Post by EthanTheAnnus on Jul 10, 2019 3:23:11 GMT -5
I started a fic back in mid-2016, a fic I never finished or posted. I found the draft for it again today, and decided to rewrite the Prologue I had. I feel I've improved a lot, and still have room to grow, and I thought I'd share it here!
Prologue [OLD WRITING (MID 2016)]
The gray tabby tom backed away from the limp brown tabby tom. His pelt quivered with apprehension; he had killed his brother!
“You killed him!” screeched a yellow tabby she-cat, confirming his thoughts. She hurled herself towards the brown tabby and stood over his body, hissing defiantly at the gray tabby.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but the she-cat didn’t seem to hear him, and if she did, she took no notice.
“Get away!” she spat. “You’ve killed him! Get away!” The tabby bowed his head and padded across the once-beautiful plain, glancing back at the battlefield, at the place that had become his brother’s dying place. He was exhuasted; he wanted his brother to be here to comfort him, but his brother was dead. And he was responsible. Determination overrode his sadness. His own Clan still needed him, and he was determined to be the leader they deserved. With a final glance at his brother and his grieving Clanmates, the tabby dissapeared into the forest.
Prologue [NEW WRITING [MID 2019)]
The night was the darkest it had ever been. Not even a single star lit the sky, and clouds drifted over the tiny sliver of the moon that was there. In the low, dark light, the gray tabby tom’s pelt looked almost black, his icy blue eyes a cold, hard gray, and the bright blood on his paws looked more ominous than ever.
Two cats, slowly circling each other as a battle raged around them. Hissing and yowling and the tearing of flesh and fur faded to nothing as the two advanced slowly, steadily, towards each other.
“You don’t want this fight.” A steady green gaze met the gray tabby tom’s, who just curled back his lip to reveal his teeth in response.
“I won’t let you destroy my Clan, brother,” the gray tabby tom hissed, spitting the last word as if it were poisoned, like tainted prey in his jaws.
The green gaze belonged to a brown tabby tom, whose stance was as steady and confident as his eyes were. “Bramblestar. Think about what you are doing.”
The gray tabby tom, Bramblestar, flexed his claws. “I already have, Hawkstar.”
With a loud, hissing yowl, Bramblestar hurled himself at Hawkstar. His claws tore at his brothers stomach, ripping through the fur and the flesh and drawing hot, fresh crimson blood. Hawkstar twisted, and drove his hindpaws up under Bramblestar’s ribs to fling him violently off; the brown tabby crouched low with a warning hiss, tail lashing, as Bramblestar just stared him down, licking dried blood from his jaws.
For a moment, the two just froze, gazes locked. Then Bramblestar was launching himself forwards, muscles pumping. Hawkstar leaped to intercept him, but Bramblestar turned at the last second, propelling himself towards a large oak. Reaching the tree’s base, he pushed off of it to turn directions and barrel into his brother’s side.
Hawkstar yowled, a noise of pure, raw pain, and Bramblestar tumbled over and over with him, pushing his paws as hard as he could into the brown tabby’s flank. The two halted abruptly, and Bramblestar had Hawkstar painfully pinned.
“Nowhere to go, brother.”
Fear flashed in Hawkstar’s green eyes for a moment. “Do your worst.”
Bramblestar’s eyes narrowed, and he raised his paw for a killing blow. Hawkstar’s eyes widened at this, and the fear in his expression only fuelled Bramblestar, who slammed his paw into Hawkstar’s neck. He dug his claws in tight, holding on as his brother convulsed, again and again and again.
“Stop!” A feminine voice pierced the air, making Bramblestar loosen his grip for a moment to glance over and spot a yellow tabby she-cat before his gaze hardened and his grip tightened again, digging into Hawkstar’s flesh harder than before.
Blood bubbled at the brown tabby tom’s lips. “StarClan… they were… right…”
Too late, Bramblestar released his brother, eyes widening. The brown tabby tom convulsed a final time, green eyes widening as he gasped for a final breath of air that wasn’t there. All his nine lives had gone, disappeared one after the other as Bramblestar had dug his claws into Hawkstar’s throat.
The crimson, bloody tide seemed to lap at Bramblestar’s paws as he backed away, pelt quivering and eyes wide. I killed him! My own brother!
Suddenly, the yellow tabby she-cat was standing over the brown tabby tom’s body, hissing and snarling, spittle flying in the direction of the regretful gray tabby.
“You killed him!” she screeched, over and over. Bramblestar just stared at her for a moment, fumbling for words.
“I-I-”
“Get away!”
“Goldenash-”
“I said get away!” Goldenash looked absolutely livid as she stood over the dead body of Hawkstar, as if defending him while he lost a life. Bramblestar’s head dropped.
Regret and remorse seemed to slowly build up in him, until he was drowning in it. He stared at his paws, covered in the red, red, red blood of his brother. He’d broken the warrior code, done wrong by StarClan and his own Clan, but worst of all, his own brother was dead and it was because of him.
Then Bramblestar raised his head, narrowing his eyes determinedly. This beautiful place, once a gathering ground for the Clans, had become his brother’s dying place, but not the dying place of his Clan. His Clan, who still needed him. Who needed their leader.
With a final, regretful glance at his brother’s now limp, still, unmoving body and the hissing form of Goldenash, he turned and, with a sweep of his tail, led his Clan away from the now-bloodied battlegrounds.
Prologue [OLD WRITING (MID 2016)]
The gray tabby tom backed away from the limp brown tabby tom. His pelt quivered with apprehension; he had killed his brother!
“You killed him!” screeched a yellow tabby she-cat, confirming his thoughts. She hurled herself towards the brown tabby and stood over his body, hissing defiantly at the gray tabby.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but the she-cat didn’t seem to hear him, and if she did, she took no notice.
“Get away!” she spat. “You’ve killed him! Get away!” The tabby bowed his head and padded across the once-beautiful plain, glancing back at the battlefield, at the place that had become his brother’s dying place. He was exhuasted; he wanted his brother to be here to comfort him, but his brother was dead. And he was responsible. Determination overrode his sadness. His own Clan still needed him, and he was determined to be the leader they deserved. With a final glance at his brother and his grieving Clanmates, the tabby dissapeared into the forest.
Prologue [NEW WRITING [MID 2019)]
The night was the darkest it had ever been. Not even a single star lit the sky, and clouds drifted over the tiny sliver of the moon that was there. In the low, dark light, the gray tabby tom’s pelt looked almost black, his icy blue eyes a cold, hard gray, and the bright blood on his paws looked more ominous than ever.
Two cats, slowly circling each other as a battle raged around them. Hissing and yowling and the tearing of flesh and fur faded to nothing as the two advanced slowly, steadily, towards each other.
“You don’t want this fight.” A steady green gaze met the gray tabby tom’s, who just curled back his lip to reveal his teeth in response.
“I won’t let you destroy my Clan, brother,” the gray tabby tom hissed, spitting the last word as if it were poisoned, like tainted prey in his jaws.
The green gaze belonged to a brown tabby tom, whose stance was as steady and confident as his eyes were. “Bramblestar. Think about what you are doing.”
The gray tabby tom, Bramblestar, flexed his claws. “I already have, Hawkstar.”
With a loud, hissing yowl, Bramblestar hurled himself at Hawkstar. His claws tore at his brothers stomach, ripping through the fur and the flesh and drawing hot, fresh crimson blood. Hawkstar twisted, and drove his hindpaws up under Bramblestar’s ribs to fling him violently off; the brown tabby crouched low with a warning hiss, tail lashing, as Bramblestar just stared him down, licking dried blood from his jaws.
For a moment, the two just froze, gazes locked. Then Bramblestar was launching himself forwards, muscles pumping. Hawkstar leaped to intercept him, but Bramblestar turned at the last second, propelling himself towards a large oak. Reaching the tree’s base, he pushed off of it to turn directions and barrel into his brother’s side.
Hawkstar yowled, a noise of pure, raw pain, and Bramblestar tumbled over and over with him, pushing his paws as hard as he could into the brown tabby’s flank. The two halted abruptly, and Bramblestar had Hawkstar painfully pinned.
“Nowhere to go, brother.”
Fear flashed in Hawkstar’s green eyes for a moment. “Do your worst.”
Bramblestar’s eyes narrowed, and he raised his paw for a killing blow. Hawkstar’s eyes widened at this, and the fear in his expression only fuelled Bramblestar, who slammed his paw into Hawkstar’s neck. He dug his claws in tight, holding on as his brother convulsed, again and again and again.
“Stop!” A feminine voice pierced the air, making Bramblestar loosen his grip for a moment to glance over and spot a yellow tabby she-cat before his gaze hardened and his grip tightened again, digging into Hawkstar’s flesh harder than before.
Blood bubbled at the brown tabby tom’s lips. “StarClan… they were… right…”
Too late, Bramblestar released his brother, eyes widening. The brown tabby tom convulsed a final time, green eyes widening as he gasped for a final breath of air that wasn’t there. All his nine lives had gone, disappeared one after the other as Bramblestar had dug his claws into Hawkstar’s throat.
The crimson, bloody tide seemed to lap at Bramblestar’s paws as he backed away, pelt quivering and eyes wide. I killed him! My own brother!
Suddenly, the yellow tabby she-cat was standing over the brown tabby tom’s body, hissing and snarling, spittle flying in the direction of the regretful gray tabby.
“You killed him!” she screeched, over and over. Bramblestar just stared at her for a moment, fumbling for words.
“I-I-”
“Get away!”
“Goldenash-”
“I said get away!” Goldenash looked absolutely livid as she stood over the dead body of Hawkstar, as if defending him while he lost a life. Bramblestar’s head dropped.
Regret and remorse seemed to slowly build up in him, until he was drowning in it. He stared at his paws, covered in the red, red, red blood of his brother. He’d broken the warrior code, done wrong by StarClan and his own Clan, but worst of all, his own brother was dead and it was because of him.
Then Bramblestar raised his head, narrowing his eyes determinedly. This beautiful place, once a gathering ground for the Clans, had become his brother’s dying place, but not the dying place of his Clan. His Clan, who still needed him. Who needed their leader.
With a final, regretful glance at his brother’s now limp, still, unmoving body and the hissing form of Goldenash, he turned and, with a sweep of his tail, led his Clan away from the now-bloodied battlegrounds.