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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 11:43:33 GMT -5
I’m glad! I’m gonna be working on Macaria and Holly very soon  ) |
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 13:55:55 GMT -5
We’d just gotten out from the raid in the Capitol, the raid to bring our friends back. I got Holly onto the hovercraft, while Alessandro and Burton helped Everest and Amadrya. The first thing I did was move Holly to a quieter room, because we were told to immediately check that our three friends are okay and not too injured. When we get back to the rebel base we will be putting them in the hospital wing for a while, just until they’re recovered.
So Holly sits down, and I take a seat across from her. She doesn’t look good, that much is certain. She’s beaten, bruised, thin and dishevelled. But her eyes, while they do seem more empty and hopeless than they did before, I can still see something in them. A bright spark of determination and hope. And that’s comforting, because I know Holly’s still there. She’s broken right now, and has lost hope, and she’s hurt, but she is still Holly. Which is good because, in some strange way I didn’t realise until now, I don’t know how I would cope if Holly had changed too much. She always seemed so steady and unbreakable.
But what concerns me is that I haven’t heard one sarcastic quip since we left the Capitol. Why hasn’t she said something yet? Burton had looked concerned as well, but I knew that Burton would find it much harder emotionally to talk to Holly about what she went through. Whereas I? I could distance myself from my emotions. Which might actually comfort Holly since I know she doesn’t want anyone’s pity.
“So, I’ve seen you in some pretty bad situations,” I begin, “but I have to say you’re looking rough, District 8.”
It was a lame attempt at a joke, so instead I just change tack and actually ask her the question because there’s no other way to get to the bottom of this whole issue. Better to just be frank and honest.
“Are you okay?”
Holly looks pale, and she seems to stare right through me. But she shakes her head mutely, and the motion is quite fierce. She’s really not okay.
But I know Holly as someone who always chooses to use her words, and her silence even here is strange. I lean forward in my confusion, searching Holly’s face with my gaze. But that’s when it hits me, and I swallow.
“Holly... Holly can you not talk?”
The girl shakes her head and I let out a sound of disbelief, looking down as a try to process. The fiercest and probably smartest girl I know, the girl who could do incredible things with her words, has been silenced.
I rise from my seat, and Holly does at the same time as I rush towards her in a hug. I can feel tears pricking at my eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Holly,” I choke out
But as I pull away, my sadness has already morphed to angry. How dare they do that to Holly? I’m like her, words are powerful for me. I’d suffer without the use of them. And Louden doesn’t get to hurt Holly, not after everything.
“A friend of mine,” I begin as I sit down again “she tried to escape the district when we were about sixteen. But the Capitol caught her and turned her into an Avox, and me being conditioned the way I was I felt like she deserved it. But then I saw how she was suffering and I wanted to help so I learned sign language so the two of us could communicate. I can teach you, so you don’t have to lose your words.”
Because I will not let Holly be torn down by the Capitol, and I will make sure she still has a voice.
And at my words, it seems like it’s Holly’s turn to get emotional. I’ve never seen her cry but I do see some emotion cross her face and I could swear I saw the sheen of a tear around her eyes. And she nods, and we hug again.
“You’re my sister,” I say to Holly “I’m not going to give up and I won’t let you do that either.”
(Okay super short and not well written but my main focus is gonna be the Battlefield one so xD)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 14:52:54 GMT -5
(I love it.
You wrote her perfectly, and it was heartwarming whilst sad all the same. :’), very bittersweet, but amazing and very well written.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 15:03:41 GMT -5
Aw thank you so much <3)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 16:19:31 GMT -5
(Its true.
So excited to see whatever else you make :3.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 16:20:26 GMT -5
Thank you! Xx and same to you
I shall work on the Battlefield one soon, which I am particularly excited for)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 16:39:06 GMT -5
(Oh yay.
I’m excited to see it :3.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 17:14:26 GMT -5
I’m working on it currently x it might take a while but the sections are relatively short so it should be okay. I probably should do this when I’m more awake and not on my mobile so more effort can go into this but???)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 17:26:59 GMT -5
I’ll love it no matter what, I love your writing style :3.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 17:37:33 GMT -5
NOOOO I LOST IT
DAMNNNN)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 17:41:20 GMT -5
(I f*ing hate when that happens.
I totally feel you though.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 17:42:38 GMT -5
Okay so I kinda don’t want to redo it all again and it’s probably better if I do it on my laptop anyway
SO
I’ll do it tomorrow XD
In the meantime I’m happy to chat fic or writing stuff or anything you want basically!
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 17:51:53 GMT -5
(I’m currently finding songs to use for fics.
Any suggestions, stuff you wanna see?)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 9, 2019 17:55:59 GMT -5
Hmmm I don’t have anything specific I want to see I don’t think? Whatever you have muse for I’ll love to be honesty.
I mean I love Arlo so seeing him is always fun x and I also love Holly she’s one of my favourites. If there are any character relationships we haven’t really explored yet that could be fun? Like even if it’s just two of the people among our characters who very rarely interact? But I honestly love everything so XD Hmm I don’t know whatever you want to write! I’m excited either way.
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 9, 2019 18:50:41 GMT -5
Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it's okay to be different
'Cause baby, so am I
My eyes trained over my dark bruises, pampering my face in odd shades of grey and purple, and dark bags under my eyes.
My arms curled over my body, my elbows looked unnatural, pulling at the skin, showing my bones in an easy way, like my skin was a coat to my skeleton, and my hair was no longer as tied up and matted as before, and silky strands brushed against my cheeks as Macaria stood there with me, brushing it out for me as I took in my ghostly pale complexion and lifeless looks.
I never counted my looks as important, they never mattered to me, but now I was ashamed, I felt like an outcast, and my looks reflected just how clearly bad I was. I liked having my emotions to myself, but I couldn’t hide behind an empty, hollow shell.
“You okay, Holly?”
“Yeah,” I lied, closing my eyes to stare away, and noting the dull pain the brush brought, even if Macaria was trying to be delicate, the fact is, that pain was nothing like the pain I encountered in the Capitol.
Whenever she was done, she stared at me, before sighing, “If you think you’re broken, at least realize that you’re still you, that you still have the chance to remain the same, we’re all traitors and outcasts, Holly, that’s what makes us important, that’s what makes us worth while.”
Can you hear the whispers all across the room?
You feel her eyes all over you like cheap perfume
You're beautiful, but misunderstood
So why you tryna be just like the neighborhood?
I encountered something odd a few nights later, a banquet held at the Capitol, and all of us were expected to attend, of course, in disguise. We needed intel, and Diana fit in like a glove, they didn’t know her actions of betrayal, so she could still play in a double loop with the Capitol, but was really a rebel.
I knew Louden wasn’t going to be near me at all, and that the Masquerade party meant we all had to dress eccentric with masks and tons of makeup. Diana allowed me to tune it down a bit, and I didn’t care how cheesy it was.
I was in a dark blue and black dress, with a necklace designed like a collar and a set of eyeliner and a mask that fit, bejeweled, over my eyes and a point at my nose. My hair held two little ear sequins, and a belt, made of ribbon, acted as the tail. It still fit in, rather formal still, the dress made for a ball, and I wasn’t even close to the weirdest there.
What bothered me, was the fact that I could tell someone was watching me, and I had little clue on who, especially when I turned my head and caught her.
Halina, dressed in white, like a hare, was glancing at me with some odd look, beside her was Ari, but he didn’t pay me any heed.
Around us, chirping and voices stirred, I was catatonic, refusing to speak to anyone out of fear of being recognized.
Finally, Halina called out, “Um, Ho-” she winced, and I froze, “Holland,” she quickly corrected, and I let off a breath of air, walking over, before she glanced at me again.
“We’re supposed to gather intel, in what way is standing alone, looking terrified, a way to fit in? How does that help is, exactly?” She snapped, and I sighed.
“It doesn’t.” I responded, before turning away, “But I didn’t ask to come either, and unlike some people, I can’t just fit in and change myself to please others, I have morals, Halina, unlike some of us.”
It was a direct insult, but I didn’t care, she changed herself for the Capitol, now the rebellion, and clearly, I didn’t trust her yet.
“At least I’m doing what I can to help everyone, instead of feeling sorry for myself.” She noted, without a note of cruelty in her voice.
I walked away.
I can see it, I know what you're feelin'
So let me tell you 'bout my little secret
I'm a little crazy underneath this
Underneath this
I stood beside Amadrya and Everest, smiling softly at my friends, and staring at the sky in earnest.
Though, soon, night fell as it always does, and the day, the first good one in a long while for us all, ended.
I snuck outside, sitting under the stars with a frown on my face, marring over the emotions I once again refused to show.
That’s why I jumped when Alessandro plopped down beside me, and let off a loud huff.
I quirked a brow at him, contorting my face to control my emotions once more, but he already saw it.
“You don’t have’ta hide from us,” he commented, obviously tired, I could hear it in the way he accented his words, sluggish, tied together, “We all know it’s hard Holly, but family doesn’t hide from family.” He added, “And we won’t judge, we won’t pity you either. We’re all a little crazy, and we all feel emotions. You don’t gotta hide that.”
He stood again, walking inside, and I stared after him, thoughtfully.
Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it's okay to be different
'Cause baby, so am I
It was Ari next, I decided to be more open, but not completely open.
I still felt out of place, everyone had changed when Everest, Amadrya and I were gone, and while Everest and Amadrya could fit in like gloves, I wasn’t like that, change wasn’t exactly hard, but I didn’t always cope with it well.
I was a much darker person than them all, they all wanted this rebellion to be justified(except maybe Macaria), to do the right, moral thing. I wanted revenge, I wanted revenge for every kid that died, for my mother.
Basically, I was a lot more selfish in my reasonings, and I was sure that they hated me for it.
“You know, Holly, we don’t hate you,” Ari commented, and my eyes flew wide, flickering to him in concern.
He smirked, rolling his eyes, “You were talking in your sleep.”
“You’re a creepy kid, you know that,” I hit back, but he laughed in reply, and I smiled, chuckling a bit too.
Maybe I was different, but maybe I was wrong about them all.
Do you ever feel like an outcast?
You don't have to fit into the format
Oh, but it's okay to be different
'Cause baby, so am I
Everest was talking to me one day, and I picked blandly at the food on my plate.
“Who eats this stuff anyways?” I mumbled, huffing.
He rolled his eyes, “That’s rude to interrupt.”
“I don’t care!” I said, rolling my wrist in exaggeration, “it’s a serious question too!”
He promptly plopped it in his mouth, snorting some at my disgusted expression, “I like it,” he commented through a mouth full of food.
“Eat with you’re mouth close.” I snapped, though I laughed some.
I wasn’t the weirdest one, at least.
I mean, my eating habits were surely superior.
Oh so, dressed so fancy like Sid and Nancy (Yeah)
Walkin' Killer Queen, gotta keep 'em guessin'
So baby come pass me a lighter
We're gonna leave 'em on fire
We're the sinners and the blessings
Macaria walked me to one of the closets, her face was as area to read as ever, but I think I saw the faintest of smiles.
I quirked a brow, but suddenly the door before me was open and there stood an outfit, one that was unremarkably designed for me.
“Louden’s still out there,” Macaria started, and I turned to her, eyes wide.
“He’ll never know what hit him,” I finished, smirking.
You're king and you're queen
You're strong and you're weak
You're bound but so free
Amadrya was crying.
Everest was missing, the battle area around us was chaotic, but all I registered was her crying, and I turned in anger, launching myself at one of the peacekeepers, tackling them to the ground.
“What did you do with him?” I snapped, curlingone of my fists and latching onto their throat, a dagger in the other.
They remained silent and I brought the dagger closer, an obvious threat, “Don’t put it past me, tell me what happened to-“
“We shot him!” They snapped, and I dealt a good blow to the head to knock them out, turning and running with Amadrya, and soon I passed Diana, and a boy being brought back to the base.
Everest.
“He was shot,” she commented, though I already knew this.
Amadrya looked angered, though a bit relieved that Everest seemed to have not been shot anywhere fatal.
“Let’s make them pay,” I commented, and I noticed some fire enter back in her eyes, both of us turning back to the fight.
So come and join me
And call me Harley
And we'll make a scene
The revolution was close to over, and I sat, once again, staring at the stars, recently we all moved to District 8 to held the armies there, to bring materials and inspire them.
And now I was sitting on the roof of our current home, staring at the shimmering stars above, deep in thought.
“Holly?” Someone called, and I glanced down, noticing immediately who it was, he was already climbing up to join me.
“Hey, Burton,” I commented, smirking ever so slightly. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the games, of the moments we shared.
“You okay?” He commented, looking a bit concerned, and in the darkness, I could tell he was worried.
“I’m okay,” I commented, before cracking a grin, “Might be better if I push you off the roof.”
He laughed, a sincere one, and I was reminded of what brought us all there, to this moment.
It started with just him and me, but we met a true family along the way.
“Glad to have you back.” He commented.
Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it's okay to be different
'Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I)
Do you ever feel like an outcast?
You don't have to fit into the format
Oh, but it's okay to be different
'Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I-I-I-I-I)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 10, 2019 0:55:19 GMT -5
Aww oh my god I loved all of that
Our group of friends is the best)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 11, 2019 15:40:37 GMT -5
My writing is definitely coming tomorrow I’m sorry I didn’t get it done today or yesterday x)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 12, 2019 17:54:52 GMT -5
No time for rest
No pillow for my head
Nowhere to run from this
No way to forget
Around the shadows creep
Like friends, they cover me
Just wanna lay me down and finally
Try to get some sleep
Amadrya Darrow
It’s after the rebellion is over, and I’ve moved in with all my friends. My friends and I are safe, I’m out of the Capitol, Everest and I are finally together. Everything is perfect, mostly, and I should be happy. I should be.
But I’m lying awake in bed, with Everest sleeping fitfully beside me. A shaft moonlight through the window illuminates his face, and I can his face. He looks younger in his sleep, but I can still see the frown forming on his face.
I can tell he’s back there, but there isn’t anything I can do. Sometimes he wakes up afraid, still thinking we’re there, and I have to sit with him for a while and remind him that we’re safe now. But other than that? I can’t help him. His dreams are the only place I can’t protect him, and they’re now the place where the memories seem to plague him most.
I can’t sleep, myself. The nightmares are almost nightly for me, as well, and some nights I can’t sleep for fear I’ll find myself back there again. Louden lives there still, in my mind, and there he has found immortality despite all my efforts to build a life for myself. Perhaps it’s his way of getting the last laugh. We can never run from him, he will always be there. We will see him in our minds for the rest of our lives.
Some nights I wake from the nightmares screaming and crying (subsequently waking the entire house) and Everest has to hold me and remind me we made it, that they aren’t going to hurt me or him or Holly.
Other nights I wake from my nightmares silently and, not wanting to wake Everest or worry him too much, I go to talk to Holly in her room if she’s awake. She understands, and she knows I don’t need pity or concern. Everest gets worried. But when I go to Holly’s room my nightmares suddenly aren’t a big deal, or a cause for concern. They’re just something we both experience and talk about sometimes. And we just talk about whatever we want.
Sometimes Ari is awake and he’ll give me a hug and we’ll talk about home. Sometimes Halina makes me a hot chocolate. Sometimes Burton makes dumb puns that cheer me up. Sometimes Macaria pokes fun at my fears, which always makes me relax a little somehow. Alessandro probably knows me the least of all of the group, but if I wake up from my nightmares and he’s awake we chat about nothing, or we do some training together or play board games or something. And I appreciate the fact that he and all the others care about me so much.
And sometimes I wonder if there’s a way out of this. Because this nightmare will never end. In my dreams, I will never leave the Capitol or the Arena. And sometimes it feels kind of hopeless, and I feel kind of broken.
But then I remember Everest and my friends and everything we’ve all achieved and how far the rebellion has come. Our dreams might be haunted but we made the real world safe. The rebellion is over, the Capitol is gone. We’re safe.
And suddenly it starts to feel worth it
We carry on through the storm
Tired soldiers in this war
Remember what we're fighting for
Meet me on the battlefield
Even on the darkest night
I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage
And you will be mine
Echos of the shots ring out
We may be the first to fall
Everything can stay the same or we could change it all
Meet me on the battlefield
Holly Alandria
It’s the middle of the rebellion, and I am with the rebels. It’s been a while since Amadrya and Everest (aka Romeo and Juliet but angrier) and I got out of the Capitol. After a little time to recover, the rebels quickly put all of us to work supporting the rebellion as much as possible.
Which is why I’m currently with Burton, both of us suited up and ready to get into the hovercraft to head to the Capitol. Burton casts a glance over at me and smiles.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said
“Me too,” I responded, a slightly confused tone to my voice because wasn’t it obvious that I was glad I was here and not stuck in the Capitol.
Burton doesn’t respond and so after a moment or two before I break the silence.
“So, why are you going out and fighting?” I ask “I thought this wasn’t your forte and you were better off handling the less combat-related sides of the rebellion.”
“Because I don’t want Halina and Ari to have to do it,” Burton says “they’re too young. Besides, I want to be helpful, properly helpful. I believe in this cause just as much as you do, Alandria.”
“Oh yeah?” I chuckle with a raised eyebrow “and exactly what cause is that?”
“Taking down the Capitol,” Burton replies “stopping the Hunger Games, stopping the inequality and suffering. Doing the right thing, and helping people. What cause did you think I meant?”
“I’m not here for that,” I reply “doing the right thing is a noble sentiment but never actually means anything. I’m here to take down Louden and get my revenge.”
Burton studies me for a moment
“Sure,” he says “but revenge won’t help anything, it’ll just make you feel empty. Don’t forget why we’re here, Holly. We’re fighting for the districts. I know you don’t think there’s any point trying to protect anyone but I think both of us can agree that we should do anything we can to stop others going through what we all went through. What you, Everest and Amadrya went through. The real enemy isn’t Louden, it’s the entire system. “
He looks at me seriously
“If you’re fighting for revenge,” he says, “if you die, you’re dying for Louden and I don’t think you should give him that satisfaction. If you fight because it’s the right thing to do, you’re risking your life for a cause, for protecting others. That sounds so much better to me.”
That comment actually makes me smile. I had missed Burton’s optimism, and his genuine kindness. And, despite the world we lived in and everything we had gone through, his occasional naivety. Sometimes he seems so much more grown up than he used to be, the way he fights and takes care of the others and actually sometimes takes things seriously and even leads the group. And then other times he’s like a puppy.
But despite how naive his words sound, I know he’s right, and so I smile again.
“Okay,” I say “then let’s do this.”
We're standing face-to-face
With our own human race
We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay
Our tainted history
Is playing on repeat
But we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead
When I was younger, I was named
A generation unafraid
For heirs to come, be brave
Amadrya Darrow
It’s an anniversary of the fall of the Capitol. 5 years, I think this anniversary marks, since the end of the rebellion. And it was requested that me and all my friends attend some sort of ceremony to commemorate the event that I don’t entirely understand to be honest.
But I’m standing on a stage again, trying very hard not to have flashbacks to my imprisonment. But I’m not in a dress, thankfully. I’m actually in a soft green tunic with gold embellishments and bottoms of a slightly darker green colour. It looks nice. I’m standing alongside all my friends, and I note that Holly has also opted not to wear a dress, going for her usual comfortable-but-fashionable garb. Macaria and Halina have both opted for dresses, though.
We are all presented with a brooch with an emblem on them for us. Mine is a little gold tree, Everest’s is a flame, Macaria’s is a dagger, Alessandro’s a sword. Ari has a lighting bolt and Halina has a spear. Holly has a small cat, and Burton a heart. Each is set with five diamonds to commemorate the five year anniversary, something Macaria seems instantly excited about because she is honestly like a magpie when it comes to shiny things.
We have to make a speech, but I opted not to speak. Those of us who did want to speak step forward to the microphone to do so - mainly Macaria, Burton and Alessandro, but Halina and Ari also make contributions. Holly, Everest and I all take a step back but we’ll be sure to say something at some point just so everyone knows we’ve contributed.
But while Burton speaks about how we’ve built a better world for the next generation, how we’ve protected them from what we went through but that we will never forget the atrocities that Panem suffered, I glance down at my stomach.
It’s not visible yet under my clothes, but a small baby bump is developing. Everest knows, but none of our other friends know yet. We intend to ask Holly and Burton to be the godparents for us (mainly because we love Macaria and Alessandro but frankly I’d ask Holly’s cat to be godparent before them) but even they have no idea yet, though Holly definitely suspects with the two of us being so close.
The next generation is coming. And they’ll hear stories about what their parents did, and they’ll know we did it for them. They’ll grow up free and happy and without pain. And that’s a great reward. They get to have peace.
They get to have everything we didn’t. And that’s so good.
And meet me on the battlefield
Even on the darkest night
I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage
And you will be mine
Echos of the shots ring out
We may be the first to fall
Everything can stay the same or we could change it all
Meet me on the battlefield |
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 12, 2019 17:56:01 GMT -5
(Okay that wasn’t the greatest and I wrote two Amadrya sections (it wasn’t planned but I couldn’t make the lyrics fit anyone else for those two tbh
But it’s done XD)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 12, 2019 23:28:27 GMT -5
I loved it!
You wrote Holly rather well too :3.
Expect me to do a variant of the song but with...a more negative ending and some sadness. It’ll be out...hopefully Saturday?
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 13, 2019 1:09:28 GMT -5
Hahaha I did expect you to write a sadder ending x
But I’m glad you liked it and I did alright with Holly)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 15, 2019 13:35:03 GMT -5
I may do more writing soon but idk what Let me know if there’s anything I can do that might help with your writing or the fic ) |
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 15, 2019 14:07:10 GMT -5
(I’m just super busy right now.
And tired.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 15, 2019 14:08:33 GMT -5
Oh no I hope you’re okay!
If you ever need to chat when things are busy or tough I’m always here x)
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Post by 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 on Sept 15, 2019 14:24:52 GMT -5
(It’s just band.
Everyday.
Today’s an off day though!
So...semi yay.)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 15, 2019 14:28:36 GMT -5
Ahh that sounds so stressful
I’m glad you have a day off!)
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 18, 2019 7:45:11 GMT -5
I may do some writing soon
Possibly some stuff for Lark?)
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Post by Sparky on Sept 19, 2019 10:44:10 GMT -5
[ I'm on a plane rn, see y'all at the raid ]
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 19, 2019 10:45:30 GMT -5
I genuinely forgot about that I won’t lie XD£
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Post by ƤαƖƖαѕ ✧ on Sept 19, 2019 15:11:45 GMT -5
(Okay but concept; the child of Macaria and Alessandro growing up and marring Holly’s kid (if she ever had one) and Holly and Macaria getting to be family properly <3. Not canon obviously but I couldn’t help imagining
But anyway have some dark and depressing Amadrya - it’s non-canon but of course it pretty much could be canon so whatever XD)
Amadrya had originally tried to count the days since they had been captured, but day and night seemed to blend together down here (no doubt a rather deliberate choice) due to the general darkness and lack of windows down where the three were kept. It felt like forever, and Amadrya found herself longing more and more each day for home. To see the inky blackness of the night sky there, studded with silvery stars arrayed like wildflowers on a field. To be able to track the glowing moon as it crossed the sky and made way for the burned reds and golds of morning.
But the District 7 girl was losing hope. She had been appearing on tv for Louden for some seemingly interminable number of days, and each time she had to do so it broke her a little more. She had been unable to make any progress with Holly, who was silent and cared little for pity. Such concern was worth nothing here anyway. And seeing Holly’s fierce spirit so broken pained Amadrya greatly. The greatest pain for her, though, was seeing Everest hurt. And that she could do nothing about.
She was pretty sure she hadn’t spoken herself for a day or two. As much as she loved Everest, even his words couldn’t reach Amadrya now. It was as if some great chasm separated them, so that she could make out across the great distance his mouth forming words but could not hear the sound. Sometimes with Holly she shared a glance, and there was a new light in her eyes, as if Holly was aware that the other girl had given up, as if she was somehow praising her for finally seeing the truth. For stopping her struggling against what could not be changed.
Because after all, it was a struggle that Amadrya had realised was in vain. She knew they would never get out of there. The light of day was something Amadrya only had glimpses of when she went to film for Louden. And maybe they’d see it when they were executed (something she was sure would eventually come), which wouldn’t be so bad. Amadrya would choose to be executed outside, if she could. Feel the sun, look up at lazy clouds in a blue sky and pretend for a moment that the world wasn’t broken and corrupted.
That was partly why she had gone silent even to Everest. She loved him, and would continue to protect him in any way she could, and part of that meant not causing him any more pain. Why let him fall deeper in love with her, and vice versa, only for them to lose one another at the end of it without ever being free together? Without ever being able to be together outside of the Arena of or this prison? That would be the worst torture either of them could go through. And besides, didn’t Everest deserve to spend his last days, weeks, months, whatever it might be, being able to think clearly? He shouldn’t have to have all his thoughts stuck on Amadrya.
And so she sat quietly, feeling more thin and weak than she had ever done before. Her skin was pale, and her face no longer looked grim but determined as it had been. It just looked hopeless. Her eyes were empty of their usual fire, and she just idly twisted the tribute token she still had around her wrist. She hadn’t said anything to Holly or Everest about this, but she hadn’t eaten any of the meagre meals they had been given for the past few days. She had tried to ask Louden to just give her portion to Holly and Everest instead, because she had no appetite any more. Everything hurt, and eating caused its own pain. And besides, what was the point anymore? At least in not eating for a while, she was inflicting pain on herself. That was the only control she had, since she could no longer even control the words she spoke, what with her tv appearances being scripted. Refusing food was the only power she had, and she revelled in the pain for knowing she still had some agency.
Everything seemed dark and hopeless and full of death. She knew that the rebellion was still going strong, and while she was happy about that, it offered little comfort. She wanted to be helping the rebel cause too and was unable, and anyway she recognised that they had little chance of the rebels winning anyway. She could hope that the rebels would win and the deaths of Amadrya, Everest and Holly avenged, their names never forgotten, but every day the cold reality of her cell and the power of the Capitol told her otherwise.
But even that didn’t cause her much pain anymore. As she thought about the night skies of District 7, her thoughts fixed on those stars. They had been there long before Panem and the horrors of the Games had ever begun, and they would be there ever afterwards. There would still be beauty and light and perhaps, a little hope, as she had still had hope once before. The world would go on, and people would find a way to be alright. If anyone was good at that, it was the citizens of Panem’s districts. The stars were part of something far bigger than Amadrya, or Louden, or the Capitol, or the Games, or Panem. And so in the end, it didn’t matter.
The night sky of District 7 would never change, no matter how much District 7 did.
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