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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:22:59 GMT -5
Sounds good Sour. I hope you feel better.
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Post by Sour Candy on Feb 1, 2017 16:34:49 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:36:20 GMT -5
Not good. I feel really mentally unstable and am halfway between freaking out and shutting down over literally nothing that's happened.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:38:08 GMT -5
Not good. I feel really mentally unstable and am halfway between freaking out and shutting down over literally nothing that's happened. are you going to be OK fam
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:42:41 GMT -5
Literally nothing has gone wrong or been bad today. But i started thinking about how i've been acting recently and just kind of get reminded that i have incurable crippling and severe mental disorders that is usually the only reason for me doing that kind of inexcusable and horrible things and being reminded of them triggers them to happen more so i am having trouble breathing right now.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:46:56 GMT -5
Literally nothing has gone wrong or been bad today. But i started thinking about how i've been acting recently and just kind of get reminded that i have incurable crippling and severe mental disorders that is usually the only reason for me doing that kind of inexcusable and horrible things and being reminded of them triggers them to happen more so i am having trouble breathing right now. that sux dude
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Post by Sour Candy on Feb 1, 2017 16:53:51 GMT -5
Literally nothing has gone wrong or been bad today. But i started thinking about how i've been acting recently and just kind of get reminded that i have incurable crippling and severe mental disorders that is usually the only reason for me doing that kind of inexcusable and horrible things and being reminded of them triggers them to happen more so i am having trouble breathing right now. I've been in that situation before, I know it's a terrible feeling. If you need anything I'm here for you
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Post by ⭐ 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍-𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖊𝖓 on Feb 1, 2017 16:54:32 GMT -5
Gojira do you think it would be wise to ask Thoth for help regarding intelligence since I'm feeling more of a draw to the Egyptian pantheon lately?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 16:56:06 GMT -5
I keep getting angry and violent for no real reason but i just can't bottle it and the more i try to bottle it the more it escalates when something new happens to make me angry again. It's becoming a vicious cycle and I need something else to do before I actually physically harm myself or somebody else but I'm just really paranoid I'm going to and won't be able to stop it and somebody will send me to the mental hospital again which will make me worse because those are the most horrible places on earth to go and maybe this time they'll lock me up forever.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 0:07:44 GMT -5
I am back and much more gooder now.
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Post by Sour Candy on Feb 2, 2017 0:13:02 GMT -5
Hi! Sorry I disappeared earlier; school was a pain.
Also I forgot to try and do the Odin thing again because I'm a lazy bum >.>" No wonder I have no connection
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 0:20:19 GMT -5
Yeeeeah. You really should set aside some time for that. In other news... I found a notebook at walmart I really want to try re-writing my BoS in because current one is messy and disorderly. Though I will still probably write in that one because it's perfectly good. Just maybe as more of a rough draft sort of scrapbooky type thing so the new one stays crisp and orderly.
It's dark gray hardbound with silver around the edge of the paper and the front cover has three black arrows. It also has two silver tassels. The inside cover is pale green with another arrow pattern and the paper itself is lined. I looked at it and just went. Dear GODS it's my aesthetic in a notebook. I must have it NOW.
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 2, 2017 0:24:22 GMT -5
*whistles* That notebook sounds awesome. O.O Love what my imagination is making it look like.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 0:25:10 GMT -5
LET ME SEE IF I CAN TAKE A DECENT FEW PICTURES BECAUSE YEAH IT'S WONDERFUL.
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 2, 2017 0:28:36 GMT -5
Oh! I want to see! I want to see!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 0:37:29 GMT -5
I really love it. I get kind of a masculine feel from it actually. I might name it.
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 2, 2017 0:43:39 GMT -5
I was right. That is one nice notebook!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 1:21:56 GMT -5
Yee. Sorry if I'm a little back and forth at the moment.
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Transgender
Gojira
It feels like flying, but maybe we're dying ♫
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Post by Gojira on Feb 2, 2017 1:49:15 GMT -5
Gojira do you think it would be wise to ask Thoth for help regarding intelligence since I'm feeling more of a draw to the Egyptian pantheon lately? Depends, honestly. Do you feel a pull towards him outside of that? He really does seem to appreciate being honored like a "main" deity and not just ~that dude you call every blue moon for help with writing or homework etc~ as people so often treat him. He's a nice guy, so he'd probably help you out the first time though if you approached right. It's pretty common sense to not just use gods as accessories to be useful only when you call on them for specific things, but I felt I should bring it up. If you want to strike up a relationship of any kind, go for it! Like I said earlier Kemetic Gods are p easy to get along with if approached correctly, and most are extremely human-friendly- Thoth included. Be warned that, while not malicious, he can be a trickster for sure. also, tea seems to be his fav. He also likes anything book or astrology related, and the usual suspects of bread and water are definitely still good with him too. In my personal experience, he also likes insightful quotes. One time he also made me print out a meme.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 2:27:30 GMT -5
Thoth sounds like a God I'd like to get to know too.
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Post by Dingoleap on Feb 2, 2017 2:50:05 GMT -5
Hey guys c:
I'm glad to see that you've improved over the course of the day, Try. If you don't mind me saying, if you feel it is an ongoing problem, maybe you should try talking to someone? I'm seeing a spiritual therapist at the moment (its great, we talk about my problems for a while, then do some meditation and some crystal/herb healing) to help me deal with the anger/bitterness I feel is really getting to the point where its starting to impact my life in very negative ways, and the help has been amazing. Sometimes its good just to unload it all. Meditation is also super helpful. I hope you don't mind me saying so.
And on the other hand, that notebook is awesome??? The visual aesthetic is perfect. I can almost feel the energy.
Thoth sounds awesome??? At least Bast has never made me print out memes, although we did once have a very interesting conversation about social justice for cats.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 18:37:37 GMT -5
Dingoleap Yeah. Part of me wants to try to see a counselor again but it's just so stressful to find one who just... works with me. I've gone through about 12 different therapists (although 7 of which were christian therapists my mom brought me to who did more harm than help because I was open to expressing my identity and beliefs to them which were met with a kind of judging disapproval and how I could "fix" myself to conform to those standards with behavioral therapy when that particular part of my life I'm confident in and have 0 problems with outside of people who care too much about the personal lives of others.) Therapy has a tendency to intimidate me, especially with groups, and I've only ever really jived with one of them ever about 8 or so months ago but she was a student counselor so when she graduated the sessions stopped and then I moved a bunch. I might try to find a spiritual therapist though? That seems a lot more relaxing. I just don't know what I can afford right now. This notebook just feels so chill and happy. I can't wait to get started on it.
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Post by Dingoleap on Feb 2, 2017 20:07:19 GMT -5
You really have to find someone that works with you. I really understand the stress of finding/meeting a counsellor. It took me a long time to feel comfortable with the idea, but I'm glad I finally found someone to work with. And honestly, group therapy sounds terrifying, and any therapist that is going to try to force beliefs onto you doesn't sound so good either. Spiritual therapists are great, since they really know how to work with your energies. I really hope you're able to figure it out c:
It is an excellent notebook.
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Transgender
Gojira
It feels like flying, but maybe we're dying ♫
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Post by Gojira on Feb 2, 2017 20:15:47 GMT -5
hello everyone! i was told to try therapy by my army of 5 psychiatrists, 2 psychologists, a neurologist and my general practitioner. and i absolutely hated it. my therapist was a perfectly nice and accepting lady, but we agreed that i wasnt benefitting from the time at all so i stopped. if you have a hard time with it too, its not the only option
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Post by Dingoleap on Feb 2, 2017 20:20:45 GMT -5
Hey Goji c:
What's going on?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 20:21:33 GMT -5
They didn't make me do group but they wanted me to (they being the counselors and my parents) because it would help the whole behavioral therapy thing and I'm like no. Stop. I'm not the problem here. The gist of a lot of the problems I was happened was because of the dysfunction in my family which honestly maybe 20% was genuinely my fault another 10% was my stepdad intervening and getting violent about it and the other 70% was my mom playing the blame game on everyone all the time. Mostly at me. as soon as I moved out my overall mood and personality improved greatly but I'm still not totally without problems. My friend agreed to go with me as a support though. So I got that.
Right now I'm re-writing the first few pages of my first bos neatly into a word doc so i can copy it down later into the new book. Having a digital copy as well as a physical copy seems like a good idea anyways just in case, gods forbid, my forgetful dumb face loses one.
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Post by Dingoleap on Feb 2, 2017 20:25:18 GMT -5
Family disfunction is like, the number one cause of all problems, I think. I'm really glad that you managed to clear your headspace at least a little bit. It's awful when other people try to blame you for their problems
That's a good idea! I should probably keep a digital copy as well. I must set aside some time to start my BoS today, too.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 21:01:40 GMT -5
I keep trying to motivate myself to write out a set in stone time schedule to adhere myself to. Kill me.
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 2, 2017 21:14:42 GMT -5
I'd probably misplace the digital copy before I lost the book itself.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2017 21:16:47 GMT -5
Same, mint. But at this point I will have two physical copies, one digital copy, and like 20% of the bare bone basics on an app. I think I'm set. x3
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