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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 15, 2020 23:59:14 GMT -5
ngl sounds like he's lying about seeing a therapist
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 16, 2020 0:06:31 GMT -5
That really does pretty much explain all of this then. Not everyone is equipped to deal with us bpeds. That's not ableist or anything that's just the truth. There's a pretty valid reason the disorder is seen in such a bad way. It's up to him to seek help and put in effort to rise above the abusive impulses or be destroyed by them. It's not your job to stand by him just because he's mentally ill. It's not an excuse. He does seem like he blames everything on his disorders, and I've tried supporting him, and being there for him when he's having an off day, but he's just really mean to me, and he accuses me of doing and saying stuff that I never did i've got a cousin with BPD. absolutely refuses any and all help. (he was on meds that helped for awhile but went off them years ago because he didn't like some side effects--but refuses to try anything else). blames his family for everything that goes wrong in his life. a couple years ago my dad reached out to kinda help him. made deals like "i'll help you with rent if you get a job". cousin claims he can't get a job without a car. my dad buys him a (used) car. still doesn't get a job, wrecks the car. gets in a bloody fight with a bar stranger, dad hires an attorney to keep him out of jail. this pattern continued for awhile until finally my dad cut him off from further help until my cousin fulfilled his end of the promise. well, cousin didn't like that, started saying my dad was just as bad as his family, poor me, you're an awful uncle, refused to talk to him anymore, etc etc etc. people with BPD who refuse to seek help will often find every excuse for themselves while shifting blame to everyone else. that's just the truth. you cannot help your friend the way he is. only he can seek that for himself, and he has to really want it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2020 0:11:54 GMT -5
He does seem like he blames everything on his disorders, and I've tried supporting him, and being there for him when he's having an off day, but he's just really mean to me, and he accuses me of doing and saying stuff that I never did i've got a cousin with BPD. absolutely refuses any and all help. (he was on meds that helped for awhile but went off them years ago because he didn't like some side effects--but refuses to try anything else). blames his family for everything that goes wrong in his life. a couple years ago my dad reached out to kinda help him. made deals like "i'll help you with rent if you get a job". cousin claims he can't get a job without a car. my dad buys him a (used) car. still doesn't get a job, wrecks the car. gets in a bloody fight with a bar stranger, dad hires an attorney to keep him out of jail. this pattern continued for awhile until finally my dad cut him off from further help until my cousin fulfilled his end of the promise. well, cousin didn't like that, started saying my dad was just as bad as his family, poor me, you're an awful uncle, refused to talk to him anymore, etc etc etc. people with BPD who refuse to seek help will often find every excuse for themselves while shifting blame to everyone else. that's just the truth. you cannot help your friend the way he is. only he can seek that for himself, and he has to really want it. Oh wow, that sounds really serious, I hope your cousin is doing better, or that he will try to get more help soon
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 16, 2020 1:06:24 GMT -5
A person with bpd's biggest enemy isn't the disorder, it's their ego.
Edit: To elaborate, a lot of times people with bpd have experienced trauma at some point. Specifically interpersonal trauma such as abandonment or abuse. Because of that a lot of us get it in our heads that well the trauma wasn't OUR FAULT and then that sets the pattern to believe well if bad things happen between me and someone else, it's not our fault. That sets the stage for wanting to deflect and project every new bad thing. And especially in the era of mental health awareness it's an excuse to pardon themselves with "oh I'm just mentally ill, deal with it." It's also not totally uncommon for bpd to have comorbid narcissistic personality disorder further complicating things.
I see those patterns and behavior and others, and I relate to them. I can identify them because I used to be the verbally abusive and projecting one. I used to be the guy to threaten suicide if the people I love left me or wanted space because I percieved it as abandonment. I never would have gotten better at all if certain people in my life hadn't left and made me rethink my actions.
As the person who has been left in the past, it hurts yeah. But I look at the people who left me in the past for what I did.... and I don't blame them. They should have left. They needed to leave. It may hurt him but not nearly as bad as what he's doing to you because abuse has long-term consequences for the victim.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 16, 2020 12:53:11 GMT -5
Chicken He's the same as he always has been. The only person he interacts with is his disabled father (dude fell off a ladder decades ago and it knocked a screw or two a bit loose) whose love/generosity he takes complete advantage of by never moving out and turning the guy's house into a hoarder's den. That's an interesting insight Leapkit. I don't think my cousin had any trauma per se, but my mom does have a theory. He also has some learning disabilities and such, and she says from a young age all the adults in his life were constantly telling him that essentially less was expected out of him because of it. As in, "No [cousin], it's okay if you're having trouble controlling yourself/understanding this situation, it's because you're xyz." Nobody close to him ever help him to a high standard. So he learned early on from authoritative figures that anything wrong he did should be excused. It was everyone else's job to help him. So it's not really a surprise he grew up to believe the world owed him and must accommodate his issues.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2020 13:07:58 GMT -5
Saint AmbrosefOh man, I feel really bad for his father
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