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Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Aug 22, 2016 23:42:17 GMT -5
XD Just changed it actually, but yeah XD That was just an all around interesting experience.
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Post by 🍁Searipple101🍁 on Aug 24, 2016 21:32:21 GMT -5
Searipple's critique:
Tell me what the world forgot.”
rewind.
“Tell me what the world forgot.”
Capitalize 'Rewind.'
“Oh come on Elliot,
Comma after 'oh.'
Elliot let out a sigh as he walked passed her to pick the recording up. “I never said you were Sam,
Comma before 'Sam' because Eliot is addressing her.
I didn't pick up on any other mistakes, really. Now, as a whole, at first I wasn't really seeing how it was a horror, but this is not essentially a bad thing. Horror stories don't need to always start off some kind of action or blood or or setting the scene of an abandoned house. However, it is a bit bold when stories do start off the way yours did - by showing the characters' relationship in such a nice, playful way. This is good, though, because it gets the reader a little more attached to the characters, but may lack in getting the reader pulled in if they are looking for true horror. Really, it's a 50/50 shot, depending on the reader. Now, they you flipped back and forth between reality and the recordings, even when they weren't being directly played by the characters was quite a nice touch, and not one I would think of doing immediately. It provides good insight for the reader and adds to the overall atmosphere and emphasizes the importance of the recordings in the story, rather than just mentioning them over and over again, even though that did happen as well. it was good to mix up both ways. I also enjoyed how there is no real description of the monsters besides them obviously being dark and having long, bony fingers. It leaves a lot to the imagination of the reader. Overall, it was a very good story with nice balance of recordings and reality and a pretty fun concept. Good job!
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Post by John 3:16 on Aug 24, 2016 21:36:37 GMT -5
Damn I'm loving this.
This is really reminding me of the tape noises in the beginning of Sleep by My Chemical Romance. Actually, this is inspiring me to write one...
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Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Aug 25, 2016 12:33:00 GMT -5
🍁Searipple101🍁 Thanks! I'll be sure to fix those small mistakes and I'm glad it turned out to be a good story. John 3:16 Glad you liked it. ^^ If you feel inspired to write a story, you do that.
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