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Post by darkfeather88 on Feb 24, 2019 22:17:51 GMT -5
Escape
A journey to learn.... A journey to grow...
A young kit has grown up surrounded by a group that worships a golden statue, a place with harsh rules... She has always had doubts about the world she has grown up in, that those with powers should be honored above all else...
However, something will happen that will test her limits and her beliefs...
Hate vs. love... Rules vs. Freedom... Family vs. the Good of the Group.
She will have to make choice... Stay and be forced to follow the rules of the group... Or make the choice to run and escape...
Special thanks to the user flippy the demon of AO3 for letting me use their character. May this backstory do her justice.
Fans: ~Sapphire~ phantomstar57
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Post by darkfeather88 on Feb 24, 2019 22:23:34 GMT -5
Escape
“Sister… Sister! Wake up!”
“What is it..?” groaned the dark ginger tortoiseshell she cat. “Why are you so excited?”
“Today is the day that we get our names!” mewed the solid black she cat. “We are finally four months old and can gain our ranks! We will finally become learners!”
“Why should I care?” yawned the dark ginger tortoiseshell. “All of us kits aged four months are going to be tested, placed in a group, then named after our new teachers… I would rather be sleep…”
“Though honestly, that is not the only reason that I don’t want to wake up,” the ginger and black she cat thought, worried. “I don’t want to leave mother… And… I don’t want to leave my family…”
“But sis...!” moaned the black she cat. “Don’t you want to move up? Don’t you want to be known as something other than Kitling?”
“She is not worried at all!” growl their gray tabby brother, looking outside their small den. “If our dear sister doesn’t end up a Chosen, then something is wrong.”
“What makes you say that?” the ginger tortoiseshell she cat asked, yawning.
“You haven’t noticed that you are warmer that normal?” the young tom answered. “That you have that unusual blue marking on your head? You’re a Chosen for sure!”
Before the ginger tortoiseshell she cat could make a comeback a larger tortoiseshell stepped into the den. All of the young cats looked up at her.
“Come on Kitlings,” she mewed to them. “It’s time to go!”
Becoming quiet, the three four-month-old cats following their mother. The ginger tortoiseshell she cat stepped onto the cold stone floor as many of the other mother and their kittens followed them into the tunnel that connected all of the mother’s den. They moved as if they were as one, silence as they continued downward. One of the kits tried to talk to one of their friends but was silenced by a look by their mother. The nameless ginger tortoiseshell began to feel even more nervous, surrounded by these blank cats.
“This is my home, my life…” she thought, wanting to do nothing but run back to her nest, surrounded by the comfort of her mother and siblings. “Surrounded by the cats that I love most… Yet, there is something… False… Dark… Wrong…”
There were small glowing crystals that highlighted the cats’ forms which legends stated that were created by a past Chosen. She always was creeped out, not only by the unnatural light, but also by the way that light reflected off of everyone’s pale eyes. The same white color that every cat of their large group had, for whatever reason. Before the Kitling could think more of it, they had entered the main cave where all of the ceremonies happened. She almost flinched as she noticed that the High King was staring over the kits, watching them.
“High King Kaiser,” the Kitling stated within her head, repeating what her mother that happily told her. “One of the Leaders of the Worshipers of the Golden Cat, he is to guide us from those that would hate and harm us… Besides him is the High Queen, Clover, named after the founder of our group… She helps give advice and acts as our spiritual leader… Then behind them are the High Priestess, the Statue Carriers, and the Potion Master…”
The Kitling shivered as she noticed that she had taken her place at the front of the growing crowd, besides her two littermates. Her sister was doing everything she could in order to stop herself from bouncing around the place while her brother just sat, eyes forward like any good worshiper would.
“Everyone has praised my mother for giving birth to me, a ‘Chosen,’” the tortoiseshell Kitling thought. “Even though there has been little to no proof besides the mark on my head. It’s not fair! Why does everyone have to judge me? I don’t want to be worshipped: I want to be useful! I want to fight for the good of my cats!”
“Welcome to all worshippers!” the strong golden tabby tom called out. “I am glad that you could all make it tonight. Now… We have several Kitlings that are ready to be tested… To see if they will join the ranks of the Chosen… Those that have the blood of our beloved founder, Clover the Lucky. Should they not pass… They will be judged by our High Priestess, Alisha, and be given their Learner name. Now… Let us begin!”
With a nod, the first Kitling was pushed forward towards a small blue circle drawn on the stone floor. The Kitling in question nervously stepped into it… And nothing happened. With a sigh, the High King waved his tail and the Kitling stepped forward, receiving their new name and mentor. This continued on down the line, as they came closer to her turn, nerves building with each moment.
“What will happen to me?” she wondered, fear rooting her to the spot. “Should I fail? Will I just become a Worshiper or Commoner? Or… Even worse, a Servant?”
“Tortoiseshell Kitling of Olivia and Peter, step forward to be tested.”
She felt herself get pushed forward by one of the Soldiers. With shaky pawsteps, she stepped into the circle… And her world was surrounded with flames. As the fire licked at her pelt, she saw the dark smile that was on the High King’s face.
“In honor of the flames that surround her,” he began as all of those strange white eyes stared at her. “This Kitling shall be called Flame and shall join the other Chosen. Now, gray tabby tom of Olivia and Peter, step forward.”
She then watched as her littermates were tested.
Her strong, stubborn brother ended up being a surprising Chosen: her sister was not and was assigned to a Worshiper. ******************************************************************************
That was the last that she saw of her black-furred sister for awhile. Flame and her brother, who was given the name Thunder for his ability to create a loud, crashing sound much like something that the older cats had talked about, were quickly taken away from the main group and met with the leader of the Chosen, a large fluffy she cat that took no nonsense.
Flame hated every moment.
They were trained to look down on the other ranks, to be able to tell them what to do as if the others were no more than Servants. They were told not to use their powers outside of orders from the Royal Family or the High King or Queen, unless they were using those powers to awe the masses.
“After all, we are the Chosen!” Flame remembered the older she cat stating with laughter in her tone. “We are the ‘true’ descendants of Clover the Lucky, the ones that were blessed to gain powers! We are the reasons that the Worshipers of the Golden Cat lives! They protect us from those that would hate and harm us! Normal cats can never understand our gifts.”
Flame wasn’t so sure about that. While Thunder grew proud and embraced the teachings, Flame saw the flaws. For one, there was no one that was teaching any of them any control! She could easily end up hurting someone with her flames.
Also, she had learnt about the truth behind the Servants and that frightened her.
The High King Kaiser had gathered the group into the main cave, and everyone went in like the good little believers they were. In front of where the Royals and their guards sat were the Trackers, surrounding a bloody figure.
“Well, well,” the High King had mewed thoughtfully. “What do we have here..? A traitor!”
As the silence was broken by the snarls and cries of anger, Flame just watched the figure bleeding in front of them. He was a Commoner not much older than she was, pure white of pelt. However, it was his eyes that caught her attention: the color seemed to be flickering between the same, blank white and a bright blue color unlike anything she had ever seen.
“What? Is that even possible?” she questioned herself. “How can one’s eye color change like that? Everyone here is born with that color… We are told that there was no other acceptable color for ones’ eyes…”
In spite of herself, she felt herself draw to this suffering young tom. There was only sadness in her heart, not anger. However, she forced herself to listen to the words being thrown around.
“A traitor!” snapped the tom, not yet beaten down. “How am I the traitor here? I have seen the truth… The ones that we call the Chosen… Their gifts are not natural! They are nothing but…”
“Finish that sentence and you will not live to see another day!” growled one of the Soldiers. “How dare you speak against the Chosen! How dare you speak against Clover the Lucky’s gifts!”
“Gifts!” spat out the white pelted tom with the changing eye colors. “I know what you have been doing here… Using the Priests to bring in more ‘Worshipers…’ Kidnapping those that happen to have the unusual signs of having the cursed blood… You aren’t protecting us! You’re imprisoning us! We are all nothing more than slaves to your dark will!”
The young tom was unable to say anything more as he was pinned down against the hard, cold stone floor. The High Queen, expecting a litter of Kitlings, looked depressed while the High King was furious.
“Potion Master Quill,” the High King ordered. “He is all yours!”
As the young tom was dragged off, with horror on his face, as the rest of the group of the cheered the Soldiers on. Flame, despite the hurt she had felt at his words, was worried for the tom. Even when the meeting was over, she couldn’t get over his bright blue eyes.
When she saw him again, his eyes were blank white again, and he was back to being loyal to the group. He was also now a Servant, never forced to serve all others.
That was when she realized that the Potion Master was somehow brainwashing the Servants… And that she never wanted to be on her bad side.
***********************************************************************
She ended up on the everyone’s bad side.
Eight seasons had passed, through Flame would never have known that as the Chosen were not allowed outside of their underground home. During that time, her sister had finally received her true name: Widow.
Once per each of the four seasons, the Worshiper of the Golden Cat would wait to learn what their pairing would be. That was when Flame learned that most cats did not have a choice on who they mated with. The High King decided that.
“Everything is done for the good of the Worshipers,” she mentally stated, her heart breaking. “The pairings are done to improve our group… Love will only get in the way of your loyalty to the group… But… Why should love be banned? Wouldn’t love for the group make you stronger?”
Flame couldn’t help but feel that everything was wrong. Also, she was very worried for her sister.
She had met with her sister, sneaking away from the main group of the Chosen and somehow avoiding the Soldiers. Widow was just glad to see someone beside their mother, who had been paired with Peter again. However, Widow had made a serious mistake.
She had fallen in love with a fellow Worshiper named Xanier. The chance of those two being paired together were low as both of Widow’s littermates were Chosen. That meant that the High King was most likely to put her with someone in the Royal Family, so that there would be a higher chance of a Chosen appearing within the main family.
Sure enough, Widow was paired with a tom of the royal family. As for Flame herself, while they were not forced to have kits, it was highly, very highly, encouraged that the Chosen pick out a mate and produce kits, for the good of the Worshipers. They could even pick someone that had already been matched up for pairing.
“Somehow, that isn’t fair!” Flame bitterly thought. “The Chosen can just disrupt everything and nothing will be done about it! Besides…. I do want kits, but with someone that likes me for me, not just because I’m a Chosen!”
“Hey!” mewed a Soldier. “The High King has called a meeting. He wants everyone there. There are some traitors that need to be punished.”
Silently, all of the Chosen stood up as if one and began moving toward the main cave. However, Flame was very worried.
Sure enough, she was correct in being worried.
One of the traitors was Widow. The other was her lover.
Once everyone had joined in, the High King spoke out, distaste lacing every word.
“Dear fellow Worshipers of the Golden Cat!” he began. “Today, we have found out that there are more traitors within our ranks…”
“We are traitors just because we love each other?” the tom snapped. “Are you all insane? It shouldn’t matter who we love all long as we are both loyal to the Worshipers!”
“You’re wrong, little traitor,” the High King stated. “Everything that we do is for the good of the Chosen, those that have been blessed by our founder, Clover the Lucky. Your bloodline has never produced any Chosen… Yet she is the sister of two Chosen! She needs to be paired with someone that has the correct bloodlines… Besides… Aren’t we all family here? And don’t you need to be loyal to your family above all else?”
“You may be our King,” Widow growled. “But you will never be family… You monster!”
“That weak she cat had it coming,” muttered Thunder from behind Flame. “After all… She is nothing more than a Worshiper… A weakling that we have to step over.”
“Thunder… That is our littermate!” Flame quietly stated, turning to face him. “Do you want to see her die?”
“I don’t care about her: she is weak while we are strong,” Thunder mewed back, pride in his tone. “She has betrayed us with her love… She deserves whatever is coming her way…”
Flame snapped.
Activating the fire onto her claws, she first stuck Thunder across the face before running out and facing the High King, angry. He, in turn, seemed stunned that one of his ‘precious Chosen’ was standing in front of him.
“What in the world… Flame!” he growled. “What are you doing? There is no need for you to be here! Go back to your position!”
“No,” growled Flame, standing up for herself and her sister for the first time in her life. “We are leaving… Your way of doing things is wrong! The Chosen are just cats like any other! I have never wanted to be worshiped like this! I am no better than anyone else!”
“Besides, you are not helping us with our powers!” Flame added in her head. “We just end up abusing them, hurting those that ‘protect’ us…”
“I cannot believe that it has come to this but…” Kaiser stated, acting sad. “But… Soldiers! Take them all to the Potion Master! She will fix them all… Especially that rogue Chosen!”
With the High King’s orders, the Soldiers pounced while the Potion Master came out to watch, a frown on her face.
*********************************************************** It was hard, but the three of them escaped… But Flame could never forget the smell of burning flesh as long as she could live.
At first, the Soldiers had them pinned down, ready to take them away. Then, Flame remembered that she could summon flames from her claws and fur. So she did, burning the paws of every single Soldier that had her pinned down. Then, she went after Kaiser, pinning the High King down. As he hissed and struggled, she stuck him across the face with blazing hot claws. Then they ran, most of the followers being too stunned to do anything.
However, the Potion Master was not one of those cats. She leaped at them…
And Flame killed her with her flames, charring the body until no one could be able to identify her. Even now, she still could hear the dying screams of the she cat, the gasp of horror, the dead silence that appeared afterwards.
Flame just kept running.
And things were not easier on the outside.
It turns out, cats on the outside of their cave system hated the ‘Chosen.’ They would take one hard look at her ‘special’ marking and run away in fear. There were some that tried to attack her, take her down when she was at her weakest. When she was just falling asleep, when she was getting a drink, and even when she was trying to avoid others.
It got to the point where, in order to protect Widow and her mate, Flame had to separate from them, in order to save them from her. To save them from her attackers.
However, not everything was bad. The night sky was beautiful, and Flame was happy to finally be able to feel the heat from the sun. Freedom from the Worshiper’s rules was also nice.
However, the greatest thing was the sight of her true eye color. They were a deep dark blue.
That fact did not help with her feeling of loneliness. As someone that had always lived in a group of cats, she was not used to hunting for her own food nor finding a place to rest her head. She looked out from where she was hiding from in the shadows of the twolegs place out the place where the twolegs throw their trash. Pass that was a forest of pines. However, she was afraid.
“The last time that I went near the woods,” she thought. “There was the scent of several cats… A group… Well… I can’t do anything here… The only thing that I can do is ask if I can join… I just want… To be accepted for who I am… To be able to be free… But… Have I truly escaped? Will I never truly escape what I have done? There is only one way to find out…”
With a heavy heart, Flame took a step into the unknown, fearing the future. However, deep in her heart, she could only hope that she had escaped her past.
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Post by ~Sapphire~ on Feb 25, 2019 10:07:08 GMT -5
Please fan me! I love the world building so far and Flame seems like a very intriguing mc. I'm interested to find out more about this 'chosen' idea...
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Post by phantomstar57 on Feb 25, 2019 12:54:35 GMT -5
Read it last night but didn't have time to post til now. I like the way this has begun and the setting and culture you have hinted at. I love tha mystical elements. I look forward to reading more. And do Fan me please!
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Post by darkfeather88 on Feb 25, 2019 22:33:36 GMT -5
(Thank you for reading....
How are you liking this group so far.... And what do you think they are?)
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Post by Mosspool on Feb 26, 2019 9:39:40 GMT -5
This is very interesting! I’m really enjoying the world you’ve built so far. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next to Flame!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Mar 2, 2019 13:56:31 GMT -5
I should get to reading later tonight.
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Post by ~Sapphire~ on Mar 2, 2019 15:47:47 GMT -5
I caught up! I love the new parts, particularly the way you show Flame's realisation that 'this is wrong' turn into a resolve to do something. The juxtaposition of "She never wanted to be on her bad side / she ended up on everyone’s bad side" made me laugh, but it's also a really good way of showing Flame's character arc. The ending's great, too - bittersweet but hopeful, and you do an excellent job of showing Flame's conflicted feelings over her escape, and trying to adjust to a world where she's seen very differently than in the group. As for advice, I'd say maybe write out the scene where Flame finds out about Widow's 'mistake' in full since there's a lot of potential for drama there. But anyway, this is a great story and I really enjoyed reading it!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Mar 3, 2019 22:24:19 GMT -5
Caught up and loved the story. There were a few spots where you could show the action rather than tell, but it didn't take that much away from it.
For sample I'll take the escape scene. Something like this should pop with action. It was hard, but the three of them escaped… But Flame could never forget the smell of burning flesh as long as she could live. At first, the Soldiers had them pinned down, ready to take them away. Then, Flame remembered that she could summon flames from her claws and fur. So she did, burning the paws of every single Soldier that had her pinned down. Then, she went after Kaiser, pinning the High King down. As he hissed and struggled, she stuck him across the face with blazing hot claws. Then they ran, most of the followers being too stunned to do anything. However, the Potion Master was not one of those cats. She leaped at them… And Flame killed her with her flames, charring the body until no one could be able to identify her. Even now, she still could hear the dying screams of the she cat, the gasp of horror, the dead silence that appeared afterwards. Flame just kept running. My sample to follow is just a suggestion but explains the difference between "show" and "tell" when it comes to fiction. Below I show by streamlining and doing away with repetitive phrases and anything that just tells a fact or event. Show what happened through her eyes and senses. My revision:
The Soldiers pinned them down, ready to take them away. Despair rolled over Flame until she remembered her powers. She concentrated, drawing on her inner strength, summoning the fire from deep within, and burned the paws of every single Soldier with paws holding her down. They shrieked as flame engulfed their bodies, allowing her to leap up, and she charged Kaiser, pinning the shocked High King down. As he hissed and struggled, she stuck him across the face with blazing hot claws. He howled in agony, stumbling back and Flame saw the way out. She motioned to her companions, and they ran past most of stunned followers. As she plunged ahead, their hollow eye gazed at her but none moved to stop her.
Flame's heart skipped a beat when the Potion Master snarled and headed her off. Flame leaped at her, engulfing her with deadly fire, allowing her rage to fuel her powers. She charred the body until it lay like a black lump of unidentifiable coal. The dying screams of the she cat echoed in her ears, something she would never forget, nor the the gasps of horror, and the dead silence that appeared afterwards.
For the rest of her life, Flame never forgot the smell of burning flesh from that harrowing fight.
Flame just kept running.
This is just a sample and not perfect, but I hope it gives you the idea of what I mean.Read more: wcrpforums.com/thread/67630/wff-valentine-potluck-escape-complete#ixzz5hAUvQqAe
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Post by phantomstar57 on Mar 4, 2019 10:16:31 GMT -5
(My bad... I rushed the story a little bit...) No need to apologize ! I figured its a 1st or 2nd draft LOL My suggestions were for later polish/edit stuff we all end up doing. I've gotten to the point that I try to write every scene with the idea of reducing edits, and keep things in show mode. If you saw the stuff I wrote in my early 20s you'd laugh me off the boards! The story itself was great!
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Mar 15, 2019 18:10:34 GMT -5
This story was amazing! Truly great! Huuuuuum. Do I see familiar characters? Or is that just me? Because I swear Flame was one of the founders of one of LegendaryClans.
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Mar 15, 2019 18:28:11 GMT -5
I need to brush up on that I guess then, ha ha.
This story is very good, the characters are really impressive within the interactions of their world.
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