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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 6, 2018 13:31:41 GMT -5
Oof. I'm honored. It isn't even my week yet.  Plus... the cringe... |
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Post by ~Sapphire~ on Oct 6, 2018 13:56:01 GMT -5
Might as well get the ball rolling, right?
Thanks for the pointers c:
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Oct 6, 2018 14:19:05 GMT -5
I'll be digging into Maplestone360 's library as well! I got to get a head start (; Let us know if you need anything, Mapple! |
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 6, 2018 14:20:33 GMT -5
Okay!  |
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 6, 2018 14:53:55 GMT -5
Okay. So. About the new story. Is it allowed to be a fan fiction, but from something other than Warriors? I have a story that I've been working on for a while now, and I'd like to use, but, like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm going to say it. It's a Marvel fan fiction. Because the only thing I like almost as much as Warriors is Marvel movies. And it's a fun thing for me to do, and, I promise, is a good use of my time. It's helping me improve and do something I actually love for once. Is everyone here familiar with Marvel? You wouldn't exactly have to be, but it would probably make more sense if you were. mintedstar/fur🦇 » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ |
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 6, 2018 17:55:49 GMT -5
I'd love to read it, Maple! But it might not be best for this potluck story just because it's in the WFF. As for if anyone is familiar with Marvel ... EthanTheAnnus, someone said your favorite word. And I and Dingoleap are both into it as well. ^^ Trust me when I say you'll probably get some readers, ha ha. |
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 6, 2018 18:19:16 GMT -5
Ah. Okay, then. Oops. cx'
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 6, 2018 18:35:22 GMT -5
No oops. It was a reasonable question. ^^ Don't feel bad about asking. Never know until you ask. Edit: Course I forgot to say. Front has been updated. There is no min/max word count for the potluck. Write until the story is done.  |
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Post by MissMisty on Oct 6, 2018 20:06:38 GMT -5
Oh, I am SO applying for this in November!!
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 6, 2018 20:29:28 GMT -5
Wooh! Nice to here! Do you want to fill out the form now and we can ping you?
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Post by MissMisty on Oct 6, 2018 21:41:37 GMT -5
Name: MissMistyIf I'm drawn I would like my story to be given: What you like and dislike about my writing with a little bit of advice mixed in. |
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 6, 2018 22:36:38 GMT -5
Cool! Thank you very much. |
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Oct 7, 2018 0:53:44 GMT -5
Thank you Misty!!
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 7, 2018 16:30:00 GMT -5
BOOM wcrpforums.com/thread/63593/wild-spirit-storyI really hope this qualifies as a Warriors fan fiction though. I mean, it's 1) posted in WFF, 2) very similar to Warriors but is more a mix of the Tribe and the Clans, and 3) about cats |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2018 18:54:20 GMT -5
Ah, I'm excited to share my writing + get to read everyone's stories !!
Do I need to post my written work before my week, or can I post it on the day it starts?
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Post by Dingoleap on Oct 7, 2018 19:12:05 GMT -5
Congrats to all the lucky recipients!
Can't wait to see what everyone comes up with!
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 7, 2018 19:58:00 GMT -5
Ah, I'm excited to share my writing + get to read everyone's stories !!
Do I need to post my written work before my week, or can I post it on the day it starts? Agreed! Very hyped! You can post it a bit before or the day of. ^^ Whichever is convenient for you, so long as we get the links to it. |
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 7, 2018 19:59:46 GMT -5
Starts NOW it's Maplestone's week. Wooh! Looking forward to seeing what you came up with, Maple! *caps and uncaps pens* >:3 Now for the evil reading process to begin. |
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 7, 2018 20:07:40 GMT -5
*dances on the thread*
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Post by phantomstar57 on Oct 7, 2018 21:11:33 GMT -5
OK I have read the prologue thru Chapt 2. I like what I have read so far, and do have a bit of advise concerning active vs passive verbs, but for some reason, Chaps 3 and beyond are in another langauage??
Any way I can start with my suggestions when it comes to verbage.
In the below sample note how often the word was shows up.
The dark morning dawning on the Colony was the coldest of the season so far. The air was thick and heavy and freezing, the threat of the coming winter closer than ever before. The ground was buried in a blanket of frost, the icy crystals trying to force their way through the strong bramble walls of the nursery.
Inside the cramped den, the air was tainted with the scent of blood.
It is fairly easy to remove the redundancies by using active verb forms, saving the passive for when nothing else works or it is needed to emphasize something. Ok here goes:
The dark morning dawned on the Colony, the coldest of the season so far. The thick, heavy, freezing air, brought the threat of the coming winter closer than ever before. A blanket of frost buried the ground, the icy crystals trying to force their way through the strong bramble walls of the nursery.
Inside the cramped den, the scent of blood tainted the air.
This is the only real issue I see so far. I hpe you understand what I am trying to say.
I like the story progression, the character development, and the unique customs of the Colony. I already know Tiger is going to cause trouble LOL, but am intrigued to read on to see what happens but I do need the Chapters in a language I can read.
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 7, 2018 21:24:03 GMT -5
Thank you for the critique! I'll definitely look into the active vs passive verbs from now on.
And, like I said on the story's thread, the text in a different language is just filler for the code boxes until I put the chapters in. So far I only have the prologue and chapters 1 and 2 written.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Oct 7, 2018 21:24:12 GMT -5
Ok one scene here that is full of sadness and such should read with stronger active verbs to emphasize the emotion. It is the old Show do not tell adage and stronger verbs show while weaker verbiage like was +ing verbs tell. I'll try and demonstrate.
The father was sitting nearby, his golden eyes filled with concern. His hopes were not as high as the mother’s, but he didn’t think he would be able to bear to see her go. Because, truthfully, the mother was even more weak than the kitten, and every breath was a struggle, every heartbeat possibly the last.
“He looks so much like you,” Swallowtail meowed, her voice a rasping shudder yet filled to the brim with love.
And with a rework;
The father sat nearby, his golden eyes filled with concern, his hopes dropping. He thought, no, he knew, watching her go wold hurt, hurt so much,. Weaker than the kitten she fought to feed, she struggled with every breath, and he heard every failing heartbeat, each possibly the last.
(This paragraph is fine :-))
“He looks so much like you,” Swallowtail meowed, her voice a rasping shudder yet filled to the brim with love.
I will post more on the tale itself when I can read the rest of it!
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Post by phantomstar57 on Oct 7, 2018 21:27:21 GMT -5
Thank you for the critique! I'll definitely look into the active vs passive verbs from now on. And, like I said on the story's thread, the text in a different language is just filler for the code boxes until I put the chapters in. So far I only have the prologue and chapters 1 and 2. |
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 7, 2018 22:04:20 GMT -5
Resists the urge to steal Phantom to help me with my novel.
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Oct 8, 2018 0:07:12 GMT -5
Coolo! Love the start, Maple! Let's get this ball rolling. Honestly, your characters are stunning. I really like each individual, they are really very defined as characters and you can see each POV even though we're only seeing the world from Tiger's view. One thing I'd like to see, though by no means is this a complaint, you're doing lovely, is more of the world. I'd love a bit more description about where these cats are, to see it in my head. I feel very sorry for Owl. Must be honest, he's gonna be my favorite death warrant signed and turned in right there. And Tiger is such a brat. Perfect! You seem to have wonderful pacing too. You're showing the things you need to when developing their characters. The only suggestion I would have is a bit of Phantom's. Tiger is telling us a lot of the time that he's 'important', thus coming across as a jerk. I'd love to see him being more of one as we go to balance how often he 'tells' us. I shall be keeping an eye out for updates and check out some of your shorts in the mean time.  |
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 8, 2018 5:55:30 GMT -5
Thank you! I'm getting to all of that as well! The character development and the setting. There's going to be more as the chapters progress.  |
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Post by phantomstar57 on Oct 8, 2018 10:34:05 GMT -5
Resists the urge to steal Phantom to help me with my novel. |
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Oct 8, 2018 13:46:20 GMT -5
This is beautiful seeing this support. <3
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Post by 🇲🇴🇷🇷🇮🇬🇦🇳 ⥇ on Oct 8, 2018 20:26:41 GMT -5
aw dang I'm late ;o; I'll check out the story and report back~!!!
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Post by Maplestone360 on Oct 8, 2018 21:01:58 GMT -5
Chapter threeeeeeeeee
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so I’m taking over her rps