i am trans (also good bye heyo)
Oct 19, 2016 20:51:19 GMT -5
sand dollar, kiddo, and 7 more like this
Post by Sanders on Oct 19, 2016 20:51:19 GMT -5
so like for those of you who don't know hello im trans!! i was born designated female at birth (dfab). i grew up dfab and ive spent the last 20 years of my life being dfab. and it sucked. i hated being a girl. so for the past three-ish ?? years of my life ive had my name picked out and have started to come out as a boy in small amounts to some people. but recently ive fully come out and am coming out and starting my transition.
im a boy (mostly) and nothing is going to change the fact that im a boy.
but literally every single day of my life is a constant struggle to be seen the way i am. have you ever walked out into public and thought, "Man I feel really good about myself today I am comfortable!" ?? now imagine that and someone some random person you don't know just literally yelling out at you "YOU LOOK REALLY BAD AND UGLY" because honestly that's how it feels when i get misgendered in public. it's literally a punch in the stomach because i thought today was the day that people would see me as a boy and they never do. and even if i transition they never will because people suck.
ive literally cried myself to sleep thinking "why can't i just be happy and be a girl?" it sucks big time im not going to lie. i really do hate my life and myself almost constantly because of all of this. because people are constantly telling me im not who i am and because i know that people are not going to see me as i am.
now i also won't lie that i feel liberated. when i walk down the street and im feeling like a boy and i can just relax and feel like a boy and i am a boy and i do boy things and ive never felt so much in tune with myself and i love being a boy and wow boy things are gr8!!!
my life's gotten a little more complicated recently because im a boy and nobody sees me as a boy aha. it's pretty radical actually when your own family doesn't get your name and pronouns right. and im pretty forgiving. i let people mess up my pronouns a LOT. all the time every day. but like. just know that if you get a trans person's pronouns wrong they definitely heard you even if they didn't speak up. and for me personally, each one feels like a swift kick in the chest. every time you mess up my pronouns i physically wince. even if i don't correct you. mostly because im hoping people will correct themselves even though they won't because they don't see me as a boy. and really it's not my job to make sure you respect my name and pronouns. you should do it because you know im a boy and not because "oh he's trans so we have to."
ANYWAY. this has gotten long winded.
but long story short it's both the best and worst thing in my life to be trans. and i really don't want to change that because ill never be happy as a girl and at least i can be mostly happy as a boy. and i just wanted to tell this because i want people to understand what im going through and maybe why it's important to like. not say outright that you don't agree with LGBT people. because it sucks irl and then i come here and it sucks here too and i don't get a single second where my life isn't literally sucking. and i know not everybody is going to love me for who i am but like one place for one day where my identity isn't a debate for here or for congress whether i should use this bathroom or that. that would be the best day ever.
now for the good bye part. this place sucks big time. and idk why i stick around im way to old to be putting up with this especially when i get it off line 24/7 at my house lol.
but there are plenty of people i respect around here and not everybody is bad really. but i hate being here.
im going to have a job soon and will hopefully (literally begging the universe) going to start Testosterone soon. (if you don't know trying to start T is literally the worst process ever lmao because apparently i don't know what i want to do with my own body but okay) Which will mean that ive got to focus on my transition goals and also work a bunch to pay for things because im getting to that point.
so yeah.
i might check my pm's here every once in a while. but like see ya because i can't anymore.
im a boy (mostly) and nothing is going to change the fact that im a boy.
but literally every single day of my life is a constant struggle to be seen the way i am. have you ever walked out into public and thought, "Man I feel really good about myself today I am comfortable!" ?? now imagine that and someone some random person you don't know just literally yelling out at you "YOU LOOK REALLY BAD AND UGLY" because honestly that's how it feels when i get misgendered in public. it's literally a punch in the stomach because i thought today was the day that people would see me as a boy and they never do. and even if i transition they never will because people suck.
ive literally cried myself to sleep thinking "why can't i just be happy and be a girl?" it sucks big time im not going to lie. i really do hate my life and myself almost constantly because of all of this. because people are constantly telling me im not who i am and because i know that people are not going to see me as i am.
now i also won't lie that i feel liberated. when i walk down the street and im feeling like a boy and i can just relax and feel like a boy and i am a boy and i do boy things and ive never felt so much in tune with myself and i love being a boy and wow boy things are gr8!!!
my life's gotten a little more complicated recently because im a boy and nobody sees me as a boy aha. it's pretty radical actually when your own family doesn't get your name and pronouns right. and im pretty forgiving. i let people mess up my pronouns a LOT. all the time every day. but like. just know that if you get a trans person's pronouns wrong they definitely heard you even if they didn't speak up. and for me personally, each one feels like a swift kick in the chest. every time you mess up my pronouns i physically wince. even if i don't correct you. mostly because im hoping people will correct themselves even though they won't because they don't see me as a boy. and really it's not my job to make sure you respect my name and pronouns. you should do it because you know im a boy and not because "oh he's trans so we have to."
ANYWAY. this has gotten long winded.
but long story short it's both the best and worst thing in my life to be trans. and i really don't want to change that because ill never be happy as a girl and at least i can be mostly happy as a boy. and i just wanted to tell this because i want people to understand what im going through and maybe why it's important to like. not say outright that you don't agree with LGBT people. because it sucks irl and then i come here and it sucks here too and i don't get a single second where my life isn't literally sucking. and i know not everybody is going to love me for who i am but like one place for one day where my identity isn't a debate for here or for congress whether i should use this bathroom or that. that would be the best day ever.
now for the good bye part. this place sucks big time. and idk why i stick around im way to old to be putting up with this especially when i get it off line 24/7 at my house lol.
but there are plenty of people i respect around here and not everybody is bad really. but i hate being here.
im going to have a job soon and will hopefully (literally begging the universe) going to start Testosterone soon. (if you don't know trying to start T is literally the worst process ever lmao because apparently i don't know what i want to do with my own body but okay) Which will mean that ive got to focus on my transition goals and also work a bunch to pay for things because im getting to that point.
so yeah.
i might check my pm's here every once in a while. but like see ya because i can't anymore.