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Post by mintedstar/fur on Nov 7, 2018 15:53:01 GMT -5
Sending your sister well wishes for a quick recovery and good future health!
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 7, 2018 16:34:12 GMT -5
Glad your sister is on the road the recovery, Shadow! Hope everything smooths out for your family <3
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Post by Mᴏᴏɴ - - on Nov 7, 2018 18:33:12 GMT -5
» ѕнαdσω ⚔️ ;; Aww, much love to you, hun! <3 And I'm happy your sister's getting better; I hope for her successful recovery!
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 9, 2018 2:36:15 GMT -5
Thank you for the well wishes! She's slowly but surely on the mend. Still having some trouble sleeping but it's better than not sleeping at all!
On the up side, I had a job interview today AND I GOT HIRED. :'D
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 9, 2018 3:56:23 GMT -5
Hey, congrats! That’s awesome, Shadow! Well done!
What’s the job?
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Nov 9, 2018 16:45:55 GMT -5
Congrats! And to echo Dingo, what's the job?
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 9, 2018 18:17:27 GMT -5
I'm just a employee at Ross dress for less lol
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 10, 2018 3:21:44 GMT -5
Thats still great, lol
It’s money in the bank! Eventually to be turned into more books and notepads and music...
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 10, 2018 4:06:11 GMT -5
Yeah, though to be honest I could have had a book self published by January giving the rate that I was going. Getting this job wasn't my choice. I already have one at home with taking care of my sister as an In Home Attendant, and I get paid enough to cover my car payment and my college debt payment with some left over. (Both of my payments are very cheap luckily). I was in a great spot for recovery. My mental health was slowly but surely improving, and NaNoWriMo was my chance to finally get a taste for being a full time author without school getting in the way, but now I feel like all of that is going to go down the drain. Every passing day feels like I'm dying a little bit on the inside knowing what is coming. I haven't written anything for Nano in two days and I haven't been sleeping.
Yikes, sorry I ranted. I just need to get some of this off my chest. I'm just so tired.
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 10, 2018 5:11:40 GMT -5
It’s fine! Rant away! We’re your friends, Shadow, and that means we’re always here for you. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s insignificant or whatever - if it matters to you, it matters to us.
It’s hard when life throws such vicious curve balls at you. Even the best laid plans can get disrupted, and it’s hard to come to terms with that. It must be frustrating to be so close to your goal, only to have it delayed. Can I ask why you had to take a second job? Especially since it seems like the first job covers your cost of living pretty well.
Not sleeping can be stressful and painful and awful to live with. I certainly don’t want your mental health to go backwards <3
I’m no expert, but I recommend tea. Something warm and soothing, lavender, if you have it. Lavender is very good at that. A warm heat pack, soothing music and ‘essential oils’ (do you have those in America?) can be very helpful. Maybe you should treat yourself to a massage - that will certainly help you relax.
The most important thing now is that you take care of yourself, Shadow. If not taking the second job is a part of that, then maybe you should consider that. Do you have someone you can talk to? If you feel you need to?
It must be awful not havin the time to write, especially being so close to your goal. Something that helps me is to ‘steal moments’. I always carry my phone with me to type in the notes app, and I write while performing other tasks. Waiting for the microwave? Write for two minutes. Passenger in a car ride? Write for ten minutes. In the bathroom? Write for five. It’s inconvenient, only writing for snatches, but over the course of the week, you might be able to steal an hour or two. It does add up, in the end. It’s not much, but it helps.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on such things. All I can do is share the things that work for me and hope it can be of some help.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 10, 2018 12:28:11 GMT -5
Oh Shadow, hope your sister recovers! And that you feel better! Not sleeping can just wipe out a person and if one has mental health issues (mine is anxiety) it can wreck havoc on that. My Drawin suffere urinary tract blockage late FThursday eve-and I did not sleep checking up on him, giving him the urinary acidifier paste to help him pass some urine. Got him to the vet yesterday morning and he's getting treatment and should be ok. But the no sleep thing is a real problem!
Ad for sure writing helps, if the brain is functioning well enough to think straight!
I hope you do self publish. Let me know. My Kindle has room for a lot more reading material!
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 10, 2018 14:02:11 GMT -5
Basically my parents want me to have a job so that I can be financially secure. Its understandable, but at the moment that's not what I should be ( or want to be ) worrying about. My psychiatrist wants me back in therapy and she wants me to go to this thing called EDT which is for people who have survived suicide/suicidal thoughts and self harm. It's to help train you to avoid those thoughts I guess. I don't want therapy because I KNOW psychologically what causes my thoughts. I know the root cause. But it's not so simple to just block it or ignore it or somehow avoid the triggers because they will come anyways. EDT I'm interested in, but I don't see how I could participate if I have a busy job.
Tried to talk to my mom over the phone this morning about how I'm feeling. She keeps asking "have you been taking your pills?" and when I say yes she says "did you take the extra anxiety medication?" as if PILLS are the answer to everything. Medication for mental health usually solves 50% of the issue while the other 50% is your own actions and control of your thoughts. That's why you are always told to do therapy on top of medication. It's full coverage. She makes me feel like some naughty child with some kind of GIANT fear of responsibility. And you know what? Yeah, responsibility freaks me out because I am still in recovery from spending VERY stressful and overwhelming amounts of time in college where my depression and anxiety got so bad that I never left my dorm room; not even to get up to eat or drink and sleeping became near impossible because of how much my mind raced with thoughts of self hate and loathing. Hmm? I would think that's concerning and a bit traumatizing.
I experienced a very emotionally traumatic summer, ( bf of four years cheating on me before we were to move in together, loosing my childhood home, moving to a new city, not seeing my friends, self harming for the first time, suicidal thoughts, getting some very bad doctor appointments and so on ) and the responsibilities and coming expectations for payments and school have been hanging over my head the entire time like a guillotine. Not to mention being racked with guilt for dropping college, even though I KNOW it was the best decision. And this job is giving me similar vibes. Like, I'm having near close to anxiety panic attacks just thinking about interacting with a bunch of people everyday and having to do monotonous tasks and being far away from things that help me when my depression gets bad or my anxiety sneaks up on me. I got a kind of self care kit at home that I've set up for my bad days.
Given all of this...do I really want to take on a job? Even if it will put money in my pocket and make me financially stable and secure?
[ I'm drinking tea right now, Dingo. (: It's ginger peach! And thank you so much for your kind words. I actually teared up at that first sentence. My friends are few and far in between right now where I am, so it's comforting to know I still have you and many others here. As for moments, I've been stealing those since 2013 when I started Curse. That's how I've been managing to write as much as I have given college and life and a job. You'd be surprised how much was bathroom writing x'D
Thank you, phantom. <3 I'm glad to hear he's in recovery!
The more I research the more I feel self publishing is the way to go, despite the perks of traditional publishing. There's just so much more control on design and marketing and you get paid much more through selfpub than traditional pub. I will continue to look into my options, but selfpub is looking more appealing right now. ]
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 10, 2018 16:39:53 GMT -5
I’m glad, really glad, I can be of some comfort. It’s difficult to be without friends - but the wonderful thing about the Internet means all of us here can talk and help you through this. And ginger/peach tea sounds delicious and super soothing, btw.
It makes sense that your parents want you to be financially secure - because trust me, the opposite sucks and it’s not something I would wish on any of you - but I agree. It’s not something you want to be worried about. In this day and age, young people struggle. It’s what we do. But then we struggle a little less, and a little less, and hopefully by the time we’re 25 or so, we’re managing relatively ok.
Hmm, I can see your dilemma. Maybe you could look at going once a fortnight? Or once a month? At least then you’ll get started, even if it’s not as regular as you’d like.
And that’s hard, what your mum’s saying. Have you told her how it makes you feel? Sometimes I feel like people who don’t suffer mental health issues will never understand it - people telling others to ‘just stop worrying’ or ‘just get over it’ certainly have no idea how depression and anxiety effect people emotionally and physically. There’s no switch to flick that will suddenly make the world seem like a better place. Depression and anxiety are difficult dragons to slay and I’m so so proud, and so pleased, that you’re still fighting, Shadow. One day, you’ll win.
I’m so sorry to hear that this year was so hard for you. Things piling up like that can be crushing, but look at you. You’re still standing. It mightn’t always feel like it, but those little victories are important. You woke up today. You saw the sun and smelled the air and spoke to us today. You’re winning. I saw a post on Tumblr once that was along the lines of “every day you break your personal record of ‘consecutive days lived’. Well done” and I thought it surprisingly uplifting. Maybe you’ll benefit from it, too.
(A side note - your boyfriend does not deserve you.)
Leaving college must have been hard. Perhaps one day you’ll feel ready to go back, even if it’s just online or part-time.
I can understand your concerns about your job - as a person with anxiety who works in hospitality and interacts with people for hours on end, literally the best advice I can give you is fake it till you make it. It sounds cliched, but it works. So what if your smile drops the moment the customer leaves the store. So what if you stand there with your eyes closed until someone walks in. Invent a stupidly happy work persona and be that person whenever customers are near, then shed it when you get home. It’s just something you wear to work, just like a uniform. And when you deal with those nasty, yelling customers? Go home and tell someone the story and use a squeaky voice to mimic them. The worst people often make the best stories. Perhaps a few weeks from now, if you’re feeling comfortable with the boss/manager, maybe speak to them about ducking into the back room or outside for a minute when it gets really bad? Or say you need the bathroom/a glass of water. I know at best it will only get you out of the situation for a moment or two, but it might help. A self-care kit sounds great. It must be hard leaving it at home. Maybe you can put together a small portable one to take to work?
How many days a week is the job? It seems to me like you’d benefit the most from part time work, rather than full time. If you work on the weekends, you should get paid more than if you work during the week.
I’m curious - have you ever read anything by Maggie Stiefvater? Not only does she write fantastic books, but she writes a lot on what it’s actually like to be an author - and not the glamorous part of it. She’s written some great stuff on how to find publishers, what it’s like to write when your physical/mental health is so bad you don’t recognise yourself anymore, what it’s like to write while struggling financially, what it’s like to write when you have a full-time job and life keeps getting in your way.
And ooh, the self vs. traditional publishing debate. I read a blog post recently (by the aforementioned author, actually) about how your goals should impact that decision. Y’know, like if your goal is to have your books sold in all the major bookstore chains, traditional publishing is probably better for you personally.
For self publishing, though, I recommend looking at Kickstarter or another crowdfunding platform. Not only do they help you secure your funds - I’ve seen some projects on Kickstarter raise upwards of $50 000 - but it establishes an existing audience through preorders.
This turned out to be hecking long, but I had a lot to say.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 10, 2018 21:27:36 GMT -5
Wow Shadow, I can relate to a lot of your struggles. I did not experience then as a youth, but as an adult after an injury and some bad reactions to medications. It is a tough road sometimes. Finding the right doc and medication is crucial IMO. A good doc is worth their weight in gold.
Getting enough sleep is important too. A job that you like would help, too. Nothing worse than having to go to a job you don't like.
I hope things get better for you.
AS for trad publishing vs Self, I've tried for decades as the trad publishing world shrunk to a mere 6 publishing houses. Many authors have done great self publishing and what I like is the full control over book layout, cover, and such. M only issue is promotion which can be expensive, but if you can target your efforts it pays off.
Never give up that dream even if it does take decades.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 10, 2018 21:29:36 GMT -5
Darwin is still at the vets-they took the catheter out this morning and waiting or him to pee normally. I should know more in the morning and hopefully he can come home.
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Nov 11, 2018 2:11:26 GMT -5
I'm sad that your year hasn't gone well, Shadow! But like Dingo said, we're here for you. And while I might not have any suggestions, know that I've been listening and that I'm here to support you through what's happening. I hope that next year is so much better for you and I'll do anything in my power to make it so, if I can. <3 Love and care about you, Shadow. You are such a great friend and whatever you need.
Also, Dingo, essential oils are a thing here. My mother and grandmother uses them. ^^
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 12, 2018 21:41:00 GMT -5
I'm not seeing screaming yet. Is it that bad? DID I FINALLY CROSS THE LINE
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Nov 12, 2018 22:58:13 GMT -5
Maybe we're all just frozen in fear, too scared to read it. o.o
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 13, 2018 0:26:40 GMT -5
AH, WHAT A THING TO COME HOME TO
READING AND EATING JUNK FOOD RIGHT NOW
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 13, 2018 1:02:14 GMT -5
Wow. Just... wow.
I need some time to process all of this.
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Post by Dingoleap on Nov 13, 2018 2:46:25 GMT -5
What have you done to my Darkmoon?!?! I'm glad she's still fighting. Her spirit is one of the best parts of this chapter. You captured her agony so well. My heart aches for her, even now. It's kind of humbling to see the Valley's most renowned warrior brought to her knees, and yet her triumph is that she gets back up, with no thought to her own pain. She's so, so strong and I admire the heck out of her.
Shadowface had some divine moments in this chapter, too. Her reuniting with her mother was heartwarming, but her interaction with Darkmoon was what stole the cake for me. Throughout 'Curse' Shadowface comes across as someone who hates asking for help. And yet, here she is, asking Darkmoon to do one last thing and look after her kits. The simple emotion in "make them strong" took my breath away. I'm being perfectly honest when I say I teared up. Cried a little bit when I read Eaglefrost and Maskkit's interaction. The little bit of humour there was great, too.
And HELL YEAH, Shadowhunter finally gets what's coming to her.
Oh man, I can hardly believe that this rollercoaster is almost over.
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Post by phantomstar57 on Nov 13, 2018 9:18:48 GMT -5
I'm not seeing screaming yet. Is it that bad? DID I FINALLY CROSS THE LINE |
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Post by Katanaheart on Nov 13, 2018 11:44:20 GMT -5
I'm not seeing screaming yet. Is it that bad? DID I FINALLY CROSS THE LINE
Darkmoon is currently fine, but passed out.
And I doubt anyone wants to hear me ramble about other characters, so I’ll just keep quiet.
Shadowhunter got what she deserved, it should’ve been worse, but still.
And curious to see how Shadowface is able to finish off Lionshadow and what her plan is there.
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 13, 2018 14:37:41 GMT -5
Maybe we're all just frozen in fear, too scared to read it. o.o I wouldn't blame anyone for that x'D |
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 13, 2018 14:41:08 GMT -5
What have you done to my Darkmoon?!?! I'm glad she's still fighting. Her spirit is one of the best parts of this chapter. You captured her agony so well. My heart aches for her, even now. It's kind of humbling to see the Valley's most renowned warrior brought to her knees, and yet her triumph is that she gets back up, with no thought to her own pain. She's so, so strong and I admire the heck out of her.
Shadowface had some divine moments in this chapter, too. Her reuniting with her mother was heartwarming, but her interaction with Darkmoon was what stole the cake for me. Throughout 'Curse' Shadowface comes across as someone who hates asking for help. And yet, here she is, asking Darkmoon to do one last thing and look after her kits. The simple emotion in "make them strong" took my breath away. I'm being perfectly honest when I say I teared up. Cried a little bit when I read Eaglefrost and Maskkit's interaction. The little bit of humour there was great, too.
And HELL YEAH, Shadowhunter finally gets what's coming to her.
Oh man, I can hardly believe that this rollercoaster is almost over.
 I honestly don't have anything to add or say. I'm just so humbled and very happy with how this chapter came out. |
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 13, 2018 14:43:19 GMT -5
I'm not seeing screaming yet. Is it that bad? DID I FINALLY CROSS THE LINE
Darkmoon is currently fine, but passed out.
And I doubt anyone wants to hear me ramble about other characters, so I’ll just keep quiet.
Shadowhunter got what she deserved, it should’ve been worse, but still.
And curious to see how Shadowface is able to finish off Lionshadow and what her plan is there.
"Darkmoon is currently fine, but passed out." I don't know why that made me smile lol I'M HORRIBLE Rant away! :'P |
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Post by Katanaheart on Nov 13, 2018 15:14:42 GMT -5
Darkmoon is currently fine, but passed out.
And I doubt anyone wants to hear me ramble about other characters, so I’ll just keep quiet.
Shadowhunter got what she deserved, it should’ve been worse, but still.
And curious to see how Shadowface is able to finish off Lionshadow and what her plan is there.
"Darkmoon is currently fine, but passed out." I don't know why that made me smile lol I'M HORRIBLE Rant away! :'P You will regret that decision, Shadow.
WHERE IS MY SON?! *SHAKES.*
Is he okay? Is he safe?
I don’t care about Maskkit, where’s my son!
Also are Nightfang and Ashpaw okay?
And Chillkit too, I guess since she’s with them.
ALSO MY SON SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FATHER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE, BUT NAH GIVE ALL OF THAT TO MASKKIT...
Like we know my son’s designated mother is fine, albeit passed out.
Bad Lionshadow. I would spray you with a water bottle if I had one.
...
This sounds like I have immense hatred of Maskkit, but like I just don’t particuarly care for her, given I’ve wanted her and her sisters dead for a while now...
My feelings stuck.
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Post by ~Sapphire~ on Nov 13, 2018 17:32:31 GMT -5
Darkmoon pov, yes!! Her segments are always excellent, and I'm so glad she's alive (for the moment at least... You wouldn't do this to us twice, right?) And it's great seeing Eaglefrost back in action as well! Can't say I'm sorry about what happened to Shadowhunter. More like, loudly cheering the ancestors on xP. A very satisfying end for an excellent villain. The last segment though. "She will not bring anyone back" is just spine-tingling. And the conversation between Shadowface and Darkmoon, and that last paragraph o.o Why do you leave us on this cliffhanger Shadow? Why? (Unrelated, I hope next year goes really well for you! You deserve it  ) |
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Nov 13, 2018 20:03:49 GMT -5
Katanaheart *is shook* Next chapter there will be a scene just for you. (; It's just how the plot unfurled. It is unfortunate, but better one then none. ROFL omg, spraying Lionshadow with a water bottle!!! x'D
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