#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 22, 2017 16:46:00 GMT -5
that would take you a long time though yeh Really? I hadn't noticed. Thank you for making such an obvious observation. Okay, but seriously, I know that this will take a long time. The first book came out in 2003 and (not counting the field guides and mangas), there are forty two books currently out, how can I not know? I don't mean to sound angry or annoyed and I know you were just quoting another user, but I'm getting tired of other people on here pointing out the obvious to me, like how it'll take a long time or that there are alot of books in the series. I am perfectly aware of this, but I also know what I'm doing.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 22, 2017 22:33:40 GMT -5
❅Maplefrost❅ I definitely want BramblexFeather to have kits, as well as TadpolexLeaf. I thought about it, and I'll have StormxSquirrel also have kits, but maybe Stormfur could be killed by Hawkfrost and/or Mothwing before he gets to meet them. Tadpole would move to ThunderClan afterwards for Leafpool, but they would temporarily go to RiverClan to seek refuge after things get really bad in ThunderClan. I decided to take out CrowxTawny since I deemed it unnecessary, but I guess it could be sort of referenced, like maybe some cat thinks that Tawnypelt and Crowfeather are together since BramblexFeather and StormxSquirrel paired up after the journey, but in reality they're just friends. Both of them remain loyal to their respective Clans. And yeah, I mentioned in an earlier post that there will still be a few background forbidden romances. So far, the only one I'll include is RainxSwallow, or I'll just make that a separate thing. I mostly don't want to include too many within the main storyline. Space it out, I guess you could say. So does that mean Leafpool will retire from being a medicine cat because she wants to pursue the life of a Queen? She's not very good at warrior duties, so maybe being a perma queen is better for her. She and Crow were gonna run away together, and he was going to take care of her even if she couldn't hunt or fight for herself. So being Tadpole's mate and a queen is probably good for her character, since she desires the life of a mother and having a mate. That way Jayfeather, who is a full medicine cat by then, can be in charge? Sounds good for Tawny and Crow, they'd make a good couple, but are probably better off as friends. Will Crowfeather be getting a mate then? In WindClan, that is. I can't imagine him and Nightcloud hitting it off, so maybe another she-cat? What about during a dispute Hawk kills Storm, but it was actually Mothwing's doing? But Hawk is convinced it was himself, and Moth made it so he thinks that too. Kinda like Scar, when he made Simba think it was his fault his father died, but Scar was behind it all along? And Mothwing can claim it was the will of StarClan.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 23, 2017 1:17:06 GMT -5
❅Maplefrost❅ I definitely want BramblexFeather to have kits, as well as TadpolexLeaf. I thought about it, and I'll have StormxSquirrel also have kits, but maybe Stormfur could be killed by Hawkfrost and/or Mothwing before he gets to meet them. Tadpole would move to ThunderClan afterwards for Leafpool, but they would temporarily go to RiverClan to seek refuge after things get really bad in ThunderClan. I decided to take out CrowxTawny since I deemed it unnecessary, but I guess it could be sort of referenced, like maybe some cat thinks that Tawnypelt and Crowfeather are together since BramblexFeather and StormxSquirrel paired up after the journey, but in reality they're just friends. Both of them remain loyal to their respective Clans. And yeah, I mentioned in an earlier post that there will still be a few background forbidden romances. So far, the only one I'll include is RainxSwallow, or I'll just make that a separate thing. I mostly don't want to include too many within the main storyline. Space it out, I guess you could say. So does that mean Leafpool will retire from being a medicine cat because she wants to pursue the life of a Queen? She's not very good at warrior duties, so maybe being a perma queen is better for her. She and Crow were gonna run away together, and he was going to take care of her even if she couldn't hunt or fight for herself. So being Tadpole's mate and a queen is probably good for her character, since she desires the life of a mother and having a mate. That way Jayfeather, who is a full medicine cat by then, can be in charge? Sounds good for Tawny and Crow, they'd make a good couple, but are probably better off as friends. Will Crowfeather be getting a mate then? In WindClan, that is. I can't imagine him and Nightcloud hitting it off, so maybe another she-cat? What about during a dispute Hawk kills Storm, but it was actually Mothwing's doing? But Hawk is convinced it was himself, and Moth made it so he thinks that too. Kinda like Scar, when he made Simba think it was his fault his father died, but Scar was behind it all along? And Mothwing can claim it was the will of StarClan. Exactly! I guess Leafpool could at least learn the basics of hunting and fighting though (which was somehow forgotten about when she received her full name), but for the most part, she's a permanent queen. As for Crowfeather, I'm not sure, but I do know it won't be Nightcloud if he does get a mate. And funny that you mention TLK, because I was watching it earlier. Now I can't help picturing Mufasa's death scene, but with these cats. Stormfur: Mothwing! {slips, barely hangs on} Help me! {Mothwing looks disdainfully down, and then suddenly latches onto Stormfur's forepaws with claws extended. Stormfur cries out in pain, and his expression slowly changes to one of horror as he recognizes Mothwing's intent.} Mothwing: {Slowly and evilly} Goodnight, sweet Stormfur. {Mothwing throws her former mentor backwards. Stormfur free-falls, back first.} Stormfur: Aaaaaaahh! {Hawkfrost watches Stormfur hit the ground, horrified.} Hawkfrost: Nooooooo! {He quickly goes to where Stormfur fell. It doesn't take long to find the body.} Hawkfrost: {Hopefully} Stormfur? {He tries to nudge Stormfur awake, but to know avail.} Mothwing: Hawkfrost. ...What have you done? Hawkfrost: {Jumps back, crying} I don't know how it happened. One minute we were fighting and then... {Shudders} I... I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want him to die. Mothwing: {Embracing Hawkfrost, yet still distant} Of course, of course you didn't. No one... ever means {pulls Hawkfrost closer; Hawkfrost hides his face in Mothwing's chest fur} for these things to happen. ...But the deputy is dead. {looking with mock regret at Hawkfrost) And if it weren't for you, he'd still be alive. {Hawkfrost is crushed, believing his guilt. Another thought "occurs" to Mothwing.} Oh! What will Mother think? Hawkfrost: {Sniffling} What am I gonna do? Mothwing: {nuzzling her brother} Nothing. Just leave everything to me. {Later, at RiverClan's camp at moonhigh.} Leopardstar: {addressing the Clan} Stormfur's death was a terrible tragedy, but the Clan must go on. A new deputy must be named. {She looks at Hawkfrost and Mothwing with a bit of uncertainty, but turns her attention back to the Clan after Mothwing nods to her} I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirit of Stormfur may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of RiverClan is Hawkfrost. {Instead of cheers, there's whispers of accusation, that Leopardstar only chose Hawkfrost because he's her son.} Leopardstar: {lashing her tail} I did not choose Hawkfrost because he is my son. He is a good, strong warrior and I truly believe he will make RiverClan powerful. Besides, Mothwing has spoken to StarClan and they have told her personally that Hawkfrost must be deputy. {Mothwing steps forward and stands beside her mother. A fiery glare sweeps through the Clan.} Mothwing: {growling} Do you all doubt my words? Or the will of StarClan? {Silence, until Mosspelt steps forward.} Mosspelt: Hawkfrost! Hawkfrost! {The rest of RiverClan joins in the chanting and a few cats personally congratulate Hawkfrost afterwards. Mothwing observes Leopardstar and Tadpole walking up to Hawkfrost and she begins talking to herself once all alone while attempting to push down any feelings of guilt.} Mothwing: All too easy. I do hope you're proud of me, Father. Okay, I think you might be rubbing off on me, Maple. And now I can't help but picture evil Mothwing with a British accent. Just her and no one else. XD
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Post by ◆ Sparse ◆ on Jul 23, 2017 16:04:00 GMT -5
Really? I hadn't noticed. Thank you for making such an obvious observation. Okay, but seriously, I know that this will take a long time. The first book came out in 2003 and (not counting the field guides and mangas), there are forty two books currently out, how can I not know? I don't mean to sound angry or annoyed and I know you were just quoting another user, but I'm getting tired of other people on here pointing out the obvious to me, like how it'll take a long time or that there are alot of books in the series. I am perfectly aware of this, but I also know what I'm doing. Yes, I know that you are perfectly aware that it will take quite a long time to complete this. I actually applaud you for being so motivated and ambitious enough to do it, and I wish you good luck in rewriting the series. I also know that many users have probably already commented on how long it will take, and that is probably very annoying. Sorry for any disturbance, -◆ Sparse ◆
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 23, 2017 21:20:16 GMT -5
So does that mean Leafpool will retire from being a medicine cat because she wants to pursue the life of a Queen? She's not very good at warrior duties, so maybe being a perma queen is better for her. She and Crow were gonna run away together, and he was going to take care of her even if she couldn't hunt or fight for herself. So being Tadpole's mate and a queen is probably good for her character, since she desires the life of a mother and having a mate. That way Jayfeather, who is a full medicine cat by then, can be in charge? Sounds good for Tawny and Crow, they'd make a good couple, but are probably better off as friends. Will Crowfeather be getting a mate then? In WindClan, that is. I can't imagine him and Nightcloud hitting it off, so maybe another she-cat? What about during a dispute Hawk kills Storm, but it was actually Mothwing's doing? But Hawk is convinced it was himself, and Moth made it so he thinks that too. Kinda like Scar, when he made Simba think it was his fault his father died, but Scar was behind it all along? And Mothwing can claim it was the will of StarClan. Exactly! I guess Leafpool could at least learn the basics of hunting and fighting though (which was somehow forgotten about when she received her full name), but for the most part, she's a permanent queen. As for Crowfeather, I'm not sure, but I do know it won't be Nightcloud if he does get a mate. And funny that you mention TLK, because I was watching it earlier. Now I can't help picturing Mufasa's death scene, but with these cats. Stormfur: Mothwing! {slips, barely hangs on} Help me! {Mothwing looks disdainfully down, and then suddenly latches onto Stormfur's forepaws with claws extended. Stormfur cries out in pain, and his expression slowly changes to one of horror as he recognizes Mothwing's intent.} Mothwing: {Slowly and evilly} Goodnight, sweet Stormfur. {Mothwing throws her former mentor backwards. Stormfur free-falls, back first.} Stormfur: Aaaaaaahh! {Hawkfrost watches Stormfur hit the ground, horrified.} Hawkfrost: Nooooooo! {He quickly goes to where Stormfur fell. It doesn't take long to find the body.} Hawkfrost: {Hopefully} Stormfur? {He tries to nudge Stormfur awake, but to know avail.} Mothwing: Hawkfrost. ...What have you done? Hawkfrost: {Jumps back, crying} I don't know how it happened. One minute we were fighting and then... {Shudders} I... I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want him to die. Mothwing: {Embracing Hawkfrost, yet still distant} Of course, of course you didn't. No one... ever means {pulls Hawkfrost closer; Hawkfrost hides his face in Mothwing's chest fur} for these things to happen. ...But the deputy is dead. {looking with mock regret at Hawkfrost) And if it weren't for you, he'd still be alive. {Hawkfrost is crushed, believing his guilt. Another thought "occurs" to Mothwing.} Oh! What will Mother think? Hawkfrost: {Sniffling} What am I gonna do? Mothwing: {nuzzling her brother} Nothing. Just leave everything to me. {Later, at RiverClan's camp at moonhigh.} Leopardstar: {addressing the Clan} Stormfur's death was a terrible tragedy, but the Clan must go on. A new deputy must be named. {She looks at Hawkfrost and Mothwing with a bit of uncertainty, but turns her attention back to the Clan after Mothwing nods to her} I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirit of Stormfur may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of RiverClan is Hawkfrost. {Instead of cheers, there's whispers of accusation, that Leopardstar only chose Hawkfrost because he's her son.} Leopardstar: {lashing her tail} I did not choose Hawkfrost because he is my son. He is a good, strong warrior and I truly believe he will make RiverClan powerful. Besides, Mothwing has spoken to StarClan and they have told her personally that Hawkfrost must be deputy. {Mothwing steps forward and stands beside her mother. A fiery glare sweeps through the Clan.} Mothwing: {growling} Do you all doubt my words? Or the will of StarClan? {Silence, until Mosspelt steps forward.} Mosspelt: Hawkfrost! Hawkfrost! {The rest of RiverClan joins in the chanting and a few cats personally congratulate Hawkfrost afterwards. Mothwing observes Leopardstar and Tadpole walking up to Hawkfrost and she begins talking to herself once all alone while attempting to push down any feelings of guilt.} Mothwing: All too easy. I do hope you're proud of me, Father. Okay, I think you might be rubbing off on me, Maple. And now I can't help but picture evil Mothwing with a British accent. Just her and no one else. XD Oh. My. God. I literally read all of this in my head with voices, it was perfect, ahhh!!! This is gold! Is it bad I love evil!Mothwing so much! Why haven't the Erins done an evil medicine cat yet, like??? So much potential!! Oh! Oh--okay what would make this 10x better is if the clan is unaware that Tigerstar is the father of Hawk, Tadpole, and Moth, like Leopardstar never told them. What if we get like a Thrushpelt/Graypool scenario, and one of the other toms in the clan is covering for her. That way this would never rise suspcision, just because their father is Tigerclaw. I was thinking Blackclaw, since Shimmerpelt is his mother, and she was also Leopardstar's foster mother, meaning they grew up together. Also he never had a mate, and has shown lost faith and loyalty in Leopardstar. Also apparently Blackclaw and Hawkfrost were good friends, noted in Starlight. He's also one of the cats that supported Hawkfrost becoming deputy over Mistyfoot. He didn't like Stormfur and Brook and was overly aggressive with both of them while also constantly defending Hawkfrost. Even as an elder he didn't like Mistyfoot, and is noted to be yelling at her when she's still deputy. Now that I think about it...why in the world would Vicky seriously think that Blackclaw is the father of Mistystar's kits like...??? He was so antagonistic towards her...
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 23, 2017 21:38:08 GMT -5
Exactly! I guess Leafpool could at least learn the basics of hunting and fighting though (which was somehow forgotten about when she received her full name), but for the most part, she's a permanent queen. As for Crowfeather, I'm not sure, but I do know it won't be Nightcloud if he does get a mate. And funny that you mention TLK, because I was watching it earlier. Now I can't help picturing Mufasa's death scene, but with these cats. Stormfur: Mothwing! {slips, barely hangs on} Help me! {Mothwing looks disdainfully down, and then suddenly latches onto Stormfur's forepaws with claws extended. Stormfur cries out in pain, and his expression slowly changes to one of horror as he recognizes Mothwing's intent.} Mothwing: {Slowly and evilly} Goodnight, sweet Stormfur. {Mothwing throws her former mentor backwards. Stormfur free-falls, back first.} Stormfur: Aaaaaaahh! {Hawkfrost watches Stormfur hit the ground, horrified.} Hawkfrost: Nooooooo! {He quickly goes to where Stormfur fell. It doesn't take long to find the body.} Hawkfrost: {Hopefully} Stormfur? {He tries to nudge Stormfur awake, but to know avail.} Mothwing: Hawkfrost. ...What have you done? Hawkfrost: {Jumps back, crying} I don't know how it happened. One minute we were fighting and then... {Shudders} I... I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want him to die. Mothwing: {Embracing Hawkfrost, yet still distant} Of course, of course you didn't. No one... ever means {pulls Hawkfrost closer; Hawkfrost hides his face in Mothwing's chest fur} for these things to happen. ...But the deputy is dead. {looking with mock regret at Hawkfrost) And if it weren't for you, he'd still be alive. {Hawkfrost is crushed, believing his guilt. Another thought "occurs" to Mothwing.} Oh! What will Mother think? Hawkfrost: {Sniffling} What am I gonna do? Mothwing: {nuzzling her brother} Nothing. Just leave everything to me. {Later, at RiverClan's camp at moonhigh.} Leopardstar: {addressing the Clan} Stormfur's death was a terrible tragedy, but the Clan must go on. A new deputy must be named. {She looks at Hawkfrost and Mothwing with a bit of uncertainty, but turns her attention back to the Clan after Mothwing nods to her} I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirit of Stormfur may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of RiverClan is Hawkfrost. {Instead of cheers, there's whispers of accusation, that Leopardstar only chose Hawkfrost because he's her son.} Leopardstar: {lashing her tail} I did not choose Hawkfrost because he is my son. He is a good, strong warrior and I truly believe he will make RiverClan powerful. Besides, Mothwing has spoken to StarClan and they have told her personally that Hawkfrost must be deputy. {Mothwing steps forward and stands beside her mother. A fiery glare sweeps through the Clan.} Mothwing: {growling} Do you all doubt my words? Or the will of StarClan? {Silence, until Mosspelt steps forward.} Mosspelt: Hawkfrost! Hawkfrost! {The rest of RiverClan joins in the chanting and a few cats personally congratulate Hawkfrost afterwards. Mothwing observes Leopardstar and Tadpole walking up to Hawkfrost and she begins talking to herself once all alone while attempting to push down any feelings of guilt.} Mothwing: All too easy. I do hope you're proud of me, Father. Okay, I think you might be rubbing off on me, Maple. And now I can't help but picture evil Mothwing with a British accent. Just her and no one else. XD Oh. My. God. I literally read all of this in my head with voices, it was perfect, ahhh!!! This is gold! Is it bad I love evil!Mothwing so much! Why haven't the Erins done an evil medicine cat yet, like??? So much potential!! Oh! Oh--okay what would make this 10x better is if the clan is unaware that Tigerstar is the father of Hawk, Tadpole, and Moth, like Leopardstar never told them. What if we get like a Thrushpelt/Graypool scenario, and one of the other toms in the clan is covering for her. That way this would never rise suspcision, just because their father is Tigerclaw. I was thinking Blackclaw, since Shimmerpelt is his mother, and she was also Leopardstar's foster mother, meaning they grew up together. Also he never had a mate, and has shown lost faith and loyalty in Leopardstar. Also apparently Blackclaw and Hawkfrost were good friends, noted in Starlight. He's also one of the cats that supported Hawkfrost becoming deputy over Mistyfoot. He didn't like Stormfur and Brook and was overly aggressive with both of them while also constantly defending Hawkfrost. Even as an elder he didn't like Mistyfoot, and is noted to be yelling at her when she's still deputy. Now that I think about it...why in the world would Vicky seriously think that Blackclaw is the father of Mistystar's kits like...??? He was so antagonistic towards her...Right!? Hawkheart could've been one, but noooo. They had to make him a grumpy medicine cat instead. Mothwing had so much potential to be one too. Blackclaw and Leopardstar... I don't know. I do want the identity of the true father to be revealed eventually though. However, if I do plan for there to be a cover up, may Whiteclaw if I have him live longer? Or Heavystep or Loudbelly, since they're brown tabbies. Either that, or Leopardstar could defend herself by using a loophole, like since Hawk, Moth, and Tadpole were born when TigerClan happened, it technically wasn't against the code. And I have no idea why they picked Blackclaw for Mistyfoot's mate, either. Well, I guess it's non-canon now anyway.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 23, 2017 21:49:57 GMT -5
Okay so time line wise....how would this work.
Will Mothwing's treachery be revealed in the end New Prophecy? Or the Power of three?
Will Leafpool retiree to become a Queen in by the end of the New Prophecy, or the in POT?
Because timing is important, considering a meddie has to be replaced before a new on takes over, fully training an apprentice and what not.
Personally I like the idea of Mothwing being around POT. Like her crimes aren't revealed until then. This gives time for Willowshine to be trained, along with Leafpool training Jayfeather/Hollyleaf.
Also a Jayfeather and Mothwing face off would be so rad. Like in canon they seem to asssociate a lot, but like what if he's the one that finds out about Mothwing, through his powers. And when she knows he knows she smirks at him, and the air about her goes from cheery and nice to dark and threatening and she says, "Is something the matter...Jayfeather?" and what if up to this point she was "helping" him.
Like Mothwing can be an implied villain in the new Prophecy, like how Ashfur was, but doesn't take more action until the POT. This would make sense too since Moth would be the one that Ashfur is conspiring with, whom is unaware that Tigerstar is actually her real father, but she's helping him get rid of Firestar, she's playing him like a checker piece. A disposable pawn to get revenge for her father.
And then when things hit the fan, I like the idea of Ashfur's last words haunting Jayfeather, it's basically about Mothwing but he doesn't realize it until the moment when he uses his powers on her. Then everything clicks into place. Mothwing then tries to kill Jayfeather, and says how she'll make it look like he offed himself instead. I wonder who would come to his rescue?
This is also good timing, placement wise, because Leopardstar doesn't die until AVoS, by then you can have a new deputy, replacing Hawkfrost, and succeeding Leopardstar. My suggestion is Beetlewhisker, who is born in Outcast, and is a warrior by The Fourth Apprentice, apparently, that's plenty of time in between for him to have an apprentice especially if you consider the time skip.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 23, 2017 22:17:37 GMT -5
Okay so time line wise....how would this work. Will Mothwing's treachery be revealed in the end New Prophecy? Or the Power of three? Will Leafpool retiree to become a Queen in by the end of the New Prophecy, or the in POT? Because timing is important, considering a meddie has to be replaced before a new on takes over, fully training an apprentice and what not. Personally I like the idea of Mothwing being around POT. Like her crimes aren't revealed until then. This gives time for Willowshine to be trained, along with Leafpool training Jayfeather/Hollyleaf. Also a Jayfeather and Mothwing face off would be so rad. Like in canon they seem to asssociate a lot, but like what if he's the one that finds out about Mothwing, through his powers. And when she knows he knows she smirks at him, and the air about her goes from cheery and nice to dark and threatening and she says, "Is something the matter...Jayfeather?" and what if up to this point she was "helping" him. Like Mothwing can be an implied villain in the new Prophecy, like how Ashfur was, but doesn't take more action until the POT. This would make sense too since Moth would be the one that Ashfur is conspiring with, whom is unaware that Tigerstar is actually her real father, but she's helping him get rid of Firestar, she's playing him like a checker piece. A disposable pawn to get revenge for her father. And then when things hit the fan, I like the idea of Ashfur's last words haunting Jayfeather, it's basically about Mothwing but he doesn't realize it until the moment when he uses his powers on her. Then everything clicks into place. Mothwing then tries to kill Jayfeather, and says how she'll make it look like he offed himself instead. I wonder who would come to his rescue? This is also good timing, placement wise, because Leopardstar doesn't die until AVoS, by then you can have a new deputy, replacing Hawkfrost, and succeeding Leopardstar. My suggestion is Beetlewhisker, who is born in Outcast, and is a warrior by The Fourth Apprentice, apparently, that's plenty of time in between for him to have an apprentice especially if you consider the time skip. I was planning on Mothwing's treachery be revealed in, like, at least the first half of PoT while the civil war in ThunderClan happens in the second half, with at least half of ThunderClan (especially the older cats) think that Ashfur—despite all his paranoia—may have had a point in not trusting Tigerstar's kin and the sparks of rebellion set off from there. I'm not sure if I want him to necessarily die, but banishment or just leaving on his own is definitely an option, only to return as the leader of the rebellion (or at least until I figure out which cats side with him; I'm considering Dustpelt since Brindleface was his sister and Redtail his mentor, so if that's the case, Ashfur will be killed off). And what I plan to do with Leafpool is that she stays ThunderClan's medicine cat until an apprentice is fully trained. By that point, she's fled with Tadpole and their kits to RiverClan due to conflict (though maybe Jayfeather stays behind) and becomes a permanent queen, though helps on occasion. Whether she stays in RiverClan or returns home is something I have yet to decide. That's actually what I plan to do regarding the Jayfeather-Mothwing thing. As to who would come to his rescue, maybe Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and their cousins (I still need to think of names for SquirrelxStorm kits)? Like, they sense something is up and decide to follow Jayfeather just in case. This could also be the moment where Jayfeather discovers which cats are also part of the prophecy and I also already know what I'm going to do with Leopardstar. During Mothwing's fight with Lionblaze and the others, Leopardstar and some other RiverClan and ThunderClan cats come just in time to see one of them about to deliver the final blow. Mothwing acts all innocent and claims that the cats who attacked her have all gone mad, but Jayfeather defends them and is about to reveal Mothwing's secret, but Mothwing interrupts him and suggests that they be banished from the Clans. At some point during the confrontation, it's eventually revealed that Mothwing was the one who killed Stormfur. Leopardstar banishes her daughter, but then Mothwing turns around to attack her, only for either Hawkfrost or one of Stormfur's kits (or maybe even Feathertail) to finish her off. Afterwards, Hawkfrost steps down as deputy and decides to leave the Clan, and Leopardstar and Tadpole bid him goodbye, as do Feathertail and her kits since he was genuinely a good "mate" and father figure. He would eventually come across a certain fifth Clan and join them as a fresh start. Afterwards, Leopardstar appoints Reedwhisker as her new deputy and she decides to retire right after, believing that a new change in leadership is in order. When the time comes, Beetlwhisker will eventually succeed him. In the meantime, the siblings and cousins are glad that peace has finally come to the lake, but Lionblaze pretty much jinxes it by saying that things couldn't possibly get any worse than they did when Mothwing was still alive. Cue ThunderClan civil war and Jayfeather shooting Lionblaze an angry glare.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 0:50:09 GMT -5
Okay so time line wise....how would this work. Will Mothwing's treachery be revealed in the end New Prophecy? Or the Power of three? Will Leafpool retiree to become a Queen in by the end of the New Prophecy, or the in POT? Because timing is important, considering a meddie has to be replaced before a new on takes over, fully training an apprentice and what not. Personally I like the idea of Mothwing being around POT. Like her crimes aren't revealed until then. This gives time for Willowshine to be trained, along with Leafpool training Jayfeather/Hollyleaf. Also a Jayfeather and Mothwing face off would be so rad. Like in canon they seem to asssociate a lot, but like what if he's the one that finds out about Mothwing, through his powers. And when she knows he knows she smirks at him, and the air about her goes from cheery and nice to dark and threatening and she says, "Is something the matter...Jayfeather?" and what if up to this point she was "helping" him. Like Mothwing can be an implied villain in the new Prophecy, like how Ashfur was, but doesn't take more action until the POT. This would make sense too since Moth would be the one that Ashfur is conspiring with, whom is unaware that Tigerstar is actually her real father, but she's helping him get rid of Firestar, she's playing him like a checker piece. A disposable pawn to get revenge for her father. And then when things hit the fan, I like the idea of Ashfur's last words haunting Jayfeather, it's basically about Mothwing but he doesn't realize it until the moment when he uses his powers on her. Then everything clicks into place. Mothwing then tries to kill Jayfeather, and says how she'll make it look like he offed himself instead. I wonder who would come to his rescue? This is also good timing, placement wise, because Leopardstar doesn't die until AVoS, by then you can have a new deputy, replacing Hawkfrost, and succeeding Leopardstar. My suggestion is Beetlewhisker, who is born in Outcast, and is a warrior by The Fourth Apprentice, apparently, that's plenty of time in between for him to have an apprentice especially if you consider the time skip. I was planning on Mothwing's treachery be revealed in, like, at least the first half of PoT while the civil war in ThunderClan happens in the second half, with at least half of ThunderClan (especially the older cats) think that Ashfur—despite all his paranoia—may have had a point in not trusting Tigerstar's kin and the sparks of rebellion set off from there. I'm not sure if I want him to necessarily die, but banishment or just leaving on his own is definitely an option, only to return as the leader of the rebellion (or at least until I figure out which cats side with him; I'm considering Dustpelt since Brindleface was his sister and Redtail his mentor, so if that's the case, Ashfur will be killed off). And what I plan to do with Leafpool is that she stays ThunderClan's medicine cat until an apprentice is fully trained. By that point, she's fled with Tadpole and their kits to RiverClan due to conflict (though maybe Jayfeather stays behind) and becomes a permanent queen, though helps on occasion. Whether she stays in RiverClan or returns home is something I have yet to decide. That's actually what I plan to do regarding the Jayfeather-Mothwing thing. As to who would come to his rescue, maybe Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and their cousins (I still need to think of names for SquirrelxStorm kits)? Like, they sense something is up and decide to follow Jayfeather just in case. This could also be the moment where Jayfeather discovers which cats are also part of the prophecy and I also already know what I'm going to do with Leopardstar. During Mothwing's fight with Lionblaze and the others, Leopardstar and some other RiverClan and ThunderClan cats come just in time to see one of them about to deliver the final blow. Mothwing acts all innocent and claims that the cats who attacked her have all gone mad, but Jayfeather defends them and is about to reveal Mothwing's secret, but Mothwing interrupts him and suggests that they be banished from the Clans. At some point during the confrontation, it's eventually revealed that Mothwing was the one who killed Stormfur. Leopardstar banishes her daughter, but then Mothwing turns around to attack her, only for either Hawkfrost or one of Stormfur's kits (or maybe even Feathertail) to finish her off. Afterwards, Hawkfrost steps down as deputy and decides to leave the Clan, and Leopardstar and Tadpole bid him goodbye, as do Feathertail and her kits since he was genuinely a good "mate" and father figure. He would eventually come across a certain fifth Clan and join them as a fresh start. Afterwards, Leopardstar appoints Reedwhisker as her new deputy and she decides to retire right after, believing that a new change in leadership is in order. When the time comes, Beetlwhisker will eventually succeed him. In the meantime, the siblings and cousins are glad that peace has finally come to the lake, but Lionblaze pretty much jinxes it by saying that things couldn't possibly get any worse than they did when Mothwing was still alive. Cue ThunderClan civil war and Jayfeather shooting Lionblaze an angry glare. I really love the tidbit with Hawkfrost going to SkyClan, so now Cloudstar's kin has returned to SkyClan where it belongs that way. And I love that part where Mothwing feigns her innocence but then turns to try and kill her own mother, talk about twisted. Oh that's right you gotta plan out those kit names. I actually might have a thread that could be handy, I don't know if you remember this or not: wcrpforums.com/thread/24531/give-me-couple-tell-kitsIf you need some inspiration feel free to use this as a reference. Now I'm highly curious as to how you'll handle the AVoS arc. Also what will you do with the three. Will there be a fourth cat at all? Is Dovewing still going to be the third? What will you do with Hollyleaf, and will she still commit a crime to be sent into exile, but return and live longer? I always felt that instead of Hollyleaf, that Lionblaze should have died tbh. Would have been more interesting considering his powers.
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#a3c5e6
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𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 1:01:30 GMT -5
❅Maplefrost❅I remember that thread. Thanks. I might have one of the kits named after Silverstream, assuming I don't give it to one of Feathertail's kits first. And no, Dovewing won't be one of the Three. I want her and Ivypool to be either background or at least supporting characters, though. As for a Fourth cat, I'm not sure. As for Hollyleaf, I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with her. Same with Lionblaze. Hollyleaf will live longer, though and I was thinking that the civil war could have some sort of negative effect on her mental state. I was also thinking that ThunderClan's conflict could have some sort of effect on ShadowClan as well in regards to Tawnypelt and her kits.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 1:08:24 GMT -5
❅Maplefrost❅ I remember that thread. Thanks. I might have one of the kits named after Silverstream, assuming I don't give it to one of Feathertail's kits first. And no, Dovewing won't be one of the Three. I want her and Ivypool to be either background or at least supporting characters, though. As for a Fourth cat, I'm not sure. As for Hollyleaf, I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with her. Same with Lionblaze. Hollyleaf will live longer, though and I was thinking that the civil war could have some sort of negative effect on her mental state. I was also thinking that ThunderClan's conflict could have some sort of effect on ShadowClan as well in regards to Tawnypelt and her kits. I always thought that out of the three, that Hollyleaf had good potential to be a lawful evil character, similar to Clear Sky, if she had continued on her path, had she not left into the tunnels. Would have been an interesting concept. If you want her mental health affected by the civil war, this might be a good possibility for her character. Now when it comes to the civil war, will that be the main focus of OotS instead of the DF, similarly that's the current issue in canon for ShadowClan in AVoS.
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#a3c5e6
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𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 1:15:29 GMT -5
❅Maplefrost❅ I remember that thread. Thanks. I might have one of the kits named after Silverstream, assuming I don't give it to one of Feathertail's kits first. And no, Dovewing won't be one of the Three. I want her and Ivypool to be either background or at least supporting characters, though. As for a Fourth cat, I'm not sure. As for Hollyleaf, I'm not even sure what I'm going to do with her. Same with Lionblaze. Hollyleaf will live longer, though and I was thinking that the civil war could have some sort of negative effect on her mental state. I was also thinking that ThunderClan's conflict could have some sort of effect on ShadowClan as well in regards to Tawnypelt and her kits. I always thought that out of the three, that Hollyleaf had good potential to be a lawful evil character, similar to Clear Sky, if she had continued on her path, had she not left into the tunnels. Would have been an interesting concept. If you want her mental health affected by the civil war, this might be a good possibility for her character. Now when it comes to the civil war, will that be the main focus of OotS instead of the DF, similarly that's the current issue in canon for ShadowClan in AVoS. Yeah, that's kind of what I had in mind for her. And it depends on how long the Mothwing storyline will cover—half an arc or the entire thing. If it does go into OotS, then perhaps the Dark Forest can take advantage of the conflict and turn it in their favor.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 1:23:26 GMT -5
I always thought that out of the three, that Hollyleaf had good potential to be a lawful evil character, similar to Clear Sky, if she had continued on her path, had she not left into the tunnels. Would have been an interesting concept. If you want her mental health affected by the civil war, this might be a good possibility for her character. Now when it comes to the civil war, will that be the main focus of OotS instead of the DF, similarly that's the current issue in canon for ShadowClan in AVoS. Yeah, that's kind of what I had in mind for her. And it depends on how long the Mothwing storyline will cover—half an arc or the entire thing. If it does go into OotS, then perhaps the Dark Forest can take advantage of the conflict and turn it in their favor. You can do a reference to DotC, "Unite or Die" type of spiel. Where the clans have to unite or the Dark Forest will overrun them all. Also Mothwing being among their ranks would be interesting, since she's a false prophet, but still believed and followed in her father's ambitions. Also show more cats visibly siding with the Dark Forest, alive cats, would be awesome too.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 1:29:43 GMT -5
Yeah, that's kind of what I had in mind for her. And it depends on how long the Mothwing storyline will cover—half an arc or the entire thing. If it does go into OotS, then perhaps the Dark Forest can take advantage of the conflict and turn it in their favor. You can do a reference to DotC, "Unite or Die" type of spiel. Where the clans have to unite or the Dark Forest will overrun them all. Also Mothwing being among their ranks would be interesting, since she's a false prophet, but still believed and followed in her father's ambitions. Also show more cats visibly siding with the Dark Forest, alive cats, would be awesome too. I definitely plan on having more traitors within the Clans as well as Mothwing being a false prophet. Like in canon, the Clans will still unite to fight off the Dark Forest and there will be a higher death count.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 2:01:49 GMT -5
I couldn't resist. I sort of cheated a little more with this one than the last one since the dialogue is from TLK almost line for line much more than the last one did.
Mothwing: Oh, must it all end in violence? I'd hate to be responsible for the death of a Clanmate. Wouldn't you agree, Hawkfrost?
Hawkfrost: That's not gonna work, Mothwing. I've put it behind me.
Mothwing: Eh, but what about your faithful Clanmates? Have they put it behind them?
Feathertail: Hawkfrost, what is she talking about?
Mothwing: {Delighted} Ahh, so you haven't told them your little secret. Well, Hawkfrost, now's your chance to tell them. Tell them who is responsible for Stormfur's death!
{Mothwing's last line causes the everyone to stare at Hawkfrost.}
Hawkfrost: {Taking a step forward} I am.
{Leopardstar approaches him.}
Leopardstar: {With much grief} It's not true. Tell me it's not true.
Hawkfrost: {Regretfully} It's true.
Mothwing: You see! He admits it! Murderer!
Hawkfrost: No. It was an accident.
{Mothwing circles Hawkfrost as she accuses him.}
Mothwing: If it weren't for you, Stormfur would still be alive. It's your fault he's dead; do you deny it?
Hawkfrost: No.
Mothwing: {Severely} Then... you're... guilty.
Hawkfrost: No. I'm not a murderer.
Mothwing: Oh, Hawkfrost, you're in trouble again. But this time, no one is here to save you. And now EVERYONE.. KNOWS... WHY!
{Mothwing has been backing Hawkfrost up to a ledge. Hawkfrost slips over the edge and is clinging to the ledge by his forepaws. Lightning strikes below, igniting a fire.}
Feathertail: Hawkfrost!
{Mothwing sits and pretends to think.}
Mothwing: Now this looks familiar. Hmm. Where have I seen this before? Let me think. Hmmm... hmmm. Oh yes, I remember. This is just the way Stormfur looked before he died.
{Mothwing grabs Hawkfrost with her claws like she did with Stormfur, and she whispers into her brother's ear}
Mothwing: And here's my little secret: I killed Stormfur.
{Hawkfrost has a quick memory flash back to that fateful instant. In one giant leap he lunges up and pins Mothwing on her back. Mothwing is caught completely by surprise and is very nervous and shaken.}
Hawkfrost: Murderer!
Mothwing: No, Hawkfrost, please.
Hawkfrost: Tell them the truth.
Mothwing: Truth? But truth is in the eye of the behold—llgkkk!
{Hawkfrost starts to choke Mothwing.}
Mothwing: All right. All right. {quietly, venomously} I did it.
Hawkfrost: So they can hear you.
Mothwing: {Grudgingly, but clear} I killed Stormfur!
{Both RiverClan and ThunderClan cats hiss at Mothwing and some demand that Leopardstar banish or kill her daughter. Leopardstar is silent and visibly shaken by this revelation, but eventually steps toward to speak. Hawkfrost drags Mothwing to her paws to face Leopardstar's judgement.}
Mothwing: What are you going to do, Mother? You wouldn't kill your own daughter, would you...? {ingratiating grin}
Leopardstar: No, Mothwing. There has only ever been a cat as power-hungry as you, and that was Tigerstar. {Gets closer and whispers} And I don't mean it as a compliment either.
Mothwing: {Greatly relieved} Oh, Leopardstar, thank you. You are truly noble. I'll make it up to you, I promise. How can I, ah, prove myself to you? Tell me; I mean, anything.
Leopardstar: {Gravely, with deep anger} Run. Run away, Mothwing. And never return.
Mothwing: Yes. Of course. As you wish... {bows her head, seemingly in submission and slowly unsheathes her claws} ...Mother! {Mothwing, catching Leopardstar off guard, attacks the RiverClan leader until Hawkfrost drags his sister off while Leafpool and Willowshine come to the older cat's aid. Brother and sister fight it out until Mothwing is hanging on the ledge.}
Hawkfrost: {stares at his sister and briefly considers letting her fall, but shakes his head and telling himself that he's not his father's son.} Mothwing! Give me your paw!
{Mothwing swipes at Hawkfrost, growling. She slips further down the rock face and is struggling to hold on.}
Hawkfrost: Mothwing, come on... I'll help you...
{Mothwing slides further down, scrabbling for traction, but is unable to climb up. A change comes over Mothwing's face; she grins slowly up at Hawkfrost.}
Mothwing: No. Never!
{She lets go, and falls back-first to be engulfed by the flames below. Hawkfrost looks down where Mothwing fell, closes his eyes, and lets out a sigh, mourning the sister he had just lost as it begins to rain.}
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 2:03:52 GMT -5
You can do a reference to DotC, "Unite or Die" type of spiel. Where the clans have to unite or the Dark Forest will overrun them all. Also Mothwing being among their ranks would be interesting, since she's a false prophet, but still believed and followed in her father's ambitions. Also show more cats visibly siding with the Dark Forest, alive cats, would be awesome too. I definitely plan on having more traitors within the Clans as well as Mothwing being a false prophet. Like in canon, the Clans will still unite to fight off the Dark Forest and there will be a higher death count. The top tier baddies, have you decided who they are? Do you remember that post about which cat reprisents what attrubte. You could possibly form it after that in some way. For each main antagonist, they have have an opposite, similar to how Spottedleaf was supposed to be the opposite of Mapleshade in character, etc? So if OotS is the civil war for TC, how will you go about AVoS?
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 2:07:41 GMT -5
I couldn't resist. I sort of cheated a little more with this one than the last one since the dialogue is from TLK almost line for line much more than the last one did. Mothwing: Oh, must it all end in violence? I'd hate to be responsible for the death of a Clanmate. Wouldn't you agree, Hawkfrost? Hawkfrost: That's not gonna work, Mothwing. I've put it behind me. Mothwing: Eh, but what about your faithful Clanmates? Have they put it behind them? Feathertail: Hawkfrost, what is she talking about? Mothwing: {Delighted} Ahh, so you haven't told them your little secret. Well, Hawkfrost, now's your chance to tell them. Tell them who is responsible for Stormfur's death! {Mothwing's last line causes the everyone to stare at Hawkfrost.} Hawkfrost: {Taking a step forward} I am. {Leopardstar approaches him.} Leopardstar: {With much grief} It's not true. Tell me it's not true. Hawkfrost: {Regretfully} It's true. Mothwing: You see! He admits it! Murderer! Hawkfrost: No. It was an accident. {Mothwing circles Hawkfrost as she accuses him.} Mothwing: If it weren't for you, Stormfur would still be alive. It's your fault he's dead; do you deny it? Hawkfrost: No. Mothwing: {Severely} Then... you're... guilty. Hawkfrost: No. I'm not a murderer. Mothwing: Oh, Hawkfrost, you're in trouble again. But this time, no one is here to save you. And now EVERYONE.. KNOWS... WHY! {Mothwing has been backing Hawkfrost up to a ledge. Hawkfrost slips over the edge and is clinging to the ledge by his forepaws. Lightning strikes below, igniting a fire.} Feathertail: Hawkfrost! {Mothwing sits and pretends to think.} Mothwing: Now this looks familiar. Hmm. Where have I seen this before? Let me think. Hmmm... hmmm. Oh yes, I remember. This is just the way Stormfur looked before he died. {Mothwing grabs Hawkfrost with her claws like she did with Stormfur, and she whispers into her brother's ear} Mothwing: And here's my little secret: I killed Stormfur. {Hawkfrost has a quick memory flash back to that fateful instant. In one giant leap he lunges up and pins Mothwing on her back. Mothwing is caught completely by surprise and is very nervous and shaken.} Hawkfrost: Murderer! Mothwing: No, Hawkfrost, please. Hawkfrost: Tell them the truth. Mothwing: Truth? But truth is in the eye of the behold—llgkkk! {Hawkfrost starts to choke Mothwing.} Mothwing: All right. All right. {quietly, venomously} I did it. Hawkfrost: So they can hear you. Mothwing: {Grudgingly, but clear} I killed Stormfur! {Both RiverClan and ThunderClan cats hiss at Mothwing and some demand that Leopardstar banish or kill her daughter. Leopardstar is silent and visibly shaken by this revelation, but eventually steps toward to speak. Hawkfrost drags Mothwing to her paws to face Leopardstar's judgement.} Mothwing: What are you going to do, Mother? You wouldn't kill your own daughter, would you...? {ingratiating grin} Leopardstar: No, Mothwing. There has only ever been a cat as power-hungry as you, and that was Tigerstar. {Gets closer and whispers} And I don't mean it as a compliment either. Mothwing: {Greatly relieved} Oh, Leopardstar, thank you. You are truly noble. I'll make it up to you, I promise. How can I, ah, prove myself to you? Tell me; I mean, anything. Leopardstar: {Gravely, with deep anger} Run. Run away, Mothwing. And never return. Mothwing: Yes. Of course. As you wish... {bows her head, seemingly in submission and slowly unsheathes her claws} ...Mother! {Mothwing, catching Leopardstar off guard, attacks the RiverClan leader until Hawkfrost drags his sister off while Leafpool and Willowshine come to the older cat's aid. Brother and sister fight it out until Mothwing is hanging on the ledge.} Hawkfrost: {stares at his sister and briefly considers letting her fall, but shakes his head and telling himself that he's not his father's son.} Mothwing! Give me your paw! {Mothwing swipes at Hawkfrost, growling. She slips further down the rock face and is struggling to hold on.} Hawkfrost: Mothwing, come on... I'll help you... {Mothwing slides further down, scrabbling for traction, but is unable to climb up. A change comes over Mothwing's face; she grins slowly up at Hawkfrost.} Mothwing: No. Never! {She lets go, and falls back-first to be engulfed by the flames below. Hawkfrost looks down where Mothwing fell, closes his eyes, and lets out a sigh, mourning the sister he had just lost as it begins to rain.} Bruh.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 2:08:28 GMT -5
Sign me up, I'm so down for Evil! Mothwing, and Redemption!Hawkfrost, this is sooooo good Moth! Awesome stuff!
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 2:23:32 GMT -5
Thanks, ❅Maplefrost❅! ^^ And the thread you mentioned, do you mean the Seven Heavenly Virtues/Deadly Sins one? I actually was considering of doing something like that. I do love my parallels, after all. XD I know Tigerstar will be part of the top tier baddies as well as Thistleclaw and Mapleshade, and I know I want Mothwing to make a return as well. I was really hoping for Thistleclaw vs. Bluestar or Mapleshade vs. Crookedstar in TLH, but that sadly never came to be, so I'll be including that when I rewrite TLH. As for AVoS, remember that fake TaS plot I wrote as an April Fools prank for last year? I want to include that in my rewrite of the second book (though changes will be made to fit the rewrite, of course). Other than that, I'm not entirely sure, but I do plan on Hawkfrost returning alongside SkyClan and maybe even with kits of his own too. Maybe he can even be renamed Hawkwing.Just in case, here's the link. wcrpforums.com/thread/29846/remember-fake-tas-plot-oldIf not Rain, I'm also thinking of pairing Needle up with Sleek or Tree since I plan for him to return in the remake. For some reason, I also kind of like the idea of a threeway relationship between Feathertail, Brambleclaw, and Squirrelflight. It literally just came to mind at random and now it won't go away. ^^" Regarding Darktail, I'm thinking of having him closer to Hawkfrost's age, so he'd be born during TDH or so, or perhaps closer to Bramblestar's age and be born at around the time of FOS. Either way, I still want him to be Onestar's son. There's also something I was considering of doing with Ashfur. When he dies, the ones in charge of the afterlife are contemplating what to do with him since his actions were with good intentions, but they still caused so much trouble. Eventually, he's almost sent to the Dark Forest, but Ashfur begs for a second chance and Brindleface even couches for him, so they decide that in order for him to get into StarClan, he must watch over and protect Brambleclaw's kits or get sent to the Dark Forest for all eternity should he fail to do so. He begrudgingly chooses the former, and let's just say that some things are easier said than done. Oh, and I thought of a name for at least one one Stormfur's kits—a son named Stormstrike. I think I had an old OC by that name, so I thought I'd use him for this rewrite. To contrast with Leafpool's two sons and a daughter, I thought of giving Squirrelflight two daughters and a son. I'm still not sure what I want her daughters to be named. As for BramblexFeather kits, I'm not sure how many they should have, but I like either Silverthorn, Silversky, Silvermist, or Silverstorm for a daughter, depending on her personality. I think I like Silvermist and Silverstorm the most. Another could maybe be named after Tawnypelt, and Silver could always be a StormxSquirrel kit instead. It could go either way.
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Post by Featherbreeze on Jul 24, 2017 5:38:05 GMT -5
I hope you don't mind me butting in here, but I have a few suggestions of my own to throw into the mix: - Fix some of the ridiculously unrealistic cat genetics. Warriors may be set in a fantasy world but removing some of the obvious errors (e.g. two black cats suddenly giving birth to a red kitten) could be easily done, especially when it happens to minor characters or a coat change that still fits in with said cat's name, such as the fact that Leafpool and Sandstorm should be torties.
- Change some of the... not so imaginative names, (e.g. removing most of the -fur, -pelt, -foot, etc suffixes and changing Sparkpelt's name to Sparkfire because of her energetic personality and to remember Firestar)
- Develop Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Hollyleaf's relationship more maybe and have Jayfeather be manipulating his siblings if you are going with the evil Jayfeather plot. This would make the readers pity Lionblaze more when it is revealed his brother is evil and have more of an impact in general.
- Cut Hazeltail and Mousewhisker. They are unnecessary characters and do virtually nothing. Also, Berrynose being the only kit of Daisy when he is brought to ThunderClan would have much greater impact.
- Use Icecloud & Foxleap more. They were great character as apprentices but were never really used much once they became warriors. Perhaps have a few scenes of Foxleap playing with his kits, a few where he goes on patrols, etc. and a few of Icecloud being quite excited - maybe she could be excited at getting started on the new dens after the tree smooshes them all.
- You could use the proper genetic terminology when talking about cats, since you're already going to be using 'molly', why not call 'ginger' or 'orange' red and 'grey' blue?
- Maybe have Ashfur originally go to the Dark Forest but have it him upset and panicked about going there. When he refuses to attack the Clans, Yellowfang could realise Ashfur is a good cat at heart and let him back into StarClan. Then maybe Ashfur could vouch for some of the other DF cats and some of them are given a second chance, too. Maybe OotS could be an arc focused on forgiveness and redemption?
- If the Three are still going to have powers, I would suggest having them be used more and more vital to the DF's defeat.
- Make it so that the warrior code states all apprentices have to have at least one Moon of medicine cat training before becoming warriors.
I hope you don't mind my intrusion.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 6:08:18 GMT -5
featherbreezeIt's fine. I even said in the OP that suggestions were allowed. Personally, I never cared for accurate cat genetics at all, so any inaccuracies never bothered me in this case. I guess I can be a little accurate here and there, but I'm just telling you now that descriptions will likely be inaccurate for the most part. I will be changing some names anyway. However, Sparkpelt's name will not be Sparkfire—it's a little redundant if you ask me. I already decided on her name change: Sparkstorm, for Sandstorm as well as because of how fast she's been mentioned to be at one point. I'll be focusing a little more on the Three's relationship as siblings anyway, already decided on who my evil medicine cat will be, and it won't be Jayfeather, but I might have something for him in mind. I never cared for Mousewhisker, Hazeltail, Foxleap, and Icecloud, but I'll be giving the background characters more personality anyway. Like with the genetics thing, I never cared for the proper terminology besides molly instead of she-cat, and even then it didn't bother me too much. I might include the proper terminology, I might not. Good idea, but I already know exactly what I'm going to do with Ashfur and I was planning for one of the arcs to focus on forgiveness and redemption anyway, including character arcs like Ashfur's. Yes, I will be making the Three's powers more vital than it was in canon. As for the last one, I think it's unnecessary to have it actually be part of the warrior code, but it was something I was thinking of doing. It just won't actually be part of the code, but more like an unspoken rule of sorts.
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Post by Featherbreeze on Jul 24, 2017 8:53:55 GMT -5
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵I'm not that bothered by inaccurate cat genetics, in fact it can be better than accurate genetics, but it's all down to personal preference. (Spiderleg has always irked me, though)The name Sparkstorm is so amazing! It's an excellent commemoration to Sandstorm! I'm quite curious to see what you do with Ashfur. What happened in cannon always seemed a little under-whelming to me - what do you have in mind? I can't wait to see how the rewrite turns out! Who do you have in mind for the POV character(s) of each arc? I'm guessing you're still planning on Firestar for ItW but I would personally recommend Sandstorm having a few chapters, too. For PoT, I think Jayfeather would be a good POV character but it depends what you have planned for him. I think Lionblaze would be good for OotS but Ashfur might be good, too if is going to be the centre of something big.
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Post by Featherbreeze on Jul 24, 2017 9:49:10 GMT -5
Half the characters in ThunderClan seem to be descended from Adderfang and Swiftbreeze. Sunstar is completely disconnected from the other bloodlines in ThunderClan, so making him the father cuts down on incest and makes it so his bloodline didn't die out. I was actually thinking of making Sunstar a father, I just wasn't sure to whose kits, though Swiftbreeze was a possibility anyway, so I'll definitely consider it. Also, another way to escape the incest onslaught would be to have Longtail X Mousefur be a thing and for them to have kits, since they aren't connected to many cats.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 11:02:11 GMT -5
featherbreezeWhat I have in mind for Ashfur is mentioned in the last page and what happens to him in the afterlife is mentioned a few posts up, but just to summarize, he'll hate Tigerstar's kits due to what their father did to the point of wanting to get rid of them and this eventually causes a civil war within the Clan. After his death, he's tasked with watching over Brambleclaw's kit or risk going to the Dark Forest and suffer for all eternity. He won't be that major of a character to OotS (at least not enough for a PoV), but what I might do instead is give him a short story, kind of like what the field guides have sometimes. Firestar and Jayfeather will still have PoVs, like they did in canon. Oh, and just to point out, canon (with one n) is the correct spelling. Cannon (with two) would be referring to the weapon. As for LongxMouse, I'm not sure. Maybe as a romantic relationship, but I'd like Mousefur to be ace in mine.
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Post by ❅Maplefrost❅ on Jul 24, 2017 11:28:03 GMT -5
I personally prefer the cat genetics the way they are, it's more creative and give more of a span out feel for possibilities. Kinda like in anime when characters of a family have difference hair color and features, etc. If they were much more realistic, most of the cats of RiverClan would be gray, ShadowClan would be black and ThunderClan would ginger, while WindClan is white and gray. It's not very....ya know....appealing.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 11:54:23 GMT -5
I personally prefer the cat genetics the way they are, it's more creative and give more of a span out feel for possibilities. Kinda like in anime when characters of a family have difference hair color and features, etc. If they were much more realistic, most of the cats of RiverClan would be gray, ShadowClan would be black and ThunderClan would ginger, while WindClan is white and gray. It's not very....ya know....appealing. Which is another reason why I'm so against it, and is actually the main reason. For once, I praise the Erins for their inconsistency. Oh, and I edited a bit of my response to your last post, including adding a link to that fake TaS plot I wrote up once.
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Post by jayfeather1234 on Jul 24, 2017 15:21:52 GMT -5
And I mean the entire series. Maybe some of the super editions too, like BP and YS. I already have some ideas in mind, like making certain relations more obvious, making Tigerstar less of an obvious and stereotypical villain, getting rid of FirexSpotted, etc... Maybe I'll even add in an evil medicine cat somewhere down the line. I do have other stuff I want to write though, such as this one series I've been trying to work on for years now, so updates will be slow from time to time. Feel free to give me any ideas. UPDATE: So, here are some changes I'd make: Using molly instead of she-cat (for some reason, the term just never settled too well with me, even before I realized what the correct term for a female cat was). Give characters as well as pairings more development than they had in canon. Like I said, have less obvious, stereotypical villains like Tigerstar. Some changes will be made to canon pairings, like with Graystripe's parents. I think we can all agree that that one really needs to change. Others like FirexSpotted will only be platonic. I think I'll make some changes to the warrior code, as well, such as the leader's word being law, or at least focus on that particular code the most and have it changed later on in the story. Cats having more than one mate (we've seen this with DaisyxSmokyxFloss and PoolxToadxNettle, but that's it). I was thinking Stormtail could be one of these cats. Adding onto this, a queen having a litter with more than one tom is something that I might include too. I might also include a gay or lesbian pairing or two in this rewrite somewhere down the line. Same goes for ace, aro, etc... Since this is a rewrite, I might change some names and personalities around, if only at least slightly. Some characters who died very early on will live longer, like Redtail, Lionheart, Spottedleaf, and maybe Oakheart too in terms of at least the first book. Some character arcs will be either changed, expanded, or omitted. SECOND UPDATE: Instead of doing six books per arc, I'm considering of just combining each of the six books and making it into one. For example, the first arc would be all one book. When are you going to start on all of this? I personally think that you should start with into the wild soon.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 24, 2017 17:13:05 GMT -5
jayfeather1234 It was unnecessary to quote the entire first post, and I will get to writing it as soon as I get over my writer's block. There's a reason why I've only been brainstorming right now.
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#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
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Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Jul 25, 2017 8:10:30 GMT -5
So, this is what happens when I can't sleep, but I had a lot of fun writing it out nonetheless, even if it is just a script. XD
Fireheart: {whispers to Graystripe and Ravenwing while hiding and hoping a patrol isn't around} Remember not to make a sound. We can't let anyone know we're here or what we're doing.
???: What are you three doing?
{Fireheart nearly jumps at the voice and he turns around to see Silverpaw, who is glaring at the three cats. For the first time, he can't think of what to say to the she-cat.}
Fireheart: {flattening his ears} Hi, Silverpaw. We were just—
Silverpaw: Silverstream.
Fireheart: {confused} Pardon?
Silverstream: {sighing} My name is Silverstream now. If you're going to say my name, at least say it correctly. So, I'll ask you again, what are you doing here? Tell me now or I'll have to report you to Crookedstar.
{The three toms glance at each other and reluctantly decide to tell the newly named Silverstream what they're doing on RiverClan territory.}
Ravenwing: Bluestar sent us to go find WindClan and bring them back to the forest.
Graystripe: It was supposed to be a secret.
Fireheart: {annoyed} Until you showed up.
{Ravenwing nudges him as a sign to be polite, and Fireheart glares at him.}
Silverstream: You're going to find WindClan all on your own? That... is... AWESOME! May I come? Oh, please?
Fireheart: No way! The last thing we need is getting in trouble with your Clan. Besides, you're barely a warrior.
Silverstream: {narrows her eyes} And what does that make you, Firepaw?
{Fireheart growls as Graystripe and Ravenwing laugh.}
Graystripe: She has a point. {Walks up to Silverstream} You seem to already know Fireheart. I'm Graystripe, and that black tom over there is Ravenwing.
Silverstream: Pleased to meet you.
Ravenwing: Fireheart's right, though, Silverstream. Won't your family be worried if you leave?
Silverstream: {groans} My family is always worrying about me. Especially my father. I need to get away from my Clan, if only for a day. I need some adventure in my life!
Fireheart: {rolls eyes} Sorry to hear about that, Silverstream, but this is serious! We're on Clan business. Find some other cat to help you.
{Fireheart motions his friends to leave, but then he notices Silverstream following them.}
Fireheart {to Silverstream}: You're really not going to take no for an answer, are you?
Silverstream: {cheerfully} Nope!
{Fireheart's fur bristles until Ravenwing rests his tail on the ginger tom's shoulder.}
Ravenwing: She's going to come anyway, so we might as well make it official.
Graystripe: Besides, what's the worst that can happen?
Fireheart: A possible war with RiverClan if anything happens to her.
Graystripe: Pssh! You worry too much.
Fireheart: And you too little. {looks at Silverstream and sighs} Fine, Silverstream, you can come.
Silverstream: Great! I promise you won't regret it, Fireheart.
Fireheart: {to himself} I already am.
Silverstream: Come on! I know a shortcut out of here!
{Shortcut leads them to getting wet.}
Fireheart: {coughs up water and glares at Silverstream} That was a shortcut!?
Graystripe: At least we're out of RiverClan territory.
Ravenwing: I never want to get anywhere near water again! {Begins grooming himself}
{Fireheart is about to say something, but notices that the sun is beginning to go down.}
Fireheart: We better get dry quickly and find shelter.
Silverstream: {stops grooming} Who made you leader of this mission anyway?
Fireheart {proudly}, Graystripe, and Ravenwing: Bluestar.
Fireheart: And as leader, I suggest you listen to my orders since you seem to have a tendency of disobeying the warrior code. Didn't your parents ever teach you that? Seriously, you're worse than Sand—
{Fireheart comes to a realization}
Fireheart: Silverstream, by any chance, is your father Oakheart?
Silverstream: No.
Fireheart: Oh. Well—
Silverstream: It's Crookedstar, the greatest leader in all the Clans.
Ravenwing: What!? Why didn't you say that sooner!?
Fireheart: And for your information, Bluestar is the greatest leader in all the Clans. Come on, we're taking you home right now. {starts walking back to RiverClan territory}
Silverstream: {smirks} Okay. And then I can tell my father all about your mission to bring WindClan back. I can't imagine he'd like that at all.
Fireheart: {stops} You're bluffing.
Silverstream: Do you really want to test that theory?
Fireheart: {sighs after thinking it over} StarClan, help me. Let's just go look for shelter!
Ravenwing: {cheerfully} Oooh! Do you think we can stay at Barley's for the night?
Fireheart: {amused} If we can find the barn. I'm sure he won't mind—especially with you around, Ravenwing.
Ravenwing: {blushes} I-I have no idea what you're talking about!
Fireheart: Sure you don't...
{Fireheart glances back to find Graystripe and Silverstream deep in conversation. Ravenwing notices too.}
Ravenwing: Silverstream seems okay. Even Graystripe seems to like her.
Fireheart: Yeah, but Graystripe likes everyone.
{Later, at Barley's barn.}
Fireheart: Thanks for letting us stay for the night, Barley.
Barley: No problem. You're all probably starving, so feel free to hunt. {Turns to Ravenwing} Ravenwing now, right? Care to hunt with me?
Ravenwing: Uh...
Fireheart and Graystripe: He'd love to.
Barley: Great! I know a perfect hunting spot. Come with me.
Ravenwing: {glares at his friends} I hate you.
Fireheart: No you don't!
Graystripe: Go on. You'll thank us for this later.
{Ravenwing sighs and follows Barley.}
Silverstream: Wanna hunt with me, Graystripe?
Graystripe: Sure!
Fireheart: {mutters under his breath} Traitor.
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Post by Tas on Jul 25, 2017 9:26:14 GMT -5
Ahhh, so it's like Needletail. Neat! This is a great start - better than anything I could write!!
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