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Post by breadcat on Apr 2, 2017 18:19:36 GMT -5
Highschool. Supposedly the best four years of your life. Debatable. I bet you’re thinking, “Great, another highschool sob story.” Nope. Not in the least. This tale is going to be average. Just like me, average. I was the quiet kid. The kid who read books. The kid who had a nice family and a couple of friends. I was the kid who had good grades. But I bet you’re now thinking, “What is so interesting about being average?” I’m here to answer that juicy question. What is so interesting about being average? There is a secret to being average you know? There are small details that you pick up on. Tantalizing details. You get to watch those popular kids. You get to watch those smart kids. You get to watch those student athletes. You notice every little detail there is to notice, because you are average. How is this? Be brutally honest. I'm considering writing a book and this is going to be the base. |
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Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Apr 2, 2017 18:27:56 GMT -5
OOC
I think it's good if you're planning on going with a more simple slice of life story, though I will admit that it didn't quite peak my interest. Course I like adventure and action, so I'm probably not the crowd you're aiming for anyways.
IC
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Post by breadcat on Apr 2, 2017 18:30:08 GMT -5
OOC
I think it's good if you're planning on going with a more simple slice of life story, though I will admit that it didn't quite peak my interest. Course I like adventure and action, so I'm probably not the crowd you're aiming for anyways.
IC
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ah, it's fine! thank you for your feedback tho! |
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Post by Brownie on Apr 2, 2017 22:50:04 GMT -5
basically my life story right there
but sounds decent.
the flow could be a little better, especially if it's supposed to be the thing that catches the reader's attention.
Try reading it out loud a couple times, have other people read it our loud to see how they intone parts and emphasize parts and if it doesn't flow right, tweak it up a bit. You really want a hook to resonate with the audience and have a good flow to it so it really sticks in their head and sounds right to them. That's really the key to it; not as much the content as how it flows when they read it aloud in their heads.
also
"There is a secret to being average you know?"
Why the question mark? dunno but this part just sounds weird and off to me
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