|
Post by vocebulery on Jun 11, 2019 16:00:19 GMT -5
FIRE IN THE WINDAn OC Warrior Cats Fan Fiction "When fire blazes in the wind, and shadows are shown in plain light; blood will split the land again, and all will turn to ash."
When an almost unbearable famine stripped the clans of many lives and brought sickness to all the territories , the clans were forced to band together or perish completely. Now, thanks to seasons of benevolence between clans, alliances are at an all time high. However, a new prophecy threatens to rip the clans apart in unprecedented ways. Will the clans be able to survive the fire that burns in the wind?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
ALLEGIENCES
Windclan
Nursery Cinnamonsprout- Dust Gray tortoiseshell she-cat with golden splotches and brown eyes. Sandystream- Light brown she-cat with amber eyes. Ploverkit- Light brown ticked-tabby tom with a white chest and stomach Larkkit- pale gray she-kit with a white muzzle
Apprentices Ashpaw- Dust-gray tabby pointed and white she-cat with dark blue eyes. Emberpaw- Dark ginger tabby she-cat with light amber eyes. Robinpaw- Mostly white calico she-cat with light amber eyes. Rabbitpaw- Pale brown tortoiseshell tom with light amber eyes. Warriors Stormrunner- Light gray muscular tom with a white chest, ears, tail tip and golden eyes. Apprentice- Ashpaw Fallenrain- Dark gray tabby she-cat with forest green eyes and teeth that curl beneath her mouth. Apprentice-EmberpawLightbreeze- Pale mottled tabby tom. Runningfoot- Black she-cat. Apprentice- RobinpawFeatherflight- Brown tom with white paws. Cinderdream- Dust gray she-cat with dark blue eyes. Hareear- pale brown she-cat with black-tipped ears. Owlwhisker- Light brown ticked-tabby tom with yellow eyes. Medicine Cats Wheatweaver- Pretty, light calico she-cat with dark grayish blue eyes. Apprentice- RabbitpawDeputy Jacklejaw- Golden tabby and white tom with brown eyes Leader Moorstar- Light yellow tom with light green eyes and a white chest spot. LIVES: IXXXXXXXX Elders Halfhair- pale brown she-cat permanently missing patches of hair on her body. Cragtooth- Brown-gray mottled tom with teeth that curl beneath his mouth.
Shadowclan
Apprentices Yarrowpaw- Brown tabby she-cat with yellow eyes. Rootpaw- Dark grayish brown tom with amber eyes Rotpaw- Dark charcoal ticked tabby tom with dark blue eyes Shrewpaw- calico she-cat with brown eyes Molepaw- ginger she-cat with dark ginger mottled spots and yellow eyes. Needlepaw- Pale yellow tom with yellow eyes Pinepaw- Ginger tabby tom with forest green eyes Warriors Fallowlight- pale brown and white mottled she-cat with pale amber eyes Apprentice- YarrowpawHeavyheart- Pale gray, very fluffy tom with a dark gray chest and stomach. Apprentice- MolepawBluewhisker- Blue-gray she-cat with dark gray eyes. Apprentice- RotpawAutumnshrike- Pretty calico she-cat with black ear tufts and striking orange spots. Pinknose- white she-cat with a vibrant pink nose and yellow eyes Foxstrike- Ruddy ginger tom with darker ginger paws and tail-tip. Apprentice- RootpawRussetclaw- Ginger tabby she-cat with yellow eyes. Jackdawsong- black and gray tom with amber eyes. Apprentice- ShrewpawMedicine Cat Wrenwhisper- Dark ginger tabby tom with dark green eyes. Apprentice- PinepawDeputy Stonefoot- Dark gray tom with black paws and yellow eyes. Leader Briarstar- Dark brown she-cat with a light brown mask, white chest and underbelly, and light brown eyes. LIVES: IIIIIIIII Apprentice- NeedlepawElders Moonclaw- Gray she-cat with darker gray muzzle and paws.
Thunderclan
Nursery Apprentices Warriors Medicine Cat Deputy Leader Elders
WIP
Riverclan
Nursery Minnowleap- silver tabby she-cat with blue eyes Streamkit- Brown tabby and white tom kit. Willowkit- golden furred she-kit Apprentices Quickpaw- White tom with a gray nose and eyes. Ripplepaw- Gray tabby tortoiseshell she-cat with blue eyes. Dawnpaw- pale golden she-cat with even paler chest markings and sandy eyes Warriors Mossclaw- white and red spotted tom with green eyes Troutwhisker- White tom with brown speckles and gray eyes. Apprentice- RipplepawSpecklewing- white she-cat with gray speckles and amber eyes Apprentice-QuickpawCardinalflower- ginger and white she-cat with brown eyes. Loonfeather- gray she-cat with mottled black and white spots littering her pelt and yellow eyes. Apprentice- DawnpawMedicine Cat Brookbabble- Dark blue-gray tom with piercing blue eyes and a black nose. Deputy Eldernose- Black tom with amber eyes and a reddish brown nose. Leader Swanstar- White, lithe, tall tom with yellow eyes, a black muzzle, and black paws. LIVES: II XXXXXXXElders Blackeyes- White She-cat with black patches on her eyes and black ear tufts.
FAMILY GROUPS
I wanted to be able to keep count of who is related to who so here goes N O T H I N G ____X____=______ Indicates mates & kits Name Striked Out Indicates deceased cat
? Indicates unknown {} Indicates littermates Two different colors indicates known half clan litter. * Indicates clan member that was adopted into the clan.
Windclan Family Groups
Moorstar X Sandystream= {Featherflight,Lightbreeze, Sunnykit} {Larkkit, Ploverkit} Cinnamonsprout X Lightbreeze = Halfhair X ? = {Cinderdream, Owlwhisker, Wheatweaver} Grasstail X Leapstrike = { Fallenrain, Stormrunner}
Foxstep X Moonfeather = {Jacklejaw, Hareear, Runningfoot} Featherflight X Hareear = {Rabbitpaw, Robinpaw} Cinderdream X Jacklejaw = {Cinnamonsprout,Rosekit} {Emberpaw, Ashpaw, Coalkit} Cragtooth X Oatwhisp ={Grasstail}
Shadowclan Family Groups
Jackdawsong x Pinknose = {Rotpaw, Rootpaw, Yarrowpaw} Heavyheart x Russetclaw = { Needlepaw, Pinepaw } Foxstrike x Autumnshrike = { Molepaw, Shrewpaw} Stonefoot x Sweetpelt {Briarstar, Bramblefeather, Bluewhisker}
Understar x Marigoldleaf = {Fallowlight, Heavyheart, Autumnshrike} Moonclaw x Redriver = {Wrenwhisper, Foxstrike, Russetclaw} Moonclaw x Spikepelt = {stonefoot}
Wrongeye x Branchclaw = {Understar, Jackdawsong}
Riverclan Family Groups
Minnowleap X Mossclaw = {Streamkit, Willowkit} Loonfeather X Ospreycry = {Specklewing, Troutwhisker} {Ripplepaw, Quickpaw, Dawnpaw}
Gooseflight X Duckfeather = {Loonfeather, Brookbabble, Fishscale} Cardinalflower X Swanstar = {Mossclaw}
Redriver X Whitepelt = {Eldernose, Cardinalflower, Ospreycry} Redriver X Moonclaw = {Wrenwhisper, Foxstrike, Russetclaw}
Monsoonwind X Rainclaw = {Minnowleap} Blackeyes X Sparrowwing = {Swanstar, Gooseflight, Blackfeather}
Thunderclan Family Groups
Smallpetal X Rowanheart= {Dustkit, Mothkit, Leafkit} Hawkjaw X Dovecloud= {Thorntooth, Dovecall} Thorntooth X Ivypelt= {Lightpaw, Darkpaw} Longwhisker X Magnoliatuft= {Beewing, Suntuft} {Butterflyeye, Flutterpelt} Shrewfur X Milkpelt= {Barkfall, Litterleaf}{Spottedpaw, Brackenpaw, Briarpaw}
Sparrowwing X Blackeyes= {Blackfeather, Swanstar, Gooseflight}
Sparrowwing X Honeytail= {Amberstar, Rowanheart, Shrewfur} *= Tasha
|
|
|
Post by vocebulery on Jun 13, 2019 10:45:47 GMT -5
PROLOGUE
THE PROPHECY UNFOLDS_____________________________________________________________________________
Pale moonlight shone. A night breeze whispered through tall, sweet-smelling new leaf flowers and crickets chirped rhythmically all around. The clear , star-studded sky above allowed for all the radiance of the half moon to glitter down on the plains.
The half moon?
Wheatweaver looked around, craning her neck to see above the overgrown stalks of grass that blocked her view.
This isn’t right.
Where were her starry warrior ancestors? The last time she had been awake, she lay in a damp and freezing cave about to tap her nose on the moon crystal with the other medicine cats, ready to consult with StarClan. “This is just a normal dream,” She whispered aloud in disappointment, hearing the comforting chirps of the crickets die away as she lifted herself to her paws.
Suddenly, the breeze stopped. Now, with no noise sounding other than her own breathing, Wheatweaver found the familiar plain didn’t feel as comforting as it did eerie. Moving forward tentatively, the tall she-cat kept her ears pricked for the slightest sound of movement. Grass rustled ahead of her. The sound of a pelt moving through rough plants whispered only a fox-length away.
“Who’s there?” She meowed, leaning back on her haunches in an effort to see the cat who walked ahead of her.
What she saw shocked her. She had expected to catch a glimpse of a cat with a star-littered pelt. Instead, four separate trails of flattened rice grass spread out ahead of her, beginning at her own paws. The light from the moon hit her from behind, casting her elongate shadow over one of the trails. The shadow did not seem normal, however. Wheatweaver couldn’t decide what felt off until she narrowed her eyes, finding an iridescence to the shadows that outlined even the smallest detail in the terrain. “How-?”
Before she could finish speaking, an incredibly strong breeze blew at her chest. Wheatweaver swayed on her haunches in an effort to steady herself, but another gust of wind followed, blowing with such force that she fell backwards into the grass.
“Ow!” She cried, hurrying to flip back onto her paws. When she stood once more, the grasses that were present before had been replaced with a stretch of short, stubby sprouts that seemed to spread out forever before her. The clear, starry sky had also been replaced by a blood red sunset. Ominous blackish-gray clouds billowed on the horizon. A rank stench resembling a thunderpath and the hot breath of a fox filled her nostrils nauseatingly. Hot wind blustered through her fur, causing the she-cat to flatten her ears to her head in an effort to keep moving forward. It felt as though she were being pulled through a wall of hot brambles as the wind ravaged her fur, and not even a furious squint could block the wind from her eyes. What is this stuff?
The wind stopped abruptly once more, and the calico she-cat tore her eyes open, swaying violently on her paws. Her thoughts whirled as she peeled open her eyes and stared to the now dark gray sky where thunderclouds loomed overhead, threatening to release the storm which brewed inside them.
Wait.
These weren’t thunderclouds at all! No, they were rising up from smoke on the ground at the edge of her vision. These were clouds of ash! Panic engulfed Wheatweaver. Ash now showered down around her, causing her throat to tighten dangerously. She struggled for breath as her paws carried her forward still. Confusion flared in her chest when she realized that her paws seemed to move by their own will, dragging her forward.
“When will this end?” She yowled, her voice cracking. Her paws struggled to continue forward as warm ash ravaged her pelt. Her shoulders were becoming weaker with every step. With one fateful paw movement she stumbled, her cheek striking the ground painfully.
Just as the she-cat had fallen to the ground, no longer able to breathe for the smoke that filled her lungs, a voice sounded in her ear. The voice seemed like it was yowling at her from across the moor while also whispering into the fuzz of her ear. The ancient mew was both masculine and feminine, and it betrayed no emotion as it rumbled on.
When fire blazes in the wind, It began, the wind steadily blowing lighter.
-and shadows are shown in plain light, The smell of ash began to ebb away, and the voice was now merely a whisper in her ear.-Blood will split the land again, and all will turn to ash.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Special thank you to phantomstar57 for suggesting edits to this ~<3 _____________________________________________________________________________CHAPTER I HOMECOMING _____________________________________________________________________________ Snow fell silently from swollen clouds. Below, a vast plain hidden by white fluff glittered in the pale light. It was evident by the eerie pinkish-gray glow in the clouds that sundown was nearing. Small tufted tips of tall grass poked out of the white puff lain thick on the ground. There was no sound except the crunch of paws and the heaving breath of a dust gray she-cat as she plowed forward with determination. Two kits hung dearly onto the thick fur of her shoulders.
“Cinderdream,’ squealed the fluffy red she-kit, breaking the silence. “When will we stop to eat? I’m starving!”
“Hush, Emberkit,” the gray she-cat wheezed firmly. “We’re almost to the border.” Emberkit opened her mouth to protest. However, thinking of her mother's request, said nothing, nestling further into Cinderdream's shoulder fur to brave the cold.
Chilled wind whipped through her kitten fluff, adding misery to the already dull trip. Her amber eyes flashed with disdain as the three moved along across the gray, bleak landscape.
The second kit’s voice mewled beside her.
“Why do we have to go to this ‘border’?” She huffed, her voice muffled by a wad of fur. The short-furred, white kit kit looked meager in size beside her sister, and she shuddered violently against the biting cold. “I thought we were doing just fine by ourselves.”
Emberkit snorted. If Ashkit thought the three of them were doing fine by surviving on half a squirrel every day, she’d hate to see what her sister thought doing poor was.
“I’m taking you to family,” Cinderdream chuckled forcefully, her voice showing the strain of the travels. A note of severity crept into her tone. “You’ll be meeting your father soon.”
The gray she-cat paused beneath a line of cedar trees which marked the bank of a river. Cinderdream crouched low to the ground, indicating it was time for the kits to step down. Apprehension tugged at Emberkit’s belly as she braced herself for the claw of icy ground on her delicate paws. However, upon releasing her grip from her mother’s warm shoulder fur, she found that the shelter of the trees above had let almost no snow fall to the ground where she landed. Only the prickle of spiny, brown leaves was felt under her soft paw pads. Her sister, Ashkit, looked around with confusion in her deep blue eyes.
“Why are we just waiting here?” She complained bitterly, fluffing out her fur against the cold. “These leaves hurt my paws.”
Emberkit nodded agreement, her tiny brows furrowing as she waddled to huddle beside her sister. “How do we know if we even want to be WindClan cats?” She asked, a growl deepening her squeak. “They seem like they’ve got so many rules to follow.”
“Hush, now.” Cinderdream snapped, looking down at her kits with a sharp blue gaze. “I will hear no such talk of you two questioning the code.” Without waiting for a response, she wrapped herself around her children, lapping at their fur in an effort to keep them warm despite the chill that engulfed them. Between licks, she spoke.
“I know it may be hard to accept your new home at first, but that’s my fault,” she admitted. Her mew was soft as she continued. “You two have lived as strangers to the clans for four moons too long; this was always where I meant for you both to truly grow up.” She winced, and Emberkit noted the pain that flashed momentarily in her mother’s eyes as she looked back to the plain. “I only hope they’ll welcome me once more.”
Ashkit sighed, nuzzling close to their mother’s chest. “Did you do something that would make WindClan angry with you?” She asked innocently, turning a doleful gaze to the plain. The wind had settled, leaving a calm like Emberkit had never witnessed before to settle over the terrain. It will be much different from living beneath the rabbitbrush.
“Not exactly,” Cinderdream huffed. “Queens don’t normally have their kits away from camp, though.” Her eyes were still trained on the plain, ears pricked for the slightest movement. “They definitely don’t normally keep them away for four moons.”
Was that regret in her voice? Emberkit couldn’t tell. Exhaustion threatened to wrap its welcoming claws around her, and she yawned greatly as the warmth radiating from her mother and sister invited her to sleep. Try as she might, the chill from the ground still felt too uncomfortable against her belly fur.
“What are we waiting on, Cinderdream?” She muttered. Pulling her paw over her nose. Surely they wouldn’t be staying here for the night, exposed to the creatures of the dark with their backs facing a frozen river? For the first time since leaving the rabbitbrush den two sunrises ago, she felt fear creep into her heart. Cinderdream had told the kits enough stories about ravaging coyotes and giant cats of the mountains to keep them fearfully tucked away in their den. Now, she was asking them to sit like welcoming prey and wait for some cats they didn’t know to come rescue them.
“A patrol will be by soon,” promised Cinderdream. Her tone conveyed that she was trying to convince herself as much as the kits. Ashkit shivered beside her sister, a weak sniffle coming from her every few moments.
Cinderdream pulled her kits closer until she was practically lain on top of them. The pinkish glow of the setting sun had now changed to a dull purple, threatening with every moment to cease and turn to the darkness of night. “You two should try and rest. Some cats will be here soon, and we’ll have to journey a bit farther to the camp.”
In an attempt to obey their mother, the kits nestled closer to one another and forced their eyes shut. After a few moments, Emberkit heard the soft snores emitting from her sister. Every once in a while a tiny sniffle would precede a snore. The irregularity in sniffle to snore ratio made it impossible for Emberkit to slip into anything deeper than a lull that seemed to etch out forever. Deep hues of dark blue overtook the sky, sending Emberkit into a sleepy stupor.
Suddenly, their mother had risen to her paws, knocking the kits awake. Biting cold swept over Emberkit, and she bolted to her paws in shock. Ashkit’s eyes fluttered open, and she followed suit with her sister, fluffing out mightily against the freeze. “Mom! What was that for?”
Cinderdream wasn’t listening, though. Their mother had run forward a few fox lengths, her tail raised high in the air as she ventured out into the thick snow and disappeared. Emberkit heard what had alerted their mother, now. Excited yowls carried across the plain as flurries of crunched snow rang out, steadily growing nearer. Sharing a shocked glance with her sister, Emberkit moved forward a few paces to try and see over the wall of snow blocking their vision.
“I guess it’s the cats she told us about,” Ashkit mewed behind her nervously. Emberkit leapt from her back paws a couple of times to try and catch a glimpse of her mother’s reception. She only jumped high enough once to briefly see a strange, scrawny tom nuzzling her mother warmly. When she turned back to her sister, she saw her own excitement and apprehension reflected on her face. “I think this is it!”
Suddenly paws were crashing towards them. Instinctively, the two kits backed away with their fur bristling and ears flat. When Emberkit couldn’t take the suspense any longer, three long-limbed toms came barreling from the wall of snow onto the leaves before them. A golden tabby and white tom approached, his double-coated fur clotted with snow. His fur hung off of his gaunt frame, showing hunger was not a stranger to him, either. A mixture of intense emotions flashed in his brown eyes as he stared in awe at the two kits.
“Hello, little ones.” He mewed benevolently, a genuine smile on his face. “My name’s Jackaljaw, and I’m your father.” _____________________________________________________________________________Chapter 2LAMENT TO AN OLD LIFE “Well aren’t you a bushy little thing?” The tom’s -Jackaljaw, he called himself- excited voice rang in Ashkit’s ears as he addressed her sister. His golden eyes stretched wide with awe, as if he couldn’t believe the two were standing in front of him as the moon's light grew.
Ashkit watched Emberkit for a response, her billowing clouds of breath fogging her vision. The moment stretched on for too long to be appropriate.
Oh come on, you always have something to say. Ashkit thought irritably, silently urging her sister to take the lead here and say anything.
For once, however, Emberkit seemed tiny. Tiny and vulnerable beneath Jackaljaw's probing gaze.
They’d never been around a tom before, especially not one claiming to share a bond with them that’s "incomparable to any other," by their mother's words. Yet, nothing had clicked in Ashkit’s mind to make her trust him enough to speak. Wasn't a father-daughter bond supposed to be immediate, or something?
Cinderdream had always romanticized the two sisters uniting with their father and not missing a beat in the way of forming a relationship. Now, her feelings couldn't contrast that envisioned reality more. No, instead she felt frightened, a tad confused, and her pelt itched to flee from Jackaljaw's view.
The silence had gone on long enough now for Jackaljaw to clear his throat awkwardly and open his mouth to speak again. "Wha-"
His chance was cut off by another voice re-joining the fray.
“It’s just some extra kit-fluff, that’s all.”
Cinderdream sounded behind Jackaljaw, crunches of snow accompanying her arrival. She nodded her head to the two toms beside him. Ashkit found herself wondering why her mother had been behind the toms instead of rushing to give her kits some warning.
Probably another one of her weird antics to get us 'closer to our father' or something.
The accompanying toms, one a dust brown tabby, the other a light brown tom with paws that blended into the snow around them, gazed on at the kits fondly. Ashkit felt her pelt grow warm under their eyes, feeling as though they expected something of her. Exhaustion began to grip its claws around her muscles. The day had been long, and these cats’ arrival proved it was not over yet.
Emberkit must have felt the same sense of anxiety wash over her, seeing as she rushed to Cinderdream’s side to hide behind one of her forepaws.
"Please, excuse Emberkit," Cinderdream tittered, rolling her eyes. She lifted the paw her ginger kit had failingly hidden behind, exposing her once more. "She and Ashkit haven't ever met another cat besides me."
Ashkit's paws froze to the spot, a defensive feeling warming her chest. She lifted her muzzle to Jackaljaw slowly.
“She’s just puffed up because we’re scared. Mom taught us to be wary of strangers.” The words spilled out, almost like they were attempting to apologize for a wrong not yet realized by the older cats. She heard a mrrow of laughter softly leave her mother’s mouth, and a diffident sniff from Emberkit.
The cat who called himself her father only chuckled jovially, eyes flitting from her sister and back to Ashkit. “Well, that’s alright. Your mother’s told me of your great travels the past few days. Y'all must be beat!” His tone was soft and light, warming Ashkit a bit more to him.
“I’ve introduced myself now, so that means we’re no longer strangers. But these-“ he gestured with his tail at the two cats beside him. “Are some fellow warriors of mine. Meet Owlwhisker,” the pale tabby dipped his head, “and Featherflight.” The tom with the white paws waved his tail.
“They’ll be escorting you to your new home.”
Cinderdream had moved forward to stand beside Ashkit now. She felt her mother's cold nose nuzzling her forward, towards Owlwhisker. The queen's deep blue eyes were warm as she regarded the pale tabby tom.
"This is my brother, who I'm sure wouldn't mind giving you a ride to camp."
The tom's voice, deep and warm, accompanied a wink. "I wouldn't mind at all, hop on!" He meowed, crouching low.
Stiffly, unassuredly, Ashkit climbed onto the fur atop his shoulders, careful to keep her claws sheathed. He seemed friendly, and her mother trusted him. This had to be alright, right?
Ashkit couldn't lie to herself, the thought of not having to walk, talk, or stand anymore was incredibly welcoming. She didn't protest as she settled behind his shoulders.
The fur on his back clung to his frame, barely hiding his bony spine. This ride would be a tad more uncomfortable than what she was used to atop her silky-furred, healthy mother's back, but no cat would hear her voicing such a rude thought.
Though, she could not hope the same from her strong-willed and unfiltered sister.
Emberkit was now being ushered forward by Cinderdream, towards the younger-looking Featherflight. Her eyes were wide with fear, her stiffness making it hard for their mother to nuzzle her further.
"Come on, Emberkit, seriously! They won't bite!" Her mother grumbled, obviously fed up with Emberkit's reluctance. They stopped in front of Featherflight, whose smile was welcoming and a bit awkward as he crouched to the earth.
Fully chastened by Cinderdream's remark, Emberkit clambered onto the tom with her tail lowered defeatedly. Not careful to keep her claws sheathed, the little she-cat gazed around with her eyes widened in fear.
Jackaljaw chuckled again, and waved his tail, signaling them on. "You two take the lead, Cinderdream and I have some catching up to do."
Ashkit felt her stomach be taken as Owlwhisker stood to his full height; he was at least a head taller than Cinderdream. She cast a reproachful glance at her mother, then to Emberkit, who returned the expression. Owlwhisker padded on.
Cinderdream stood with her tail twined around Jackaljaw's. A loving gleam shone in her deep blue eyes as her eyes rested on the tom's face, who was purring while looking after the two warriors carrying the kits.
Ashkit got the inclination they would be further along behind than they let on. Featherflight came to walk in step with Owlwhisker, and the two made a good pace over the snowy earth.
The trek to camp was unmemorable. The sounds of snow beneath the toms' paws and the warmth of Owlwhisker's fur beneath her belly lulled Ashkit into a half-asleep state so that she had to fight to stay awake. There was no telling what would happen once in the WindClan camp, and Ashkit did not want to be asleep in case anything important did conspire. Still, the fight to stay awake was steadily becoming a losing one.
____________________________ Some time had passed, the moon now hanging high in the sky. The clear night had brought with it a lower temperature, causing uncomfortable shivers to wrack Ashkit's tiny body. Despite this, she had finally lost the battle against her exhausted body when a new noise jostled her awake. Running pawsteps were coming up behind them, and she lifted her head to see that Cinderdream and Jackaljaw had rejoined the group at last.
"We're here," her mother half-purred, half panted as she trotted between Owlwhisker and Featherflight. Ashkit could see her sister's fluffy red fur atop Featherflight, and saw her flanks moving in a steady rhythm. She was asleep.
Jackaljaw took the lead as they came to a line of bushes, their branches weighed down by snow. His golden pelt disappeared through a small opening between two bushes with severely browning leaves. The ground between them showed the marks of a thousand pawsteps, and Ashkit wondered if that's how every cat came and went into camp.
The rest of the patrol followed behind more slowly.
Cinderdream rested her tail on Featherflight's shoulder, politely asking him to stop before entering the leafy tunnel. "Emberkit," she whispered into her kit's ear. "Wake up, it's time to see your new home."
Emberkit began to stir, her face fur ruffled as she awoke with confusion on her face. She blinked away the sleep from her squinted amber eyes, whiskers twitching in near annoyance.
"Sure I am," she replied, a little more of her normal brightness returning after her short slumber.
Cinderdream's eyes were bright as she turned to Ashkit and Owlwhisker. "Are you ready, little one?" Her muzzle thrust forward, and she endearingly swiped her tongue over Ashkit's ear.
The question was full of so much hope and excitement, Ashkit felt bad for the apprehension still tugging at her belly.
"Yep, I'm ready, mom!" She mewed brightly, pushing her feelings aside with a deep breath and a half-forced smile.
Ready as I'll ever be, for my whole life to change.
____________________________________________________________
|
|
|
Post by phantomstar57 on Jun 25, 2019 14:47:32 GMT -5
This looks interesting! Just a suggestion to help the reader. Double space between paragraphs and always start a new paragraph with each speaker so its easier to follow. And a comma after the dialogue, with lower case to the he.she etc, unless the character is performing an action with no dialogue tag like said, growled, muttered etc. Also to streamline action, turn weak verbiage phrasing like "was walking," etc to just walked etc. Watch redundancies like the had been in the 1st sentence I copied. Hope that makes sense, and I look forward to reading more!
My edit:
The last time she had been awake, she stood in a damp and freezing cave, about to tap her nose on the moon crystal with the other medicine cats.
“This is a dream,” she whispered aloud, hearing the comforting chirps of the crickets die away as she lifted herself to her paws.
Suddenly, the breeze stopped. Now, with no noise sounding other than her own breathing, Wheatweaver found the moor didn’t feel as comforting as it did eerie. Moving forward tentatively, the tall she-cat kept her ears pricked for the slightest sound of movement. Grass rustled ahead of her, as the sound of a pelt moving through rough plants whispered only a fox-length away.
“Who’s there?” she meowed, leaning back on her haunches in an effort to see the cat who walked ahead of her.
Read more: wcrpforums.com/post/new/70398#ixzz5rtHXpkJr
|
|