A Winter Morning

It was a pleasant, almost warm winter morning on the day Violeteyes passed. She’d been laboring in the medicine den for weeks, breathing getting steadily worse as time passed. A fever spiked and over took the silver pelted warrior rather suddenly during the depths of night but it seemed to everyone involved that she was getting better the following morning. She could sit up in the nest, drink a little water, and even form proper sentences. The fever still raged, but not as strongly, it was tempered. Perhaps by her will, the medicine cat joked to the restless family waiting outside the den. Two young kittens and a male stood, anxious to see the sick cat within.

“Go on, kids. Go see your mother. I’m just going to speak with Rockfeather for a minute” The large male gently nudged the pair of youths into the den, eyes flicking to the healer. Stumbling past the ferns, stepping down into the sheltered hollow, Stormpaw and Featherpaw glanced at each other before Featherpaw took the lead. “Mama?” She called out hesitantly, blue-violet eyes searching the heavily shadowed den for movement. “Featherpaw, Stormpaw,” a tired voice cooed, drawing attention to the back of the den. The pair bounded forward eagerly, the larger tom quickly over taking his sister’s pace. “Mama” Stormpaw croaked out, pale gold eyes rounded with fear. “I- We- we thought you were gonna die. Rockfeather wasn’t letting us in to see you” He blubbered as he crawled into the sickbed, pressing his face into her belly as he had done as a kit.

“Oh my sweet boy,” Violeteyes sighed, pressing her nose into the top of her son’s head, gesturing for Featherpaw to join them with the twitch of her ears and a flick of her eyes. The little silver tabby wiggled her way over her brother and tucked herself into the nest, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder. They were quiet as the previously hushed voices outside the den raised enough to be almost entirely audible only for them to drop back down to nothing but mumbles. The ferns rustled and Shadefang stepped inside the den, glaring at the healer who slinked past him. “Stormpaw, Featherpaw, get out of your mother’s nest. She’s sick and doesn’t need you crowding her” he scolded roughly, gold eyes narrowed as he approached.

“Shadefang, please.” Violeteyes’ rasp was more than enough to silence him. “They will be fine,” her words did little to soothe his fears. They locked eyes and Shadefang melted, moving so he sat looming over the nest and could bury his nose into her neck fur, shuddering breaths escaping his chest. “Calm, my love. All will be well.” Indigo eyes flickered to the softly breathing apprentices pressed against her, they were dozing as kittens were won’t to do. “Little stars, wake up for me one last time” Her tongue lapped over the pair’s ears, rousing Stormpaw and Featherpaw from their fretful slumber. “Mama?” Featherpaw sounded confused, eyes hazy with sleep as she focused in on her mother. Stormpaw just stared up, more aware than his sister to the happenings. “Mama?” He echoed, voice choked with worry.

“Shhh don’t fret, darlings. I just need you to promise me something.” Her words, though heavy with a certain tiredness that Stormpaw couldn’t place, immediately soothed the coursing fear that was quick to consume him. “Anything, Mama” he vowed, a determination furrowing in his brows. “Of course,” Featherpaw sweetly murmured, larkspur colored eyes smiling. “Do you remember the stories I told you when you were small?” Stories of magic, of loyalty, bravery and most importantly, of love were practically seared into their minds. “Yes, Mama.” The pair glanced at each other, not sure of where this was going.

“Good, that is very–“ a yawn whispered through the warrior, her whole body shivering. “–that is very good.” Shadefang was looking anxious, “Perhaps we should go” he murmured, rasping his tongue over his mate’s ear. “No, no. Stay.” Violeteyes’ shuddered, breaths huffing out softly. “Listen, sweet ones, this is very important. I need you to remember the stories, alright? Promise me.” Her words shimmered with importance, and Stormpaw was scowling now, eyes watering as he protested. “But why do we have to remember, if you’re going to be with us?” He demanded an answer, words dampened with grief he didn’t quite understand. Featherpaw leaned into her mother, breathing in her scent as whimpers left her tightly closed mouth.

Violeteyes’ sighed, touching her nose to her son’s. “I’ll be with you, even if you can’t see me,” her explanation was not enough. Stormpaw was kneading the nest now, little claws tearing up the moss, and a sharp call of his name from his father stopped the action. “What do you mean if we can’t see you? I can always see you,” he was adamantly refusing to acknowledge the inevitable. “Stormpaw…” a fond exasperation of a long worn mother, “Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.” She licked between Featherpaw’s ears, a soothing gesture in an attempt to get the kitten to focus. “Mama,” the young female’s voice wobbled, burrowing her nose into Violeteyes’ chest. “I’ll be in your heart, Featherpaw. Don’t you worry. Be brave, my darlings.” Exhaustion colored the former queen’s voice, but it still remained warm for her daughter’s sake.

Sighing, Violeteyes’ laid back against Shadefang, slumping in the nest. Her eyes flickered up to her mate, then refocused on her kits before they fluttered shut and a last breath huffed out of her lungs. “Mama? Mama?” Stormpaw’s voice raised to a shout, pressing his paws on her shoulder and shoving against her in an attempt to get a response. “Stormpaw, Stormpaw that’s enough” Shadefang pulled back from his mate’s body, moving to lift his son from the nest. “Stormpaw, she’s gone,” but it was, as expected, met with resistance. “No! It’s all her fault. She shouldn’t have gotten sick” The young grey tom scowled, pale gold eyes glaring at his mother’s body. Featherpaw was still huddled against her mother, silent except for the occasional shudders that ran through her. “It’s not her fault, it’s not your fault. It is nobody’s fault.”

Shadefang’s shoulders dropped, one paw keeping Stormpaw against him. “You know how we all go to StarClan… not all of us go there at the same time, not all of us get there together at the end.” He was never good at these sorts of talks, Violeteyes was the one who could explain these sorts of things to the kittens. He worried he wasn’t doing a good job, silently cursing his lack of eloquence. “But... but what’ll I do? I miss her so much” Stormpaw’s sad golden eyes peered up at his usually distant father, and Shadefang’s heart broke all over again. “And you’ll always miss her. But she’ll always be with you, as long as you remember everything she taught you. Remember her stories.” The warrior male’s eyes drifted over to Featherpaw, who was now staring at him with a twisted expression that all but screamed agony. “In a way... you’ll never be apart, for you are part of each other.” Of that he was confident, and his words seemed to soothe the rage within his son. Eventually, Featherpaw joined them in their huddle and the trio grieved silently on that early winter morning.

Not two weeks later, the first buds of spring burst free from the snow.