Post by tiger beetle on Oct 30, 2016 16:15:48 GMT -5
please help
okay so I have a friend who means a lot to me but the problem is that her other friends are pretty bad a lot of the time but I know I am too I know I'm not better than them but it means I can't abandon her (for clarification she said she would be dead without me so it's…it's that kind of friendship)
and like
yesterday her other friend was telling her to join the ski club (side note: since when have we had a ski club!!! where in the world are people skiing! side note over) and apparently they meet on Fridays and…Friday has been the day we hang out…but I have the first 5 classes of the day with her every day and we sit next to each other in 4 of them so it's not like I'd never see her! but I still just got so upset about that
and I shouldn't!!! she needs to do things she wants to do…she needs to have close friends who aren't me!
and then there's…her best friend keeps trying to pressure her into relationships with random guys which is bad but I'm also bad because I think I've ended up just being a pressure not to be in a relationship and that's not helpful! that's controlling and awful
and I keep insulting her other friends…I need to think before I speak but I just don't think
she just texted me saying she got a Tinder and the empty anger is happening again! it needs to not! I need to stop!!!
update: I accidentally started responding with one-word texts and now she thinks I'm mad at her and I'm not mad at her I'm mad at myself for being so disgusting but I can't tell her that!!!!! I "solved" the immediate problem by telling her I wasn't mad and saying I loved her but that doesn't fix the long term problem of me acting like this all the time
I am so possessive and horrible but I can't just suddenly stop being close to her because she needs a close friendship even though she needs more than one she still needs at least one for the time being???
she's also pretty poor and I'm pretty rich so I buy her food and stuff all the time (she has enough money to not worry about death, but not enough money to join clubs just because she feels like it; I don't have enough money to move into a mansion, but I have enough money that I can go to pretty much any instate college without worrying) and I know that constantly buying someone stuff is a bad thing to do but I can't just not give her things and I know she feels guilty about it and I don't want her to feel guilty but I don't know how to explain to her that it really is okay without bragging about having "infinite" money or saying too much and turning it into an even less healthy friendship
I tried to apologize for being so clingy but she just said that I wasn't annoying her
but she's the kind of person who doesn't say no about anything which is why I'm so afraid of her being in a relationship…she's afraid of everyone and doesn't like confrontation so she just goes along with things no matter how hurt she is and I'm terrified that something will happen to her…but I'm not going to not let her do things…but then when I try to give her actual balanced advice it's like I'm telling her not to do things and I don't want that and
she's silent enough about her own wants that I don't even know what she likes to do besides play Fallout 4 and watch TV
I want the best for her but I am not good at giving her the best?
she was going to go to a restaurant with her best friend and these two girls that she doesn't like much but then I got invited and went with her and…I shouldn't have! I love spending time with her but my presence was really bad for her because she needs to do things without me more often
I get so jealous all the time and I need to stop…just because I've done some good things for her in the past doesn't make me any less of an abusive friend now! she needs to find someone better than me but I can't just cut her off because she needs someone still and I don't think she has anyone else that she feels like she can complain to
things are really awful for her…as far as I know, I know more about her life than any of her other friends, who know pretty much nothing…
I'm so insensitive though like I'll sit here and cry about this but I won't do anything to fix anything!? please…what should I do…
I just need to not be so awful but I have no experiences with close friendships other than her so I don't know what to do…
and like
yesterday her other friend was telling her to join the ski club (side note: since when have we had a ski club!!! where in the world are people skiing! side note over) and apparently they meet on Fridays and…Friday has been the day we hang out…but I have the first 5 classes of the day with her every day and we sit next to each other in 4 of them so it's not like I'd never see her! but I still just got so upset about that
and I shouldn't!!! she needs to do things she wants to do…she needs to have close friends who aren't me!
and then there's…her best friend keeps trying to pressure her into relationships with random guys which is bad but I'm also bad because I think I've ended up just being a pressure not to be in a relationship and that's not helpful! that's controlling and awful
and I keep insulting her other friends…I need to think before I speak but I just don't think
she just texted me saying she got a Tinder and the empty anger is happening again! it needs to not! I need to stop!!!
update: I accidentally started responding with one-word texts and now she thinks I'm mad at her and I'm not mad at her I'm mad at myself for being so disgusting but I can't tell her that!!!!! I "solved" the immediate problem by telling her I wasn't mad and saying I loved her but that doesn't fix the long term problem of me acting like this all the time
I am so possessive and horrible but I can't just suddenly stop being close to her because she needs a close friendship even though she needs more than one she still needs at least one for the time being???
she's also pretty poor and I'm pretty rich so I buy her food and stuff all the time (she has enough money to not worry about death, but not enough money to join clubs just because she feels like it; I don't have enough money to move into a mansion, but I have enough money that I can go to pretty much any instate college without worrying) and I know that constantly buying someone stuff is a bad thing to do but I can't just not give her things and I know she feels guilty about it and I don't want her to feel guilty but I don't know how to explain to her that it really is okay without bragging about having "infinite" money or saying too much and turning it into an even less healthy friendship
I tried to apologize for being so clingy but she just said that I wasn't annoying her
but she's the kind of person who doesn't say no about anything which is why I'm so afraid of her being in a relationship…she's afraid of everyone and doesn't like confrontation so she just goes along with things no matter how hurt she is and I'm terrified that something will happen to her…but I'm not going to not let her do things…but then when I try to give her actual balanced advice it's like I'm telling her not to do things and I don't want that and
she's silent enough about her own wants that I don't even know what she likes to do besides play Fallout 4 and watch TV
I want the best for her but I am not good at giving her the best?
she was going to go to a restaurant with her best friend and these two girls that she doesn't like much but then I got invited and went with her and…I shouldn't have! I love spending time with her but my presence was really bad for her because she needs to do things without me more often
I get so jealous all the time and I need to stop…just because I've done some good things for her in the past doesn't make me any less of an abusive friend now! she needs to find someone better than me but I can't just cut her off because she needs someone still and I don't think she has anyone else that she feels like she can complain to
things are really awful for her…as far as I know, I know more about her life than any of her other friends, who know pretty much nothing…
I'm so insensitive though like I'll sit here and cry about this but I won't do anything to fix anything!? please…what should I do…
I just need to not be so awful but I have no experiences with close friendships other than her so I don't know what to do…