lost my parents, so I built a wall between me and Alessandro. And I see you going down the same path. I saw you with Burton earlier.”
“You were eavesdropping?” Holly asks, angry
“You can kill me later, this isn’t the time,” I reply “what I saw was that you really do love Burton, and he loves you. But you push him away. You’re confusing him, you’re going to hurt him. And you’re going to hurt yourself as well. Do you really want to risk what happened to me? If Burton died right now, isn’t there something you’d regret not telling him?”
“I don’t love him,” Holly insists, stubbornly “like I told you before the Games, we’re just friends. No romance. Nada. Zip.”
“Please,” I say “I only play dumb, I’m not actually. It’s written all over you. You loved him then, you love him now. We’re far more alike than you know, so please don’t make my same mistakes.”
I stand again at that point, head to the door. When my hand touches the doorknob I turn again to look at Holly.
“It’s up to you. But we girls have to stick together and, if you want my advice, you should tell him.”
I leave her with those words, opening the door and stepping out into the hallway.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 4, 2020 14:54:03 GMT -5
I’m six years old. I know very little of what’s going on, only that my mother said we aren’t allowed to leave anymore. Couldn’t go to school, the academy, work. I wasn’t allowed to go out and play, certainly not outside our sector of the district. And I’d seen the men in the uniforms marking off houses as infected. There is a ring of peacekeepers around our sector of District 2. I’m scared.
And the fear gets worse when I hear coughing coming from my sister’s room. I peek my head around the door to see my eleven year old sister lying in her bed. She is clammy, and pale. Her breathing seems to rattle, and her cough is dry. It’s the first signs of the disease. My mother stands by her bedside, gently laying rags soaked in cool water on Cassie‘a head; she’s running a fever and my mother knows she needs to get it down.
“Don’t worry, darling,” my mother keeps repeating “it’s going to be alright.”
Lucasta is barely functioning enough to take in my mother’s words, but I know she’s lying even at that age. I hear the way her voice cracks, see the sheen of tears in her eyes. The way she touches the ring that always lies on a chain around her neck. She knows Lucasta isn’t going to survive.
The next day the men mark our house as infected. Now we really are forbidden to step outside the threshold of our home, in case we infect everyone else. And it’s a waiting game then. Mother and I know we’re probably going to get infected, it’s inevitable. And so we wait, knowing that when we get ill it will be the death of us. But we are powerless. The house is silent, apart from the sound of Cassie’s coughing.
It isn’t long after before my mother starts coughing too, and her case is much worse. Progresses much more quickly. She starts to cough up blood, and after that she goes rapidly downhill. Lucasta is still alive when our mother dies, but only barely.
It’s only the very next day that Lucasta sneaks me out, and tells me to head for the academy.
—————
(Okay so this is kind of in a scenario where the girls aren’t rescued from the Capitol right after Alessandro’s death.)
I’m alone in the room I share with Amadrya. It’s been a few days since Alessandro’s death, and the pain is raw. I keep expecting to hear news of him. I keep thinking of something I want to tell him when we get out of here and realising I’ll never get to talk to him again. It’s a strange feeling. One I still don’t know how to deal with.
I look up from where I’m sitting when the door of the room opens, and a redheaded girl enters. When I realise it’s her, I stand and rush over to her, about ready to tackle her.
“You killed Alessandro!” I cry, incensed
Unfortunately, peacekeepers were standing just outside the open door, and when I lunge at Robin they’re able to grab me by the arms, holding me back as I struggle. All I can see when I look at her is Arlo’s body, and I can’t stand it. It’s her fault, it’s all her fault. And she’s standing there with that smirk on her face and it makes me want to kill her.
“It’s alright,” Robin says to the guards “I’ll be fine. Let her go, and wait outside.”
The guards obey, and as soon as they leave Robin and I start circling one another, like two wild animals just before a fight. Waiting for one of us to make the first move.
“You give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you where you stand,” I growl
“Don’t be silly, you won’t touch me.” Robin giggles “Because I have this.”
She reaches into her sleeve and pulls out a knife. Small, for sure, easy to conceal. But I know better than anyone what kind of damage you can to with a blade like that.
“You like knives, yes?” Robin asks “I was going to bring a gun but I thought it might be nice to bring your weapon of choice. I’m sure you know what it’s capable of, because you and I both know better than to be deceived by appearances. Now, I don’t have to use this as long as you behave yourself.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Robin interrupts with a nod towards the chair I was just sitting in.
“Take a seat, why don’t you?” she smiles
I do so, because I don’t want to see what she plans to do with that knife. I might be able to take her in a normal fight, but even a career knows better to fight an armed opponent (no matter how weak) if you’re unarmed yourself. Robin pulls up the other chair, the one Amadrya normally uses.
That’s when I notice a necklace she’s wearing. A gold chain, with a gold ring on it. My mouth drops in shock at first, because I haven’t seen it in years, but then my face twists into anger.
“Where the hell did you get that?” I hiss “that’s my father’s wedding ring.”
My mother wore it around her neck every day after he died. She was wearing it when she died herself. And now, somehow, I’m seeing it around Robin’s neck.
“Oh, Louden has his ways. And he knows a lot about the criminals in his custody.”
I have to brush over her use of the word criminal, because there’s just too much to unpack here.
“So if Louden wants to taunt me, why doesn’t he come here himself?” I snarl
“The president has better things to do,” Robin shrugs “quite arrogant of you to assume you’re important enough for him to waste his time with. You have nothing to offer him.”
“But plenty to offer you, obviously,” I say with a raised eyebrow
“I get bored just like everyone else,” Robin says with an innocent tilt of her head
“So Louden has this salvaged from my district so you could use it to taunt me,” I say “why don’t you just tell me what it is he’s trying to say? If you’re here to torture me might as well get to it. I might not be going anywhere but I’m sure you have a full schedule of betrayal and being a Capitol lapdog to get on with”
“Your mother was wearing this when she died,” Robin replies “a disease outbreak in District 2, I believe? Louden really does regret that particular venture. You see, there had been whisperings in District 2. Talk of rebellion. Opinion of the Capitol had been going down in your district for quite some time, what with famines and peacekeeper cruelty and collapses in the mines, like the one that killed your father. Well, the president had to throw a bomb into that rat’s nest. So he caused a disease outbreak in your sector of the district, the one with the most treasonous sentiment. Sent supplies to that sector that were infected. And he succeeded in bringing District 2 down a little, by offering Capitol aid. Of course, by then it was too late. Most of your sector was wiped out.”
This is all new information to me, and every word she says feels like a punch in the gut. Louden was responsible for this? Of course I should have known, but it hurts no less. Who in my life did I not lose because of Louden? Still, I try not to let Robin see how she’s getting to me. I try to keep my expression even, though I have to swallow the knot on my throat, which gives it away. I think Robin saw that.
“So Louden’s a murderer,” I reply sarcastically “I’m shocked.”
“Well, that’s rich coming from you,” Robin giggles “how many people have you killed? How many families have been destroyed by you? How many people will have scars forever because of what you did? Isn’t it your fault that Amadrya is still here? You were supposed to get her out, after all. I’m sure you feel real proud of yourself.”
“Shut up!” I yell
Robin just tilts her head again, examining me, before she smiles.
“Do you know what your problem is, Macaria?” Robin says “you’re a coward. Too weak to be a true career, to separate yourself from emotions and guilt. Too weak to stop yourself falling in love in the middle of the Hunger Games, but too scared to tell him how you feel. Too scared to face up to what you’ve done. Too cowardly to give yourself fully to the rebel cause. You’re always looking for a way out, always prioritising your survival over doing the right thing. You surround yourself in these lies, build these walls. Sure, I might be responsible for Alessandro’s death, but you’re the only one to blame for the fact that you never told him you loved him. That’s what you feel guilty about, that’s what you tear yourself apart about every day, and that’s all on you. It’s pathetic, really. Kind of sad that anyone ever used to be scared of you. But I know what you are. You’re that scared little six year old, determined to be whoever everyone wants you to be, to do whatever you have to do, just so you can survive. You’re a coward.”
I had closed my eyes, trying to block out her words. But that last sentence is what fills me again with anger, causing me to jump to my feet. I’m blazing with fury now, because I don’t have to take this anymore.
“I’ll show you a coward,” I spit
“Uh-uh,” Robin tuts, flashing the knife again “I don’t think you want to do that.”
She approaches me, then, and unclips the necklace from around her neck. Slowly, she puts it around mine.
“Compliments of the president,” Robin grins
And with that, she leaves. And that’s when I let the tears fall
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 4, 2020 15:02:42 GMT -5
(Ladies and gentleman,
We got ‘em.
Honestly though that was great, and Robin’s a little devil so it’s pretty fitting,
Poor Macaria though, like, yikes.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 4, 2020 15:42:02 GMT -5
Hahaha thanks x I just wanted to write more stuff involving Robin she’s fun
And she’s a good way to cut to the core of characters so XD)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 4, 2020 16:04:03 GMT -5
The Catalyst
“All is well,” The voice wafted, softly echoing as Macaria stood beside her, the young blond smiled up at the older girl, her mismatched eyes seemed to have a shine to them. So happy now, and carefree, it seemed. “Well, mostly,” she continued, staring off at the group of rebels before them.
Everest and Amadrya were talking, hand in hand, laughing softly, enjoying themselves, with Ari standing next to them, talking and joking.
Burton was with his sisters, with Holly with him, they all looked animated and joyful. Holly seemed to be bantering with the taller boy, and the two girls, younger than both of them, laughed a bit at the banter.
All did seem well.
But all was not.
“We can’t know that for sure,” Macaria started, glancing forward, “Sure, we have each other, but that won’t stop Louden.”
“That might be true,” Halina started, staring at Macaria for a moment, gracing the other girl with a smile, “But we can hope, and we can fight, and in the end, we can win.”
Macaria smiled softly, Halina had changed too, but kept that fiery spirit she had, “That’s a nice sentiment, Halina.”
She couldn’t agree though, no matter how much she wanted to.
Everest and Amadrya turned to each other, and suddenly they were kissing, both smiling like dorks. Ari beside them looked away, towards Macaria and did a gagging motion, prompting her to laugh out.
“What’s so funny, Macaria?” Halina questioned from beside her, and Macaria shook her head.
“Look,” she pointed it out, and Halina snorted as well.
It was silent, and happy, and for the first time in a long, long time, Macaria kind of felt like she felt in.
But it was hard, she kept envisioning Alessandro there, talking with her, smiling, trading flirty jokes.
And it was hard to distinguish thatbhe wasn’t there.
Then she spotted Twyla and Lea running off, Burton turned to talk to Holly, and she smiled back at him, though she backed away. A wall, she kept that wall up, and both she and Burton frowned slightly as she did so. Holly then glanced forward, glancing around the room, before turning back to Burton and joking, causing him to double over in laughter.
Holly then seemed to snort, say something about “Hey I never killed you, so we’re even,” loudly, and the two continued to talk.
But Macaria’s heart broke a bit, seeing how Holly reacted so distantly, even to those who should be family.
Halina seemed to watch too, smiling softly, and Macaria watched, as the young girl looked back at her.
“No one else has to die, Macaria.” Was all she said.
But those words stuck with Macaria for a long time,
“Yeah?” Macaria couldn’t really respond to that, not properly, she was just a bit dumbfounded.
“Yeah,” The their girl affirmed, before flashing a smile, “We’ve made sure of it. And when the war is over, we’ll still have each other.” She started, looking back at the friends surrounding her, “Family sticks together, and no matter what, Louden will never win.”
“Let’s hope.” Macaria echoed, glancing at the friends around her too.
“When this is over, it’ll be nice to have so many siblings, friends,” Halina commented, smiling softly, “Then we’ll finally be free.”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
——x——
After the talk with Halina, Macaria went to seek out another member of their group. Something bugged her mind, more than she could really say.
Holly obviously had affections for Burton, but Holly absolutely ignored them. Like Macaria did, and both girls were so similar.
If something were to happen to Burton, that would break Holly, and letting him go without letting him know?
She knew Holly wouldn’t recover from that, would forever live in guilt over it.
So she made it her own mission to speak to Holly about it.
She didn’t have to look very far, as she turned a corner, she came face to face with the girl in question, who deadpanned at Macaria when the girl came to a halting stop.
“Hello, Macaria, bye Macaria,” Holly commented, angling herself to walk to Macaria’s side. She did make it past the District 2 girl, but her wrist was caught before she could make it away.
“Holly, we have to talk.”
Holly turned to glare at her, but her expression softened slightly. Macaria knew she looked a bit distressed, she didn’t want a repeat of her mistakes, not with Holly.
“What about?” Holly questioned, gently taking her hand back from the newly reformed girl, her green eyes watchful, alert. She purposely took a step back, putting some distance between the two, and Macaria couldn’t help her sigh of exasperation.
“This!” Macaria yelped, gesturing between the two girls, before swinging her hand down the hall, as a rough estimate of pointing to wherever Burton was.
“Flailing arms, that helps me know what you’re trying to say,” Holly put in, of course, sarcastically. Before mimicking what Macaria did, “Hey, can you understand what I’m saying, it’s really obvious!” She snickered, and Macaria downright glared, before Holly freaking winked, “Just in case it wasn’t obvious, I’m being sarcastic,” she whispered.
“No, yeah, I kind of got that,” Macaria started, crossing her arms.
“Oh good, I was worried I wasn’t being obvious enough, I’m glad you got the message.”
“Oh, thanks,” Macaria hissed back, just as sarcastically. She then took a deep breath, glancing forward, “I mean, Holly, is the walls you put up between yourself and others!”
“I don’t see any walls,” Holly pointed out, and Macaria ignored her.
“I get it, with me, at least. I get it with most people. But it’s obvious with you and Burton-“
“Okay,” Macaria had never heard Holly’s voice rise in octaves that much, “We are not talking about this.”
Holly turned to walk away, and Macaria ran forward, placing herself in front of the short girl. She couldn’t help her own triumphant grin, despite the other girl’s deepening frown.
But her grin fell away, “Holly, you have to tell him!”
“Tell him what?” Holly barked back, and it almost broke Macaria’s heart that Holly had the audacity to look confused.
“About how you feel, Holly, you love-“
Macaria honestly didn’t expect for the other girl to step closer to her, raising her head up, and Macaria never thought such a small thing could look that intimidating. “Let’s get two things straight, Macaria, we aren’t going to use the L-Word, and second, there’s no feelings to tell about.”
Macaria rolled her eyes, she didn’t back up any, though she was a bit shocked, she rose an eyebrow instead at the girl, “I may have acted dumb in that arena, but I’m not as dumb as you think, Holly, you loved him then, and you love him now.”
“That’s rich, Macaria,” Holly started laughing, sour and angry, “I don’t even know what love feels like, buddy, much less, I don’t have the heart for loving anyone.”
“You know, I felt the same way, and I never got to tell Alessandro how I felt because of that-“
“I know,” Holly started, raising her hands up, placating herself, or perhaps Macaria, “I know!” She repeated, “But this isn’t like that. We’re all at the base, we’re safe Macaria, and Burton’s just my friend. That’s all it is, I told you that in the arena, Macaria, and I’ll tell you again-“
“Holly, we aren’t safe here,” Macaria pointed out, before placing her hand on the other girl’s shoulder, “And you’re a terrible liar.”
Holly looked away, one of her hands on her chest, fiddling with the necklace she and, while her other tapped at her side, before she curled her arms into a herself, crossing them. “I don’t-“
“What would you do if he was suddenly-“ she couldn’t say died, that would hurt her too bad, and Macaria’s heart couldn’t take another reminder, “gone?” She decided to go with, looking at the short, ebony-haired girl.
She was met with silence, so she continued, “You would never forgive yourself, and you’re not only hurting yourself Holly. You guys are friends, and you guys both feel for one another, tell him.”
Holly didn’t respond, she simply looked up, nodded, and turned away, she seemed so deep in thought, actually taking the words into consideration.
“Okay,” She whispered, finally, after minutes of just standing there. “Yeah, why not?”
Macaria found herself smiling as the other girl walked down the hallway.
—
Holly couldn’t believe she even considered talking about her feelings, nonetheless, with the person she had affections for.
She couldn’t believe that she actually listened to Macaria either. Though, logically, she didn’t really have anything to lose by at least mentioning the fact.
She was shocked, however, when she spotted Burton outside of Diana’s and Alistair’s office, beside him, his two younger sisters stood, looking visibly upset, and his parents looked at him, with a mix of sadness and understanding.
“You can’t go!” Lea yelled, and Holly froze, confused and shocked. She hid behind a wall, like some kind of soy, because obviously no one would see her.
“Yeah, we just got you back!” Twyla added on, and Holly blinked. Did they have a new mission she didn’t know about.
“I have to do it,” Burton commented, his voice falling softer, and Holly waited a while, confused. Eventually, Mr. Acton and Mrs. Acton led the children away. She honestly adored his parents, they were so nice and polite and understanding. While they bore grave faces, they seemed to understand whatever was going on. Though Twyla and Lea looked dismayed. Standing up straight, Holly left the corner she was hiding behind like she was simply walking the halls.
She pretended to look stunned at the dismayed family, quirking a brow at them, “What happened?”
“I’m sorry, Holly,” his mother started, looking at her with a sad smile, “That’s his news to share.”
She blinked, concerned, looking at Mr. Acton for some type of clue, he simply shook his head.
She put on the grin she always had, though it felt stretched to her, “Okay, well, I’ll go find out what new things are going on now, bye!”
That was rushed, but she didn’t like anything that was going on. She didn’t like being out of the loop.
She approached the boy in question, rolling her eyes as she approached, “Oh look, it’s a moping edgy teenage nightmare, I wonder where I’ve seen on of those before?”
He seemed to smile when he saw her, rolling his eyes back at her, before snorting. “I’m not a mopey edgy teenager.”
“You are a teenager,” she pointed out, before snorting, “And you didn’t argue the nightmare part.”
“That’s true, though you know you love me,” The go to response for both of them, she couldn’t count how many times she said the phrase, ‘You know you love me,’ or heard it.
“Yeah, about that,” she mentally slapped herself, what a transition! Drop some hints, maybe he’ll sniff out the answer like a dog!
She facepalmed herself, groaning, “We...need to talk,”
“Oh, did you hear about that already?”
Oh, okay, this wasn’t what she had been expecting but it was surely something important. Plus, his smile made her interested in whatever he was excited about.
“About what?” She questioned, before snorting, “The all you can eat buffet?”
“No!” Well, his lack of a sarcastic response made her realize that whatever he was doing was important to him.
“Well, spill the beans already, what is it?”
Even if this wasn’t what she wanted to talk about, she did want to know. Plus, once he said whatever he wanted, she would tell him-
“I’m going to the Capitol!” He commented, and she froze, whatever sarcastic quip she had on her tongue died away.
And she was playing with that amulet again, “Oh, haha, funny joke, what’s the real news?”
“That’s it!” He exclaimed, before explaining, “Alistair, Diana, and I have been planning this for a while. I’m obviously the best pick for an undercover type mission,” she ignored the egotistical comment, staring at him like he grew a second, and then a third and fourth and fifth head. “I’ll be going by another alias, Catullus, and I’ll be able to give you guys intel!”
“You’re-“ she found her words stuck in her throat, swallowing in attempts to force herself to speak, “You’re leaving?”
“Well, Not now, But I will be!” He commented, “In about three weeks, but the mission was approved today. I’ll finally be able to help out!”
She let the amulet go from her fingers, letting it swing back down to her neck, as she clenched her fist at her side, glaring at him, “So you’re just leaving your family behind?”
He obviously didn’t expect that response, his gaze falling on her in astonishment, “Of course not!”
“Then what is this?” She questioned, “You help out plenty, here, with us!”
“No, I don’t! I don’t fight like you guys. Holly, you were there, a prisoner, and I couldn’t help you! But with this, I can help. We need someone on the inside!” His voice rose some too, that cheerful smile falling, but Holly couldn’t care less.
“No, this is you being selfish Burton! Leaving behind your friends, your family, you’re leaving me behind! We’ve done everything together, Burton, we fought together, we survived together. And now that we’re a duo again, you’re just going to leave?”
“I have to do it-“
“You don’t have to do anything!” She snapped, and his eyes widened. Before they narrowed.
“I’m not going to sit back like a coward when I can help. I’m not going to wait to be hunted, Holly. I thought you, out of everyone, would understand that.” He snapped, containing his anger, though his voice was chilling, he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. But the words resonated with Holly.
“Well maybe you don’t know me,” Holly hissed, backing up, before turning around with her arms crossed, “I don’t understand abandoning people over some petty little goal,” She retorted, before walking off.
“Yeah, maybe I didn’t know you.” He huffed back, but his voice was already filtering out.
She stalked to her room, slammed the door, and promptly sunk against the door, stubbornly holding back tears.
(Drama time!) (Honestly though, we will not have fluff without angst.) |
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 4, 2020 16:15:56 GMT -5
Big oof.
I loved that, it super inspired me. Expect some related Burton content soon)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 4, 2020 17:17:48 GMT -5
It wasn’t long after Burton’s conversation with Holly that I found her crying in her room.
“What the hell has happened now?” I groaned
She went on to tell me what was going on. She’d gone to tell Burton how she felt, but before she could he’d told her he was going on a mission to the Capitol in three weeks. Some kind of undercover thing. And she was heartbroken.
And because it’s always me who has to pick up the pieces around here, I head over to Burton’s room to talk to him.
I knock on the door, and when he calls me in he already sounds off. I can tell he’s upset. I head inside, and he looks surprised to see it’s me.
“Macaria?” he asks
“No, Everest,” I say sarcastically
“What is it?” he sighs. He isn’t his usual cheerful self
“I’ll tell you what,” I say “what is this shit I’m hearing about you going to the Capitol? Bitch, you’re staying here. This is a terrible idea.”
“Diana and Alistair asked me to do this, so I’m doing it. I’ve made my decision, end of,” Burton says firmly
“So what? You’re going to spend the precious three weeks you have before you go arguing with Holly?” I say “God, what do I have to do around here to get people to listen to me? What so I have to do to stop you two being such shitheads?”
“I don’t have to listen to this,”
“Hey,” I warn “you want sympathy, you go to Amadrya. You want the facts? You go to me. I’m just telling you how it is. Trust me, Burton. You don’t want to go into a situation where you might die without saying everything you want to say. Don’t argue with Holly, spend time with her.”
“I need to do this,” Burton insists
“Why?”
“I’m sick of it, Macaria!” Burton shouts, startling me a little, “Sick of feeling useless. I can’t fight, it was Holly in the Arena who mostly took care of us. That’s not the person I want my sisters to be looking up to. I want to do something, Macaria. I can’t keep sitting on my ass watching everybody else make a difference. Because what does that make me? At best, useless. At worst, a liability. And Holly thinks this is petty? That I’m abandoning her? I want to help, I want to be useful. Damn, I’m trying to repay the sacrifices everyone has made for me. The risks everyone took for me. Holly. Alessandro. Everyone tiptoes around me because I have a family, and they don’t want them to lose me. But why shouldn’t I take the same risks as everyone else? Finally something comes up that I can do, where I can be useful. And instead of supporting me, she gets mad.”
“She’s scared of losing you,” I explain
“She’s scared? So am I. But I’m doing it anyway because I’ll be damned if I have to watch another person die without being able to do anything about it.”
I look at him, at the genuineness in his eyes, at the anger and pain and frustration. And I sigh.
“If you want to do this, I can’t stop you,” I say “if you’re willing to get yourself killed and put your friends and family through the pain of losing you, that’s your call. I can see that this is something you have to do, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. So fine, go do it.”
That’s when I head to the door, and I remember something.
“But I think it’d be a good idea if before you go you ask Holly what she was going to tell you.”
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 5, 2020 10:32:42 GMT -5
It’s the night before I have to leave. Three weeks wasn’t long, barely any time to prepare, really. There has been a lot of preparation involved in this. Setting the details of my new identity, making sure I have a plan in mind, gathering all the equipment I will need. Forging documents. The last few weeks, the computer whizzes around here have been hacking into Capitol databases, making fake records for me. As far as anyone there will be able to tell, I was born in the Capitol. I’ve been working with Diana and Alistair to set up my disguise, too; my face is far too distinctive. Any features that could lead to me being recognised have to be covered. My eyes? Hidden with coloured contacts. My hair? Dyed. Every mole, freckle and scar is covered. Luckily none of that will look unusual in a place like the Capitol. My shoes are designed to make me a little taller, so even my height is different.
I am scared, to tell the truth. Not of what might happen to me on this mission, but of losing myself in this new identity. But when that worry begins to consume me, I remember what Macaria said when I mentioned this to her. We’ve been talking a lot more recently, perhaps because she feels like she understands what I’m going through. I guess she does understand how it feels to pretend to be someone else.
“Well, you happen to be talking to the expert on this particular matter,” she had said “yes, you might get lost in this new identity. And that can be harmful to you and the people you love. But you have to remember that you’re still there. The real Burton will bubble to the surface eventually, one way or another. It did with me.”
And I know she’s right. All I can hope is that if that happens, the real me comes back before too much damage is done.
It’s time for last-minute packing now. I’m in my room, trying to fit the entire wardrobe of Capitol clothes I’ve been given into this bag. My room looks so bare now, but I try to ignore it. If I think about this too much, I’ll want to stay.
There’s a knock on my door, and a moment later Lea enters. She looks so grown up these days that it’s hard to believe she’s fifteen. She’s seemed especially mature since she started making friends with the other tributes. She and Twylla both really like Holly, and they both spend a lot of time with Ari and Halina. Wordlessly, the girl starts to help me pack my things away.
It isn’t long, though, before she lets out a small sigh and turns to look at me.
“Burton, do you really have to go?” Lea asks
“We’ve been through this, sis,” I reply “these are orders, orders I’ve already agreed to. Besides, it’s the night before. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t back out now.”
“Don’t you want to? Doesn’t at least some part of you want to stay, for me and Twylla? We’ve almost lost you too many times now. We just want our brother back.”
“Do you think I asked for any of this?” I say, exhaustion lacing my voice “I didn’t ask for the Games, I didn’t ask for this freaking war. And I certainly didn’t ask to put you and Twylla and mom and dad in so much pain. But it happened anyway. I can’t keep being like this. I’m in this war anyway, so I might as well be in it. Do my part. Yes, this is dangerous. And yes, I’ll have to leave you all for a while. But it’s not safe here either. If the Capitol raided this place tomorrow I would die anyway. At least this way it can mean something. I owe this to my friends. I owe it to the rebels, who got me out of that Arena, who are looking after you and our family. I have to do my part, or they saved my life for nothing. Alessandro died for nothing. Holly was almost killed in the Arena for nothing. No, I’m alive because I still have a part to play in this yet. And I’m sure as hell not going to be able to play it if I stay here. This is a chance for me to do what I do best. I have to take this opportunity.”
Getting inside intel from the Capitol? That’s important. It could end up saving the lives of my friends. It could be the key to winning this war. I know how much of a difference this could make. Which is why I need to do this.
“You’re not the same as you were before,” Twylla murmurs, her voice shaking.
I remember what I was like the day I was reaped. Standing in the crowd knowing my name was in there 36 times. And yes, the thought of my name being picked terrified me. But when I saw Holly, and she went up there and she was so brave, so defiant, it changed me. There was something about her, and I knew she was going to be important. And seeing the dignity she had? It made me want to be brave too. It still does.
“I know I’m not,” I say “but this change is for the better.”
Twylla looks uncertain, but nods. And we spend a while longer together, packing my things. Talking as if none of this is happening. Because I still want to be there for her.
———————
It’s early the next morning, and I’m ready to leave. My disguise is on, my things are packed. I’m not used to it yet; the contact lenses are uncomfortable, and I am startled for a moment whenever I catch my reflection in the mirror. Catullus isn’t an easy guy to get used to. But I will. I just have to make smart decisions, like my friends would, and everything will be fine.
Alistair, Diana, my family and my friends have come to see me off. There’s a hovercraft waiting that will get me to the Capitol, or at least close enough for me to walk in on foot. It has the Capitol seal painted on it, which makes me uncomfortable. It looks just like the one we travelled to the Arena in. But I have to forget all of that. I have to focus from here on out, because one wrong move and I’ll be killed. I’m going here on my own, and if something goes wrong nobody can help me.
I hug my family first, embracing Lea and then Twylla.
“It’s okay,” I say to them “I’ll find some way to contact you, and I’ll do it as often as I can. So you’ll always know I’m okay.”
Then my mother, who is crying. This must feel so much like when we met in the Justice Building before I went on the train.
“Don’t cry, mom,” I say “this isn’t the same. You’re not losing me.”
And I hug my dad last. He doesn’t look visibly upset, but I do hear him sniff when I hug him.
“You just be careful out there, okay son?” he says “It’s no place to fool around.”
“I will, Dad.”
He’s right, I guess. I can’t be my usual self out there. No clowning around. There are real stakes here.
Then I move on to my friends. Amadrya, Everest, Halina, Macaria, Ari. All of them have words of encouragement for me, wishes of good luck. It all means a lot to me, but there is one person I don’t see in the line.
“Where’s Holly?” I ask Ari
“She said she couldn’t watch you go,” Ari said softly “I’m sorry.”
That breaks my heart. Did I really hurt her that much by leaving? Doesn’t she want to at least say goodbye to me?
But that’s when I hear a voice shouting, and footsteps pounding towards us.
“Wait! Don’t you dare go yet!”
It’s Holly, running so fast she almost has to skid to a halt in front of me.
“I’m so sorry I almost didn’t come,” she says “I just hate goodbyes, and...”
I shake my head, but my face breaks out into a grin as I pull Holly in for a hug.
“Do we have to hug?” she says, and anyone who could see her face over my shoulder would say she was blushing
“Uh, yeah we do,” I laugh
I lower my voice, so that only she can hear the words I say to her next.
“I’m sorry if my leaving hurts you, but you know I have to do this. I just.. I don’t want Catullus to come between us.”
“He won’t,” Holly replies “I promise. I want you to know I understand. This is what you have to do, and I support you.”
“Thank you,” I say “thank you for everything.”
“Thank you, too,”
“One more thing,” I murmur “take care of my family while I’m gone? If something happens to me, look after them.”
Holly doesn’t say anything to that, but she does nod
I take a step back from Holly then. I can feel my own cheeks flushing, but I’m hoping the makeup I’m wearing does enough to cover all that up.
“Well, you sure know to make a dramatic entrance,” I say with a chuckle
“You know you love me,” Holly smiles
“Yeah,” I say “I do.”
And all my goodbyes are done. All thats left to do is to talk to Alistair and Diana. They give me a quick briefing, give me some last pieces of equipment, and wish me look.
That’s it. My stomach is churning with nerves and the emotions of saying goodbye to my friends, but I can’t wait around any longer. I have to get to the Capitol as soon as possible. So I board the hovercraft, waving a last goodbye as the doors close.
I sit down, clip myself in, and the engines roar to life. Only moments later, the rebel base is gone. A speck beneath my feet.
And I soar towards the Capitol
(Obviously not canon I just felt like writing something XD)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 5, 2020 15:52:44 GMT -5
I’ve been in the Capitol for some time now. At first, Livia was my main method of contact with the rest of the rebels. She still is instrumental in most of my work here. But I’ve been sent communicators now, which allow me to talk to my friends and family daily, and allow the rebels to contact me. Recently I’ve been needed more and more in the Capitol, and having the communicator allows Alistair and Diana to give me orders instantly.
I’m in my room in the Capitol, writing down all the information I need to send back to the rebels. I keep the notebook in a safe place, and always burn anything I don’t need. I’m careful to do that.
But that’s when the communicator in my ear, disguised as one of Catullus’ many earrings, crackles into life.
“Burton, you have to get out of there.” it’s Diana
“What’s going on?” I reply
“It’s about your tracker.”
“What about it?”
I’m confused. As far as I and any of the others knew, the rebels removed our trackers when they got us out of the Arena.
“I never removed it. Yours or the others. Instead, I made some adjustments so that we could use them ourselves, so we could always know where you all were.”
“What?” I snap
My voice has so many emotions in it. I feel betrayed. How could they do that? It feels like a betrayal of trust, a breach of privacy. And she lied to us about it. How is that any better than what they did to us for the Games?
“I guess the Capitol ways die hard, huh?” I mutter darkly
“You have to listen to me, there isn’t much time,” Diana says “the Capitol seem to know about this and they’ve remotely hacked all of your trackers, changed it so they can access all of your locations too. Now, I can hack or remove the trackers of all of the tributes here. But I can’t fix yours, it’s too late. Your location has been revealed to Louden, and he knows where you are.”
“So what?” I say “that’s it? Thanks for your service Burton, you’re gonna die?”
“Just get out of there!” Diana says “make sure there’s nothing left for them to find and run. I’m going to see if there’s something I can do for you but for now you just have to put as much distance between yourself and the Capitol as possible. There will be peacekeepers converging on your location any moment now.”
Shit.
I scramble, then, to get rid of any evidence. Hide equipment, burn paper, destroy anything that could be useful to Capitol forces searching this place.
I hear a distant voice again through the communicator.
“Give that thing to me right now.”
There’s a sound of scuffling, then a familiar voice.
“So they’re onto you?”
“Holly?” I ask, sighing in relief. It’s good to hear her voice
“Forgot my voice already, Acton?” she says, and I can hear the smile behind her words
“Yeah, they’re onto me.” I say “I have to get out of here.”
But I know it’s already too late; I can hear yelling and footsteps not too far away. They’ll be at my door at any second. And I know Holly hears it too, because her voice becomes urgent.
“Listen, there’s something I want to talk to you about. The thing I was going to tell you before you left.”
Ah, I remember. The thing Macaria told me I should ask Holly about. But I never did.
“I....you.”
The words are distorted, I don’t catch them. And I’m starting to panic now because I can hear them starting to break down the door.
“What?” I ask
“I...........”
The entire phrase is distorted now. The connection must be dropping.
“I didn’t hear that,” I say “but I have to destroy this communicator. I can’t risk them finding it.”
I barely have time to rip it out of my ear and stamp on it, crushing it, when the door to the apartment finally bursts open. I hear another rush of footsteps and moments later the door to my room opens and a group of peacekeepers rushes in. A few keep their guns trained on me while another two grab me and force me to me knees. It’s at that moment a girl enters, a girl with red hair. She steps out from between the peacekeepers.
“So?” a peacekeeper holding me asks impatiently “Is it him?”
One grabs some of my hair, pulling it to force my head up, so I’m looking up at Robin as she approaches me. She bends so she can look at me more closely. She takes in my eyes, my face. Then she straightens again. I see her wet her thumb, then wipe the makeup off a spot on my neck. She knows where to look for the mark where they put the tracker in. I was always careful to cover it up. And when the little mark is revealed, a big smile grows on Robin’s face.
“Well, well, well,” Robin says “I have to admit they did an excellent job with the disguise. But you don’t forget the face of someone you were in a situation like the Games with. Hello, Burton.”
As soon as Robin has confirmed my identity, I’m pulled back to my feet and out of the room. A couple of peacekeepers stay behind to search the place, and all I can hope is that I did a good enough job. If they find anything, my work here will be made all but useless.
————————
It’s the next day, but at this point it feels like it might as well have been years. I didn’t sleep last night in the cell Louden had me put in. All it took was for them to wash off my make up, take out my contacts, and they knew Robin had been right. But they pricked my finger yesterday for good measure, just like they do when you go for a reaping. They’ll compare it to records from District 8 and then they’ll have whatever official confirmation they need to do whatever it is they plan to do to me.
All I could think about when I spent last night in this cell was whether it was the same one Everest or Amadrya or Holly had been in. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of it. But I fear I may not last as long as they did in here, long enough to be rescued. After all, Louden had three people to toy with then. He’ll fast get bored of me, and once he has tortured all the information out of me that I found out since I got to the Capitol I’ll have outlived my purpose.
I look up as the door to the room opens, and I know instantly that it’s Louden. He enters, approaching my cell and stopping outside the door.
“Congratulations,” Louden says “the results confirmed your identity. Not that there was any doubt, really.”
“I’m sure you’re thrilled to have a prisoner again,” I reply, raising my eyebrow “Trying to catch em all, are you? Only Halina and Ari to go and you’ve imprisoned the full set.”
“Quite. Now, Mr Acton, there is at least some good news for you in this situation. In any other situation we would have killed you instantly, nice and quiet. And you’d fade. District 8 wouldn’t be able to make you a martyr. But luckily for you it seems you’ve been in the Capitol for some time, gathering intel for the rebels. Which means you get to live for a couple more weeks, maybe a month. However long it takes to torture it all out of you. I don’t think it’ll take too long to break you.”
“Then, like everyone else, you underestimate me,”
“I doubt it,” Louden smiles “none of the last group lasted as long as they thought they would.”
“Then why don’t we get started?” I reply “I’m sure you’re wanting to get down to business.”
“Oh, no,” Louden replies “you and I have something else to do first. I thought we might send a message to Panem, and your little rebel friends too.”
He unlocks the cell, pulling me out. Accompanied by peacekeepers, he leads me down a maze of hallways to a familiar place. A stage I know I’ve seen many times before. Then it hits me. It’s the same stage Louden shot Holly on, the same stage he forced Amadrya to do her tv appearances on.
He steps up onto the stage, and the peacekeepers shove me up after him. Once I’m up there, their guns never leave me. I know they won’t shoot me unless they absolutely have to, not since apparently I’m a goldmine of information for Louden. But I know it’s not something I should risk.
As I stand on the stage I’m aware I must look a mess. My hair still has the dye in it, but it’s very dishevelled. My clothes are ripped and wrinkled. My face has the last remnants of patchy makeup. Bruises bloom on my skin, and there is a bloody cut on my neck from where they cut my tracker out yesterday to stop the rebels from being able to find me. The only thing that still looks like me are my eyes, since I don’t have the contacts in anymore.
But there’s no time to think or to do anything. The cameras start rolling, and Louden starts speaking.
“Good evening, Panem. I address you tonight to share in the triumph of the Capitol, but I also address the rebels to give them a warning. Last night, we arrested a rebel spy in the very heart of the Capitol itself.”
He grabs my arm, pulling me into the shot.
“I’m sure that, despite his dyed hair and Capitol clothes, you’ll recognise the face of Burton Acton. A Capitol sweetheart, or at least he was. He won over all of our hearts in the Games with his charm and his humour. But now he has revealed himself as the snake in the grass he truly is. A criminal who repays the adoration the Capitol gave him with treachery. But the Capitol has triumphed once again over the underhanded tactics of the rebels, as it always will.
And now I address the rebels. You continue to poison these children, to turn them against the Capitol. But the Capitol is winning, and it will keep winning. Every battle, every war. We will never again let you send agents into our very city. And in celebration of this triumph, and as a warning to any of those still loyal to the rebels, the second tribute execution of this war.”
Louden draws a gun he had concealed in his jacket, and steps a little distance away from me. It’s so quick there isn’t time for me to react, I can’t dodge. I certainly can’t run, because there are too many peacekeepers nearby now.
He points the gun to my stomach, pulls the trigger, and I double over with a cry, clutching my stomach. The cameras cut out, and peacekeepers rush to support me as I start to drop.
Louden steps towards me, kneeling to take a look at the wound he made.
“Perfect,” he says “should be enough to convince them he’s dead, especially since the tracker’s been removed. Patch him up, can’t have him dying before we find out what information he knows.”
And as I swim in and out of consciousness, it occurs to me that nobody will be coming for me. If they think I’m dead, I have no hope of being rescued. If I get out of here it’ll be because I somehow escaped on my own, which I doubt.
But most of all I think of Holly, of my family who are mourning for me. Who think I’m gone.
And how I never got to tell Holly how I felt
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 5, 2020 15:57:34 GMT -5
(Okay but oof.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 5, 2020 15:58:56 GMT -5
Yeah it’s very oof)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 5, 2020 16:56:16 GMT -5
Butterflies and Goodbyes
Weeks had went by, more and more rebels joined the cause, stationed in their own Rebel Bases in their districts. Even an intel base was placed in the Capitol.
And the tributes had their first assignment other than a rescue mission. They were to make an appearance in District 3, under Alistair and Diana’s orders. District 3 was being hit extremely hard by the Capitol, the district of technology was one that held the potential for intel.
“So, we’re to appear and act like dogs to simply please the rebels?” Holly questioned Diana, after the older woman had made the announcement. The young girl was agitated, annoyed, even, at the prospect. “How, exactly, is that helping?”
“You’ll be helping, we’ll take some footage of Burton when we’re there, that way we can still air him, act like he’s still here with us,” The younger girl visibly seemed to bristle at the mention and idea, “And war is about appearances too, we need to keep all of you in the good graces of the rebels.”
“Listen, Diana, I’m not some dog who’ll do tricks if you call my name,” Holly had built an animosity towards both Alistair and Diana after they agreed to Burton’s mission. “If we’re going, we should be fighting like everyone else,” she pointed out then, before her voice dropped a few tones, just to whisper, “What makes us better than other rebels? Why can’t we take the same risks? Won’t that appear bad to our cause?”
Holly didn’t realize it, but Everest had walked up as well, staring between both girls before nodding, “Holly’s right, it’s been something that’s been budding me.” He commented, “All we do is hide and sometimes go to rescue each other, why waste our talent?”
Diana sighed, “If one of you dies, Louden gains from it, he makes us seem weak, and he seems stronger.” She then looked forwards, “But I don’t see the harm, there is really no point in wasting your talent. Just come back alive.”
Both of the two nodded, turning to each other afterwards with matching grins. The two had become close friends, sharing similar experiences, experiencing the same pain. They shared a live, albeit different kinds, for Amadrya, and they both became trusting of one another.
“Thanks, Everest,” She, Holly, was almost skipping at the point, “I know the others will be glad to hear that we won’t be sidelined.”
“Wow, you went a whole sentence without one sarcastic quip,” she turned to glare at him, but her simply waved it off, before glancing at her, “You okay?”
“You know, sometimes I can be a genuine person,” Well, that was up for debate, but she continued onwards, “I’m not always sarcastic.”
“Holly, you honestly sound sarcastic all of the time, how would I know the difference?” He laughed out as she lightly slapped him.
“I’m going to literally kill you,” She snapped back, glaring at the taller boy from District 2.
“I wouldn’t, you know Maddie wouldn’t like that,”
“She would thank me eventually.”
Both laughed, splitting up. Holly went to hang out with Macaria, and Everest went to hang out with his girlfriend.
It was sweet, for the time being, but nothing could account for the horrors they would find.
———
“Amadrya!” Everest warned, it was simply the next day. All of the tributes were excited to go on a mission. To get into the action. All of them were given tasks by Alistair, who was, simply put, their chaperone waiting in a hovercraft. Ari and Halina were to go aid in rescue of the hospitals, and of many people. Burton had to do those interviews for Diana, with Diana really, and then he would be on watch. Despite his arguements, Diana wanted him safe, because of his mission.
Macaria, Holly, Amadrya, and Everest were in the actual line of fire. Holly had on her suit, the one that Diana and the rebels designed for her. All of them were, and she had a matching set of twin katanas, and a dagger in a sheath. Macaria had a place for her throwing knives, Amadrya had a place for her battle axe, and Everest had places for his guns.
And in the little group with them, were a few people from other districts, who had become rebels.
Everest wasn’t too concerned with them though, he was more concerned about Amadrya, the girl he loved, as she took a swing at a peacekeeper. One was behind her, one she hadn’t noticed yet.
Everest was about to move, but Holly was closer and right by the guy, so she looked to Everest, downright smirked, and lunged at the poor peacekeeper, yelling out a cheerful, “I got it!”
Holly clung to the man, before taking the handle to one of her katanas and bonking him, hard, on the head. And the man fell over like a sinking boat, out cold.
She then hopped up, smirking as Amadrya and Everest simply stared at her for a moment, and shrugged, “He’ll wake up with a headache, a big one at that,” she pointed out, “Way more fun then killin’ em.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Macaria yelled out, “She’s demented, we all know, can we go already?”
She was interrupted by a bullet flying by her, and Everest simply shook his head. Macaria was right, they needed to focus.
“Everest, watch your six!” Amadrya warned, still near Holly, as she and the shorter girl fought off some peacekeepers.
This was a ffight close to home, he reminisced sourly, as he turned, easily shooting down the peacekeeper who was behind him, aiming for his back.
A scream pierced the air, foreign to him, but he heard enough of screams in the Capitol to like hearing them. A female scream, high in octave, fearful, begging for help.
Amadrya must have seen the panic that built on his face, because she ran over, taking his spot on guard, turning to him, “Go, we got this.”
He didn’t need to be told twice, already running towards the little village, where most of the poor residents lived of District 3, He lived in the Academy, so he never really cared much about this place, nor the similar places in his own district. But he now did.
What he saw sickened him, horribly so. One of the volunteers from District 12 towered over a little girl who was cuddling a teddy bear close to her chest, a bulletwound was in her leg, crying, begging for mercy.
He didn’t really think, running over and pushing the boy to the ground who had towered over the girl. He was met with furious brown eyes.
“The hell man?” The boy asked, glaring between Everest and the little girl.
“I should be asking you the same thing!” Everest yelled, pinning the boy down, with eyes narrowed. The little girl scurried back, crying as she cradled her teddy bear, staring at the fighting nearby, mumbling something incoherent, that Everest didn’t really understand too well because it just sounded like scrambled words.
The boy spit, but Everest dodged it quickly, roughly pushing the boy back to the ground as he started to get up. The boy rolled his eyes then, “Her dad works for the Peacekeepers, she tried getting involved when I handled him!”
A sick feeling built in Everest stomach as she looked at the girl, who, he noted, wasn’t actually staring at the fighting, rather, at a body. A man’s body, who wasn’t in a peacekeeper uniform, who didn’t have a gun, who just had a gun wound in his chest.
His eyes flickered to the little girl, who he noted was catatonic, and she wasn’t mumbling nonsense. It was a name. Here dad’s name.
“You idiot!” Everest couldn’t help himself, in his rage he threw a punch at the boy from 12, “He’s not even wearing a peacekeeper uniform!”
The kid spit out blood, glaring up at him with annoyance, “He used to trade with the peacekeepers, Jones told me,” Jones, a kid from District 3, this kids main buddy. “Isn’t this what the revolution is? Killing the Capitol and their allies.”
Everest couldn’t even talk, he felt too sick right now. He always knew Louden was wrong in what he did, the Capitol was wrong. But he never stopped to think that maybe some of the rebels were just as bad as Louden. Everest didn’t even kill half the peacekeepers they fought, he knew some did it because of fear.
He knew that on Louden’s side, there were good spots and some bad specks. But it was on both sides.
He forced the boy up, pushing him up, as Amadrya approached, the fighting must have been over. Though she wore a face of confusion as Everest roughly handled Ben, the boy from 12, though she could tell by Everest’s face, it wasn’t good. The body on the ground, a bleeding child?
She too was filled with dread, taking the boy from Everest and pushing him away, but Everest lingered.
He turned around, approaching the little girl, offering her a hand, feeling his heart sinking even lower. She barely took it, he noted her dark hair and another child nearby, peeking out from nearby, with fearful wide eyes.
He felt bad for the children, he felt sick to his stomach that they even experienced this. Because of them.
Was he even in the right anymore?
“Everest, we gotta go, the fighting’s-“ Holly’s voice wafted over to him, but he was busy helping the little girl, picking her up, “-over,” Holly barely got out, and for the first time in a long time, she looked truly disgusted and sympathetic.
She ran to the little boy, who was still cowering, shaking in fear, as he watched his sister.
She seemed to hold off her questions, offering him a hand, and the little boy hesitantly took it.
“Everest, we gotta go. We can take them with us.” She explained, picking up the boy, even for her small size, she cradled him against her, protecting him.
“Yeah, Yeah, Alright.” He agreed, starting to run off with Holly back towards the hovercraft.
Macaria had her arms crossed, she was waiting outside, it seemed, staring at the ground. Holly called out, and she didn’t even look up, though she smirked. “Finally, what took you guys so long?” But then she looked up, and her voice tapered off. She turned then, heading inside, “You know, that’s a good enough reason.”
“I’d sure hope so!” Holly snapped, running into the hovercraft, frantically looking for Diana. Everest watched her, just slightly, it seemed she found both of the past stylists, and was explaining things to them at the moment. The two leaders nodded, and Holly smiled graciously, though she glared at Burton who was standing beside them, and finally turned around to sit near Everest.
Amadrya was on his other side, eyes wide, “Did that kid shoot her?”
“He was going to kill her,” Everest huffed, looking at the poor 7 year old, whose dark brunette hair fell over her shoulder in cascades, and blue eyes watched her brother who was in Holly’s lap, much younger, but still traumatized.
“How can someone do that?” Holly hissed out, glaring straight ahead.
“It seems the Capitol isn’t the only one with bad apples.” Everest pointed out, glancing at the children for a moment.
“What’s your name?” He decided to question, hoping the young girl would respond.
She did, much to his surprise.
“Mallory, my brother’s Pascal.”
He nodded, looking at the children in sympathy. Another victim in the war.
—
That week ended eventfully. Everyone of the rebels knew that Burton was to be leaving that day. Some of them were excited for his travels, bidding him the best of luck. Some maintained a bit of anger at him, but understood. One maintained that staying in their room was the best option.
“He thinks I’m gonna just let it all go?” Holly was talking to herself, her voice bouncing off the walls in tiny fragmented echoed. “Nuh uh! Nope! He can kiss my ass goodbye,” she huffed out.
Quite literally, she was alone in that room, just glaring daggers at the wall in front of her. Though she felt guilty all the same.
Macaria had talked to her about this. Macaria had mentioned how Burton was trying to do good, to protect them. Macaria compared it to how Holly made sure they could fight, Burton was fighting in this way.
But Holly, of course, was to stubborn to give in. Though, from her perspective, she was being left again.
But she was also being very selfish.
Catastrophe climbed up, setting on the counter beside Holly’s amulet, looking up at her owner with a scowl, before yowling out.
Holly glared daggers at the cat, before hissing, akin to how a cat would, “Don’t give me that look!” She snapped, “He’s the one leaving me behind, not the other way around.”
Catastrophe yelled again, sounding annoyed, and irritated. She promptly lifted her paw, and knocked the amulet off the counter.
“Seriously?” Holly deadpanned, glaring at the cat as she picked up the amulet, pausing slightly.
“He’s giving me a chance to say goodbye,” She started, before sighing, “I have to take that.”
Catastrophe screamed again, walking over to her empty food bowl, before looking back expectantly.
“Wait,” Holly huffed, walking over and petting the fluffy menace, “This was all about food, wasn’t it?” She accused. Before the cat could throw a tantrum again, she rolled her eyes, getting a scoop of food for her companion before walking to the door.
“Catastrophe,” She started, voice stern, as the cat looked up innocently, “Be good.”
And then she was out of the room, running down the halls. She looked at one of the clocks as she passed it.
11:00am, He was supposed to be leaving right at that time.
Pushing herself to run faster, she jumped and hopped down the stairs, barely containing her balance as she got to the rendezvous point, where everyone else was waving, as Burton was heading towards a hovercraft.
“Wait!” She screamed out, continuing her run as people stopped to stare at her, before she skidded to a complete halt, wavering her arms out to her side to stay upright. “You better not get on that plane without saying-“ she paused, eyes wide.
He looked completely different. He had contacts on, his eyes were masked, and his hair had blue dye in it. She wavered a moment, makeup covered his scars, and he appeared, somehow, taller. But she knew it was him, she could tell by his smile.
“Holly!” He cheered, and she counted another thing, his voice was one she could recognize like a falcon.
He immediately wrapped her in a hug, and she couldn’t help the small blush on her face. She laughed slightly, “Do we have to hug?” She questioned.
“Of course we do, and we’re not stopping now!” Burton commented, and Holly accepted that. They hadn’t talked ever since he told her he was leaving. Mostly because of her stubbornness.
Though, she spotted Macaria, behind Burton, looking smugly at Holly. So Holly did as she usually did, and promptly flipped her off.
She and Burton broke the hug then. He asked her about his new identity, Catullus, and if it would get between them.
She told him it wouldn’t, lying through her teeth as she did so. Of course it would. She was never a fan of change.
And of course, they exchanged words, but time was running short.
“Sir, we have to be going,” the pilot instructed.
Burton nodded, turning to leave, but Holly stopped him, placing the amulet that was in her hand in his, smiling, “So you can keep my sarcastic ass anywhere you go.”
He snickered, bidding goodbye, and waving, holding the amulet close to his heart.
She realized a little too late that she kept the note inside it.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 6, 2020 6:14:40 GMT -5
It’s loud, and it’s scary, and I don’t know what’s going on. I’m three years old. The last few months everything has been loud and chaotic and I don’t understand it. But today it’s worse. There are lots of people, in uniforms I’ve never seen before, and they’re fighting the peacekeepers. Which I don’t understand because the peacekeepers are nice to us; they like our dad. There are loud bangs from the guns, which scare me. But I know I have Mallory with me. She’s only seven, but she still feels big to me. I feel protected when I’m with her.
Our father told us to hide, so that’s what we’re doing. Mallory is holding me tight, and telling me we have to be quiet. It’s not safe, she says. I listen to her, because I trust my big sister. And I can see the fear in her eyes. I hate the loud bangs, and hug her tighter, screwing my eyes shut so I don’t have to look at everything that’s happening.
But then from our hiding place, a few of the people in those strange uniforms come running into view. They stop, huddling together for a moment while they talk, and then split off into different directions. And one of them runs up close to where we’re hiding. That’s when he sees our father, who shouted to draw his attention away from where we were hiding. And he raises his gun towards our father. I’m terrified, heart pounding, too scared to do anything, but Mallory is spurred into action.
She runs out, stands in front of our father. Latching onto him, staring at the boy with the gun. She knows he wouldn’t shoot her.
But he does.
“Get out of the way, kid,” he warns
Mallory just shakes her head resolutely, grabs onto our dad extra tightly. So the boy just aims a bullet for her leg. She cries out, falls to the ground, and she’s bleeding. As soon as she’s down, he shoots our father in the chest.
I’m too scared to make a sound, too in shock to even move. I don’t understand, can’t fathom that my father is desd. It doesn’t occur to me that he isn’t coming back. And I’m so terrified I just cry soundlessly.
But Mallory makes more than enough sound for the both of us. She screams, a high pitched scream of fear. And she’s begging, begging for mercy from the boy who still has his gun trained on her.
Suddenly, though, another uniformed figure runs in. He’s tall, even though everybody looks tall to me. Big and intimidating, with brown hair and blue eyes. He’s shouting at the boy, shoved him to the ground.
Whatever words they exchange are lost to me, I can’t take anything in anymore. I’ve shut down, all I can think is how much I want to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. But what I do see is the scary boy from before with my sister.
There are two more figures who come running in now, both feminine looking. One is tall and tan, with dark hair and grey eyes. Another girl is shorter, paler, with black hair and bright, intelligent green eyes.
I hear one of them, the girl with black hair, call the boy’s name. Everest. The other girl, the one with brown braided hair, is hauling the boy who shot Mallory away. She looks furious. Now it’s just Everest, Mallory, and the other girl.
I’m just peeking round from my hiding place, trying to watch what this Everest is doing to my sister, wanting to make sure she’s safe, when the black-haired girl sees me. While Everest offers my sister a hand, picks her up, the girl walks over to me. She offers me her hand, and I look at her fearfully for a moment. She still seems big and scary to me. But I see how nice the boy is being to Everest, and I take the girl’s hand.
Before long she picks me up, cradles me against her, and she and the boy are running with me and my sister in their arms now. The girl said something about the fighting being over, how they had to hurry.
Eventually they stop outside a big hovercraft, the girl calling out to another person standing outside the hovercraft waiting. She stares at the ground, doesn’t even look up at first.
“What took you so long?” she’s saying
The girl looks up. She’s taller than the girl holding me, but shorter than the girl who dealt with the boy who shot Mallory. She has long dark hair, and her eyes are green with a ring if brown around the pupil. Her gaze is sharp, but it softens when she sees what’s happening.
“You know,” she says “that’s a good enough reason.”
The name the girl carrying me had called out was Macaria. So that’s another name I have now. The black-haired girl says something in response, and we all head onto the hovercraft. I clutch the girl holding me tighter, not liking it. There are so many people, it’s so loud. And seeing my sister hurt scares me. I feel now that my eyes are wet with tears.
There are lots of new people, now, and they’re all talking and talking and asking questions. I zone out again, still too scared to really take anything in except for that I’m scared and my sister is hurt but I don’t know how to help her.
“What’s your name?” I hear the boy called Everest ask my sister.
“Mallory,” she says “my brother’s Pascal.”
I just stare straight ahead for a while, unable to make sense of everything. In shock and overwhelmed. Too scared of what’s happening, too scared of these people, to say anything. It’ll be some time before I get up the courage to speak to them.
But I feel comfortable in the lap of the girl I soon discover is named Holly, and I grip her tighter. Desperate for any comfort.
I want to understand, but I can’t. I don’t know why my sister is hurt, don’t understand what happened to my father. Don’t know who these people are and where we’re going. Don’t know why I’m leaving my home, and why we can’t go back to it.
I’m scared. But these people are nice. I know they’ll look after me and Mallory. At least, that’s what I believe. And I trust them like scared children will. Luckily, it turns out that I’m right to trust them.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 6, 2020 14:49:59 GMT -5
I was given a little time to recover from the bullet wound in my stomach, but once it became clear the wound wasn’t getting infected and that I could stand and walk unaided Louden had me moved from the little hospital-type room he’d kept me in back to the cell I’d been put in on my first night. I knew what that meant. He was preparing to start with the torture. The sooner he had information out of me, the better in his eyes.
That’s how I find myself strapped to a table that reminds me of a hospital gurney, just metal instead of plastic. I’m doused in water. Electroshock. Holly, Amadrya and Everest had told me of its horrors after their rescue. According to them, there was only one way to deal with the pain. Try to detach. Switch your brain off, take yourself out of your body. Be numb.
And that’s what I try to do. As another jolt shoots through me, it feels as if my every cell is on fire, screaming. It’s as if I’m being incinerated or something. And I’m screaming, my arms pulling against the bonds securing me to the table. But I try to imagine something else. I’m at home, back in District 8, with my sisters and my parents. I’m in the rebel base with Holly, and we’re on watch together. Making dumb jokes to pass the time. Or she is, but I’m too busy looking at her eyes, realising I never realised how much starlight made them glow.
As abruptly as it started, though, the jolt ends. My muscles ache, and I’m panting, but when Louden looks at me expectantly I look right back into his eyes. I’m exhausted, but I’m not giving up. I can’t.
“Maybe you’re more willing to talk now, huh?” Louden asks “Maybe a few more details are coming into your head. Information you came across, the name of your contact in the Capitol.”
“No,” I reply breathlessly “but thanks for playing! Better luck next time.”
“We can keep doing this if you want, Acton. Hell, if you’re stubborn enough you can keep going until it kills you.”
“Don’t you think death is kind of a weak threat at this point?” I ask
“What?” Louden asks. He sounds frustrated, exasperated. But I hear the slight hint of confusion, maybe curiosity. He’s intrigued by what I have to say.
“I’ve been outrunning death for months now,” I shrug “I should have died in the Hunger Games, probably should have died in the Arena collapse. Probably shouldn’t have survived my time with the rebels, or even survived this long in the Capitol. I came to terms with the idea of my death when I was reaped for the Games. And now? My family and the rebels think you executed me. So you can threaten to kill me as much as you want but for all intents and purposes? I’m already dead.”
I meet his eyes on those last words, try to put in the defiance Holly would want me to have. I’m pretending that I’m still strong but I’m starting to give up. I don’t know how long I can keep this up for, how much pain I can endure.
“No you’re not,” Louden chuckled “if you really felt that way you wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep this information from me. You wouldn’t care. That’s what makes the difference.”
“It’s sad that you think caring is a weakness. You did the same with Amadrya. Used her relationship with Everest against her. Listen, all the people I love are safe. It’s just me and you, and you won’t be able to play any of your little tricks.”
“We’ll see about that,” Louden smiles “but you and I have all the time in the world, Burton.”
I know I need to do something. I’ve been working on it, but it’s been slow going. I figured that since I found one sympathetic guard when I rescued the girls, I should be able to find another in here somewhere. Another guard tired of hearing the screams. Tired of hearing kids hurting. Maybe if I manage to convince a guard to help me I can get them to send the rebels some sort of signal, anything to let them know I’m still alive. Maybe they could drop a note or the amulet Holly gave me at my apartment in the Capitol. Livia would perhaps find it then, and she’d get it where it would need to go. Or maybe there’s a way to get a hint to them via the TV. Anything that might tip them off that I survived and that I need help.
I’m brought back to my current situation as Louden turns to the peacekeeper standing by what looks like a computer or screen of some kind in the corner of the room.
“Hit him again,” Louden says “and amp it up a little. Let’s raise the stakes.”
The peacekeeper nods, presses a button, and the pain floods back again.
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 6, 2020 14:55:39 GMT -5
(Poor boi,
You can’t hurt my boi.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 6, 2020 15:00:02 GMT -5
Listen I have to, it’s interesting to put Burton in this kind of scenario.
Besides, I’m writing a happy thing next so I have to get some good strong character torture in first)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Jan 6, 2020 16:08:25 GMT -5
(Okay good.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 6, 2020 16:42:22 GMT -5
Who cares 'bout star signs?
I’m hardwired to be with you
You're like a sunrise and I'm scared that I’ll never get enough of you
Nobody called it a starfall
Come out the blue
When it feels like this, like a light came on
And you look at me like I'm all you want
I got everything at my fingertips
How can I resist when it feels like this?
It’s not too long after our rescue from the Capitol, and it became apparent very quickly that whatever Everest and I had between us had only intensified during our time in the Capitol. He kissed me on my third day of freedom, and we became an official couple a couple of days later.
Now he and I are sitting outside together. We haven’t strayed too far from the rebel base, but Everest had told me that he knew a spot he wanted to show me. It’s nighttime, and the two of us are sitting on a grassy bank, the rebel base some distance behind us. A huge lake stretches out in front of us, it’s crystal clear water so still it reflects the deep navy of the sky and the silver of the stars like a perfect mirror. The other side of the lake is bordered by a thick cover of trees, which stand silent in the still air.
Wildflowers dot the little bank on which we sit, sprays of delicate little flowers that I’ve never even seen before.
“You know,” Everest says “they say that all of Panem used to be like this once. Beautiful, and alive.”
“It still is,” I say “you just have to look for it.”
As I say these words, I move a little closer to Everest. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I reach my hand up to lay on his. But there’s a moment where Everest looks at our touching hands, and something changes in him. He moves away and sighs.
“What are we doing?” Everest asks
“What do you mean?” I say, concerned
“I mean, are we making a stupid mistake?” Everest elaborates “is there even space for love in a war like this? Is it fair for us to do this knowing that one of us could die? Is it worth the pain and the risk?”
“Shhh,” I respond gently “you’re thinking too much. It’s worth the pain; we’ve both been through so much pain for one another that it doesn’t seem to make sense to stop now. All I know is that one or both of us would have been dead by now, killed in the Games, if it weren’t for the rebels. We might have both been killed in the Capitol if it weren’t for the others. I don’t know, doesn’t it kind of seem like this is what’s meant to happen? Shouldn’t we take this opportunity? I know you’re scared, I am too. But we just have to be brave enough to love each other.”
I take Everest’s hand, and I see the smallest smile on his face. But then it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.
“You’re right,” he sighs “I know you’re right. I just have so many fears about losing you, about the future. And I don’t know how to move past them.”
“Oh, that’s easy,” I smile “I’ll show you.”
And I turn, and lean in, and I kiss him. And it’s just the two of us, and the moonlight. No Capitol, no war, no fear. A future we don’t have to worry about because the here and now is all there is. A moment we exist in, and nothing else does.
And when we break apart, Everest picks a flower from near us. A tiny creamy yellow flower with delicate, pointed petals. He tucks it into my hair, behind my ear. I smile, and we kiss again, and spend hours by the lakeside talking about anything and everything. And it’s perfect. My axe lies nearby, among the flowers. Unneeded, beside Everest’s gun.
Uncover secrets
Treasure hunting days away
Stumbling on diamonds
I'm speechless and blown away
The little things
I'm shivering
The way you hold my hand
When it feels like this, like a light came on
And you look at me like I’m all you want
I got everything at my fingertips
How can I resist when it feels like this?
Everest and I are newly married, and it’s our first dance. The room is filled with beautiful golden light from the candles lighting every available surface. I’m wearing the dress my bridesmaids - Holly, Halina, Macaria - helped me pick. It’s beautiful. My hair cascades down and is wound with beautiful pins with crystals made to resemble flowers. For the ceremony I had actual flowers in my hair - the same wildflowers from the bank Everest and I had sat on what felt like a million years ago. But for the reception and our first dance I chose pins. Mainly for practical purposes, to keep my hair in place and so I wasn’t dropping flowers from my hair when I was dancing.
Beautiful music is playing, and Everest holds me close as we dance. I’m so familiar with everything about him now. Every smile, laugh. Every nervous tic, every tell that he’s upset. I always know when he’s hiding something now because he moves his eyebrows a little. An involuntary twitch. We both know every scar, and most of our scars we got together. He and I are a package deal when it comes to the war, and the rebels know that. You put us into battle together or not at all. We fight side by side, protecting one another. Always in sync. And I love it. I feel so sure of myself when I’m with him, so safe. Unafraid. Because we’ve seen everything there is to be scared of, and we’ve seen it together. We know it’s all going to be okay.
Everest brings out a side in me I never knew existed. I was so serious, so stoic, so desperate to be tough. I couldn’t be vulnerable. But Everest, and my friends of course, have taught me that it’s okay to feel. I don’t have to be tough all the time, I don’t have to be serious. I can laugh, I can fall in love, I can be like every other kid. I can be scared if I need to be. I can talk about my fears.
Everest spins me, earning a cheer from the guests surrounding us, and then he dips me towards the floor. And for a moment, we’re so close to one another.
“I love you,” I say
“I love you too,” he says, and he has the biggest smile on his face
When we straighten up again, the song is at an end, and we kiss.
And I can hear them cheering, and when I pull away I see the smiling faces of my friends. Macaria, Ari, Halina, Burton, Holly. And my family. My uncle, and my cousins.
It’s the most perfect moment of my entire life.
And Holly shouts something about getting the party started. New music starts, far more up-tempo, and everyone rushes into the dance floor. And Everest and I just look at one another, laugh, and dance with our friends.
It’s all I’ve ever needed.
When it feels like this, like a light came on
When you look at me like I'm all you want
I got everything at my fingertips
How can I resist?
When it feels like this, like a light came on
When you look at me, say I’m all you want
I got everything at my fingertips
How can I resist when it feels like this?
I’m sitting at home with Everest, both of us on the couch together as I hold our baby daughter. Ayla. She’s so beautiful, all big blue eyes and tufts of brown hair. I hold her, and Everest sits next to me, looking at our daughter with a wonder I’ve never seen on his face before.
And I understand. I can’t believe that we made her. She’s so perfect, so tiny. She almost doesn’t feel real
“She’s incredible,” Everest murmurs, planting a kiss on my forehead and then on Ayla’s
“I know,” I say, almost distracted as I’m captivated by our baby.
And she looks at me, and reaches up. Grabs my finger with her entire tiny hand. And there’s so much love it hurts, that I have to stop myself from crying. I never understood the whole new parent experience until I did it myself. There’s nothing like it.
I never saw myself as a mother. I mean, I’m fine with kids. I just didn’t see it as something that was in my future. It certainly wasn’t really something I aspired to, or really thought about.
But I’m so glad she’s here.
She looks at me, and there’s such total trust in her eyes. Pure, unadulterated love. And as I look at how small she is, it truly hits me how dependent she is on us. It’s scary, knowing that we’re responsible for this fragile thing. This other person.
But at the same time, I am filled with such a fierce protectiveness. Like how I felt whenever Everest was in danger. And I know Everest feels the same thing. Nobody, I know, will ever harm our daughter. We won’t allow it.
“I would do anything to protect her,” I say softly
Whether it’s from physical danger, whether it’s from the scars her father and I bear. It doesn’t matter. If I have to shield her from the past, I will do that. Just like I would shield her from anyone who wanted to hurt her. Because I love her, and I want the best for her. I would never let her grow up like Everest and I did.
“I would too,” Everest says
I’ve never seen such pride on his face. I know he is telling the truth, that he’ll protect Ayla too. That he won’t let her be hurt.
We’ve been so lucky, and I’m so glad I met him. Glad I volunteered, glad for everything that came afterwards.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 8, 2020 14:13:23 GMT -5
I remember meeting my brother in the Justice Building after his reaping. Twylla and I still in our best clothes, still with tearstains on our cheeks. I had always known about the sacrifices our brother made for us - knew more than our little sister did, anyway - but I never really understood them. I’d known he took tesserae, had since he was twelve, but I’d never understood what that meant. It had never occurred to me that there were 36 real pieces of paper with his name on it, as opposed to my four or Twylla’s two. I had never worried that his name would be pulled, because he’d always assured us it would be fine. That the odds were low, that we couldn’t get rid of him that easily.
He’s already spoken to our parents on his own, so they wait outside the room while Twylla and I go in to talk to Burton ourselves. We thought it better not to crowd him, and besides we only get a certain amount of time with him. If fewer of us go at once, we get more time with him between us.
As we head in, I see he has his head in his hands, can feel the emotions coming off him in waves. Must have been a difficult goodbye with our parents. But when he realises we’re here, he instantly straightens up, flashes us a smile. He always was like that. Hiding the tougher things from us, just like our parents do. We understand why he does it but wish he wouldn’t. We’re getting older now after all.
But I remember our childhood together. Burton would always take us exploring, running around parts of the district we hadn’t been before. Sometimes we’d take picnic supplies with us and just walk until we found a nice place. Somewhere not like most of District 8; all concrete and smoke from the factories. Not so different from the dilapidated city he later faced in the Arena. Once we found somewhere, we’d set up our picnic and eat and talk and laugh until sunset. Usually we’d stay out just long enough that our mother would start to worry if we didn’t get back.
He was always a jokester, optimistic. Determined not to let reapings or work in the factories or anything else get him down.
This is the first time I’ve seen him where he looks like he might cry.
Twylla rushes to hug him, and I follow suit. He pulls us close, and when he lets us go he’s already managed to wipe the sadness off his face from before.
“Burton,” I say “if I were a boy I would have volunteered for you, and-“
“I know you would,” he says with a smile, ruffling my hair “and that’s why I’m glad you’re not a boy.”
“You’re going to come back, aren’t you?” Twylla asks “try and win for us?”
“Of course I will,” he says, though I’m sure even Twylla can tell he can’t promise anything, “haven’t I always told you that you can’t get rid of me that easily?”
Twylla gives a slight laugh, and her hand rises to touch the dreamcatcher necklace around her neck. Burton have it to her last year, not long before her first reaping. She’d been having terrible nightmares. He told her it would get rid of the bad dreams and give her luck, and she hasn’t taken it off ever since.
But she does now, and holds it out to Burton, the beads clicking as she stretches out her hand.
“Will you take it?” Twylla begs “You can have a token, and it’ll keep you safe.”
Burton shakes his head lightly, and closes Twylla’s hand around the necklace.
“No, keep it,” he murmurs “it’ll keep the bad dreams away and look after you when I’m in the Arena.”
I swear I hear a catch in his voice when he talks about it looking after her. Of course, I know why he really refuses the necklace. He thinks that if he dies, Twylla will blame herself. Think her necklace wasn’t good enough. She’s sensitive like that, always has been. Sensitive and quiet and gentle and shy.
Twylla hesitates but nods, taking the necklace and looping it back around her own neck. That’s when a peacekeeper knocks to warn us we only have two minutes left.
“Lala,” he says to Twylla “I’ll say goodbye to you here. I need to talk to Lea alone.”
She nods, and gives him a tearful hug before leaving to meet back with mom and dad. As soon as she’s gone, Burton turns to me with new urgency.
“Listen, Lea, we need to talk about what happens if I don’t make it back. When I don’t make it back.”
“Don’t talk like that,” I say firmly “you are coming back. You’re going to live.”
“Come on, sis, we don’t have time for this.” he says “I’m not looking for pity, it’s just the facts. Even on an even playing field, it’s a 1 in 24 chance, and we both know it isn’t an even playing field.”
I have no retort to make, so Burton takes this as a sign to continue.
“If I don’t make it back, you’re going to have to make some changes. You’ll have to support mom and dad, because they’ll be heartbroken. And you need to take a stronger role as Twylla’s big sister. She’s too gentle, if you don’t keep an eye on her, protect her, she’ll suffer badly. People will walk all over her. Don’t take tesserae, it’s not worth it, and no matter what happens don’t let Twylla take it either. You’ll have to take a job. Both you and Twylla can still afford to go to school and to provide for the family if you both try and get a shift after school. But if that isn’t possible, do what I did and quit school. But make sure Twylla stays. You have to be strong for them now, and grown up. They need you, you can’t go rushing into things like you always do. Can you do that for me? I’m relying on you now.”
I am a little scared, frightened of what all this might mean. Scared at the idea of losing my brother. But I nod, and Burton wraps me in a grateful hug.
“Thank you,” he says
And when he pulls away there are relieved tears in his eyes. He is so happy to know that we’re going to be okay. I can see the weight that’s off his shoulders.
“And listen,” he continues “I promise I will try to come back. But I want you to know that I love you, that you’re capable of so much more than you know. And I’m proud of you. You and Twylla, you’re going to be alright.”
And the peacekeeper comes to say we’re out of time. I don’t want to go, try to fight to stay a little longer, but Burton tells me it’s okay. That I have to do what I promised and be grown up now. So I do, and leave my brother to go to what he seems to think is his death.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 10, 2020 5:52:31 GMT -5
Alistair told us only a couple of hours ago that District 2 was our next target. One of the most difficult districts to crack, with deep-rooted Capitol support. Of course, it’s wavered sometimes; that was why Louden had to introduce the disease that killed my mother and sister. It’s time now, though. Time to try and take this district for the rebels once and for all.
We’ve all rushed to put our armour on and we’re now waiting for the hovercraft. Minus Burton, of course, who is in the Capitol doing who knows what. I find myself standing next to Everest, and I see him look at me briefly.
“District 2, huh?” he says
“Yeah,” I murmur “looks like we’re headed home.”
“It’s going to be weird going back there,” he replies
“They’ll probably all hate us. We’re traitors and criminals now, right?”
Our home never took dissent against the Capitol lightly, even when support was wavering. It was less about love for the Capitol, more a matter of pride. We don’t break laws, or sneak around. We don’t hide or do underhanded things, not outside of the Games where all that matters is winning. We won’t be received well by our home district when we return.
“Since when has a little controversy bothered you?” Everest says with a snort “Not like you to get cold feet, Slayte.”
“I do not have cold feet!” I retort “it’s just not easy to go back there.”
I see the understanding in his eyes at that admission. I love my district, but really I know how it hurt me. How it damaged me. And how it hurt Everest too.
And what if when I go back there, I become just like I was before? What if I become an emotionless monster again? Shut down? What if I hurt one of my friends? My biggest fear now is that I will go back to what I was, that this change wasn’t permanent. Or that I never really changed at all.
“I know,” Everest says with a nod
I see his gaze flicker over to where Amadrya stands, and I can tell he’s thinking the same thing. Like me, he’s scared of himself too. He loves that girl, but he almost killed her in the Arena. Might have done, it the Arena hadn’t collapsed or she hadn’t found the note. And I know he’s afraid of what he’s capable of, and what our district and the Capitol have made him. His biggest fear is hurting her. I’ve trained with Everest for years, I know Amadrya hasn’t an inkling of how much he’s really capable of. But I know he’s going to be okay. He’s strong, and I don’t think he’s going to let himself become the worst of him again. I hope that I can do the same.
“Let’s agree,” I begin “not to say a word about the Academy to the others while we’re there. Who we used to be, what we did. Let’s just... not talk about it. They don’t need to know.”
Halina is the only other career left. True career, anyway. Amadrya doesn’t truly know what being a career is even though she was in our pack, she can’t since she isn’t from a career district. Few of our friends understand what it’s like in the academies, and I don’t want them to look at us with fear or distrust again.
Especially Holly, who has only just begun to trust me properly. We’re making progress. I think Holly will never admit we’re friends, but we’re definitely getting there. I can’t ruin it now.
And it’s for me, too. I’m so close to being able to leave my past behind, and I could really do without the reminders of the things I’ve done. Guilt wracks me enough as it is without fresh memories. And I get the feeling my district partner feels the same, too.
“Agreed,” Everest says with a smile.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 14, 2020 17:55:51 GMT -5
I sit alone in the room Amadrya and I share. She’s gone to get ready for an interview, I believe. She didn’t want to leave me in the state I’m in, but it isn’t like she had much choice about it. Besides, there’s nothing she can do or say that could make this better. The pain I’m feeling right now after Alessandro’s death can’t be eased, nor do I want it to be. I need to feel this, let it take over me.
When Louden opens the door and steps inside, I am so broken I don’t stand and scream at him, I don’t attack him. I haven’t had time to get angry yet. I just look away to hide my tears because I know I don’t want him seeing vulnerability from me.
“Hard lessons have to be taught sometimes, my dear,” Louden says as he approaches “you don’t get what you want by being nice. Though I suppose you know that better than anyone, don’t you?”
I hold my elbow, my eyes trailing to the ground.
“I want to see him,” I say “his body. Or do you want to teach me another lesson by denying me that?”
That’s when the man tilts his head curiously, and I look up to meet his eyes.
“Why is seeing him so important to you?” he asks “after all, you’ve always done fine on your own, you’re a big tough girl.”
Those words bring back the shining stage lights, the beautiful pink and silver dress, the hair arranged like a rose. My stupid giggling. I narrow my eyes, glaring at the man before me.
“Don’t you dare throw my interview back at me,”
“You’re awfully upset, Macaria,” Louden says with mock innocence “but I can’t think why. He was just your flirt buddy, the boy you were manipulating until you got what you wanted and killed him. Just an entertaining game of cat and mouse. You never cared. It’s no loss; you’ll find another toy somewhere.”
“Shut up!” I shout abruptly, anything to get him to stop
I loved him, really I did. It was never meant to go like that. I never expected to lose him without being able to tell him how I felt. Louden took him from me, and now he’s taunting me, reminding me what Alessandro must have thought he was to me.
“Oh, but he fell for it hook, line and sinker didn’t he? Mouthing ‘I love you’ on the scaffold like that - his last words, too.”
“I said shut up!”
It’s with those words I’d risen to my feet and, before I could think better of it or he could react, slapped Louden across the cheek. His face snaps to the side, and there’s a moment where he looks shocked. But then he turns to me and does something strange. He just laughs.
“Go on, then,” he smirks “hit me. Kill me if you want, show me how much you’ve changed. How far are you willing to go for him, Macaria? What will you risk? Will you die for him, kill for him?”
“Oh, don’t tempt me,” I snarl “I’ve been through hell and I’ll happily do it again to make sure you get what you deserve. To make you pay for everything you’ve done. Because we both know I’m not afraid of spilling a little blood, and you don’t deserve mercy.”
Louden steps away towards the door. He knows that, for all I definitely mean my words, I would be stupid to try and enact my threat today. I’d never succeed.
“I don’t doubt it, my dear. I think you’re finding, though, that’s it’s not so much fun being the mouse.”
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Jan 16, 2020 18:18:34 GMT -5
It’s only been a few days since my capture and the gunshot wound - I’m still in the little hospital-like room, but I’m finding that I can at least stand and walk a few steps, though I’m stiff and it’s painful. My wound was, as Louden suspected, not enough to harm me too deeply.
The room is very bare, and always illuminated with stark fluorescent lights. No windows, apart from one on the door so the guards can keep an eye on me. No clocks, so it’s impossible to tell what time it is anymore. It might have been longer than a few days for all I know. In fact, by the improvement in my injury I’d say it has been.
There’s a TV screen in the corner, since Louden and the guards wouldn’t want me to miss out on anything. Any of the Capitol victories, or if the rebels trying to turn me into a martyr after my supposed death. I can imagine Holly finding at least some amusement in that, even if she’s mostly angry and upset.
The screen flashes to life, but not with the usual Capitol seal, which is unusual. And when I see the familiar green eyes, the dark hair, my heart stops. It’s Holly. I’ve never seen her looking like this before - there’s so much anger there, and pain, and weariness.
“Louden,” she says “I know you’re watching, you always are. Talk to me, you coward.”
There’s a few moments of silence, Holly glaring impatiently into the screen, before rolling her eyes as the screen splits and Louden’s face joins Holly’s.
“Ah, Holly! It’s been a while,” Louden grins “how’s the war coming along?”
“Took you long enough,” Holly spits
“Yes, well it was rather short notice,” Louden says shortly “you’ve chosen a rather public forum for our conversation, Miss Alandria.”
“Only way to contact you without coming to the Capitol myself. And the rebels didn’t seem to think I should do that. Didn’t want to let me do this either but I didn’t give them any choice in the matter. I have about five minutes until they find where I’m hiding to do this.”
“And to what do I owe the pleasure of our talk?” he asks, examining his nails boredly
“Where is he?”
“Who?”
“You know who!”
“Oh!” Louden cries in mock surprise “you mean your district partner. Well, I don’t know if you saw the news recently but he’s dead. Or was the gunshot not conclusive enough for you?”
“He’s not dead,” Holly states confidently “I know he isn’t. You wouldn’t do that, not when you can use him as a bargaining chip or he has useful information for you.”
“My dear, I found everything I needed searching his apartment. He was most useful to me as an example. The golden boy, a good kid from District 8. Worked hard, good family, charming. Corrupted from the moment he met you. Don’t think I didn’t see the things you mouthed at the reaping, the things he said back. You set him down that path all on his own, I only ended what you begun. No, he serves best as a reminder of the good boy who turned bad and paid the price.”
“I know you have him somewhere,” she shot back “you didn’t kill me when you shot me, I know he’s still alive.”
“I understand why you want to deny that he’s gone, you’re in pain. But it’s better to have loved and lost,”
“That’s such bullshit, and you know it!” Holly snarls
I know what she’s feeling now, can see the sheen of angry and pained tears in her eyes. Louden knows too.
“It’s okay,” he smiles encouragingly “you’ll find someone else to love, and you’ll lose them like you always do, or push them away. Because Acton, he was just a friend, wasn’t he? Your blushes in the Arena, the way you protected and cared about him, that was all purely platonic. Friends come and go, don’t they? You haven’t lost anything.”
That’s when the first year slides down her cheek, and I call her name without even realising. I know she can’t hear me, of course. But I can’t stop myself. I wish she could know he’s lying, that I’m here.
“I loved him,” Holly murmurs
Those words are like a punch to the gut, or like being shot all over again. Words I would have been overjoyed to hear back at the base. I wish she’d told me when I left, or I’d told her.
“I still love him,” she continues “because that’s how I know he’s still alive. I just know.”
“Okay,” Louden says “How far would you go? Come to the Capitol and find out if you’re right.”
Abruptly, Holly’s side of the screen blackens, and Louden smiles before he fades too. And I know that she’s already on her way; it’s Holly, she couldn’t resist a challenge like that.
All I can do is shout, as if she could hear me, begging her not to come. Not to do that for me.
But my words could never cover the miles between us, and I know she wouldn’t listen even if she could hear me.
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Nov 21, 2024 15:09:07 GMT -5
Nov 21, 2024 15:09:07 GMT -5
