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Post by lozi on Mar 9, 2018 18:05:35 GMT -5
[ aww sounds like such a sweetheart ToT ]
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 1:42:07 GMT -5
(Mhm!)
Frankly Simon had seconds thoughts about going into this place. Everything was so loud, he'd been purposefully shoved a few times already, and he just felt his throat tightening more and more the longer he stayed here. He still kept on going, though, because he really needed to get to the bottom of this. After a few minutes of stopping ad trying to figure out where Shawn was he finally found him... practically sucking his girlfriends face off. That alone was enough to make him want to gag and he did wrinkle his nose in distaste at the sight before him.
He just... didn't understand what was so appealing about making out infront of literally everyone in the school. It just made the two of them look like horny teenagers or something. Of course he didn't really notice how uncomfortable his best friend really was with this. If he had been even a little bit more observant he would have noticed how tense the other was, how mechanical the kissing was, and then he would have put a stronger stop to it. He probably would have pushed the girl off and told her that she was making him uncomfortable.
Simon was too busy trying to not gag at the sight. His eyes were trained firmly on the ground as he talked to the other, only looking up when the girl starting talking, because he practically shrunk away at her words. This was why he didn't like Stella. Her words always made him so confused and hurt, made him rethink whether or not Shawn wanted him there, because he never did too much to discourage her actions. She seemed absolutely disgusted by him and that alone was enough to freak Simon out more than he usually did around people he didn't know. He had no idea why she didn't like him, why he was being treated like some little annoyance, even when he was Shawns best friend... or he was supposed to be at least.
This past month had made him question that.
Instead of them hanging out in his loft and playing Mario Kart until their eyes ached from staring at the screen it was always that Stella had him doing something or he was too busy. It always hurt whenever he was pushed away but Simon didn't want that to be the end of their friendship. How was some girl more important than the guy who'd been with Shawn since day one? They had gotten matching tattoos and used to do everything together. The stubborn part of him wasn't just going to let this go. It was why he still tried to maintain their friendship and it was why he'd managed to get into the cafeteria despite the fierce fear that overtook him the moment he stepped in there.
He felt the smallest amount of hope when the other agreed to talk to him. There was relief that flickered onto his tight and unhappy features as he tipped his head up to look the others in his eye. The deep sadness was still there, but now he felt like there could be some kind of hope for their friendship yet, not knowing that the other had grown to resent him. His lips tugged upwards unwillingly when he saw the small smile on the others features, it wasn't much and not the smile he was used to, but it was better than getting the silent treatment from this idiot. He hated to admit that his heart warmed a little when Stella tried to come with him and he brushed her off, even when she grabbed his arm, but it did happen. Maybe he really didn't like that chick.
He couldn't find himself able to speak anymore, offering a tiny and tense nod instead, before nodding towards the doors. He set off almost immediately and didn't wait to see if the other had bothered to follow. Once they made it to those double doors he let out a loud breath of relief once the relative quiet of the halls hit his ears and the cacophony faded as the doors shut once more. He turned a little to Shawn, eyeing him with a now unreadable expression, before walking again. For a few minutes he remained quiet, thinking how he was going to bring this up, before he finally stopped and leaned against the locker to eye him. "So you gonna tell me why you've been avoiding me?" He finally asked flatly.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 7:17:04 GMT -5
Shawn rubbed the crescent nail indents in his arm anxiously, suddenly wondering if he should've just stayed with Stella. What would he tell Simon? Should he play it off cool, like it was no big deal- even though Simon was always in the back of his mind these days? Should he try and let him down gently, tell him he didn't have time for him anymore? How could he get the point across and still not hurt Simon too badly?
But a cold hardness wormed its way into his heart when Simon didn't turn to look at him the whole time they were walking, stopping only once to look back at him. When he did, he searched his face for some kind of clue desperately, hating how Simon's actions made him feel out of control of the situation.
This was what had bothered him, how could Simon not notice how he felt all the time? Some of the times he'd worried his feelings were too obvious, but Simon never seemed to notice. Or maybe... was he just toying with him now? There was definitely no way he could be that oblivious of his emotions. He was just blowing them off, too much a coward to set Shawn straight and tell him he just wasn't interested. Instead, he chose to lead him on, his friend of ten years. If they'd been friends this long, how could Simon not have noticed anything Shawn did? Shawn had been unable to let Simon go, instead choosing to bottle up his feelings.
All the times Shawn had stared at Simon, trying to memorize every one of the features on his face, Simon was motionless. The countless times Shawn had blushed a bright red whenever Simon touched him, the goofy smiles that creeped onto his face at the most mundane moments, both went unnoticed.
His heart dropped at the flat tone of Simon's voice. He just wanted a straight answer. He didn't really want to talk. If that was the way Simon felt, Shawn sure as hell wouldn't show him how much it had bothered him.
With the flat tone, Shawn proceeded the conversation. "I have priorities, Simon. Family, relationships, then friends. If Stella needs me to be around for her, then I will be. I never want to hear her truly tell me I wasn't there for her."
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 7:17:25 GMT -5
[ since we're doing dialogue, we can shorten replies. ]
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 9:51:32 GMT -5
(Okay!)
Honestly, despite how observant Simon usually was, he was completely oblivious to Shawns feelings for him. He honestly thought the little grins and the staring were things that every best friend had done and that he didn't stand a chance when it came to dating him. If anything he thought his own feelings were too obvious, with how he blushed at every touch and compliment, how he was so dang eager to please this guy.
Maybe he'd put two and two together and figured out that Simon was actually really gay and had a crush on him and was trying to avoid him. That thought was enough to make his stomach twist and turn uncomfortably. He hadn't meant to hurt Shawn, either, when he walked forward. He was just trying to get out of that place before he had a panic attack and he'd never really let on how bad his anxiety had gotten lately so Shawn wouldn't of had a clue as to what was going on.
Something he hadn't expected was Shawns response. The neutral mask lifted for a moment, the hurt showing, because he hand't seen that one coming. He... wasn't a priority? Simons face paled at that and he couldn't answer for a few moments. His eyes widened just a little bit at that explanation and he arched his brow, a sign that he was hurt, because no matter how hard he tried to hide it he still had his tells. His brow was arched in an attempt to stop any tears from being obvious and his arms covered his chest in a defensive manner. "But... but we are family. Thats what you've always said. I've been downgraded to a friend now?" He asked, trying to keep any hurt out of his voice, but failing miserably. Shawn and his family were the closest thing he had to a family of his own now that he was living with his mom and brother. He'd spent all of his time at Shawns house because he considered it home, felt safe there from his "family", and wasn't sure when he was no longer considered a part of it. The past month when he couldn't go over because he was with Stella had been absolutely hellish and he was hoping to fix things without letting onto how hurt he really was about this.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 10:34:05 GMT -5
Shawn was running his fingers through his hair, tugging at the strands that he'd dyed blue since freshman year in distress. He subconsciously rubbed the wishbone tattoo on the inside of his finger, something he'd taken to doing whenever he was stressed. His fists were clenching and unclenching. See, Shawn normally didn't have problems with anybody outside his family, so he wasn't quite sure how to handle it.
He reached a hand out to Simon, as if to put it on his shoulder, but seemed to think better about it. "N-no Simon not like that- I just-" Shawn stumbled over his words desperately, his facade of indifference completely dropped at this point. "I just thought-" Something sharp pricked at his eyes, Shawn wasn't quite sure what it was and he rubbed his eye trying to get it to stop.
He let out a sigh as he couldn't put together a comprehensible sentence. "I just didn't know what to do." He said quietly, more to himself than to Simon. In doing so he admitted his faults to himself. First, he hadn't been honest with Simon about what was going on, second, he'd taken on a girlfriend, partly to get a reaction out of Simon, and partly to fill the whole, which wasn't fair to Stella, himself, and most Simon. Third, and worst of all, he'd neglected Simon, just because he didn't want to admit how he felt, or didn't trust him to accept what he was feeling. Fourth, he admitted his image of himself was skewed. The amicable, and honest Shawn had been overwhelmed by his fear. He admitted the last thing out loud on a freudian slip, almost inaudibly murmuring, "I just wanted you to notice how much I liked you."
Simon's reaction alerted to him that he'd said the last part out loud, and he looked horrified at himself. Now was where he'd be rejected, and he'd understand that Simon didn't really care that he liked him or not. He clapped a hand over his mouth, backing away as if he'd bolt at any second.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 10:34:42 GMT -5
[ ack I do apologize for the rusty writing i've been on a break for a while. ]
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 10:57:43 GMT -5
[ Simon can interpret that however he wants. I was thinking that Simon would think Shawn is just trying to hurt him, and calls him out on it, which would totally tick Shawn off, cuz he's already thinks Simon might be noticing but not acknowledging his feelings. ]
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 11:07:14 GMT -5
[ Shawn would probably just get really hurt, to which his natural response is to lash out, so he'd probably move past the point of his infatuation, and just try to push Simon away as much as possible. I do think he'd be the kind of person to stick by his statement though. ]
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 11:14:29 GMT -5
[ alright! ]
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 11:44:33 GMT -5
Simon knew that there was something wrong. Shawn was running his hands through his died blue hair and rubbing that tattoo that was supposed to promise they were going to be friends for life. His heart clenched at the thought of making his best friend uncomfortable but this needed to be solved once and for all. His own resolve was crumbling a little at the unsure stutters, that first sentence sounding so half hearted, wondering if the other really didn't want to be friends anymore.
He practically couldn't breath at the admission, waiting for the joke to come, but he just stood there and looked horrified. Simon still couldn't wrap his head around the thought of someone liking him like that though. No one would ever like him like that. He was just some kind of loser and now he was waiting for the other to burst out laughing in any moment and tell him he was some kind of idiot for actually believing that. Maybe... Maybe Stella put him up to this. Her friend group always pulled stuff like that and he'd seen them build actually friendships with people just to destroy them at what was supposed to be the best moment of their lives.
"Did... did Stella put you up to this?" He asked quietly, the hurt still on his face, not sure what he was supposed to do exactly. He felt his own eyes sting, not wanting to show how hurt he was, because he'd never thought that Shawn would stoop that low.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 12:30:21 GMT -5
Shawn watched the emotions flicker across Simon's face, trying to figure out what was possibly going through his head. What was he thinking? If he hadn't been so reckless and paid more attention to the words that passed his lips, he wouldn't be in this situation, bracing himself for the inevitable rejection.
And then it came, but not in the blunt force that he thought it would come in. No, this was much worse. Simon didn't believe him. Or he didn't want to believe him. He bit his lip, trying to process what to say next, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing mirthlessly. "After all these years, and you really don't know me at all. I'll bet you think I like her!" His eyes were narrowing, causing the tears to well at the corners. He'd be damned if he made it more obvious to Simon that he was on the verge of sobbing, so he left them, instead turning his face away from him. "You really think I'm lying to you!? You think I'd ever want to chose anyone over you?" He laughed again, this time at himself. "No, no, this is my fault. I guess I thought that you'd understand. I guess- ..."Shawn made a sound as if all the air had been pushed out of him, as if he had just been punched in the stomach. His shoulders crumpled as a new conception seemed to worm its way into his head.
Simon was still toying with him, wasn't he? He believed this falsely, but to him, it was truth that he clung to, as it lessened the hurt. Or rather, turned it into cold anger. He whipped around to face Simon, blinking the tears from his eyes. "Drop the act, Simon! Stop playing with my feelings! How long have you known, huh? I'll bet you figured it out before I even did, and found your sick pleasure in watching me chase you like a lovesick puppy, right? Does this satisfy you? I've figured out your little game." He spat, wringing his hands despite his anger. "You can admit it now." He was seeming to lose his fire, deflating by the second. The ire in his words slowly disappearing.
"Well maybe Stella can fill the place I wanted you to take. Maybe I'll finally let her in." A tear rolled out of his eye. "I can be happy with her, you know!"
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 12:39:52 GMT -5
[ If you don't think Simon would be the kind of guy to still not believe him, I can have Shawn storm off now. ]
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 12:57:05 GMT -5
(Nah Simon would realize he' was wrong but is just really confused as to why Shawns really angry.) Simon flinched at the laugh, honestly thinking it was true, shrinking away from the other. He pressed himself against the locker, bracing himself for being hit, but instead he heard a voice that was filled with malice. After all these years, and you really don't know me at all. Simon shut his eyes at the angered and hurt words. Now he was speaking so harshly and he'd never seen Shawn this angry before. He swallowed anxiously as he kept on yelling at him, laughing, and Simon couldn't even follow what he was saying. They weren't making any sense... what was he supposed to understand here? He shrunk ever more against it as he glared at the other.
"You've clearly chosen her over me. Whenever I want to do something it's always Stella this, Stella that, I'm too busy. Don't lie to yourself and say you haven't chosen her," He snapped back, feeling hurt and betrayed, eyes wide and filled with hurt. He could barely breath, his face was turning a little red and his chest was tightening, warning him that he was going to work himself into either a panic attack or an asthma attack but he stayed there and stared at the guy.
That hurt on his friends face... it turned into a cold anger and it made him let out a small whimper when Shawn finally whipped around to face him again. It only served to make Simon press against the locker even harder, feeling like he'd been backed into a corner, looking like a trapped animal now that Shawn was really looking at him. "W-what?" He whispered quietly at the accusations, all color draining from his face, because he would have never played with his friends feelings. "Shawn, you'd know I'd never do that," He said quietly, the hurt and disappointment coloring his words, his small body trembling as he looked up at Shawn. "I.. I thought... " His voice trailed off as he studied the ground. "Stellas friend group does that all the time, I thought that they'd..." His voice was tight as he tried to think of something to say. He'd never thought theat Shawn returned those feelings for him. He reached out hesitantly, grasping the others left hand with his right, hurt that he'd even think that he'd try to toy with him like that.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 13:17:03 GMT -5
[ I'm going to have Shawn try to push Simon away thinking he's doing him a favor because I think neither of them would be really angry enough to break it off right now. What would make Simon give up on their friendship? ]
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 13:32:45 GMT -5
Shawn finally was out of steam, already angry at himself for losing his cool. His friend was flinching and had shrunk back against the locker, as if Shawn would hit him. He stepped away, horrified at what he had done. All Simon wanted was to smooth things over with him, and all he could do was further muck everything up. He was shaking his head, his fists finally unclenching. "Look Simon I'm just gonna-"
Simon grabbed his hand, and Shawn noticeably shivered at the touch. He looked at Simon, still hurt and uncertain he really meant what he said. He searched his face, but still failed to believe that Simon really didn't notice how he felt.
He pulled his hand away from Simon's, rubbing his right thumb on his left palm. He thought of all the things he wanted to do with Simon but he never got the chance to bring up, like starting a band or taking a road trip in the Vanderlust. He couldn't bring himself to meet Simon's gaze any longer, so he suddenly seemed to find the floor very interesting. He understood that he'd already said and done things that he couldn't forgive himself for, even if Simon could. Simon deserved better than him. He'd have to find a way to get him to leave him for good, even if all he wanted was to grab Simon by the hand and sort everything out in his van, which was parked in the student lot.
"Yeah." He said suddenly. "They did. Stella wanted to see if you'd really believe me." He laughed, the only thing betraying his pain was his eyes, which were glassed over and distant, as if he were on autopilot. "Guess you fell for it after all, huh?"
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 17:39:42 GMT -5
Simon couldn't help the meek behavior he was displaying. He had always been bullied, shoved around and the person that his brother took all of his anger out on, so the moment that the other started to yell at him he just thought he was going to get hit. He was shaking a little and still flinched when Shawn started to talk again as he calmed down.
He felt the shiver, but took it as a shudder, like he was disgusted by Simon touching him like this. His face was open and it was clear that all he felt was hurt and maybe a little bit of betrayal. His body was all slumped and he couldn't believe that he'd managed to hurt Shawn this much... but he also couldn't believe that Shawn would believe that he would ever toy with Shawns feelings like that. Maybe Stella would, she was vindictive, but Simon didn't have a hurtful bone in his body. He would have never knowingly done that.
The hand was pulled away and Simon looked like he'd just been slapped at the movement. He couldn't process the fact that his supposed best friend was acting like this... They were supposed to do everything together. They'd been planning that mini trip to a huge rock concert the town over for the summer and maybe sneaking a few shelter animals into his house. They were supposed to apply for colleges, too, but now he was wondering if that was going to happen at all. He was just acting so weird and maybe he didn't want to be his friend any more.
His body tensed up at the "yeah," and he felt like his world was crashing down at the realization. Stella wanted to see if you'd really believe me. He didn't think he'd ever feel more hurt than he felt right now at the admission. He could hear the laugh, couldn't see the glassed over eyes, only seeing that his best friend had actually messed with him like that. Before he even thought about it his hand had curled into a fist and met the others cheek, shaking a little, because he'd never been this hurt before. His chest was tightened so much and he was barely breathing because his knuckles hurt and he could actually feel his heart breaking.
"You really think... think that it's funny? Screw with the gay kid at school?" He managed to spit out weakly, even if he had never brought up his sexuality before, assuming that Stella had found out what it was. He had never thought Shawn the type to be so horrible but apparently he was wrong... he was just like the others in that group.
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Post by lozi on Mar 10, 2018 18:05:02 GMT -5
[ Sorry for a short post Iβm on mobile ] Shawn didnβt think Simon would hit him. Yeah, there were playful shoves, but never, never never never would Shawn lay hands on Simon. Yet, here Simon was, his clenched fist meeting Shawnβs cheek, snapping his head sharply to the side.
It took him by surprise, hatred welling up in his fists, fury visible in his eyes. Shawnβs limits were being tested, his fight instincts told him to pounce on the smaller kid and beat him into submission. But, there was a small voice in the back of his head telling him that Simon was still his friend, so he shoved his fists into his jean pockets. He didnβt know how to tell Simon how much that hurt, not just physically, but emotionally.
He clutched his reddening cheek, flipping between hurt and anger. Finally, he settled on anger. It hurt less that way. βI think weβve got nothing left to talk about.β He turned stalking away from Simon.
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Asexual
sweetclover1
Hi loves, like my posts so I'll reply faster <3
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Post by sweetclover1 on Mar 10, 2018 18:38:38 GMT -5
(It's all good! and poor Shawn D: )
If Simon was in a better state of mind he would have been horrified at the thought of hitting his best friend. Simon wasn't a violent guy, he'd always preached peace, but now he'd been so hurt that he hadn't been thinking. A few tears had actually fallen but anger had taken over instead of pain, unable to comprehend the amount of hurt, and his body just moved without him thinking.
Later on he'd be horrified at the fact that he'd hit Shawn but right now he wasn't thinking properly. Shawn had been avoiding him, neglecting their friendship, just because of some stupid girl that he'd decided to date. Then he thought it'd be okay to actually mock Simon, break his heart, avoid him for over a month and then claim that he'd been in love with him. He saw that flash o f anger and he stepped back because he was waiting for another hit to come. He'd deserve it, too, and thats what was so hard about this.
"Why'd you do it?" He managed to keep that fire there, sliding infront of the other in a strange feeling of anger and confidence, standing chest to chest with the other. A few tears had streaked down his cheeks as he looked up at the bigger male, trying to be tough.
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Post by lozi on Mar 11, 2018 8:02:16 GMT -5
[ ahhh short replies sorry I'm out of the house. When I'm home I'll get my lengths back up. ]
Shawn let a cold smile flicker over his features, wincing at the pain that lanced through his cheek. He stared apathetically down at Simon, stone-faced of any emotion. "Heh. I don't have to explain myself to you." He sighed sadly. "You disgust me."
His words were half-hearted, but he'd already fueled Simon's hate for him, so did it matter much now? He laid a hand on his shoulder, gently moving him aside, the other hand rubbing his sore cheek. Simon had got him pretty good, and the bruised red coloration was beginning to appear on his cheeks. Shawn would never dare hit Simon back, he knew he'd easily win if he wanted to, but he didn't want to hurt Simon. Not anymore than he already had.
"I hope you've found a good group of friends while I was gone. Don't bother coming near me after you've laid hands on me." He growled, stalking down the hallway from Simon. He looked at his palm, the wishbone visible between his spaced out fingers. He closed his fist and shoved it in his pocket, not wanting to think about what he'd just done to his best friend..
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Post by lozi on Mar 11, 2018 12:10:23 GMT -5
(Itβs all good! Should we skip?) [ sure! ]
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Post by lozi on Mar 11, 2018 13:44:15 GMT -5
[ hmmm... Iβm not sure. What would they interact when they arenβt friends? ]
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