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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 16:55:38 GMT -5
I can't do this anymore... I just can't... I thought I had Jessica, my ex best friend, back but just today I saw her remove me from facebook. I asked her what I did wrong and her mom starts blowing up my phone telling me things like I can't control her to be my friend, how she isn't my personal ATM (I never even asked her for money? All I did was borrow $6 for my prescription which I was going to pay back until all this drama started. She brought up her paying for taco bell when Jessica had OFFERED to pay) and that I should just leave her alone and get a job... she then proceeded to say she knows all about me when she clearly knows NOTHING ABOUT ME.
I'm just done... I can't live in a world where everyone I love ends up stabbing me in the back... I have nobody... nobody would miss me... nobody loves me.... I'm sorry...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 16:58:59 GMT -5
No please don't
We'd miss you
Everyone in the Christian chat would miss you
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:00:18 GMT -5
I don't want to but I don't know what else to do... I hate my life so much and everyone around me seems to be against me...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:02:47 GMT -5
I don't want to but I don't know what else to do... I hate my life so much and everyone around me seems to be against me... We aren't against you! None of us want you gone. No one wants you gone.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:06:31 GMT -5
It's hard to believe that at all... I bet if any of you even met me in real life you'd all just leave me too... I've been used and abandoned too many times and I'm just suck of it... it just doesn't feel like there's ANYTHING for me anymore. What's the point of trying to live if you're already dead inside anyways?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:07:56 GMT -5
Kitty wait I care about you a lot, okay? I know we hardly know each other but the small time we've been talking I've really grown to like you and care about you. You're an amazing person and you're so mature and you've actually inspired me because of your maturity. It may seem like no one cares but I do. Victorious here seems to I know your mom does. God does.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:13:55 GMT -5
I do care about everyone on these cat forums. None of you deserve to die, and I really care about you.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:18:41 GMT -5
Tw cutting I feel like such a coward... I can't even cut myself to die... I cut my shoulders, and the blood soaked through my shirt sleeve, but I couldn't even go to my wrists to finish the job... My mom found me and even though I still wanna die, I'm not crying anymore... she just texted Jessica's mom. Her mom claims I owe Jessica and Riley a lot of money... so I'm guessing when I bought them stuff it is okay not to pay me back, but they return the favor and I suddenly have to pay them back? My mom went savage and called her a cowardly bully hiding behind texts, and how Jessica came to us each time she let get down, and that WE paid her school lunch account over drafts senior year so SHE could get her damn diploma. One she refused to pay for. She's always been a hypocrite though, so...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:22:47 GMT -5
oh my gosh Kitty are you okay please dont do things like that i care a lot about you and i dont want you to be hurt
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:22:56 GMT -5
I wish I could quote but my phone is acting up, but I really appreciate you guys... I'm so lost and I just want to sink into the ground and just... disappear... I hate everything... I am crying again and I feel like nothing's ever gonna get better... I am a worthless human being who can't so much as just keep a damn job... I don't even deserve to live... I'm not even able to be a good mom to my baby, which is why I have to give it up for adoption when its born... I don't know what to do...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:24:02 GMT -5
I'm a selfish person I know I just can't stand this pain anymore... I don't want to die but life is just as bad if not worse at this point
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:26:01 GMT -5
I gotta go phone is dying. I'll be on later maybe... I might be better later well see. My mom isn't letting me out of my sight so I can't even do anything if I want too
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Nov 11, 2016 17:27:36 GMT -5
KIT I WOULD 10000% MISS YOU You honestly give me so much hope. Crazy, right? You've never said anything inspirational to me, or at least so you think. But you have given me hope that there are young, intelligent woman out there, who can recognize their wrongs without punishing themselves for it, who understand consequences and accept them. You give me so much hope for mothers of the next generation after us.
First off, you need to calm down and sort out your thoughts. I recommend the following: it's helped me in the past collect myself when I get upset.
Once you're in better control, see if you can talk to Jessica directly. Try not to be confrontational, otherwise it could be interpreted as accusatory rather than hurt. Even if Jessica is bailing on you, then that's okay. It probably means she shouldn't be in your life, and God might be saving you from future worse grief down the road. There will be other people, those who truly care about you and want nothing more than for you to succeed. Remember those who are there for you, let go of those who aren't.
You got this.
EDIT: Lay down for a moment, put in some earbuds, close your eyes, and listen. It has always helped me when I get low.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:28:04 GMT -5
no no, Kitty you're an amazing person, God loves you so much and he made you gorgeous and amazing don't sell yourself short things are bad sometimes but they get better I promise you they get better.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 17:29:16 GMT -5
Okay, Kitty. We really care about you remember that.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 18:23:41 GMT -5
@shad thank you, I appreciate your kind words. But talking to Jessica is out of the question. I tried talking earlier and that's when her Satanic mother decided to stick her nose where it didn't belong. My mom more or less told her off, saying me and Jessica were adults and could talk things out ourselves. And proceeded to remind her how WE were more of a family than she was by paying for her lunch account that was $80 owed. Her mom didn't care if she got her diploma. We did. What did her mom do? She bought new phones. Got fancy manicures. Bought a pack of smokes every day. But clearly Jessica has forgotten about all of that. Well, so be it. She'll get what's coming to her and I will refuse to give a helping hand this time. She's betrayed me for the last time.
@wash I know... it's just hard to believe anyone loves me. Even God... I feel like I've been going through nothing but suffering all my life, from bullying to betrayal... I just wish the good times came already...
@leopardbreath Thank you. I don't know how long my determination will last though... I've been beaten down constantly and tbh I'm close to giving up completely... I don't know how much longer I can go, but I'm trying
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 18:25:26 GMT -5
I'm very sorry for what happened. Have you tried to talk to that mother about how Jessica offered to pay? And maybe you can give her $6.00 right in front of her for proof...?
I'm sorry it isn't much help. But people do care for you. It will be hard, but try to think a little more positive. Just have a little faith.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Nov 11, 2016 18:26:18 GMT -5
You don't need Jessica.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 18:29:07 GMT -5
I wanted to but my mom told me its better to not respond. She's a demon who leeches off of negativity and my mom said shes not worth stressing over. She asked for the number she texted me from and dealt with it. Of course the leech still thinks she's right, because of course, she always is in her blackened, soulless eyes.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 18:30:45 GMT -5
Jessica is clearly a leech just like her leech mother.
Thanks Bleak <3 its hard to control my emotions and stress levels but I am trying my best
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Nov 11, 2016 18:36:46 GMT -5
I wish I could do more for you. I guess all I have left are my prayers. <3
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Post by carbonated water on Nov 11, 2016 18:53:29 GMT -5
hey i don't know you but like, i've been thru si/suicide things and been in psych hospitals and i to tell you that the feeling that there's nothing left here for you will go away. i know it's scary because the sadness isn't going to go away right away, but you just have to hold on. please like in the coming days and weeks and months there will be a moment where you think "wow i'm glad i'm still here" and over time those moments will become more frequent and it's so worth it.
if you're having suicidal thoughts/self injury than please talk to someone in real life. it's super scary but this is't something you need to go thru alone, and people on the internet are fabulous, but irl support is also really important. the forums have a hotline page you can find next to the "messages" button. those are a great resource. please stay safe <3
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 19:00:51 GMT -5
i keep telling you, youre always welcome in my town.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 19:19:41 GMT -5
I'll always be here when you need me and it seems like many others will as well I've never had any serious suicidal thoughts, so I really can't know what it's like, but I'll do what I can to help you out. It may seem like no one is there or listening, but God is, even if it doesn't seem like it. And you always have a friend in me.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 19:42:07 GMT -5
please don't do this. you will be missed, and we care. if not for yourself, stay for the other people around you. think how sad they would be for you to leave.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 19:42:28 GMT -5
I love you guys <3 I never knew how many people actually cared. Thank you. Though one issue with your suggestion, Tyler, is that you're like 10 hours away and I have no car or money to rent a place DX otherwise I would have been there by now lol
I think I'm alright now. Not exactly okay or good, but my suicidal thoughts have passed. And though many more bad thoughts are bound to come, I'll definitely talk to someone before doing anything to harm myself. My mom was heart broken when she saw the blood, I could tell. And she told me if I do it again she'll take me to a hospital. Which means I either need to hide the scars better, or just quit cold turkey. And tbh the latter is more appealing. It'll be hard I know, because I've done it for years... but really, what other choice do I even have?
Thank you guys, all of you are the best <3
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 20:06:11 GMT -5
So glad you're feeling better, Kitty <3 We're all here to talk, like you said, whenever you need it.
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Post by ⋆ ɑetɧeɾ « on Nov 11, 2016 20:06:51 GMT -5
hey kitty I don't know you much but I've seen you around a bit. I'm a good friend of Spotty/Washua's (you can call me Bucky) but I just wanted to let you know that you seem like a great person and tho things can be rough at times, you're loved and you'll get through this.
I hope you do well with your baby! And I hope that things go well and they will have a good life as you do too <3
And hey, if you want, you're free to send me a message via pm, I'm available to chat c: my friends rant and chat with me when they're down, and I keep things to myself if asked, so if you need someone to talk to, you send me a message if you want okie?
You seem like a great person so I wish you well n.n
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