i am very much also the "i hate being trans and would sell my soul to be a cis dude" trans guy.
i hate being trans so much. it's literally the worst thing ever. it's the cause of all bad things in my life. i hate it i hate it i hate it.
i hate myself mostly.
i hate that i have to go to work every day only to get misgendered lol.
i hate that after ive started to transition (which is good) ive felt more and more dysphoric because now im just a fat girl w/ a deepish voice. that's not even deep at this point and im like will it ever get any lower because im kinda concerned that it won't :/
like if i want to pass i have to get surgery. and that's not going to be easy since it took me a whole year to get t. i can't wear any outfits that make me feel good abt my body. i hate going out into public.
bathrooms have become even more of a nightmare to the point where i just try and avoid them at all costs. i can't go into the men's room and i can't go into the women's either. and most places do not have a middle ground.
binding doesn't help my dysphoria anymore really because it's hot out and i can't wear it anywhere that matters like work. and i prefer to wear tank tops and it just shows through that.
not to mention that other aspects of my life are ruined by not being a cis dude uwu some i can't really talk abt here but like some is just like dating related. and also like job related. and i don't want to go back to school until i can pass because im not putting myself in a position to get misgendered constantly again if i don't have to.
everybody's fed up with me.
ive literally cried abt how much it sucks to be trans.
like i hate everything abt being trans. i just want to be cis.
also on the topic of being fat and trans. things for trans people are not made for fat trans people. binding SUCKS so much lol because im fat. and im just like i hate wearing a binder because it's the worst but i can't not if i want to be not misgendered.
which is doesn't matter anyway because i still do get misgendered so what's even the point.