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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 14:02:13 GMT -5
The other day, I sorta scared myself. I realized I had it easily within my capacity to be cruel. One thing y'all have to know about me, is that I'm both sassy and witty. which sounds vain but oh well and I have a very analytical mind. I'm observant of people's behaviors and though processes-- call me a junior psychologist. I am also, as aforementioned, short tempered. So combine all those things together, and you have a girl who knows how to win arguements and how to read people. Usually this comes out in retorts and remarks. Well, I was at work yesterday (gate guard at a pool). And this lifeguard I'm certain likes me is coming over, doing his usual thing where he's trying to awkwardly make conversation with me. I've tried giving so many signals that I don't want to talk to him. I've even told him explicitly to go away, and not to bother me while I'm reading (my job is 90% sitting around). He just thinks it's funny, like I'm teasing him. So yesterday, he wanders over, complaining, "You know what's the most annoying group of people, [my name]? Little girls." I think it was suppose to be a joke. But I'd grown sick of him and bit back, "No. Grown men are." Well, he laughed like I was kidding around, and said, "Am I a grown man?" You know, part of me wonders if he was fishing for compliments right there, because the obvious answer was yes (he's 20). It felt like a flirt. And I'd grown so tired of his attempts that a very cold, calculative part of me nearly slipped out. I almost said, "No, you're a little boy. Because you wouldn't be able to read people's signals if they were neon flashing lights. Because you still walk like a boy unused to the body of a man. Because a grown man would leave me the hell alone." I ignored him instead, and he left laughing. But it scared me how close I was to saying that. I literally bit my cheek to check myself. Here's what you have to understand. The lifeguard guy annoyed me, mostly because I knew he liked me and it was not mutual. Partly because he was an annoying male sometimes. But he's also fairly sensitive, and I get the feeling he doesn't have many friends. Being a little mean to drive him away would be one thing, but I was almost downright cruel there. And it made me realize it's not the first time, either, that something like that has almost happened. Idk. I guess it was sort of shocking to figure out that being cruel to people would come very, very easily to me. Not just mean, not rude. I mean honestly cruel. I've had things like that happen to me before, where I'm suddenly shocked to realize how easily I could do something that I'd regret. For me, it's usually anger. Like one time, I was in the car with my mom and this lady backed into us, even though my mom was honking the horn like crazy to try and get her to notice, "Hey, there's a car behind me." When she hit us, I literally flung open the door and was about to step out and... I don't know what. Something bad. Yell at her, or punch her, or something. I managed to get a hold of myself, close the door, and calm down, but it terrified me to think about what I might do in a situation where I have the option of immediately striking back. It was especially scary since I'm usually known as the guy who's always patient and never shows much anger. We've all got those fleshly problems to struggle against, I guess :/ I empathize with you.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 20, 2016 14:13:20 GMT -5
I guess it especially surprised me, because I'm a fairly cheerful, optimistic, goofy person. It's almost like in novels, where the main characters realizes there's a "dark side" to him/her. It's hard to accept that such things are based in life experiences.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 14:14:14 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I just figured Id pop in for a bit.
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 14:20:10 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I just figured Id pop in for a bit. Hi!
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 14:20:45 GMT -5
I guess it especially surprised me, because I'm a fairly cheerful, optimistic, goofy person. It's almost like in novels, where the main characters realizes there's a "dark side" to him/her. It's hard to accept that such things are based in life experiences. Agreed, I felt like it was some sort of "dark side" of me too.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 14:25:38 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I just figured Id pop in for a bit. Hi! Looks like I arrived in the middle of a deep conversation
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 20, 2016 14:47:21 GMT -5
Looks like I arrived in the middle of a deep conversation join us jOIN US
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 14:48:54 GMT -5
Sure but I wouldnt know what to say. >.<
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 14:56:47 GMT -5
Sure but I wouldnt know what to say. >.< tell us ur deepest darkest secrets or don't we're kind of talking about our pet sins and how we all have unfortunately large capacities for sin You don't have to share if you don't wanna though
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 15:01:32 GMT -5
Oh well I would have to say that I get extremely mad and sometimes violent towards myself if I mess up or if someone I used to talk to stops talking to me or anything like that. I also struggle with what my mother jokes as anorexia but thats something else
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 15:05:08 GMT -5
Oh well I would have to say that I get extremely mad and sometimes violent towards myself if I mess up or if someone I used to talk to stops talking to me or anything like that. I also struggle with what my mother jokes as anorexia but thats something elseI get pretty mad at myself sometimes too. Sorry to hear about the anorexia thing :/
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 15:12:34 GMT -5
I like to think of it as nothing really. But hey happy thoughts right? I think we all get mad at ourselves for trivial things sometimes
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 15:37:40 GMT -5
I like to think of it as nothing really. But hey happy thoughts right? I think we all get mad at ourselves for trivial things sometimes Yeah, definitely. The problem comes when you keep beating yourself up for days or weeks after you do something, which is what I've done on occasion
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 15:38:18 GMT -5
Same, same.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 15:54:13 GMT -5
excuse me - i posted this elsewhere on the forums but, i have a prayer request? my grandmother's in the hospital and she isn't doing very well, and i'm kinda scared.
also, you might start seeing me here more !! i really want to talk to people about christianity and stuff so... i'm cat!
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 16:08:38 GMT -5
excuse me - i posted this elsewhere on the forums but, i have a prayer request? my grandmother's in the hospital and she isn't doing very well, and i'm kinda scared. also, you might start seeing me here more !! i really want to talk to people about christianity and stuff so... i'm cat! Hello, welcome! Prayer request has been put on the front page. I pray she gets better soon!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 19:20:55 GMT -5
excuse me - i posted this elsewhere on the forums but, i have a prayer request? my grandmother's in the hospital and she isn't doing very well, and i'm kinda scared. also, you might start seeing me here more !! i really want to talk to people about christianity and stuff so... i'm cat! Hey Cat. Prayers for your grandmother and your family.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 20:57:09 GMT -5
heyyyy more prayers for me.
there's a little brown line under my fingernail, and i've had scares with precancerous things on my skin before, so can y'all just pray that it turns out to be nothing? i'm probably getting it checked out when i'm home.
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Post by Splintercat on Aug 20, 2016 21:21:50 GMT -5
heyyyy more prayers for me. there's a little brown line under my fingernail, and i've had scares with precancerous things on my skin before, so can y'all just pray that it turns out to be nothing? i'm probably getting it checked out when i'm home. Will do!
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Asexual
#ca55a0
Name Colour
Rανєη'ѕ ƑƖιgнт
Rebel Queen
Art by Nicoletta Baldari
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Post by Rανєη'ѕ ƑƖιgнт on Aug 20, 2016 22:51:34 GMT -5
Since you guys were on the topic of weakness and sin, I guess I'll say mine. I can get very jealous of others' success and attention, which makes me spiteful. Also, I can be too lazy and I won't get anything done that's important. Finally, I'm overly critical of myself and I'll beat myself up over what happens day to day.
I also have a huge problem with the "obey your parents" thing, because my dad is verbally abusive and that goes against my mindset. He goes after me for either doing something small wrong or doing nothing wrong at all. I can't take that at all and I get inflamed with righteous (?) anger. So I guess you guys can pray for my dad to curb his abusive behavior. (I do think this is an Ephesians 6:4 violation, but you guys can tell me what you think.)
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Asexual
#ca55a0
Name Colour
Rανєη'ѕ ƑƖιgнт
Rebel Queen
Art by Nicoletta Baldari
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Post by Rανєη'ѕ ƑƖιgнт on Aug 20, 2016 22:52:53 GMT -5
heyyyy more prayers for me. there's a little brown line under my fingernail, and i've had scares with precancerous things on my skin before, so can y'all just pray that it turns out to be nothing? i'm probably getting it checked out when i'm home. Alright.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 22:55:19 GMT -5
Hello, here for the night C: what's everyone been talking about?
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Post by Dreamers Delight on Aug 20, 2016 22:55:22 GMT -5
Hi Flameflicker here. May I join? Im non denominational.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 22:58:11 GMT -5
Hi Flame! Sure, anyone can join in the conversation ^^
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Post by Dreamers Delight on Aug 20, 2016 22:59:30 GMT -5
Thanks! What's the discussion at the moment?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 23:00:28 GMT -5
I'm not sure honestly xD I'm gunna go back some pages and find out
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 23:03:20 GMT -5
I also have a huge problem with the "obey your parents" thing, because my dad is verbally abusive and that goes against my mindset. He goes after me for either doing something small wrong or doing nothing wrong at all. I can't take that at all and I get inflamed with righteous (?) anger. So I guess you guys can pray for my dad to curb his abusive behavior. (I do think this is an Ephesians 6:4 violation, but you guys can tell me what you think.) I can see how that would violate Ephesians 6:4, yes. My father has trouble with his temper, too (I got it from him, haha) and we argue with each other a lot. It's a process. I will certainly keep your situation in my prayers. ♡
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Post by Dreamers Delight on Aug 20, 2016 23:03:40 GMT -5
Raven's Flight Hey, if it's something bad then you don't have to listen to it. Do so if it's according to the bible. The bible says for father's not to be harsh with your children. (It was something like that, it was either in Colossians, Philipians or Galatians) Oh bible quizzing, why do you have to give us more than 1 book of the bible in a year???
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2016 23:05:15 GMT -5
Hi Flameflicker here. May I join? Im non denominational. Hi! Join in all you want. I don't identify with any specific denomination, either.
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Post by Dreamers Delight on Aug 20, 2016 23:07:03 GMT -5
Also, can I have prayer's for my grandmother? Me and my sister live with our grandparents and she lost her job a few months ago and hasn't found one since. So at this moment we aren't getting any income because they refuse to give her umemployment while a judge even said that they cant do that.
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