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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Jul 12, 2017 21:56:06 GMT -5
Awww. :c I wanna join the tired writing party.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 12, 2017 22:47:58 GMT -5
Awww. :c I wanna join the tired writing party. JOIN US My brother ended up having friends over last night, and it's impossible to get any work done in a house full of teenage boys, so I'll probably stay in late again to write.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 12, 2017 23:07:16 GMT -5
I read the title and I thought of The Raven Cycle series, oops. This fic sounds like it's going to be sad :c. Well, considering that's what I'm quoting, it's no problem XD I love TRC, so there's that.
Eh, well, we'll see....
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Pixie
2024 is already bad; 2025 will be my year fr
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Post by Pixie on Jul 12, 2017 23:21:38 GMT -5
I read the title and I thought of The Raven Cycle series, oops. This fic sounds like it's going to be sad :c. Well, considering that's what I'm quoting, it's no problem XD I love TRC, so there's that.
Eh, well, we'll see.... Pynch <3 I'm assuming the prologue's in Latin then. Add me to fans! c: I'm looking forward to this.
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Jul 13, 2017 9:18:31 GMT -5
The prologue isn't written yet, that's just Latin filler. Actually that's what I thought when I first saw the prologue. 'Why's it in Latin?'
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 13, 2017 18:24:14 GMT -5
Well, considering that's what I'm quoting, it's no problem XD I love TRC, so there's that.
Eh, well, we'll see.... Pynch <3 I'm assuming the prologue's in Latin then. Add me to fans! c: I'm looking forward to this. Unfortunately I have no idea how to speak (or write) Latin XD
Adding!
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 13, 2017 18:24:38 GMT -5
The prologue isn't written yet, that's just Latin filler. Actually that's what I thought when I first saw the prologue. 'Why's it in Latin?'
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 14, 2017 17:52:12 GMT -5
Bumping this because the prologue is nearly done! It took longer than expected, but I aim to have it finished before I go back to school on Tuesday.
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Post by mintedstar/fur🦇 on Jul 15, 2017 15:02:57 GMT -5
*starts muttering* yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 15, 2017 23:21:54 GMT -5
*starts muttering* yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes. GET EXCITED
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 16, 2017 20:55:08 GMT -5
THE PROLOGUE IS UP!
It's very different to the original prologue. I wanted to elaborate on Redstar's part in the story, and I hope the new prologue begins to hint at how his character changes over time. While much of the deal still remains in shadow, its a lot clearer than it was in the original. (for the record, Brindlestar was leader of RangeClan before Redstar) Ahhhh, I hope you all enjoy!
» ѕнαdσω ⚔️ ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ mintedstar/fur🦇 Brownie ☾ Cʀᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ ☽
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 17, 2017 16:21:08 GMT -5
*pokes* Hmmm
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Post by » ѕнαdσω ⚔️ on Jul 17, 2017 18:52:30 GMT -5
Hey! I read it! I vaguely remember the old prologue. This time around the deal is much more clear in context, but I feel like I enjoyed the complexity and mystery of the old one more? It's been so long though, so I could be completely wrong. I like how calm the 'anatagonist' is throughout the scene. :'O It gives him a seriousness and a confidence about him.
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Post by Brownie on Jul 17, 2017 20:24:35 GMT -5
oooooooo so good <3
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 17, 2017 20:43:12 GMT -5
Hey! I read it! I vaguely remember the old prologue. This time around the deal is much more clear in context, but I feel like I enjoyed the complexity and mystery of the old one more? It's been so long though, so I could be completely wrong. I like how calm the 'anatagonist' is throughout the scene. :'O It gives him a seriousness and a confidence about him. Hm, yes, it has been a while. I enjoyed the mystery of the original prologue too, but I feel like the original one has rather confusing and didn't really address why the antagonist was attacking the Clan, or why Redstar gave up Stormkit so easily, so I hoped to remedy that this time around. I may go back and edit it, though, since I don't feel like it's as good as it can be :/ I wasn't actually going to post it yesterday, but i eventually decided to.
Ah, I'm glad you like him! He's a highly intelligent villain, so he's very interesting to write, since he's almost always in control of the situation.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 17, 2017 20:43:34 GMT -5
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 2:53:10 GMT -5
HOLY HECK I JUST FOUND THE ORIGINAL STORY
GUESS WHOS EDITING THE PROLOGUE TONIGHT, BECAUSE I FORGOT HOW MANY GOOD LINES WERE IN THE ORIGINAL
HECK HECK HECK
I AM TIRED BUT PUMPED FOR THIS NOW MY FRIENDS
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 5:06:02 GMT -5
OK OK OK SO I JUST REWROTE THE WHOLE THING??? AND ITS SO MUCH BETTER NOW??? I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE IT??? There's quite a few lines taken directly from the original, too.
» ѕнαdσω ⚔️ Brownie Mosspool
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Post by Brownie on Jul 18, 2017 11:26:49 GMT -5
oooooo okay so I like how the new one we meet the other characters more. But I really also liked in the first version how it was just the two cats, since it was a bit more powerful to me. Redstar had to act differently because he didn't have anyone else to rely on.
Also I liked the first deal more, I think, since it was all Redstar's fault that it happened. His words, the unraveling of his character, showed the desperation of the deal. In the second one, it makes the Gorge cats seem almost weaker? A few die, he offers to take cats to replace the ones he lost. They don't really gain anything here, other than showing their power. It's almost like they give up because they need the cats, not because they're powerful enough to take over but show mercy.
I also liked the open end to the first "anything" deal. It's a lot scarier, and more psychological pain for Redstar as he is forced to wait, keeping the Gorge cats again in the seat of power. It feels more like something he'd do, as we already know he's wittier than Redstar, and the psychological pain would more suit his ideas of holding RidgeClan under his paw and show his dominance over them at all times, also befitting to his personality.
Yeah so that's my two cents on that change. I do like the new one. We meet the Clan cats a lot more in depth, which helps later on. We also see the cunning of the Gorge cats and their superiority over the RidgeClan warriors. But the old one is very powerful with just the two, and appeals more to developing the conflict and personalities of both sides.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 15:35:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the input, Brownie. I, personally, didn't much like the writing of the first one - I felt it was kind of sloppy - and I think this one centralises the clan a bit more, but I see what you're saying, especially since Redstar's psychological demise is such an important part of the story.
I'm gonna have to go back and edit it a third time, cause now I really want that 'anything' conversation in there XD The clan cats loose pretty much all respect they have for Redstar here, so that plays an important role in it as well, so I do like how the new prologue shows their reactions. (Oh, and the circumstances of the original deal will be revealed later, so keep an eye out )
I just want to say, too, that I'm really enjoying the constructive criticism. So much of the feedback on the original was along the lines of 'wow this is amazing', but very few people have me actual feedback, so I'm enjoying that a lot.
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Post by Brownie on Jul 18, 2017 15:57:19 GMT -5
yeah I agree, the actual writing is better. It flows and just sounds better than the original, but I really enjoyed the content of the original as I thought it was a lot more in character for the two.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 16:07:15 GMT -5
Fair enough c: I'm working on incoperating a little bit more of the conversation from the first one, so that will go up soon. Hopefully I'll get the best of both and put them into one. I'm getting there, Brownie!
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 16:29:44 GMT -5
Ok, edited it a little bit to include the original conversation... as well as the Overlord threatening children...
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 17:47:12 GMT -5
bump
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 20:22:39 GMT -5
I seem to have chosen a bad time to post this XD Everyone's busy
Anyway, probably going to post some songs or something. I wondered, too, if you guys would like to read (or re-read) the original chapters, which were written back in 2015? I could post the new chapters and the old ones side by side for a comparison. It could be fun.
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 21:49:07 GMT -5
uuuuhhhh why must everything be so difficult #writerproblems
Anyway, I'm glad its not terrible!
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Post by Dingoleap on Jul 18, 2017 21:54:18 GMT -5
That's good! I have such high expectations for this, and I think other people do, too, so its killing me that it's not quite perfect, but I don't really have the time to play with it at the moment, so I'll have to revisit it later. I'm much happier with it now, though.
no, it cannot XD
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