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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 11:56:27 GMT -5
I have this friend, who is CONSTANTLY having relationship drama, like, his ex is after him, he's in love with someone who's already taken, etc. It seems like everytime we talk, he's all upset over his love affairs, sometimes it's a completely new person, but other times, it's someone from his past. Like, one day, he'll be fretting over um Table, and the next, he'll be fretting over Chair, and then a few days later, he'll be fretting over Table again. To make matters worse, during this whole time, he's being flirty with me, it's like, wtf do you want dude? Anyway, currently he's in love with this person, who is already with someone, and they're in an open relationship. And by open relationship, it means, they can mess around with other people, but not date them. I really don't understand why he'd mess around with someone who wouldn't be fully committed to him, when he wants them to be, but whatever. The thing is, I really don't care about his relationship drama that he is constantly having, but that's all he ever talks about. By the way, this guy is TERRIBLE when it comes to relationships, he pretty much has cheated on everyone he's dated, and as soon as someone new comes along, he's automatically in love with them, and the other person is forgotten about for a couple of weeks, until he decides he's into them again. I still want to be his friend though, so what should I do? I can't tell him that I don't care, because he's one of those people that you pretty much have to walk on egg shells around. You say one little thing he doesn't agree with, and he flies right off the handle
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 12, 2020 12:13:59 GMT -5
he sounds borderline sociopathic with serious infatuation issues and honestly not like a good person to be friends with
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 12:25:19 GMT -5
he sounds borderline sociopathic with serious infatuation issues and honestly not like a good person to be friends with Really? We have cut ties as friends several times, but for some reason, we always end up being friends again
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Post by Banned from the original WCF on Jan 12, 2020 15:30:37 GMT -5
That's not someone you want to be supportive of lmao.
I get that you don't really want to cause anything, but I feel like your friend doesn't really understand the meaning of "no". You have to say no, though. Imo the best way to knock a bit of sense and decency into someone is to refuse to pander to them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 16:34:59 GMT -5
Banned from the original WCFHe really doesn't, one time, we were chatting, and I was like "It's 3 AM, I'm going to bed." and he's like, "How dare you! Don't you care about me? Blah blah blah." PapillonOh, he already has, he's constantly calling me toxic, and telling me that I'm the reason that he's so depressed and stuff. He used to be really cool and nice, but then one day, he just...changed. It might be me though, because he's not the only friend that I've had who were nice, but then they turned into complete jerks, and they're like, "I changed for the better, I'm no longer going to let you push me around!" I don't even recall doing stuff like that :/
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#add8e6
Name Colour
*Ravenpaw*
Warrior Fanatic
*reads books in a corner*
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Post by *Ravenpaw* on Jan 12, 2020 16:35:28 GMT -5
I don't think it's a good idea to support a person like that. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around him.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 16:39:00 GMT -5
I don't think it's a good idea to support a person like that. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around him. I know, but he is high depressed, and I don't want him doing anything drastic
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#add8e6
Name Colour
*Ravenpaw*
Warrior Fanatic
*reads books in a corner*
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Post by *Ravenpaw* on Jan 12, 2020 16:40:43 GMT -5
I don't think it's a good idea to support a person like that. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around him. I know, but he is high depressed, and I don't want him doing anything drastic Has he tried to get help?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 16:43:01 GMT -5
I know, but he is high depressed, and I don't want him doing anything drastic Has he tried to get help? Yeah, he's apparently seeing a therapist, and apparently, he talks about me to her, and I have no idea what he tells her, but he's told me, that she's said that I'm a toxic person, and that I'm a C word. I don't know if he's just embellishing it, or if she really did say that about me. He refuses to take any medicine though
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#add8e6
Name Colour
*Ravenpaw*
Warrior Fanatic
*reads books in a corner*
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Post by *Ravenpaw* on Jan 12, 2020 16:47:55 GMT -5
Has he tried to get help? Yeah, he's apparently seeing a therapist, and apparently, he talks about me to her, and I have no idea what he tells her, but he's told me, that she's said that I'm a toxic person, and that I'm a C word. I don't know if he's just embellishing it, or if she really did say that about me. He refuses to take any medicine though Yikes.... Guess it isn't working out that well. ):
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 16:48:43 GMT -5
Yeah, he's apparently seeing a therapist, and apparently, he talks about me to her, and I have no idea what he tells her, but he's told me, that she's said that I'm a toxic person, and that I'm a C word. I don't know if he's just embellishing it, or if she really did say that about me. He refuses to take any medicine though Yikes.... Guess it isn't working out that well. ): Honestly, he seems A LOT more mean since he's started seeing that therapist
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#add8e6
Name Colour
*Ravenpaw*
Warrior Fanatic
*reads books in a corner*
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Post by *Ravenpaw* on Jan 12, 2020 16:55:44 GMT -5
Yikes.... Guess it isn't working out that well. ): Honestly, he seems A LOT more mean since he's started seeing that therapist True.
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Bisexual
#e0a8ff
Name Colour
🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃
THIS IS THE THRILLLLLLLLLLERRRRRRR, THRILLLERRRRR NIIIIIGHHHHTTTT 🎃
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Post by 🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃 on Jan 12, 2020 17:29:37 GMT -5
I think that therapist is helping convince him you're a problem in his life. Which you probably are, but not in the way you think. He expects too much support from you at this point and takes it out on you in a bad way if you don't want to deal with it. It's bad. He has to learn that you're here to help but you're not the problem solver.. He's probably not a friend you want. Even if he could do something you could damage your mental state overtime with this guy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 17:39:08 GMT -5
I think that therapist is helping convince him you're a problem in his life. Which you probably are, but not in the way you think. He expects too much support from you at this point and takes it out on you in a bad way if you don't want to deal with it. It's bad. He has to learn that you're here to help but you're not the problem solver.. He's probably not a friend you want. Even if he could do something you could damage your mental state overtime with this guy. Yeah, true, I don't think he sees it that way though, I mean, I try to help him, and he thinks I'm the worst person ever, and he doesn't listen to anything I say
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Post by Sand on Jan 12, 2020 18:04:58 GMT -5
Had a friend like this before except it wasn’t always relationship drama, some of it dealt with their health which I could relate to at times. There was a point where they would complain about their relationships and health to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. They refused to seek help for themselves at first but then when they finally did, things didn’t change. It got worse. I ended up leaving this friend behind because I couldn’t deal with their toxicity. They told me that I was apathetic which was/is probably true and said I had little to no sympathy for others. After I cut them off, they would return a few times to whine about their situation but I didn’t reply. I feel like they were seeking attention from me and I wasn’t willing to give in anymore. I was tired of being used to feel guilt or help them even though I’m pretty sure they knew they’d never do anything to improve their life.
Basically, if I were in your shoes, I’d cut them off. It’s not healthy for you to deal with that because their actions and words can affect you too. It’s not worth your time either if they’re going to call you names.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 18:21:57 GMT -5
Had a friend like this before except it wasn’t always relationship drama, some of it dealt with their health which I could relate to at times. There was a point where they would complain about their relationships and health to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. They refused to seek help for themselves at first but then when they finally did, things didn’t change. It got worse. I ended up leaving this friend behind because I couldn’t deal with their toxicity. They told me that I was apathetic which was/is probably true and said I had little to no sympathy for others. After I cut them off, they would return a few times to whine about their situation but I didn’t reply. I feel like they were seeking attention from me and I wasn’t willing to give in anymore. I was tired of being used to feel guilt or help them even though I’m pretty sure they knew they’d never do anything to improve their life. Basically, if I were in your shoes, I’d cut them off. It’s not healthy for you to deal with that because their actions and words can affect you too. It’s not worth your time either if they’re going to call you names. Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, it's kind of scary that there's more people like my friend out there. I think he is just trying to get attention from me, because when he has other friends around, he's a huge jerk towards me, or he just ignores me, but when they're not around, he's almost like a completely different person
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Post by Sand on Jan 12, 2020 22:02:48 GMT -5
Had a friend like this before except it wasn’t always relationship drama, some of it dealt with their health which I could relate to at times. There was a point where they would complain about their relationships and health to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. They refused to seek help for themselves at first but then when they finally did, things didn’t change. It got worse. I ended up leaving this friend behind because I couldn’t deal with their toxicity. They told me that I was apathetic which was/is probably true and said I had little to no sympathy for others. After I cut them off, they would return a few times to whine about their situation but I didn’t reply. I feel like they were seeking attention from me and I wasn’t willing to give in anymore. I was tired of being used to feel guilt or help them even though I’m pretty sure they knew they’d never do anything to improve their life. Basically, if I were in your shoes, I’d cut them off. It’s not healthy for you to deal with that because their actions and words can affect you too. It’s not worth your time either if they’re going to call you names. Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, it's kind of scary that there's more people like my friend out there. I think he is just trying to get attention from me, because when he has other friends around, he's a huge jerk towards me, or he just ignores me, but when they're not around, he's almost like a completely different person It's fine, I got over it. People of all kinds are out there and sometimes we just run into the toxic ones. He might be trying to do that, it wouldn't surprise me if that's what he is up to. Maybe cutting him off and not speaking to him forever is a good idea. It really depends on what you prefer to do and what you think is better for you, not him.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2020 22:17:47 GMT -5
Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through that, it's kind of scary that there's more people like my friend out there. I think he is just trying to get attention from me, because when he has other friends around, he's a huge jerk towards me, or he just ignores me, but when they're not around, he's almost like a completely different person It's fine, I got over it. People of all kinds are out there and sometimes we just run into the toxic ones. He might be trying to do that, it wouldn't surprise me if that's what he is up to. Maybe cutting him off and not speaking to him forever is a good idea. It really depends on what you prefer to do and what you think is better for you, not him. That's probably a good idea, we've been friends for so long though, that I can't really remember a time when we weren't friends
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2020 15:46:27 GMT -5
Papillon Oh, he already has, he's constantly calling me toxic, and telling me that I'm the reason that he's so depressed and stuff. He used to be really cool and nice, but then one day, he just...changed. It might be me though, because he's not the only friend that I've had who were nice, but then they turned into complete jerks, and they're like, "I changed for the better, I'm no longer going to let you push me around!" I don't even recall doing stuff like that :/ ive had a friend like that before. they act like them being awful all of a sudden is some great change for everyone and that they're just "standin up for themselves" when you never did things to them in the first place. ii've since stopped talkin to this persn and i think you should consider that too even if it's hard. like try slowly distancing yourself and whatnot. also blaming you for HIS depression is another big red flag. it's not your fault if he does anything to himself. he obviously has a lot of underlying mental health issues if he did do something drastic. threatening or implying suicide/self harm is severe manipulative behavior and not friendship at all, it's more a hostage situation That's sooo weird that there's so many people out there like that The weird thing is, that one time, his friend told me that he tried to take his life, and he was in the hospital and that it was my fault, but it turns out that he and his friend were the same person the whole time, so idk if that really happened, because how could he be all fine and texting me if he was in the hospital?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 16:46:28 GMT -5
that is really bad. you should get away for your own safety and your mental health too. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like this. Thanks I just wish that he'd go back to the way he was when we first met, but it doesn't seem like that's ever going to happen
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 15, 2020 17:16:35 GMT -5
wait is this the same guy you've mentioned in the past who hits on you even though you keep saying no
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 17:18:12 GMT -5
wait is this the same guy you've mentioned in the past who hits on you even though you keep saying no Yeah, he's also the one that I've referred to as my Onestar friend, if I'm talking crap on someone, it's usually this guy
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jan 15, 2020 17:33:23 GMT -5
wait is this the same guy you've mentioned in the past who hits on you even though you keep saying no Yeah, he's also the one that I've referred to as my Onestar friend, if I'm talking crap on someone, it's usually this guy bruh drop him like he's toxic waste from the heart of the chernobyl nuclear plant, because he is
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 17:38:10 GMT -5
Yeah, he's also the one that I've referred to as my Onestar friend, if I'm talking crap on someone, it's usually this guy bruh drop him like he's toxic waste from the heart of the chernobyl nuclear plant, because he is I know he is, but each time I try, I think about how he used to be, and even though I know he'll never be that way again, I still have a hard time just dropping him. I also don't want him doing anything drastic or anything.
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Post by Sand on Jan 15, 2020 17:47:59 GMT -5
bruh drop him like he's toxic waste from the heart of the chernobyl nuclear plant, because he is I know he is, but each time I try, I think about how he used to be, and even though I know he'll never be that way again, I still have a hard time just dropping him. I also don't want him doing anything drastic or anything. Considering that he lied before about attempting suicide , he will probably try to pull that again on you just so you stay around. He’s not worth the risk of your mental health and well being.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 17:54:52 GMT -5
I know he is, but each time I try, I think about how he used to be, and even though I know he'll never be that way again, I still have a hard time just dropping him. I also don't want him doing anything drastic or anything. Considering that he lied before about attempting suicide , he will probably try to pull that again on you just so you stay around. He’s not worth the risk of your mental health and well being. Yeah, that's true. He is a little on the off side...one time, I did get tired of his crap and blocked him, but then, he messaged me from another account, and started messaging everyone I knew, it was really weird. But on the other hand, I say the word "moth" to him, and he's like, "If you talk to me again, I'll report you for harassment!" But then he comes back like a couple of days later. I honestly don't understand this guy, he seems to have a lot of double standards.
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 15, 2020 20:19:00 GMT -5
Honestly dude threatening suicide is a scare tactic. He won't. And if he does it literally isn't your fault but I am 99.9999% certain he's full of shit. You have a right to your own mental health. This dude is nuts.
Also he's probably either lying or telling half truths to his therapist bc I don't know any therapist that would reason with that kind of behavior.
Sounds like he has a serious case of bpd. I won't sugar coat that. I used to be hella like this before I learned better.
You also gotta realize you've built him up in your mind. Take him off his little pedestal because the person he was isn't the person he is.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 20:38:10 GMT -5
Honestly dude threatening suicide is a scare tactic. He won't. And if he does it literally isn't your fault but I am 99.9999% certain he's full of shit. You have a right to your own mental health. This dude is nuts. Also he's probably either lying or telling half truths to his therapist bc I don't know any therapist that would reason with that kind of behavior. Sounds like he has a serious case of bpd. I won't sugar coat that. I used to be hella like this before I learned better. You also gotta realize you've built him up in your mind. Take him off his little pedestal because the person he was isn't the person he is. He actually has been diagnosed with BPD
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 15, 2020 21:18:08 GMT -5
Honestly dude threatening suicide is a scare tactic. He won't. And if he does it literally isn't your fault but I am 99.9999% certain he's full of shit. You have a right to your own mental health. This dude is nuts. Also he's probably either lying or telling half truths to his therapist bc I don't know any therapist that would reason with that kind of behavior. Sounds like he has a serious case of bpd. I won't sugar coat that. I used to be hella like this before I learned better. You also gotta realize you've built him up in your mind. Take him off his little pedestal because the person he was isn't the person he is. He actually has been diagnosed with BPD That really does pretty much explain all of this then. Not everyone is equipped to deal with us bpeds. That's not ableist or anything that's just the truth. There's a pretty valid reason the disorder is seen in such a bad way. It's up to him to seek help and put in effort to rise above the abusive impulses or be destroyed by them. It's not your job to stand by him just because he's mentally ill. It's not an excuse.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2020 21:21:51 GMT -5
He actually has been diagnosed with BPD That really does pretty much explain all of this then. Not everyone is equipped to deal with us bpeds. That's not ableist or anything that's just the truth. There's a pretty valid reason the disorder is seen in such a bad way. It's up to him to seek help and put in effort to rise above the abusive impulses or be destroyed by them. It's not your job to stand by him just because he's mentally ill. It's not an excuse. He does seem like he blames everything on his disorders, and I've tried supporting him, and being there for him when he's having an off day, but he's just really mean to me, and he accuses me of doing and saying stuff that I never did
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