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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 26, 2019 16:25:45 GMT -5
I’m going to work on some writing now x
Also if you do actually like the idea of Macaria and Holly’s kids ending up getting married I may write that too)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 26, 2019 16:54:15 GMT -5
”I’m broken too.”
That’s what I’d said to Holly when I found her crying that day - an incident of which, of course, I was forbidden to speak. And I didn’t say anything more about my own words either, thankful that Holly respected my privacy enough not to ask.
But I’m alone now, sitting in my own room. The colours they’ve decorated it in are warm-toned and bright and cheerful. It’s designed with me in mind, with all the little details that District 8 citizens seem to have a special eye for. It’s a room to reflect a warm, positive person.
But the positivity part seems a little more elusive lately, despite my efforts to hide it from my friends and family.
As I sit on the edge of my bed, I’m looking at an ugly scar on my leg. The only scar that I have apart from the numerous ones on my fingers from the factories and sewing work. It’s where Macaria hurt me back in the Arena. I remember the moment vividly. The knife sailing for me, and I am able to dodge at the last moment only to not be fast enough, Alessandro catching me and holding my hands behind my back while Macaria makes an ugly slash down my leg. And then, bewildered and in pain, me being allowed to limp away. I remember the smell of my blood in the air. Trying to hide the wound from Holly so she wouldn’t worry, but that only lasting about five minutes because there was no way she wouldn’t notice.
None of that was as bad as Holly knocking me out so she could go and sacrifice herself to save me. Or as bad as when the Capitol took her and tortured her, me the whole time praying that it could be me there instead. Not that Holly would ever accept me wishing that, she’d tell me I had a family to take care of.
After everything I’ve been through, my sisters notice the change. Or at least some kind of change in me. We just don’t talk about it because I don’t want to worry them and because as much as I love them I feel like they no longer understand me anymore. The way the Arena and everything since has changed me means I’m someone the old me wouldn’t even recognise, and it’s created a chasm between my sisters and I that I am slowly trying to bridge.
Only my friends understand, and I’m grateful to have them. They help me through a lot and even though I hide a lot from them, I’m starting to try and let them in. They sometimes still expect me to be cheerful and jokey, but I think they’re starting to understand when I don’t feel like the old me.
I stop looking at the scar, trying to forget it all for a while. My parents are here after all, and I don’t want to worry them. I’ll be okay, with my friends beside me. And besides, there’s a war on. I’ll likely have a few more scars by the end of it.
And like Holly and all of my other friends, like all of us fighting a cause we shouldn’t have to fight for, I’ll be scarred and keep going anyway.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 6, 2019 12:08:27 GMT -5
Hi!
I’m sorry I haven’t been online, it’s been crazy busy with the start of university. But I hope everyone is okay!
I plan to do more writing sometime soon once I’m a bit more able x but I just wanted to post partly because I didn’t want anyone to think I’d vanished but also because I don’t want us to move off the front page for some reason XD)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 7, 2019 4:18:10 GMT -5
(Also, 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 I know you mentioned what it’d be like to send characters into the games with illnesses/injuries/disabilities I could totally explore some of that with Lark as well I think) |
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Post by 𝐸𝓁𝑜𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇 on Oct 10, 2019 0:16:17 GMT -5
(guess who’s f.ucking back b.itches)
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Post by 𝐸𝓁𝑜𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇 on Oct 10, 2019 0:17:09 GMT -5
(also hey what’s up hello just popping in to say hi and that I miss you all but life is crazy as helllll so probably can’t RP any time soon)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 10, 2019 0:31:56 GMT -5
Hi! We miss you so much x)
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Post by 𝐸𝓁𝑜𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇 on Oct 10, 2019 1:02:21 GMT -5
(how are you??? Is school going well?)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 10, 2019 1:04:09 GMT -5
Pretty good! I actually just started uni which is a little intimidating but so far going pretty well x
What about you? How are you?)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 10, 2019 5:41:30 GMT -5
(Obvs this isn’t canon, but I felt kind of inspired sue me XD)
I don’t know how long it’s been down here, but all I know is that it’s been damn long enough.
The numbness that I had been drowning in for so long is fading now, Everest’s voice seems to reach me again. And the looks that I get from Holly have changed again. Before they were like she was almost proud of me for finally giving up, like at last I understood. But now the way she looks at me is almost like she pities me. Pities me because I understand but I can’t stay numb. Or won’t stay numb. Some part of me isn’t ready to accept the truth yet, despite the fact that I know I will have to eventually.
I can’t stay numb because when I want to, it’s Everest. His pain cuts me so deeply. When they hurt him. Or when he says my name, when he’s desperate to get some kind of reaction from me, some response. Something other than silence.
Because I cannot tell him what I want to tell him, which is that there isn’t any point in him still trying to fight this and be strong. That nobody is coming to save us, that the rebellion is destined for failure and us destined to be at the Capitol’s mercy. I can’t tell him that because I can’t be the person who takes away his hope. But I have to stay silent because I can’t be the person who gives him false hope either.
Still, things seem to be changing now. For the first time in a long time I’m not sitting on the floor or lying on the ground, I’m actually standing up in my cell. And moving. Pacing. The space is almost too small for it to really be called pacing but I don’t have another word for it. I feel like a zoo animal. But at least that’s better than nothing because now I’m actually feeling something. I’m feeling my fear and pain and anxiety.
But most of all, perhaps most importantly, I feel angry.
I want to punch something, if I’m entirely honest, but I already did all that on the first night and all I succeeded in doing was making my knuckles bleed and not damaging the wall in the slightest. So I have to settle for the angry pacing.
I already know it’s annoying Holly, probably Everest too, but screw it. Who even cares anymore?
“We’ve got to do something,” I say through clenched teeth, half to myself and half to my friends, “I’m sick and tired of sitting here, waiting. Knowing it won’t be long before one of us is hurt again. The rebels aren’t coming, we need to do something.”
I know that Louden takes all power from us. I know that he knows that my greatest fear is being helpless, being stuck in a situation just like this one without being able to do a thing about it. I know he does everything he can to take even the smallest choices or forms of expression away from me. Apart from my tribute token. That I still have, undoubtedly just to drive the knife in deeper.
“Gee, none of us thought of doing something,” replied Holly sarcastically “In case you haven’t noticed, we can’t do anything. Waiting is all we’ve got.”
At least the sarcasm was a good sign, meant at least some part of Holly was still there.
“Just sit down,” Everest says softly “there’s no point getting yourself all worked up and if anyone sees you’re in for a beating.”
This is true; if the guards or anyone sees me up and pacing around my cell then I’m obviously not exhausted enough or in enough pain. And if they hear me talking about getting out of here it’ll be worse. They’ll use Everest against me then. My biggest fear is that they’ll hijack him or something just to hurt me, and Holly too, and I can’t let that happen.
“There’s got to be something though,” I sigh “I know whatever it is would be a big risk, but there has to be some way we can get out.”
“Why are you so obsessed with this?” Holly asks “There isn’t a way out!”
“Because I have to believe there is!” I snap “Otherwise we will die for nothing, everyone in the arena will have died for nothing. Everything we did in the Games and leading up to it will be for nothing. The rebels got us out for nothing. I refuse to believe that what we’re going through here is for nothing but Louden’s amusement. That makes us nothing more than his playthings and I don’t know about you two but that’s not something I want to believe.”
I kick the door to my cell in anger, again doing nothing more than making unnecessary noise and hurting my foot.
“We’re kids, we shouldn’t have to be here, doing this. We’ve been labelled rebels before we even had a chance to join them, just because we didn’t die when the arena collapsed. So excuse me for wanting to believe that there might still be hope, and agency. That there might yet be a way out.“
I sink back to the floor as Holly speaks her next words. Her voice is softer this time, gentler, almost sympathetic, which is unusual for her.
“But Amadrya, you know there isn’t, right?”
She’s trying gently to guide me to this acceptance, I know that. She knows that we’re probably going to die and she knows my trying to fight this whole thing is useless. She’s trying to help me past the denial. Because that’s all it really is. I pretend it’s hope, but I know that I’m just trying to deny that I’m here, and that nobody’s coming.
I draw my knees up to my chest, staring straight ahead again into the nothing out there.
“I know,” I murmur “I just don’t want to.”
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 11, 2019 12:00:10 GMT -5
(Sorry for proofing.
Today I am an official adult and I’m terrified tbh.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 11, 2019 12:02:46 GMT -5
Oh my god happy birthday!)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 11, 2019 13:16:11 GMT -5
“What are you doing?”
The question came unbidden, and Holly turned with wide eyes, green shimmers of light, with panic for a moment, before she settled, recognizing Macaria immediately.
It didn’t escape Macaria’s vision that Holly has raised her hand to her cheek, wiping something away.
Tears?
Macaria didn’t press it, instead she looked away for a moment, scanning the vast forest around them for what could have upset Holly so.
She already knew, didn’t she?
Holly knew this, watching her friend with bland interest, forcing herself to ignore the stinging in her eyes as her annoyance increased...
How dare Macaria just...just come to remind her of everything and pity her and...
“You know, you’re kind of dramatizing this all a bit.” Came the bland, unexpected response.
Holly was stunned, to say the least, but it didn’t remain long, her fist clenching at her side.
Dramatizing it?
”How am I...?”
“I am not dramatizing it!” She screeched, voice rising in octave, her denial loud and clear, her intended question cut short by a burst of anger.
Macaria certainly looked unimpressed, and the nerve she had to ever dare to accuse Holly of being some...some drama queen!
“I have every right! He left! He left me to die and moved on with his life and I’m supposed to forgive him!” She was fuming, building in agitation, anger, memories flashing in her eyes as angry green hues narrowed, Venom directed at a target, “Why should I? Everyone pushes me around, everyone is ready to sacrifice me and I’m done with it!”
Though her anger only increased at the annoyed glare Macaria wore, and Macaria’s rolling of her eyes.
“He never asked for your forgiveness. And why do you care about him anyways? You’re letting a man that left you for dead control your life still, you’re letting someone who never cared control your life, and you’re letting it eat you alive.” Macaria always was blunt, honest and straight to the point when she wasn’t manipulative.
But her words only added more gasoline to the fire. Holly’s eyes twitched as her hands started to shake, trembling slightly in anger.
“I just don’t understand it. Why care for him anyways? Why let someone else control what you feel? What you do-?”
“Like you let the academy control you?” A small snicker left Holly, her voice was at it’s regular octave, with a simple sickeningly sweet tone, like she was pitying a simple child, demeaning Macaria right before her, and oh, how Macaria’s facial expression went to confusion in a heart beat.
“-What?” Macaria questioned, softer, and Holly bore that disconcerting grin.
“You’re saying I should just let it all go, don’t care about him or his happiness, just get over it, right?” emerald eyes narrowed, waiting.
“No! I’m saying you need to stop letting it control you.”
“Oh, so this is about control. So my example still stands. You know nothing about control, Macaria,” the words bore more bite, demeaning and still hidden behind a now sweet smile, “In case you don’t remember, you let strangers control your life all because they offered you food and a place to stay. In case you don’t remember, you let yourself change, became emotionless and nothing like who you were. In case you forgot, you didn’t only let it change you, but you let it change the lives of many!”
Macaria had the nerve to look nervous, before her eyes flickered with her usual strength, calmness, “And how is that?”
“You killed children, you ruined the lives their families were supposed to have! You get to live when you killed them! You get to be happy, you get to love.” It seemed that Macaria looked guilty now, upset at the reminders.
A sad laugh filled the air, empty and not as callous, it was more deprecating, “Funny, right? We all get shoved into some game without a choice, and here I am yelling at you for doing what everyone else was trying to do. You just wanted to live, you at least made the choice to live.” A quivering entered Holly’s voice, no tears coming, but hysteria looming, “You didn’t kill them with the intent to ruin the lives of those they loved, you did it to live. And the dead were the lucky ones, right? They didn’t have to keep running anymore. They got to be free.”
Macaria was stunned at the flip around, moments before the little noirette before her was bubbling and festering in anger and now it was falling apart. Macaria lost track in who Holly was ever mad at now.
Herself?
“It’s funny, right? All my life I wanted to have a choice, I wanted to be free. I spoke out as loud as I could, but no one can hear something they don’t know exists.” A laugh, again, that self-deprecating one, unhinged, “I let my mom’s death control my emotions, I wanted revenge. I think all along I knew he would leave. I think I knew it, but I couldn’t change it so I didn’t even try. Back in District 8, I saw people, beaten for crimes they never committed, and I walked away. I preserved myself and didn’t care as children were reaped away to their deaths...I didn’t care, because I couldn’t change it. Volunteering wouldn’t save them, because the district’s were not safer than the arena. Maybe we weren’t part of a game in the districts, maybe we weren’t hunted, but we were still cattle for the Capitol. So I followed the assembly line, and was never brave enough to free myself.”
The connotation of the last sentence hung in the air, though an angry flicker remained in the smaller girl’s eyes, “It’s funny, I always thought in the arena, I would have a choice, I would get to choose how I-“ she stopped, huffing, and Macaria looked on, unsure what to say, “And when we were freed, when I finally got the revolution I wanted, I never got the choice to join it. I never got the choice to help it. No....no, I was used as a weapon against it. I couldn’t even choose, I never got to. It’s not a matter of control...it’s...it’s a matter of it’s it’s even my choice!” Snapping again, though it died just as fast, “In that arena, in that arena I had a choice, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t free myself. Oh, Macaria...why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance?”
The girl before her breathed in deeply, eyes wide for a moment, before sighing out.
“What good would your death do?” Macaria retorted, frowning, “What good does death do?”
Silence.
Green eyes met grey, “I would have never been used against the Capitol. I would have been free. My pain wouldn’t have brought anybody else pain, and I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing his happiness after he shattered mine! I wouldn’t have to deal with this!”
“What about Burton?”
Eyes widening, Holly stepped back, immediately looking guilty, crossing her arms in her stubbornness, “He would have gotten over it.”
“Holly, you and I both know you can’t heal when you lose someone you love.” Macaria started, stepping forward as if approaching an injured, frightened animal (wasn’t she?) and sighing softly. “It’s true, I killed children and I will always be ashamed of that, not a day will ever go by will I won’t remember that. It’s unfair that I’m even alive still after taking theirs away. But in that arena we didn’t have a choice to be nice, to rebel. We fought to live. And I don’t let my living go for granted, I’m living happier now, I’m not letting the academy haunt me, I’m not going to ever let them control me again. I still see Everest every day, he’s a living reminder of what I was, and yet I don’t let that bring down my happiness, my will to be better.”
The two embraced in a hug, Holly taking the first step, and they both shed a few silent tears.
Macaria smiled amidst it, humming softly.
Maybe they both lost their families, and maybe they both felt alone, like they lost control, like the world had forced them to grow up too fast and do things they never would have done.
But maybe true family came from within, and in freedom, they could find it together, like true sisters should.
The family is the test of freedom; because the family is the only thing that the free man makes for himself and by himself
-Gilbert S. Chesterton
Ahhh angst. Happiness? I don’t even know anymore, but have this trash.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 11, 2019 13:22:16 GMT -5
(That was incredible!
I could do that convo from Macaria’s perspective
Or perhaps something similar, just a moment between them)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 11, 2019 13:23:51 GMT -5
I planned a lot more angst originally but I was like.
this is going to take forever to write no.)
(I would love to see whatever you come up with :3.
And lastly, thanks for the birthday wishes :3.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 11, 2019 13:24:59 GMT -5
No problem!
Yeah I might write more general Macaria and Holly convo
Or just Macaria angst because she’s a lot of fun. Maybe another convo with old evil Macaria)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 11, 2019 18:12:46 GMT -5
“Everyone pushes me around, everyone is ready to sacrifice me and I’m done with it!”
Those are the words Holly spits at me now, retaliating after my comment about her dramatising her situation. Which, of course, I don’t actually really think is a fair comment. I think I’m more just jealous. At least she’s expressing her anger, she’s able to confront her past in a way I haven’t been brave enough to do yet. All I’ve done is fight it.
I want to tell Holly that I’m not pushing her around, I’m not willing to sacrifice her, but instead I say something else. Because I’m upset and angry on Holly’s behalf, that she’s letting this effect her so and that she isn’t realising how strong she is. So I roll my eyes.
“He never asked for your forgiveness. And why do you care about him anyways? You’re letting a man that left you for dead control your life still, you’re letting someone who never cared control your life, and you’re letting it eat you alive.”
I don’t know how it feels to have your parents not care about you. Sure, my parents were strict. Sure, my mother was always a stickler for making sure my posture and stance were good, she and my father both pushed me hard as a child, holding me to my sister’s example and hoping I would make them proud one day in the Games. They expected a lot of me. But it was out of love, and I knew that.
But I do know what it feels like to have love taken away from you, and then to grow up without it. I remember having no love in the academy. And that’s why I’m angry. Because I am trying to move on from the academy because I know they never really cared. But Holly can’t cut those ties, and she’s only going to end up hurt.
“I just don’t understand it. Why care for him anyways? Why let someone else control what you feel? What you do-?”
“Like you let the academy control you?”
That retort from Holly hurts. It feels like I was falling and then suddenly hit the ground. And I look in her eyes, and they burn with a green fire. I’ve never seen her like this before, and that’s probably the worst part of the whole thing
But my brain is struggling to process all of this right now and I really don’t know what to say.
“What?” I ask in confusion
You’re saying I should just let it all go, don’t care about him or his happiness, just get over it, right?” Holly says, narrowing her eyes
It’s a trap, of course, bu there’s no good way to respond.
“No! I’m saying you need to stop letting it control you.” I insist
“Oh, so this is about control. So my example still stands. You know nothing about control, Macaria. In case you don’t remember, you let strangers control your life all because they offered you food and a place to stay. In case you don’t remember, you let yourself change, became emotionless and nothing like who you were. In case you forgot, you didn’t only let it change you, but you let it change the lives of many!”
If it’s possible, that hurts more. I react almost as if I’ve been slapped, and I’m sure i blanche for just a moment.
She’s right, of course. I could retort that it’s more complicated than just food and a place to stay, that I was starving and they were offering me life when I surely wouldn’t have lasted more than a week otherwise. I certainly wouldn’t have gotten through the winter. But she’s right about the rest of it. That I let them control me. That I changed. And I did. I used to be a normal, well-adjusted kid. I used to be nice, like Ari or Burton. I used to be idealistic and creative, and kind.
But I regain my composure, because my mother always taught me that conversation is like poker. You can’t let anyone know what cards you’re holding, and you sure as hell cant let your feelings get the better of you.
Hmm. Maybe I wouldn’t have been as nice as I think.
“And how is that?” I ask, though it’s pointless because I know what Holly is going to say anyway.
“You killed children, you ruined the lives their families were supposed to have! You get to live when you killed them! You get to be happy, you get to love.”
I like to pretend that every night the nightmares don’t come back. Sometimes it’s the version of me from the Arena, talking to me night after night. We always end up fighting, and sometimes I win, sometimes she wins. Other nights it’s not her, and those nights are worse because it’s always the people I’ve hurt. My friends. The other tributes in the Arena. I keep seeing Holly in pain, Burton held down while I cut his leg, or seeing Carlo dropping in the bloodbath. And others that I hurt or killed.
And I know that I’m the one who took everything away from the ones I killed. They won’t get to go home to their families, they won’t get to have their first kisses, grow up, maybe get married, achieve everything that want to. Because everyone knows you can’t be happy until you’re safe from the Games, and I took that life away from them. And the ones I hurt? I know that they’ll be scarred forever. I might appear in their nightmares. Maybe Holly or Burton wake up screaming in the night remembering what I did to them.
And I do feel guilty. Guilty that I’m the one who gets to do something good and heroic. Why do I get redemption? I killed and hurt people who never needed it in the first place, who deserve to go down in history as people who achieved something good. Or died trying, I suppose. Why did my friends have to be the ones tortured in the Capitol? If any of us deserved it, it would have been me. Why do I deserve love? Why do I deserve Everest? Why do I deserve forgiveness and a second chance?
There’s a bitter laugh from Holly now, ringing hollow around the room.
“Funny, right? We all get shoved into some game without a choice, and here I am yelling at you for doing what everyone else was trying to do. You just wanted to live, you at least made the choice to live.” and Holly’s voice is quivering now, “You didn’t kill them with the intent to ruin the lives of those they loved, you did it to live. And the dead were the lucky ones, right? They didn’t have to keep running anymore. They got to be free.”
And she’s right again. My whole life all I’ve done is choose to survive, and keep choosing survival not matter what the cost. The cost to others, the cost to me. I lost my identity and took lives. But when I killed I did feel they were the lucky ones. I was doing them a favour. They were free from this world that didn’t have joy in it, only pain. Only chasing another day of life and nothing more. I was making everything easier for them, they were free.
And Holly continues to talk, about control and her lack of choice. I know Amadrya has had similar feelings about not having choice. So have I. At the moment all I can do is listen, because that’s what Holly needs right now. She’s hurting and she’s angry and she just needs me to listen and to understand.
“Why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance?” she asks
I can almost smell Holly’s blood still at the reminder of that moment. I hate the memories. I just shake my head.
“What good would your death do?” I ask “what good does death do?”
There has been more than enough death, in my opinion.
“I would have never been used against the Capitol. I would have been free. My pain wouldn’t have brought anybody else pain, and I wouldn’t have to deal with seeing his happiness after he shattered mine! I wouldn’t have to deal with this!”
“What about Burton?” I ask
And that gets to her. I see the guilt on her face, the way her eyes widen. But she’s as stubborn as ever, and just crosses her arms.
“He would have gotten over it.” she retorts
But we both know that isn’t true. If it were Alessandro and I it wouldn’t be true. If it were any of our friends it wouldn’t be true. And Burton kind of needs Holly, and vice versa.
I step closer to Holly, sighing softly
“Holly, you and I both know you can’t heal when you lose someone you love. It’s true, I killed children and I will always be ashamed of that, not a day will ever go by when I won’t remember that. It’s unfair that I’m even alive still after taking theirs away. But in that arena we didn’t have a choice to be nice, to rebel. We fought to live. And I don’t let my living go for granted, I’m living happier now, I’m not letting the academy haunt me, I’m not going to ever let them control me again. I still see Everest every day, he’s a living reminder of what I was, and yet I don’t let that bring down my happiness, my will to be better.”
Seeing Everest every day is hard, but I appreciate that he doesn’t talk about our childhoods too much in front of our friends. Or at least when he does he omits me and my behaviour as much as possible. I don’t like my friends knowing who I was, it’s bad enough that Everest knows.
Holly steps forward and suddenly we’re hugging, and it’s like we really are sisters.
And that’s all I need.
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 11, 2019 18:13:53 GMT -5
I cut it down so couldn’t include everything I wanted to But I will do more writing I think x just let me know if there’s anything you want to see  it’s okay if not, I’m just happy to do requests or take ideas) |
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 11, 2019 22:17:01 GMT -5
(I loved it :3.)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 11, 2019 22:36:39 GMT -5
“You really thought that was going to work?”
Holly didn’t mean to be blunt, or rude for that matter. But as much as she hated it, she needed to do it.
It didn’t matter anyways, they would live on and forget it anyways. They could be happy again.
“Holly, not-“ Amadrya began, staring at the noirette as she stepped off the stage, the stage Holly was about to take.
“You weren’t even convincing yourself up there, you either choose to side with Louden and act like you suppor his cause, or you rebel. No middle point exists! The grey area hurts, Amadrya. Everest, you will be punished more for agreeing to be a puppet but having torn strings.”
With that, Holly pushed herself on stage, green eyes narrowed, as she turned her head, “Your best shot is to give up. Go to Everest.”
Amadrya’s eyes narrowed, noticing Holly’s odd attitude, but Holly was on stage already, gone.
The noirette knew, she knew from the beginning, the coin from District 7 lay dormant where Holly left it. The rebels were coming.
The rebels were coming but unless something major happen, unless something unprecedented occurred, they would be caught.
They needed a distraction, but Holly had to make sure Amadrya wasn’t it. Amadrya didn’t even know yet.
Holly did, but she had to act. Fast.
And as her green eyes set forward, she forced a smile, a charming thing she picked up from Burton, and out every skill he ingrained into her when training for her interview before the games, using her voice in proud sound.
“Hello, citizens of the Capital, and loyal followers in Panem!” She began, voice booming over the square.
The applause was deafening, tying her down like the heavy fake wings on her back, dolled up, she could almost feel the strings moving her.
“Today, I am here to represent the Capital, to represent the mercy that they offer, by outstretching my hand to the rebels.” Sticking to the script wasn’t hard. She did that, all would go well.
“The care that Louden has given to myself and my fellow...friends...here in the Capital has been charming and great. Our comfort has been in the best of minds and mercy had been used. Now I see the faults in my old opinions, now I see why I was wrong. Why the rebels were wrong. And I understand now what Panem stands for, what we all stand for!”
She knew she and the crowd in baited breath, and she waited, letting the tension, the excitement for her words build.
Only to deliver a crooked grin, “It’s been oh so great here, living in a cell, starving daily. It’s really been nice, getting back to such a homelike feel, you know, back in District 8 I would starve for days too!” She could tell her words weren’t expected. Maybe not from the crowd.
She glanced at Louden, whose face was becoming red in fury, and she raised an eyebrow at that, before snickering.
“You’re all a bunch of idiots, really.” A gasp, overdramatic, fell over the crowd. “You think any of us would come out here, after what you did to us? After being tortured! And act like we love your little golden city?” A snort, “I owe you nothing, not a thing. My life isn’t some pawn anymore, Louden. And furthermore, you’re even more of an idiot, a stupid ignorant self centered bastard, for thinking that my friends, my family, would ever fall for me saying anything good on your behalf.”
She and him leveled a glare, though a triumphant gaze lit her eyes, “They know I’m a mythic bitch, you should too. I know how to keep my mouth shut, I do. I just don’t want to. So I won’t. You don’t control me, or Everest, or Amadrya. And soon, you’ll realize that.”
“Soon?”
Her small laughter, crazed a bit, entered the growing silence.
“You really thought you could keep your pets locked indoors?” She raised an eyebrow, rolling her eyes and snickering at him, doing anything she could to get on his nerves.
“Eventually we were going to escape.”
(Short and I dunno why I even wrote it mkay.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 12, 2019 2:22:44 GMT -5
I love it!)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 12, 2019 15:58:15 GMT -5
Also I do plan more writing soon x just not sure what to write XD)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 14, 2019 11:15:20 GMT -5
Amadrya was sitting in front of her millionth television camera. It was some time after the end of the rebellion, but the curiosity of the people of Panem still continued on. Which was why Amadrya was sitting, in a comfortable green jumpsuit, talking with an interviewer.
“Thank you so much for talking to us today, Amadrya,” the interviewer began “I know it can’t be easy being in the public eye like this.”
“Oh, I’ve been in the public eye since the Games,” Amadrya said with a shrug “I can’t say I enjoy it, but I think I’ve been given a platform to talk about things that are truly important, and I need to use it as much as I can.”
“That’s so very true,” the interviewer nodded sympathetically “and what you’ve done during the rebellion has been phenomenal. But I know that your role as a rebel has somewhat embroiled you in politics. Is that something you’d intended?”
“Oh absolutely not,” Amadrya said with a laugh “I was just focussed on what I was doing at the time, I never thought for a moment that I’d be involved in any of the political issues right now. But being part of the rebels made myself and my fellow tributes political figures.”
“So what do you think about politics at the moment?” the interviewer asked “for example, a big issue right now is whether the practise of the Hunger Games should be continued, instead using the Capitol children. What’s your stance on that?”
Amadrya paused for a moment before she responded. She’d been asked that question many times before and had to make sure she answered it right. Because, after all, her answer would say a lot about her as a person.
“I think we absolutely should not continue the practise of the Hunger Games,” Amadrya said calmly “and I know some will disagree with me. Some of my friends and fellow tributes, some of the people in the districts. But as someone who was in the Games, who had to kill as part of the Games, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I think it would be an insult to the memory of all the children who died to create more pointless death. More than that, it goes against everything the rebels stood for. The abolition of the games, freedom and safety and equality for everyone. It’s very easy to let anger consume you, I did that for a long time. But perpetuating this cycle of death that the Capitol created is not the answer, all it would do is let the evil done before live on under a different name. The people of the Capitol had been conditioned, couldn’t fully understand the situation the districts were in. Revenge is not the way to right that wrong.”
“Thank you for that, Amadrya, that has certainly provided some food for thought,” smiled the interviewer
There was a pause though, as the interviewer seemed to get quite serious. Even the lights seemed to dim and the spotlight on Amadrya getting brighter.
“Now,” the interviewer began “I know that this is hard for you, given everything that you’ve gone through. But there is one question on everyone’s lips at the moment, that everyone in Panem is dying to know the answer to. You, Holly Alandria and Everest Stonewell were captured by the Capitol after the escape from the Arena, yes?”
“That’s correct,” Amadrya nodded, but she’d stiffened slightly, not like the question.
“Yes, I think we all remember the day you were freed. The footage from the rebels of the three of you being brought outside for the first time in months was extraordinary.”
And suddenly Amadrya was there again, could feel the warm sun on her skin again, blinded by the bright sunlight as the rebels hurried the three into the hovercraft outside. She’d seen the footage later, they’d all looked terrible. Pale and injured and broken. But she’d never felt more alive than when she stepped outside that building.
“I’d be inclined to agree, but I was just happy to get some fresh air and sunlight,” Amadrya admitted.
“Yes, and I think what everyone wants to know is, what exactly happened under that building? We know you were held in cells and everyone saw your forced television appearances, but not much else. Would you care to elaborate for us?”
That was when she went pale, swallowing. A haziness seemed to cloud her eyes, dulling the grey as she seemed to stare into the distance. She often had lots of small memories, often triggered by small things. Sometimes she’d hear screams where there were none, sometimes she’d see Louden where he was not. Sometimes she’d get a strange feeling, like a ghostly electroshock therapy. Sometimes she’d just feel the familiar cold from her cell. Little snippets of memories. All of that was flooding back to Amadrya now, rushing at her all at once.
The interviewer had to say Amadrya’s name a couple of times before she seemed to snap back to reality.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Amadrya responded “as to be quite frank I don’t think I ever will. Panem might want to know what happened, but to be honest it isn’t their business. It’s not my story to tell, it’s Everest and Holly’s too. I’d never say a word about what we went through without their say-so. And I don’t want to anyway, because it’s simply too painful. Even the mention of Louden makes my blood run cold. All I can say is that Louden was every bit as terrible as you’ve heard. Whatever rumours have been circulating around about what happened to my friends and I, they’re probably true, and worse besides. But I will never, never talk about what happened and I honestly don’t expect to be asked again.”
She was unable to finish the interview by that point, angry tears already glistening in her cheeks. She rose and headed off-camera, marching off the set to the backstage area to be greeted by her friends. To her surprise, Alessandro was the first to hug her. She hadn’t expected any affection from him. Then Halina, Burton, Ari, Macaria.
Then Holly stepped forward and pulled Amadrya into a tight hug.
“Thank you,” she whispered into Amadrya’s ear
And that warmed her heart. She would, of course, have never spoken about what they’d gone through. Not without Holly saying it was okay. But Holly’s appreciation of that simple gesture was very sweet.
The last person to hug her was Everest, who didn’t have to say a word. He just held her close, and that was when Amadrya really started sobbing. She’d never been a crier, especially not in front of her friends, but reliving the trauma again was always enough to make her cry. In fact, those were the only situations she’d cried in front of her friends apart from when she was in the Capitol with Everest and Holly. Those two were very familiar with Holly’s pain. Her tears, her screaming. And she with theirs.
“I’m never going to be okay,” Amadrya mumbled quietly, still hugging Everest
“You will be,” said Holly, “I promise. You’ll never be whole again, but it’ll fade. These things do. Trust me.”
And Amadrya did trust her.
(I don’t really know what this is tbh. It’s not canon, obvs, but I wanted to explore a few things. The political side of stuff the others will have been embroiled in, them becoming even bigger public figures after the rebellion, their trauma after what happened, etc etc. Also I might still write a thing about their escape properly idk I’m bad at choosing what to write)
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Post by Sparky on Oct 14, 2019 14:50:30 GMT -5
[ y'all are such amazing writers i-
and geez can this new HG book just come out already? ]
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 14, 2019 14:51:59 GMT -5
Hey Sparky! And shhhh you’re a great writer x
But seriously let me know if there’s anything you wanna see
I know right I so wanna read it)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 14, 2019 16:23:01 GMT -5
Amadrya lay in her room, staring at the ceiling from her bed.
The room the rebels had made for her was made to suit her personality, and she supposed she had done a good job. The colours were reminiscent of a forest, with different shades of green or autumn colours. The ceiling was painted black, with the stars as seen from District 7 painted on them. The constellations were familiar, reminding her of summer nights spent looking at the stars, listen to her cousins coming up with stupid stories about the constellations and laughing along with them.
She could almost feel the soft breeze on her skin, with the crisp coolness of night. Could hear the rustling of the leaves from the forest, could see the way the starlight filtered through the leaves. She missed it a lot, but not really out of homesickness for District 7 itself. She just missed natural things, being out among the trees and being relatively carefree. Because, after all, while her life hadn’t been easy at home she would take it any day over everything she had been through.
The bruises on her skin from her time in the Capitol still hadn’t faded, and the scars wouldn’t either. But she felt and looked a lot better than she had. She’d regained the weight she had lost and was now much healthier, her face had come colour and was no longer so pale. She didn’t have dark circles under her eyes from sleepless nights. She’d come back from the Capitol looking ten years older, but at least now she was beginning to return to her normal self. Externally, at least.
That was when she heard a knock on her door. She rose to her feet, opening the door to see someone she wasn’t expecting. Normally it would be Holly or Everest, since the three of them relied on one another a lot these days when it came to stuff relating to their time in the Capitol.
But it wasn’t.
“Ari?” Amadrya asked in surprise when she laid eyes on the boy
Of course she’d been home from the Capitol for a little while, but she hadn’t really spoken to Ari since before the Games. They’d been separated in the Arena and then she’d been captured afterwards. That was why when he came in she pulled him into a hug
“Hey, kid,” she said softly
There were a couple of comfy chairs in her room and so she gestured for Ari to take a seat if he wanted to, and she took the seat next to him.
“How’ve you been?” Amadrya questioned
Ari just gave a slightly sad smile
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” he asked
“Eh, being asked how I’m doing is getting old at this point,” Amadrya shrugged “I’m not doing great, but it’s slowly getting better. I’m just missing home, really.”
“Me too,” Ari agreed, nodding, “everything here is so different from Seven.”
“I know,” she sighed “but we have to show them what District Seven is capable of, right?”
She was recalling the words she’d spoken to Ari on the train to the Capitol, which felt like a lifetime ago. But with the rebels it took on a very different meaning.
The next smile from Ari was genuine.
“Right,”
Amadrya looked up at the ceiling at that point, causing Ari to look up with her and see the night sky up there. It really did look quite realistic, which was just as well because Amadrya knew that sky so well that she felt that she’d know instantly if something was off.
“They’ll tell stories about right now in the constellations one day,” the girl said “probably when we’re long gone. And maybe they’ll tell stories about all of us.”
She had missed this sky when she was in the Capitol, but remembering how much bigger it was than what she was going through helped her to cope. The stars would last longer than Panem.
And so for hours she sat and stargazed with Ari, making up stories for the constellations and catching up on what they’d missed.
“You did good, Ari,” Amadrya said after listening to his stories from the Arena
In truth, she was sorry she hadn’t protected him better. She had said she’d keep an eye on him. But joining the careers had made that impossible, she knew that.
Still, could she have done better?
(Meh got bored and wanted District Seven tribute content XD I didn’t write too much Ari though because I don’t think I can do him justice XD)
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Post by Hawkeyes258 on Oct 16, 2019 0:03:56 GMT -5
Ello :3)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Oct 16, 2019 12:55:18 GMT -5
Hey Hawky! How’s it going?
Also everyone if you have any requests for writing let me know. any character interactions, any backstory or future stuff, sad stuff or fluff, anything. Or if there is any crossover stuff or aus you want me to do (e.g Undertale or something) because I’m happy to do it)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Oct 16, 2019 21:47:42 GMT -5
“Happily ever after doesn’t exist.”
The words echoed in the room, hollow, and calm and soft. The accent carried heavily, soft and not so slurred, almost porcelain like, higher than anticipated, but soft enough to fit into something almost melodic.
Maybe that’s why people listened. Her emotion fueled the words, she could build empires from them, if she ever chose to really use them to lift spirits, to built motivation.
Yet instead, only pessimistic and sarcastic words left her mouth, sending shivers down even her own spine,
“You don’t know that...” The girl before her, with pale hair, began, Holly saw a lot of herself in Halina, the seeming innocence but dark shell of a girl underneath, the haunted look in her eyes, the dark circles and dedication.
Only, Halina was dedicated to live, Holly was not. Not at first, she lived with the intent to get revenge, a vendetta hidden deep within her heart.
Halina wanted fame, to win, she was much more optimistic, wanting to bring pride, even if her methods were honestly terrible.
“I do,” a soft chuckle, not as deprecating as it sometimes could be, instead it was in such a careless demeanor, almost like Holly was certain on the fact, “No matter what, issues will always exist, we will always face adversity. Happily ever after is a lie, what’s the purpose in life if we have nothing to fight for?” The question brought a frown from Halina but the noirette continued, “It’s kind of like saying anything positive, we’re humans we don’t care about positivity, the game’s were successful because they drew attention, even if negative, we let it effect us. We could have just been numb...we were just numb.”
Halina sighed, an agitated look on her face, curious and confused all the same, “That doesn’t mean we can’t be happy!”
“Happily ever after and happy aren’t the same. Happily ever after is the ideal, perfect world. I’d rather have anger and sadness trap me, these memories to remind me of what was so it will never be again, than to have a perfect world.” She commented, smirking softly, her ext words more genuine.
“In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have ever met any of you, and I still wouldn’t have a true family, just lies. Lies and deception can keep you happy for a while, but when the truth comes out, you see things you didn’t want to, I’d rather see the truth than the lies.”
(I have no clue why I wrote this wth?)
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Post by Sparky on Oct 16, 2019 22:27:35 GMT -5
[[ I haven't written anything in a hot minute ;~;
OH and I took the past today >:-) ]]
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it’s okay if not, I’m just happy to do requests or take ideas)
